觸不到的戀人 - 09

在捷運鬧劇結束後，我發覺自己已經越來越習慣小迪跟阿龍的相處模式了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYaE6V8b2D
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打打鬧鬧、互相鬥嘴，即使阿龍看起來很生氣，卻也是開玩笑般的生氣。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwTkUIRAFC
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1MTxWdx8p
本來一開始擔心他們會打起來，但現在也跟殷和傑哥一樣無所謂了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9Fo62GFzQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ2pJyfbCo
捷運行駛到士林站，門一開，我們便出了車。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1CNIxCYXQ
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在離開士林捷運站後，往士林夜市開始前進。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuP3AWviu6e
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufwa3UP8sM
「你怎麼不過去和瑀峰一起走？」殷小小聲的靠在我耳邊說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB33wEMl4Ls
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgtmMlBmiT
我搖頭，然後聳肩，這動作讓殷更不理解。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyot5U4QFqP
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrclgxuzV7
我不否認我還在生氣。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCXfyqgkWQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5ju95s5Fx
也許殷他們會覺得沒什麼，但對我來說並不是「沒什麼」。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIl8zE62EW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YANmwGVso
「你們這樣好奇怪喔！難道吵架了嗎？要我幫妳跟瑀峰談一下嗎？」殷又繼續問。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8MipbClYl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODN4nGslF4
「不用啦！反正跟他談也沒用、跟他講什麼也沒用，他不就是這麼冷漠的人嗎？所以，就算了。」我小聲的回答殷。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCst33xlHhE
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAG0ePZk5d5
走在我們後面的是阿龍跟小迪、瑀跟傑哥走在最後面，所以他們沒有聽到我和殷的對話。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhR0OORKMiy
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JbnD6ghUa
我忍住想回頭看瑀的衝動，回頭看他就代表我認輸了，我不能認輸，就是要讓他知道我在生氣。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYcMyFVwMW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7NwYcFfFJ
抱著小孩子賭氣的想法，繼續和殷走在一起。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhn2skEGtAb
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktgo7t7UED
不曉得走了多久，在我回過神時，已經到了士林夜市。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0UejToABs
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PuCWk8m0f
這是我第一次來，這裡也是一樣很熱鬧，不習慣人群的我緊緊靠著殷，殷則是挽住我的手繼續向前。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLrpdjx3pf
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6e7OeYk5f
「殷殷！我們去買那個好不好！」小迪跑過來，拉著殷另一隻右手並指著左方賣烤魷魚的攤販。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjShxdN6YPG
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMGKhlByni
殷點頭說好，而我並不想吃，放開了殷挽住我的那隻手，小迪馬上就把殷拉走了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gwDZfvkQO
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEDcPbhcb1
「阿龍，我們也去買吧。」在後面的傑哥看了我一眼後，對阿龍說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsudAsTchH
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTvuq8SxEA
阿龍看了我、又看了瑀，沒說半句就和傑哥往小迪那邊走去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj4f5FVnzg
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkC54dEbWaO
……我該說這個傑哥心機很重嗎？就是故意要留下我跟瑀嘛！284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4VNgrOluF
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoJeuRg4sV
平靜心情、穩定情緒，這點心機打垮不了我葉星橋的。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNiChY5gzX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFn4XYmcLC
「到底有什麼好生氣的？」站在旁邊的瑀，難得主動開了口。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxidrljxEQv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xkW09c9LX
終於知道我在生氣了？但是他知道我氣的是什麼嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHx0UAAuWu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriYpv8wbiW
「你自己都不會有點自知之明嗎？」我反問。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbqfNx5TLM
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fm4VqnF1L
「我不認為我該道歉、也沒有必要道歉。」他講的一副理所當然。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJUkx1mS0M
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6O5V3lAN8
沒必要道歉？放你個屁！284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43RjEriNBr
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEgQmeW96F
一直忍住沒爆發的火氣已到極限，我轉過頭瞪著他。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOGQ7TvUJe
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8OXco2yLD
「對，你就覺得你沒有錯，對，你永遠都沒有錯，錯的是我，可以嗎？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoBBTZOJ2o
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmABQbKcFf
他依舊用那張冷漠的表情看著我，這讓我覺得他是在看小孩子鬧脾氣。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6ifOAbaOu
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真是夠了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAaquvqnlX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruBIwxIGws
「你有沒有想過你把我推給別人的時候我的感受？我只是想跟一般情侶一樣被你在乎被你關心，這些你都做不到嗎？做不到沒關係，我們也是這樣走過來的，但是今天、今天我真的受不了，我是女的、我也會想要跟自己心愛的人走看看情人橋，結果呢？你把我推給阿龍？也不出聲反駁一下就放任我和阿龍去走情人橋？你到底是不是人啊！」我推了他一把，他無動於衷。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqT3DY5F4J
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrYGbRNpZi
「妳可以開口拒絕，但妳沒有，那妳想過我的感受嗎？」面對我的怒火，他依舊是那種冷態度。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvm81a6hbN
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZV7yf68MA3
「我要怎麼想？你從來沒讓我了解過你，關於你所有的一切我都不知道！你的朋友們一定都比我還清楚，而我呢？我卻連你為什麼一個人住、為什麼這麼冷漠、為什麼不去理解我的想法都不知道！」我盡量壓低了聲音，不讓在遠處買東西的他們聽到。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtYOfiVK6m
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfwEeJ90U1
所有的心聲全部一次說了出來，但是他會懂嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqwGbVVl8N
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjMEphsdbO
如果像小人妖說的那樣，他不懂得表達但至少他會想，那他或許會懂吧會理解我現在的憤怒還有──284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJn1ANmSwNa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey4nJquxlk
「妳不覺得妳很無理取鬧嗎？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwxSHQKzI2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssaLk7P37Y
期待？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaIpFbJwnP
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3d87bBQeFc
好像有什麼東西碎掉了、破裂了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68JcNBmk08
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDs6mD317ZP
我瞪大眼睛的看著他，不曉得是不是看錯我發現他臉上閃過一絲驚訝，但是我想那是錯覺吧。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCizMqkf2Hp
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無理取鬧……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7m2JZnJ2b
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80jRiCUO2t
從以前到現在都是我在無理取鬧嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTmSYuiAdc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlXmFqxkCt
「嗯，我無理取鬧。」我撇過頭，離開了他身邊。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNP9JN2pMtT
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczWuDnz6zV
好痛、好難受，這種想哭又不能哭出來的感覺──284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibZdDdu8cr
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令我窒息。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVRzkY5VrG
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＊284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMayNLhiZg
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二零一三年，七月。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzlvui6st3
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLka0fr52br
在那之後呢？我努力回想，只記得後來以那種失神的狀態陪他們逛、走，最後回基隆。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA7ZdCOuts
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R6iplZ2X6
也沒有再跟瑀講過話。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTvHD7WwhI
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUKHisqZhU
如果我知道我們會演變成這種結果，那我還會對他說出自己的心聲和不滿嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7hTEF0AVl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGDw3m3MSc
有些事情，無論在怎麼去想也得不到答案，事過已久，已經找不到任何解答了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e1JnsitYr
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後悔已來不及。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Tl6dvzsZL
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHFr2Kwpqx
阿龍抽完了菸，回到了他的座位，開始和小迪催促著我趕快點菜。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScgvAF8hxM
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnVv8x4rvy
我笑笑的看了菜單，隨便點了一個簡餐和冰紅茶，讓服務生把菜單收走。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhciuYPrEO
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbThfOa8rq5
「阿楊能來就好了，突然覺得好無趣。」小迪手撐著下巴，看著阿龍。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpmMiYgebs
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zsu4PHikJ
「整天就是玩，你還會幹麻？」阿龍說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiYeXGDKni
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Nyz3ghf1e
「無趣的人生就不是人生啦！對吧？」小迪笑著看我。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4GYwBdTfr
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3KarPbBue
我點頭，但是我的人生好像也沒什麼有趣，所以我的人生還是人生嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2Liabyg17
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有點在繞口令。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQZ120dU54
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzUCgijjyk
「咦？橋橋妳還戴著啊？那條項鍊。」眼尖的小迪馬上發現我頸上的這條項鍊。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNqrmr9gkQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloT5TmwOh2
他的心、他替我戴上並贈予我的對鍊。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzvDsqKAne
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtyispsEpz
「嗯，戴著也好，不用怕它不見。」我說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzESTp9tVdl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsaKykaxbg
「看來妳還是很在意阿楊。」阿龍說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHW9FshzHT
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeIFZhfVqd
我想在回答些什麼，服務生卻送來了餐點，終止了這話題。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDW6mWQiJj
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoXMtmdTgj
我邊吃邊聽小迪說他們這段日子發生的事，雖然多半都是他跟阿龍在家的鬧劇，但多少還是有提到殷和傑哥。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsuaJ8ZW5E
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM7uwbw9yU
殷有了男朋友、工作也穩定，但沒有因為工作和男朋友就放棄她最愛的跳舞。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNRCl7SKbX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HamQIq3ra
而傑哥，依舊是以女朋友為中心，可是他不像以前只要女朋友叫他就會馬上到，總而言之就是傑哥開始重視朋友了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1subJgOOY
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他呢？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡms2RTnuDxR
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuT93z4jW3
小迪沒有提到任何關於他的事，而我也沒有問，我們自己心裡都清楚，所以迴避了這個話題。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOkUTZmwsf
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2S9ovHBsE
「我說阿，橋橋妳現在這樣子很漂亮耶！如果是看黑髮的妳就還好，染成棕色就很漂亮。」小迪讚嘆般的說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOsUJvoVnp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAPRc8AcxN
「我本來是染紅棕色的，結果紅色幾乎都被洗掉，變成棕色了。」我喝了一口紅茶後才說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aiMdwgJhs
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDweJSRuBm
「妳本來就很可愛，現在又染頭髮、頭髮又長長，阿楊看到一定會很驚訝。」小迪說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopMVOdd5PF
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsBHz4MzGb
會嗎？他看到現在這個模樣的我，會有反應嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUBnfZvkaJ
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……一定還是那張臉吧。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc9RNVvnGm
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我記憶中的他，至今為止都從未改變過──那冷漠的表情、那讓人看不出喜怒哀樂的臉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4Q7nJuQyz
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還有迷人的笑容。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpdn7XMAHu
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即使那笑容在我記憶中出現不多次，卻印象深刻。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUetS2zNpCQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8czWqSjNP
「等等吃完我們去看看阿楊吧？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJlr7uSVmm
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZZ8tzyH6X
這句話終止了我的回憶，我看著阿龍，想開口拒絕卻怎麼也說不出來。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONuOnLEW5r
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYvIjX1rXa
也許淺意識裡，我是想見到他的，但顧及過去，不知道到底該不該見這一面。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiryHQzx28
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vZwY706kB
「對啊對啊！橋橋，妳等等就跟我們去嘛！阿楊一定也很想看看妳。」小迪在一旁附和阿龍。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiSZVOKo0f
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAljRfHyzEf
「我騎車來的，要我跟在你們車子後面嗎？而且……他不會想見我的吧。」我低下頭，再度吸了一口紅茶。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML7ym1K6L1
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0loFKLmg9
「妳等等就坐我的車，等要回來我在開到這裡放妳下車。」阿龍毫不在乎的回答。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8r215WeZ7
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講的還真是輕鬆。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLuNYQbW2T
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcSZ80OpBQ
「阿楊怎麼可能不想看到妳！他每分每秒都想的啦！妳可是他最在乎的人耶！」小迪說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrgTnfbjAh
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最在乎的人……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yuinQDvMQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26ZM0dcWIe
我淺淺一笑，小迪露出疑惑的表情。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2k3803tDB
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfZYqhqZnv
「在乎又怎樣呢？我們分手的時候，我對他說了很傷人的話，雖然他還是以那種態度回應我，但是某種程度上已經傷到他的心了吧？我講了那麼過分的話……」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhXKblhzku
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVaS4xFtVY
當時分手的情景，我還記得，怎麼可能會忘記？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWjK0bs9zM
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4WaNhtNir
那麼幼稚又愛無理取鬧的我，對他說了那麼重的話，他當時到底是怎麼想的？表面平靜，那內心呢？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QPXcXoIBv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85KZ4OCoUj
很痛、很痛吧？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHM8BLvTbJ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmL5w0sKo4
那麼殘忍的我，他還愛嗎？還會在乎嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocNmsOgbbH
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfpUJtFvJW
「無論妳說了什麼，那都不重要，妳只要記得阿楊只有愛過妳一個人，而且從最初到最後都是很愛很愛的，所以妳不要顧慮那麼多，等等和我們一起去找他吧。」阿龍很認真的看著我。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilfNbSxUs2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDPIdsmClm
深吸一口氣，用手擋住了臉，此時此刻的我真的很不想讓人看到我那脆弱的眼淚。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEO1gVjSfsk
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8a2FTw5H9h
瑀從最初到最後愛過的人，是我，這我怎麼可能不知道。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5spUGPGKkv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFrRpuxmYx
但是我要怎麼面對？我能為當時說的那些話後悔嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOR7zSDmef
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3UGpDDJwP
可是如果他真的像阿龍說的那樣沒有放在心上呢？是不是我就可以從這段日子以來的罪惡感裡解放出來？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3KQcy0XLf
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k8bqAkjT6
既然無可避免、既然是注定要我今天和他見上一面，那我還要逃避嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAwMHzBKl1
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCz0hJGVkMz
擦去了眼淚，我把手放下，小迪對我露出擔憂的表情，而阿龍一就是用認真的眼神看著我。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0x5gP2wqGC
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLuDTuI29R
「嗯，等等就跟你們去吧。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcas567lhE
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jxhkoInj5
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsIbbWBHrl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjD3JR4IX6j
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAk3AXTtzn
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWznmrVJQju
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7EvXv7Gfe
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9bQ8iWVgy
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2Vcq05QhJ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHqt9JCOG2
如果一開始就知道愛到最後會是一場空，你……還會選擇繼續愛下去嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8ciErpRi4
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