朝早七點正,手提電話鬧鐘響起,我拍左拍訓喺隔離個老婆,用我嗰把略帶磁性又不失溫柔的感性聲線叫佢:「老婆,起身啦!叫呀仔返學啦。」
183Please respect copyright.PENANAQJsogt0Cui
通常講完呢句我就會再訓多陣,呀仔D野緊係老婆打理架啦,我地呢D出黎搵命駁嘅就緊係除左比家用就乜鬼都唔洗理,簡直係合理中既合理,男人萬歲。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAkQCC7sLPSL
係我又瞓下又醒下,醒下又呆下既途中,終於聽到關上鐵閘的「啪」一聲,我就知道……又要開工啦!
183Please respect copyright.PENANArSHLYew9Y1
我九秒九衝入廁所用左兩分鐘梳洗,順便再用三分鐘屙左篤屎,係痾緊屎嗰陣又順便梳理埋我把日漸稀疏嘅秀髮,跟手著返條褲洗埋隻手就一腳踩出廁所門口,即刻見到我廿年前好鬼索嘅女朋友,廿年後變左肥師奶嘅老婆,雖然係咁,但係我仍然好鬼愛佢㗎,我錫左錫佢塊面珠墩,講左句:「老婆我愛你。」
183Please respect copyright.PENANA188TJc7Mms
之後佢問我:「係咪唔夠錢洗呀,洗唔洗比D你。」183Please respect copyright.PENANAPMbLgj7Fz9
183Please respect copyright.PENANAoiSKkFHxyy
大家無聽錯呀,係佢問我夠唔夠錢洗,而唔係我問佢夠唔夠錢用,你地唔好以為佢有做野所以有錢比我,錯,佢係用緊我搵返黎既錢再比返我做零用錢,因為我一出糧,全部錢都要上繳中央,無計⋯好男人唔係咁易做。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAnfxmlNDn8j
我懷著溫柔的笑容,謙虛的眼神說:「老婆,順便幫我入埋八達通。」
183Please respect copyright.PENANAAMLBqRWlkd
「又洗曬啦?」
183Please respect copyright.PENANAaLsf7O6wEy
「係呀,最近食飯貴左。」
183Please respect copyright.PENANAzxs6UAfiy4
「咁即係現金唔洗比啦?」
183Please respect copyright.PENANA5fHfXhFUui
「老婆大人,小小現金傍身都係有需要。」
183Please respect copyright.PENANA95JUi9gjMi
我一邊頂住老婆大人個對死魚眼,一邊望住我張八達通由負數變成兩舊水,心中不禁嘆左口涼氣,心諗做人老公甚艱難,果然結婚前都應該停一停,諗一諗。
183Please respect copyright.PENANABloiRaB0Sr
我終於攪完一大輪野,拜別左我家老婆大人同埋我屋企個三隻貓之後,就去左搭𨋢落停車場準備開車返工,我揸住部愛車上左公路就發現……屌你又塞車,日撚日都塞車,緊係又有人炒車啦。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAZl75KdqRF9
其實都唔明點解D人,揸車揸到好似揸賽車咁死衝爛衝,又或者左攝右攝,連越過三四條線都夠膽死,完全無視條車路唔係得你一部車架,你估條路係你買起左咩,好心就守下交通規則啦。183Please respect copyright.PENANACDCAAHO5yL
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我千辛萬苦又排除萬難,終於係九點正前一秒鐘成功打左卡,之後就去換衫食早餐。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA5PzG082Yum
我返到入清潔部見啲呀姐們開枱食早飯,仲問我一唔一齊食,跟住我好風騷咁話:「我食左啦,老婆比左錢我去食老麥。」
183Please respect copyright.PENANAl3AvC5CMuS
呢班呀姐全部都算係跟我搵食,有我最做到野嘅呀妹同飛燕姐,呢兩個跟我就最耐,跟住有長駐女更衣室的攸莉和她好姊妹芯姐,跟住仲有清潔大堂的敏怡和卡巴絲,呢個卡巴絲係外藉人,比我地本地人都大份D高啲仲鬼鬼地,所以有時難攪又重的功夫就會交比佢處理。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA4JtJLK1SkK
除左女工,咁仲有班男工,不過就唔係跟我,而係跟我「好」拍擋,算係我半個上司嘅陳發,而我每日第一樣要做嘅野就係喺度等,等咩?
183Please respect copyright.PENANALl6oXTfKsr
緊係等D大佬安排我哋今日要做乜啦,咁係未有通知之前我通常會坐係架步入面個張執返黎嘅大班椅上面玩電話打機睇IG。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA03dR2oi5bH
今日,我如是者重複每一日嘅動作,就係玩緊我呢期最鐘意個隻「山國戰」手遊,好緊張咁用我儲左兩個星期嘅彩珠抽緊武將嘅時候,電話突然響起,我心諗邊條仆街遲唔打早唔打,係喺我最撚緊張個陣先黎打比我呀,屌你真係宜唔得你死呀。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAs0qQSCEY0o
雖然我係好唔撚想聽,但係工作野當然要行先啦,無計,鬼叫我逗緊呢份糧。
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所以我接通左電話,喂左一聲,對方即刻話:「星哥星哥,喂,攪唔惦呀,今朝唔知邊個住客係三十一樓梯間放左幾百箱野係垃圾房度呀,係幾百箱呀!真係痴鬼左線,個D野直頭擺到出走廊同𨋢口啦,其他住客都出唔到去返工呀!幫幫忙,快少少叫幾個人上黎搬走左先啦。」183Please respect copyright.PENANAUQ8ioOvyKQ
183Please respect copyright.PENANAHR1Jlhlzkt
我聽到幾百箱野個時,個人巳經無咩想法㗎啦,幾百箱到底係一個咩概念呢?
183Please respect copyright.PENANABnZek5GcgX
我幻想係高過座山同重過我老婆,之後我快速咁講左句:「轉頭過去睇。」
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我九秒九掛斷左個電話之後,又立即返入去山國戰度睇下自己最後抽咗啲乜Q角色?
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會係金牌猛將嗎?
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定係美女如花呢?
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我心諗求其中一隻今舖都發達囉!
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等到成個動畫播晒,竟然係一隻金牌都無……
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挑,係撚唔撚係呀,儲左兩個星期嘅彩珠只係得呢啲「垃圾」?!183Please respect copyright.PENANAjKLWzCUkXC
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OK,無問題,垃圾佬抽隻垃圾武將簡直係天造地設嘅一對啦,呢D組合直頭要天怒人怨,係要滅絕人性先會抽到架,你估咁易有架?係要好似我呢啲黑都出汁嘅人先有機會㗎。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAyqUA5Sovoi
你老味我都係出返去執垃圾算撚數啦,起碼執完有糧出,有糧出就可以課金再抽過,不過下次就唔可以再用食飯貴做理由了,因為咁樣拎錢都係太少了,我要思考下仲有咩理由聽落係合情合理拎多啲零用錢?!183Please respect copyright.PENANAAdmZlZwnmK
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喺個時,我心入面根本無為意過嗰幾百箱野入面到底存放左啲乜嘢係裡面,直到我發現時,一切都巳經太遲。
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我收好個電話後便上去視察環境,睇下到底有幾誇張,我上到三十樓便出𨋢,由擺垃圾桶嗰邊後樓梯再往上走一層,我都未完全上到三十一樓,中途巳經比大量紙皮箱堵塞通道,之後我再次返到三十樓搭𨋢上三十二樓,再由三十二樓往下走,結果都係走到一半就被個堆紙皮箱堵塞,之後我唯有由另一邊走火通道才能順利到達三十一樓。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAemJOrIdndF
當我推開防煙門個陣,巳經聽到有很多嘈雜聲,我一望之下,完來係剛剛打比我個位管理員鐘生和小量住客堆積左係走廊上爭吵。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAVChbhH22jK
鐘生見到我就好以見到救世主一樣,問我:「現在點處理好?」
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我心諗有咩話點處理?
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搬落去囉,唔係可以點處理?
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你食撚晒佢呀?
183Please respect copyright.PENANA7dETQQVcSE
咁都問得出口,呢條友都低低地㗎!
183Please respect copyright.PENANA72RquoBLWY
我觀察左一陣,個啲紙皮箱的確好多,而且好大箱下,有啲人屋企門直頭比個啲紙皮箱塞實左,連門口都出唔到,我打落清潔部,問陳發要左幾個人,同我一齊搬晒啲箱落去大垃圾房度再諗點攪。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA7DVpTaVI11
我地好快手咁由𨋢運走左一邊通道上的紙皮箱,令最少五戶人能夠走出家門,而因為有部份人趕住返工,所以係未清曬兩部𨋢的情況低下,我先把餘下個啲紙皮箱先搬去其他層數的垃圾房安置,再逐小逐小咁分批運走。
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其實我一路搬一路搬嘅時候,巳經覺得啲箱幾重下,仲聽到好以有啲金屬碰撞的聲音,我係好奇裡面有D咩,只係無時間打開黎八掛下。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAi6f5bHcXP6
當我完完全全搬走曬全部紙皮箱個時,都就快下午一點半了,我覺得自己巳經處於虛脫同頻死嘅階段,所以我任由個幾百箱野放係大垃圾房,而仲有小部份因為放唔曬而要放埋去清潔部塞爆左我個竇口,我就無再理會其他野,快步走落屋宛樓下大型商場覓食。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA40WXILXRSi
話商場大其實都唔算係錯,因為我做嘅屋宛算係豪宅,所以商場真係大,但就得一層咁大把,樓下一樓同地下都係停車場。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAjX6pqGXkQo
而除左呢個商場外,基本就無咩特別,因為屋宛後面係工業邨,而前面就係醫院,但中間就隔著一整條鐵路分開了屋宛和醫院,要過醫院就必須先到鐵路站再走天穚過去,所以睇就近,行就唔係咁近。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA9XN8w1QJjU
而商場雖然大,但餐廳都外不乎得個幾間,老M呀,大快樂大家活個啲呢,仲有間勁貴out 扒房和美生填鴨個啲貴到唔係比我食㗎餐廳,呀!仲有間兩餸飯不過無堂食。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAhMnQp6nIF2
我為左要好好補嘗自己今日所出賣的勞力,我決定去大快樂叫個焗豬飯犒勞下自己。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAUTdUjX8btA
當我再返到清潔部時,就見到今朝個位鐘生落左我地清潔部,我問佢過黎做咩,佢話要睇下紙皮箱入面係咩,咁大堆貨驚人地會返黎搵,所以先睇下個內容,仲話要保留兩日。183Please respect copyright.PENANAQLFGOEK3TL
183Please respect copyright.PENANAwordGMk48p
之後我望下個竇,坐都無得坐仲話要擺兩日,你係咪黐撚左條孖筋呀,你有無腦架,你個腦裝屎架?
183Please respect copyright.PENANAIUDpYnLjv6
你擺兩日咁我坐邊呀?
183Please respect copyright.PENANAvytcT22Ajx
我啲呀姐坐邊呀?
183Please respect copyright.PENANAsMfvEWcNd8
你都九唔搭八。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAUuJayWvj4x
不過佢提議開箱黎睇下我都同意,因為我都好想睇下啲紙皮箱入面到底放左啲咩咁Q重,所以係大家都同意底下,我就開左一箱黎睇下。183Please respect copyright.PENANASJ4zit1OrD
183Please respect copyright.PENANAKVGd6hdRNc
我用小刀鎅開左面頭個層膠紙,打開左個箱面,面頭堆左好撚多發泡膠粒,我將個層發泡膠粒掃開之後,就見到一個個鐵盒仔平排係箱入面。
183Please respect copyright.PENANASaAHfYpfuD
我逐盒逐盒咁拎出黎睇下,數左數一箱大約有二十八盒,而每一個小鐵盒的盒蓋都貼上了一張封條寫著:抗衰老。183Please respect copyright.PENANALd9lus78u3
183Please respect copyright.PENANAMP3KWpZWME
個時我嘅諗法就係呢批貨應該係美容院用,可能訂貨人係住呢度,所以咪就寄左過黎囉,跟手發覺唔岩用咪當垃雜咁掉出黎,就係咁所以塞爆左三十一樓整個樓層喇,件事應該就係咁,我估。183Please respect copyright.PENANAzEVB4obDtd
183Please respect copyright.PENANAeMu7zqCSNe
跟住我又開左第二箱第三箱,見到入面個內容係完全一樣,全部都係鐵盒,一箱就有二十八盒,而依度連大垃圾房個堆箱加加埋埋就有幾百箱,一箱廿八個,哇,咁咪有勁撚多呢啲鐵盒仔?!洗唔洗訂咁多呀,好撚好用㗎?
183Please respect copyright.PENANA3suB2MNy8F
本來睇完就諗住收返入去,點知個位上左年紀又有啲貪心嘅鐘生睇到鐵盒上嘅封條就話:「好野黎喎,應該賣得下錢,佢咁樣掉出黎應份就當佢唔要,我依家幫佢留兩日就算唔見左幾箱都唔怪得邊個囉,我仲可以幫佢試下好唔好用!」183Please respect copyright.PENANAheUFppzt3K
183Please respect copyright.PENANAsNlQ2XL4k5
屌你貪心就貪心啦,講咁多大條道理咪又係想無本生利,想拎咪拎囉,唔通我阻止你咩。
183Please respect copyright.PENANACP4ofeexub
不過個時我巳經諗,唔知頭唔知路亂鳩咁用小心用撚死你呀,呀叔。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA9JN0SipXne
鐘生睇我個樣無咩反應,就係我面前將個手掌咁上下大細的鐵盒撕走左張封條打開左,盒入面有一陣陣煙霧慢慢係個鐵盒入面滲出黎,有啲以乾冰啲煙,我地等左一陣,當成盒煙散曬出黎後,我以為會見到啲咩精華又或者係個啲美白針諸如此類那樣各樣的物體出現個時,先見到個盒入面原來咩都無,係吉盒黎,入面根本無擺任何野。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA2MyDQfp1hj
鐘生除了吸左啖煙仔同打左個乞嗤,同埋忍唔住咁屌左一聲放返低個盒之外,佢都無再講啲咩就返左出去喇。
183Please respect copyright.PENANAy30ROkCJR8
我諗佢一定好失望,因為佢個發財大計未開始就經已陣亡左,而我一邊收拾返啲鐵盒入紙皮箱,一邊就係度諗,咁仲洗唔洗擺兩日,反正入面都係得返啲吉盒,留黎都無咩用,不如快快趣處理左呢批箱比返啲位我仲好啦。
183Please respect copyright.PENANA1qYs1lT48I
所以我打左個電話比垃圾車司機同佢講,我呢邊幾百箱野要掉,等佢陣間見到個時唔洗屌晒老母。183Please respect copyright.PENANA4jV3dXKhVd
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