這邊要跟大佬說聲抱歉,198Please respect copyright.PENANAviMICc38YE
我還是新發文的小萌新,要是口氣或語句讓您不適,請多擔待!198Please respect copyright.PENANAQI8dIh8Rl1
我秉持著作者,應該都喜歡讀者用讀者角度來給書評,所以就大膽的給評了!198Please respect copyright.PENANAqtJf0ubtvE
目前看到第七章(進度只發到第七章)198Please respect copyright.PENANAvV8Pu1BpwB
198Please respect copyright.PENANAHipDMV6MTU
先回答問題:198Please respect copyright.PENANACxjIrEDpuS
關於198Please respect copyright.PENANAMRJnuIvPOo
節奏198Please respect copyright.PENANAxycSB2b0Qp
劇情發展走向198Please respect copyright.PENANAeYDZUiEiJI
這兩者其實都沒有問題,看得出來是 相當熟稔劇情安排跟故事節奏的作家,198Please respect copyright.PENANAR6tGPuE3be
節奏是"車禍後解謎" 跟 "過去" 的輪寫交織,是很受歡迎的寫法198Please respect copyright.PENANAjhZLdqve30
加上,劇情發展走向 也挺合理 198Please respect copyright.PENANAhfBhmqv23i
198Please respect copyright.PENANAdLjsWJ4d0B
但我猜測您的劇情安排 車禍部份會著墨,198Please respect copyright.PENANAKpwendwTzs
所以可能在開始第一章、第二章,寫男主角的部份,對於車禍細節的"遺忘性"要夾帶本身心裡痛苦或因身體或腦袋過度不適,得再強調一點。198Please respect copyright.PENANAZUUyRK1hVO
(不是毛病,我是吹毛求疵)198Please respect copyright.PENANAS2XHVnyRa7
要不然,一個人縱使遺忘車禍(退行失憶),但完全沒有想要知道那段回憶的念頭(我指的是車禍),不去打聽怎麼車禍的,其實有點奇怪(因為人都有好奇心) ,所以可能要有一點打聽動作,但受制於心理障礙或身體障礙,說服力會大增(而不是只有不願回想)198Please respect copyright.PENANArwFIdQcvFU
198Please respect copyright.PENANA9frUGHwhQb
再來是一些故事的錯別字198Please respect copyright.PENANARX08FX3SN1
第五章 雖然我覺得 "德"吳亦辰根本就是想為剛才的事報復198Please respect copyright.PENANAPrSfASV2po
第六章 你女朋友不"在"這。 其中一人回道198Please respect copyright.PENANAHqkifzopHm
198Please respect copyright.PENANAWT95ZtZdGP
再來,是完全沒有降低閱讀體驗,198Please respect copyright.PENANAk7WPtw0mhF
但我覺得可以再更精進到滿分的地方(因為你的水準很高,所以要評,相對會用高水準的作家標準,來當作標準)198Please respect copyright.PENANAzeqwNYDxc5
我不清楚作者是不是女孩子,198Please respect copyright.PENANAMZuLXbBApL
因為你寫男孩子,還有男孩子彼此之間相處時,"其實還蠻禮貌"198Please respect copyright.PENANAuiUkpJogBu
但男孩跟男孩之間,相處沒那麼客氣,也蠻多垃圾話XD(尤其高中還沒脫離那有點幼稚的狀態)198Please respect copyright.PENANAOfHKCNe3f1
男生跟男生之間的交流 還有男生對女生說話 感覺其實不太一樣。198Please respect copyright.PENANAqFTYJRDCg7
198Please respect copyright.PENANAJQxWrMXu1E
抱歉,主要是你文寫得其實非常好,但小說已經很好的狀況下,作者聽誇誇似乎沒有太大益處(心情很好?),我只好在雞蛋裡面盡量挑骨頭,希望你不要見怪!198Please respect copyright.PENANAiiDIIcDZO5
198Please respect copyright.PENANABOVdYkdFnM
198Please respect copyright.PENANA5RHLaD0op9
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人在做天在看!你來寫我評判!【第二期】
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人在做天在看!你來寫我評判!【第二期】
Published:
Jan 30, 2026
ENTRY #23
【評審】+妳的存在,被遺忘了
Author:
鯊魚撞火星
Published:
Jan 30, 2026
2 Mins Read
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