My breath was smoke, curling around me like a cloud. The metal railings of the rooftop had frosted over, and the feel of ice against skin sent chills creeping down my spine.
I took a glance at the man beside me, gazing softly at the town below. Streetlights illuminated the houses mounted along the river. Once warm and inviting, it'd frozen over now, acting as an ice rink for the local children to be entertained with.
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"Something you need, kid?" He asked, eyes focused on the view. His tone was closed off, maybe even defensive. A far cry from the voice that commanded stadiums and smashed records.
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I hesitated for just a moment.
"Do you ever feel...washed up?"
There wasn't anything I could say that would soften the question. It felt like ripping a plaster off a cut that never got the opportunity to heal.
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He chuckled. A deep, throaty sound. Like he'd heard the question many times before.
"Every day since 2014."
He picked a crumpled box of cigarettes out of his satchel, lighting one and taking a drag. He blew smoke out through his mouth, following it up with a muffled cough.
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That surprised me, it truly did. How could someone so incredible, so inspiring, ever doubt themselves? If a musical legend like him considered himself outdated, what hope was there for the likes of us?
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"That's ridiculous. You're...an icon, you can sell out stadiums with just your name."
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He laughed again, mellowed out this time around. As if he was pondering a memory he'd tried to forget. He handed me his satchel and the pack, and my fingers toyed with the buckle as I looked at the ground.
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"I thought you'd quit smoking"
That almost made him smile.
"I quit a lot of things. Most of them never stick."
He dropped it to the ground and crushed it under his boot, putting out the ember that struggled to flicker.
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I handed him another one out of the box, almost a reflex. But he refused, finally turning his head to glance at me. His eyes looked tired, yet held on to that firmness he was known for.
"I really should quit."
Then, quieter
"It's the only thing I can stop holding onto."
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and then Add to home screen.