觸不到的戀人 - 09

在捷運鬧劇結束後，我發覺自己已經越來越習慣小迪跟阿龍的相處模式了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EGDXqkh52
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打打鬧鬧、互相鬥嘴，即使阿龍看起來很生氣，卻也是開玩笑般的生氣。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicSv78DQqT
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本來一開始擔心他們會打起來，但現在也跟殷和傑哥一樣無所謂了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUTgGTL1qu
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捷運行駛到士林站，門一開，我們便出了車。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xTT8sBfsd
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在離開士林捷運站後，往士林夜市開始前進。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMuMvKQ00K
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「你怎麼不過去和瑀峰一起走？」殷小小聲的靠在我耳邊說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6QJPFx6vs
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我搖頭，然後聳肩，這動作讓殷更不理解。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMleO4wWAc
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我不否認我還在生氣。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT2EsN8774
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也許殷他們會覺得沒什麼，但對我來說並不是「沒什麼」。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxzH6Q6X7F
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「你們這樣好奇怪喔！難道吵架了嗎？要我幫妳跟瑀峰談一下嗎？」殷又繼續問。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DJUr5Hbpg
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「不用啦！反正跟他談也沒用、跟他講什麼也沒用，他不就是這麼冷漠的人嗎？所以，就算了。」我小聲的回答殷。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeepVhIVGB
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走在我們後面的是阿龍跟小迪、瑀跟傑哥走在最後面，所以他們沒有聽到我和殷的對話。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGeeL8Ty0H
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我忍住想回頭看瑀的衝動，回頭看他就代表我認輸了，我不能認輸，就是要讓他知道我在生氣。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrflKzyrh2x
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抱著小孩子賭氣的想法，繼續和殷走在一起。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZArjC5pK4
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不曉得走了多久，在我回過神時，已經到了士林夜市。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4R95efOZu
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這是我第一次來，這裡也是一樣很熱鬧，不習慣人群的我緊緊靠著殷，殷則是挽住我的手繼續向前。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWykWye6A7
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「殷殷！我們去買那個好不好！」小迪跑過來，拉著殷另一隻右手並指著左方賣烤魷魚的攤販。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKP6mOPgPC
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殷點頭說好，而我並不想吃，放開了殷挽住我的那隻手，小迪馬上就把殷拉走了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLmacjsbRh
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「阿龍，我們也去買吧。」在後面的傑哥看了我一眼後，對阿龍說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYwJMqiryb
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阿龍看了我、又看了瑀，沒說半句就和傑哥往小迪那邊走去。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsKURJesy1
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……我該說這個傑哥心機很重嗎？就是故意要留下我跟瑀嘛！264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPXglxejq8
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平靜心情、穩定情緒，這點心機打垮不了我葉星橋的。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1gk2XMcP3
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「到底有什麼好生氣的？」站在旁邊的瑀，難得主動開了口。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDeMdatXnJ
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終於知道我在生氣了？但是他知道我氣的是什麼嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmBOKOVuba
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「你自己都不會有點自知之明嗎？」我反問。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptaCGVNrtR
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「我不認為我該道歉、也沒有必要道歉。」他講的一副理所當然。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmPMayg6M0
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沒必要道歉？放你個屁！264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9t4pRWFqAP
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一直忍住沒爆發的火氣已到極限，我轉過頭瞪著他。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW5j6cTVni
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「對，你就覺得你沒有錯，對，你永遠都沒有錯，錯的是我，可以嗎？」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSa3G3ZcXc
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他依舊用那張冷漠的表情看著我，這讓我覺得他是在看小孩子鬧脾氣。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ODjnL4QgL
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真是夠了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hoo7aqeT2
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「你有沒有想過你把我推給別人的時候我的感受？我只是想跟一般情侶一樣被你在乎被你關心，這些你都做不到嗎？做不到沒關係，我們也是這樣走過來的，但是今天、今天我真的受不了，我是女的、我也會想要跟自己心愛的人走看看情人橋，結果呢？你把我推給阿龍？也不出聲反駁一下就放任我和阿龍去走情人橋？你到底是不是人啊！」我推了他一把，他無動於衷。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUjZmIYChc
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「妳可以開口拒絕，但妳沒有，那妳想過我的感受嗎？」面對我的怒火，他依舊是那種冷態度。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXyaZdPz21
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「我要怎麼想？你從來沒讓我了解過你，關於你所有的一切我都不知道！你的朋友們一定都比我還清楚，而我呢？我卻連你為什麼一個人住、為什麼這麼冷漠、為什麼不去理解我的想法都不知道！」我盡量壓低了聲音，不讓在遠處買東西的他們聽到。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0Jl2fz5AD
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所有的心聲全部一次說了出來，但是他會懂嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJrKifu7fH
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如果像小人妖說的那樣，他不懂得表達但至少他會想，那他或許會懂吧會理解我現在的憤怒還有──264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYAtGZMbzB
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「妳不覺得妳很無理取鬧嗎？」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI2En6NuIw
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期待？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZ6BX6qrIi
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好像有什麼東西碎掉了、破裂了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXYmjhMdky
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我瞪大眼睛的看著他，不曉得是不是看錯我發現他臉上閃過一絲驚訝，但是我想那是錯覺吧。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxor9zudWk5
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無理取鬧……264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghmwLXtGMc
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從以前到現在都是我在無理取鬧嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB21dKgm2eK
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「嗯，我無理取鬧。」我撇過頭，離開了他身邊。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfHRzdvuYB
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好痛、好難受，這種想哭又不能哭出來的感覺──264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXpUx1i66m
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令我窒息。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nZLK9JUec
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二零一三年，七月。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZUpTu9xrX
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在那之後呢？我努力回想，只記得後來以那種失神的狀態陪他們逛、走，最後回基隆。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbsdfpQG5V
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也沒有再跟瑀講過話。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3GZCUvPnq
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如果我知道我們會演變成這種結果，那我還會對他說出自己的心聲和不滿嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqS9JeWubF
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有些事情，無論在怎麼去想也得不到答案，事過已久，已經找不到任何解答了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCELwLlXAp
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後悔已來不及。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhylCUp6o37
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阿龍抽完了菸，回到了他的座位，開始和小迪催促著我趕快點菜。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0pl4rBJfd
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我笑笑的看了菜單，隨便點了一個簡餐和冰紅茶，讓服務生把菜單收走。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4zsKhfj2b
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「阿楊能來就好了，突然覺得好無趣。」小迪手撐著下巴，看著阿龍。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ125q5dHu5u
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「整天就是玩，你還會幹麻？」阿龍說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL08YdmpoiB
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「無趣的人生就不是人生啦！對吧？」小迪笑著看我。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqk1B0be4F
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我點頭，但是我的人生好像也沒什麼有趣，所以我的人生還是人生嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkLni0gpdu
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有點在繞口令。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrz6oj8cmC2
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「咦？橋橋妳還戴著啊？那條項鍊。」眼尖的小迪馬上發現我頸上的這條項鍊。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIeWp0wRRR
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他的心、他替我戴上並贈予我的對鍊。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO7yKa0ba5
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「嗯，戴著也好，不用怕它不見。」我說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWOxhfwWKV
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「看來妳還是很在意阿楊。」阿龍說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kjuVJi4Oh
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我想在回答些什麼，服務生卻送來了餐點，終止了這話題。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtRKi6f4I0
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我邊吃邊聽小迪說他們這段日子發生的事，雖然多半都是他跟阿龍在家的鬧劇，但多少還是有提到殷和傑哥。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDonXH0jKlE
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殷有了男朋友、工作也穩定，但沒有因為工作和男朋友就放棄她最愛的跳舞。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvzTK7P4a3
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而傑哥，依舊是以女朋友為中心，可是他不像以前只要女朋友叫他就會馬上到，總而言之就是傑哥開始重視朋友了。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAS8A1EcxXv
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他呢？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rjrtHZIAd
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小迪沒有提到任何關於他的事，而我也沒有問，我們自己心裡都清楚，所以迴避了這個話題。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb8zJVfQWP
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「我說阿，橋橋妳現在這樣子很漂亮耶！如果是看黑髮的妳就還好，染成棕色就很漂亮。」小迪讚嘆般的說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvs9fYYRCd
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「我本來是染紅棕色的，結果紅色幾乎都被洗掉，變成棕色了。」我喝了一口紅茶後才說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCjFx9T9s4
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「妳本來就很可愛，現在又染頭髮、頭髮又長長，阿楊看到一定會很驚訝。」小迪說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPO1dAU5Be8
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會嗎？他看到現在這個模樣的我，會有反應嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwesQdPi6jE
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……一定還是那張臉吧。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRumDWFd4iD
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我記憶中的他，至今為止都從未改變過──那冷漠的表情、那讓人看不出喜怒哀樂的臉。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApc4AbGsWc
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還有迷人的笑容。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpWksoXLGo
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即使那笑容在我記憶中出現不多次，卻印象深刻。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfr85tAtsC
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「等等吃完我們去看看阿楊吧？」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmo52XnVn6b
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這句話終止了我的回憶，我看著阿龍，想開口拒絕卻怎麼也說不出來。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5VJQciUCd
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也許淺意識裡，我是想見到他的，但顧及過去，不知道到底該不該見這一面。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUzSPSdHfx
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「對啊對啊！橋橋，妳等等就跟我們去嘛！阿楊一定也很想看看妳。」小迪在一旁附和阿龍。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuA4XGDHIC2
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「我騎車來的，要我跟在你們車子後面嗎？而且……他不會想見我的吧。」我低下頭，再度吸了一口紅茶。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSN0i9XmYT
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「妳等等就坐我的車，等要回來我在開到這裡放妳下車。」阿龍毫不在乎的回答。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStEtoyXULa
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講的還真是輕鬆。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCChYq8WlRT
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「阿楊怎麼可能不想看到妳！他每分每秒都想的啦！妳可是他最在乎的人耶！」小迪說。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMPS5aKoYL
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最在乎的人……264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPkTh27oAZ
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Iwcemnwo7
我淺淺一笑，小迪露出疑惑的表情。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdD296OWuO
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUJ7RYVwva
「在乎又怎樣呢？我們分手的時候，我對他說了很傷人的話，雖然他還是以那種態度回應我，但是某種程度上已經傷到他的心了吧？我講了那麼過分的話……」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXuSJNWbu0
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2quBLxUdWS
當時分手的情景，我還記得，怎麼可能會忘記？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwMHdN9QCX
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YzQ3sgEnn
那麼幼稚又愛無理取鬧的我，對他說了那麼重的話，他當時到底是怎麼想的？表面平靜，那內心呢？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVjeAx5zSp
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9lMHKiRZ9
很痛、很痛吧？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH49SrICGIj
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kO0gz4QEh
那麼殘忍的我，他還愛嗎？還會在乎嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZQb2IRSXo
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcptdeJ1hXW
「無論妳說了什麼，那都不重要，妳只要記得阿楊只有愛過妳一個人，而且從最初到最後都是很愛很愛的，所以妳不要顧慮那麼多，等等和我們一起去找他吧。」阿龍很認真的看著我。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiAPn75jfR
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilS3gToL8s
深吸一口氣，用手擋住了臉，此時此刻的我真的很不想讓人看到我那脆弱的眼淚。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaRf3O25Cj
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRyxTNbIvY
瑀從最初到最後愛過的人，是我，這我怎麼可能不知道。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4agnRx7xX
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcblQdapeo
但是我要怎麼面對？我能為當時說的那些話後悔嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJBe49Zw6T
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJTq4jqMMd
可是如果他真的像阿龍說的那樣沒有放在心上呢？是不是我就可以從這段日子以來的罪惡感裡解放出來？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0x447O52L
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwNGm7vGTS
既然無可避免、既然是注定要我今天和他見上一面，那我還要逃避嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUozFESVIJ5
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdaWMwy4Z1
擦去了眼淚，我把手放下，小迪對我露出擔憂的表情，而阿龍一就是用認真的眼神看著我。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIe5kQaTBe
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9WY19d4JD
「嗯，等等就跟你們去吧。」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLHmgZZvRu
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8nfJq1lME
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCxJzpX52h
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVPWHSQcds
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxqmj15xw5
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAw9h33Xmc
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDpzLPoIjw
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErap8bmJY4
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXYftVdJh2
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9BOkafMsp
如果一開始就知道愛到最後會是一場空，你……還會選擇繼續愛下去嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCo6DTXSFc
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