March 1st, 2024, 10:09 am
Still sick. Slept shitty all through the night. Woke up a lot with mild nausea and acid reflux and then had the runs when I got up. Took the Pepto and the anti-nausea pills. I haven’t thrown up today so that’s good. My biggest fear is him getting it.
“My God, the dream!” I said to him earlier. Just like the dream of me getting sucked down into a whirlpool in the middle of a lake was warning me of trouble ahead, I suddenly remembered the dream I recently had about trying to get away from a sinking truck which was also a warning. So I’m still psychic in a bad way. Last night I dreamed that clumps of hair fell out of my head. I really hope to hell there’s no warning in that! Funny, though, how I’m sicker than I’ve been in decades and there’s the unlucky number 4 in the current year.
If this happened before my thyroid crashed I would probably be down close to 10 lbs now. I’m currently down about 3 but it’s coming right back as soon as I get better.
My stomach muscles are so sore that it hurts like hell to cough.
Made a Walmart order to be delivered later with more Gatorade, chicken soup, rice, crackers, and other things recommended for norovirus recovery, along with stuff he needs.
March 2nd, 2024, 09:30 pm
It’s over!!! Yay!!! No nausea. No acid reflux. I can even cough once again because my stomach muscles are no longer so sore. My voice is still a little hoarse but slowly returning. The only thing is that I’m still so drained.
I’ll be able to have coffee when the timer goes off. Couldn’t have it before because coffee is acidic and also because I like it with cream, which is bad for upset stomachs.
I’m now down a total of 4 pounds. In 3 days I ate half of what I eat in a day if even that. It’s a reminder of how incredibly little I have to eat to lose weight and then continue eating to keep it off. Dieting leaves me feeling so drained, and when I’m not sick, hungry as well.
Yesterday’s chicken soup and saltines really hit the spot. It was amazing how such ordinary foods could taste so good and make me feel so much better. Wish I’d had these things sooner.
We also aired the place out and the fresh air was so nice. It happened to be the perfect temperature, was breezy, and there wasn’t much humidity in the air. One thing I miss from the West is having an evaporative cooler.
Tom finally found what was wrong with the dishwasher and if he can’t fix the clogged sensor himself, he can replace the part for about 30 bucks.
I was hoping the redneck would get the hint about the uptick in barking when I asked if everything was OK over there, and he did. I always knew he could control that dog’s barking more than he does at times. I would still rather Happy’s barking than the motorcycles. Fuckers down the street were annoying yesterday.
Back again to work on this entry after taking a break to eat and shower. Played with the rat for a bit and Tom and I even played a round of VR golf.
The honker has company. Looks like a younger couple. Probably his other daughter and her husband. They all arrived in his truck and then they left me with his howling dog. I thought for a minute I heard another dog and thought, Oh fuck, his visitors brought a dog and now they’re both going to go crazy every time they go out.
I think it was just a dog passing by, though. I’m glad he has company since that usually keeps him off the motorcycle as long as he doesn’t let them use his truck for the day.
Really wish he would have the decency to at least close his windows when he leaves. I really don’t want to say anything to anyone unless they cross the line from occasionally annoying to downright maddening because I know what wimps people are when it comes to being complained on and how poorly they tend to handle that. His being kind enough not to rev the motorcycle is one thing but I don’t know if I could get him to close his windows if this or any future dogs of his became an issue or if I could get the park to help me with it either.
Ray is still quiet for the most part. Tom said he did hear the TV a week ago but only when he was outside waiting for Walmart to deliver groceries. He said he looked and none of the living room windows were open so he suspects the door to his lanai may have been open.
Anyway, how did chicken soup become like such a drug? I totally see why it’s recommended for sick people. I still can’t eat normally and I don’t want to push it either but I’m eating more than I have been little by little. I just can’t handle anything rich like dairy. Might be able to have a piece of fish and a sweet potato later with a side of veggies but I don’t know.
I didn’t drown in my dreams but I got a 7-month jail sentence for telling a company online to fuck off. I don’t know what the company was or why I told them to fuck off but it was weird because instead of being sentenced in a courtroom, they posted whatever your sentence was going to be online. I was horrified but hopeful that we could go on the run. If there was any message in this dream, I’m sure it was to remind me that my bed sentence isn’t over. I still have a lot of fatigue even when I’m not sick and have to rest a lot.
I feel bad for those negatively affected by the insane IVF ruling in Alabama. So many people are being put out by these delusional and crazy extremists that no one seems to stop voting for. If you don’t know the difference between potential children and children then you’ve got a serious problem and I’m seriously embarrassed for you too, if you can’t see it.
March 3rd, 2024, 09:32 pm
Just when I thought it was over, things got bad again. I didn’t get sick but I had the worst acid reflux I’ve ever had in my life last night. My throat didn’t just burn but it hurt like hell! I was delayed getting to sleep because I had to sit propped up on my wedge pillow which is very hard to sleep on. Eventually, I was able to lie down flat and then settle onto my stomach so I could get into a deeper sleep. I was afraid that if I tried to sleep lying down sooner, I would choke.
Sometimes I really wish I would just get something that would kill me! I’m so sick of the never-ending fatigue and health issues!!! I almost feel like I’m being held prisoner in my own home. Yes, I’m a homebody 95% of the time but I would still like to do things at times. Every event I want to attend I happen to have to sleep through. Really wanted to give blood at the clubhouse on the 6th but I’m not going to be up before they’re done if I’m even feeling well enough. It’s okay, though. I don’t have to do this. I don’t have to play Bingo. I don’t have to take walks. I can just accept my so-called “calling” in life and spend half of it in bed. Why not? Most people dream of this, right?
Anyway, I was amazed I wasn’t nauseous on top of all the acid reflux kicking up in my throat last night but my stomach isn’t perfect either.
I’m just so damn drained not just because of the virus itself and the screwy sleep but the lack of nutrition. Even so, I already went back up a pound. I likely never lost fat but weight because my digestive tract emptied out. I tell you, I ain’t kidding when I say you could literally lock me in a room and starve me and I wouldn’t lose a damn pound. I really think some of us are simply the way we’re meant to be.
So I slept a little over 6 hours, began this entry, and then napped for a couple of hours. A little while ago, I was finally able to get up and get down a banana, some apple sauce, and saltines. Tom ran out to Publix and picked up some more chicken soup as well as fruits, veggies, and TV dinners. The only reason I got the processed sodium-laden things was because I don’t have the energy to cook. Hell, I can’t even clean the house.
We’ve gotta drop Walgreens and start getting our meds somewhere else because I am sick and fucking tired of them taking it upon themselves to make my medical decisions for me by refilling prescriptions I didn’t ask them to refill. Tom checked the site again, and we do have the auto-refill off. Yet they refused to honor our request to wait until we tell them to refill meds. I’m not ready for a levo refill for another couple of weeks and the decision as to when I have it refilled should be up to me.
Loving scented things as I do I got some eucalyptus oil going in the diffuser, but it’s not very strong-smelling. Maybe I didn’t put enough in and I’ll add some sandalwood to it. I burned some lavender incense earlier, but I only want to burn one stick a day. If I burn more I get congested.
Some activity going on at the honker’s but what else is new? Next month it’s out of here for a while. He has out-of-town visitors, but he must have picked them up at the airport because they used his truck while he went out on the motorcycle. Why have visitors if you’re not going to do things together? It’s his 60th birthday today, so maybe that’s got something to do with it. I didn’t wish him a happy birthday. He didn’t wish me one for mine in December.
I’m frustrated not only for obvious reasons when one gets sick, but I lost a little money since I haven’t been able to work online as much. Also, I would have finished the challenge and returned to Indiana had I not gotten sick. I did manage to do a few miles yesterday, and it was funny because I was toying with someone else on the road who joined the ride while I was on it. I don’t know if they realized what I was doing or if they cared, but whenever I would pause to change the radio station or skip songs, they would get ahead. But knowing I could go a little faster with my unique setup, I would eventually pass them. Then pause, let them pass, and back and forth. And I’m sure they were wondering how I was managing to pull that off because they weren’t stopping and they were pedaling steadily.
So I’ve gone from drowning to looming jail sentences to being attacked in my dreams. Two or three of the Mexican freeloader’s daughters from Phoenix walked by me eating by myself in a restaurant. Now all grown up, they magically knew who I was even if some were infants in the 90s and others may not have even existed.
They hurled threats and slaps at me and when I went to cover my face with my hands, they started slapping my stomach which was bare as I was wearing a crop top. After a minute of this, they took off and I automatically reached for my phone to call the cops, but then I hesitated. I knew they would not only be long gone, but I didn’t know their names or what the cops could do or that they would even care to do anything, knowing that minorities tend to be believed over non-minorities (the girls looked white, though).
I left the restaurant and resumed my walk home when next thing I knew, I was in Springfield. I recognized the voice of Laurie the cop talking to a couple of people. I only saw her from behind, though. Her butt and back were fat, I noticed, and then I went inside a building to get a drink. I became worried when I heard her voice as she too, entered the building a minute after I did, and I told myself I had to hurry up because if she saw me and recognized me, she certainly could and likely would hurt me.
March 4th, 2024, 09:33 pm
I can’t swear to it but the fucking honker might have woken me up on the motorcycle. I checked Fitbit and it said I was awake for 14 minutes between 7:03 a.m. and 7:17 a.m. Tom says our camera does detect smaller vehicles like motorcycles but when he checked that timeframe and even an earlier one that I was awake for 5 minutes during, he never saw the motorcycle leave. I think that because it was set to record events, it didn’t pick it up so he’s going to change the settings.
It had to have been gone by a few minutes after 8:00 because by then the truck had gone and I could see it wasn’t in its place. Still, there were other vehicles that were kind of loud and there’s really no way to prove or disprove that it was him.
I’m a little worried about how long his visitors are going to stay because he’s letting them take his truck to go off and do things on their own and of course he wouldn’t dare sit at home all day so he uses the motorcycle. Tom says he didn’t hear it leave but knowing him, he was probably under the headphones. Well, his company is still here so he’ll pay attention to when he takes the damn thing out tomorrow and we’ll see if I get woken up but I might get woken up anyway because the mowers are coming tomorrow.
Oh, to be able to sleep at night every night! But I didn’t ask for this sleep disorder and I have a right to my schedule as much as others have a right to theirs. In other words, he doesn’t get to go waking me up (if it’s him) and get to sleep. Even though it’s risky, I really will be knocking on his bedroom windows at 3 in the morning if it’s determined for sure that he’s waking me up. It’s risky in that he may see me coming back to the house or someone else’s camera may pick me up but I won’t care. You’re not going to come to my country and disrupt my sleep! In fact, you’re not even going to do that if you’re from here. I don’t wake others up and I’m not going to tolerate them waking me up. Again, I can’t swear it was him. It could have been someone else or it could have been just a dream but if I had to guess, it was him. I’m just glad the fucker is going home next month. I’ve had enough of the honking, howling, and the damn motorcycle.
I guess I’ll just have to turn the sound machine up even louder and sleep with an earplug in the good ear even though I shouldn’t have to. I mean, this is just fucking ridiculous. I didn’t even have to blast sounds so loud so close to my head back in Phoenix with the freeloader’s boom car stereo right next to us, but I also realize we’re not on a concrete slab foundation with brick walls either. Manufactured homes suck. Unless you’re on a piece of land with no one close to you, they’re horrible. It wouldn’t be that bad if I was always up during the daytime but I still miss the days when things weren’t so damn loud. When you only heard a motorcycle once in a while and you only heard planes once in a while, too.
They’re not a threat to my sleep being further away but no one’s motorcycles are as annoying as the assholes behind him that have to sit there and gun the fuck out of them for several minutes.
Tom was out giving plasma when I got up and he had to make a mad dash for the bathroom when he got in because it took so long this time and his bladder was full and their bathroom was out of order. Good thing we have two bathrooms because I was in the shower when he got in.
A little later on, while I was in the middle of a job, we had a power failure. Naturally, this had to happen on a bad plane day. Couldn’t even go 5 minutes in between them.
As of last night, I was officially over the virus but tonight I stupidly put too much margarine and sour cream on my sweet potato and I’ve been a little nauseous ever since. I should be able to keep it down, though.
Still worried that being sick spawned a UTI. I feel a little more burning down there so hopefully it’s just dryness. Just in case, I’m getting cranberry juice with tomorrow’s grocery order for whatever good it may do. It would be a real pain in the ass to get infected because first I would have to call or message the doctor, then I would have to go to the lab, and then I would have to start antibiotics because I can no longer use OTC treatments since I can no longer use applicators. This would mean having to resort to Diflucan which is very hard on my liver. Maybe it’s time to just try to live with whatever I get.
I’m also worried that I’m really hypo now because my hair and skin are very dry and sometimes I feel cold. Some of the medicine I had to take during the virus was before 4 hours after taking my thyroid pill and it could have blocked absorption. I also haven’t been taking vitamin D because I didn’t want to put anything extra in my body that I didn’t really need. At least I had surprisingly good energy today.
Caught up on Lifetime movies and now I’m watching some true crime documentaries on Netflix.
March 5th, 2024, 04:40 pm
Woke up very tired today and tried to tell myself it was no big deal, I expected it, and yesterday’s energy was something I had just once in a while. But it is a big deal and it does bother me. I want to be out there living my life. Not stuck at home so much of the time suffering or at least not having energy. I sit and think to myself, I remember the days when I could be outdoors most of the time and I could be active doing things on a regular basis, even if “active” didn’t necessarily mean running a mile a minute.
And then I also found, upon waking up, that the dreaded UTI I feared I would get had flourished overnight. I began noticing more burning a couple of days ago but today has been the most obvious. I’m 95% sure it is a UTI. That other small percentage wonders if it could be because I took a few days off of the Replens and the probiotics. Seems a bit extreme for that, though, so I’m still going with a UTI. I’ve been drinking cranberry juice and I messaged Rhonda. I told her I had 4 nitrofurantoin pills left over from when they switched me to something for my kidney infection and that I could start treatment tonight and asked if she could call in 6 more to make it the 10 they usually prescribe.
I’ve had an underlying feeling of nausea all day, but since my number twos started back up again it’s been a little better.
There I was doing better overall and now I get hit with the virus and then the UTI. My next concern is a yeast infection. I just can’t get a break! Irrational or not, I sometimes can’t help the feeling that something is using my body against me since it hasn’t been able to use other things to fuck with me as easily as it used to. Imagine that kind of control and power - hate someone enough to want to pick on them and make their body do whatever you want it to do to torture them. I really hope to hell there’s nothing up there that evil!
In neighborhood news, the honker took the motorcycle out while I slept, and didn’t wake me up. Still, I wish his company would get the fuck out already so he wouldn’t ride the thing every day. Furthermore, I wish they would stop coming to visit every single year. My parents left Massachusetts five years before I did and I was only down here twice. Never came here from the West and of course, there was that decade when I wouldn’t have anything to do with them.
Then there’s Linda, the bitch I’ve dubbed a Little Miss Be Happy. I noticed a bench sitting out front for tomorrow’s pick up and I thought why not grab it to put in back? So I walked up to her door which was open and saw she had three other ladies sitting around her kitchen table. They told me to come in, and I’m not sure if she looked horrified to see who it was or what, but I introduced myself as if we’d never met, played kind and dumb, and asked her about the bench. She warned me it wasn’t safe to sit on and she was right. Tom and I checked it out and saw it was old and flimsy. I’m sure she badmouthed me to her little friends after I left too, not that I give a shit.
I later thanked the “lady” in the group for warning me that it was rickety and that I didn’t get names because she had company and I didn’t want to intrude. Of course she never responded, lol, but a couple of others did, saying they would keep looking, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were the ones at her house at the time.
I know it’s mean and perhaps immature as well but sometimes even I like to play with people a little. I guess the prankster in me can’t ever be fully extinguished. When I read back on some of my earlier journals, I see I really did do a lot of silly and immature things. I’m sure we all feel that way when we look back on our pasts at times. Just the way I took Nane so seriously was kind of ridiculous.
Tom and I were talking about the West Coast versus the East Coast and we both agreed that while we have met some horrible people on both coasts as well as some that were great, the West Coast was definitely friendlier in general. When I compare our neighbors here to the ones we had in Cali even though I was out and about more back there, even crazy Dixie was friendlier. Other than Toni and Irma, and then Sue and Annette from Bingo, everyone around us is pretty antisocial or just not very friendly. Most of them are a bunch of Bible-thumping bigots with big mouths. No one here compares to the “Twenties” or Bob and Virginia. Even Geri across the street was nice with the exception of her letting her dog bark. Jim and “Santa” were nice too. I don’t miss California, though. Just having some breathing room around us and a bigger house.
I like to play around with different apps and try new things. Most of them I end up dumping but the dream app I’m trying is kind of cool. You write down what you dreamed and you can generate an image based on whatever you dreamed to go with it, then it interprets your dream.
March 6th, 2024, 04:43 pm
Feeling the best I’ve felt since I first got sick although I still have fatigue. It’s hard to say whether the fatigue is post-recovery or just the way I usually am. I still think my TSH has risen but now that I’m back on the vitamin D every few days, that should help. I feel chilled at times but Tom thinks it’s just because it takes longer than you realize to fully recover. But this is the least nauseous I’ve been since getting sick so I’m glad for that much. My hair and skin are dry but if my TSH is that high, it wouldn’t explain why my weight is still down. I think my weight will be going back up soon, though.
Best of all, I’m now pretty sure that I didn’t get a UTI. I think that because I took a little break from my probiotics and lady lube while sick that’s why I started feeling a burning sensation again. Either that or the one Nitrofurantoin I took last night was one seriously powerful pill along with the cranberry juice I’ve been drinking. I’ll know soon enough because if it flares back up, then that will make me think some things up.
I messaged Rhonda about it and the message wasn’t picked up until this afternoon. I then sent a second message asking that she cancel the antibiotic request and explained that I don’t think I have a UTI after all but if the symptoms return I’ll do an urgent video appointment.
More good news. I haven’t had to sleep with the nasal dilator and I haven’t snored in a while so I think the problem was the blood pressure medicine. Also, when I took my blood pressure earlier, it was 113/73, so I don’t think I really need to try anything else. As long as I watch what I eat I should be okay.
Even more good news. Yes, I have a few good things which is great. The only negative is my fatigue. The dishwasher is fixed and Tom was in and out of the plasma place in under an hour. We’ve also been making decent money online. Not move-to-Hawaii kind of decent but still decent. I even splurged on a small Temu order and got $33 worth of stuff that would have normally cost about $100 elsewhere. I got a couple of figurines, lip gloss, a 6-pack of G-strings, and another sticker to decorate the toilet seat with. Pictures will eventually show up on my secondary Facebook account. Just not of me wearing the G-strings of course. LOL.
One figurine is a fairy that sits on the edge of a shelf, windowsill, table, or wherever you want to put her. The other is a German shepherd and while I may not be a dog fan, it seems to be a really nice and realistic sculpture.
The good news still goes on…although it’s delayed a month, I got a call from my ENT’s office saying that the doctor will be in surgery during my appointment and it was bumped up to late April at a time that fits into my schedule much better. So now I don’t have to stress over that.
And the last bit of good news is that the honker’s company left. Seems that way anyway. Tomorrow I’ll take a chance when I crash and not blast the sound machine so loud and hope he stays off the motorcycle. There shouldn’t be any thunderstorms to worry about but I’d rather Mother Nature than human assholes.
Saw a crime documentary about a guy in the UK who went down for 8 years for cyberstalking people for years. They talked about his childhood, how he didn’t know he was autistic at the time, how he felt bullied and alienated, and how many (not all) are a problem in society and use their autism as an excuse to give people so much grief. I know not all of them are trouble but I think that many of them know exactly what they’re doing but instead of doing something to better themselves, they use their condition as a ticket to act out. And OMG, the inappropriately intense emotions and paranoia! It seems that where most people would get moderately upset over something more serious, these people will go ballistic over next to nothing.
March 8th, 2024, 09:19 pm
Didn’t realize this until a little while ago but Christiane “laughed” at my concerns about the dream I had about Nane and then blocked me. Should have figured that sooner or later she would do that. So I told her on Instagram that I no longer wanted either of them back in my life but wished them well and then blocked her. Why not, she only would have blocked me there as well. Okay, so maybe I added in a comment about how she overdoes the makeup (it’s true) but yeah, I’m done with people in general. I’ve learned that there are basically two types of people in this world. The kind that are mean and the kind that are crazy. Those two were just plain mean.
Speaking of dreams and all that, I’m still having trouble remembering mine but I read back in a 2011 entry about how Aly had a dream that she was doomed if she didn’t act on her breast cancer issues. Such a chilling premonition even if it was a decade early and the cancer that would have killed her if the sepsis hadn’t was on her ovaries.
Since I can’t really remember my current dreams, I plugged in a long detailed dream I had that year about being in a witness protection program in a hotel with this really nice cop guarding me into the dream app but it said the dream was too long to interpret. It was definitely one of the longest and most detailed dreams I ever had at about 1000 words. I’ll throw some shorter ones in.
I kind of regret getting rid of the dream blog I once had. As I learned over the years, better to leave something sitting there that you don’t use than to get rid of it.
As I’ve mentioned, I’ve always wanted to try one of the painting classes here but always have to sleep during that time. Miraculously, I’ll be awake for the next one! So that’s another reason to be glad my appointment was canceled because it’s in the afternoon that day. They’re going to be painting manatees this time. How appropriate for Florida? It’s only $10 and the class runs for 4 hours. A little hard to believe it will take that long. Tom is going to sign me up tomorrow when he goes down to the clubhouse. 20 people is the limit but I doubt that many have signed up. So all I have to do is hope I’m not exhausted that day.
We bought the newest golf course, Ice Lair. I’d give it about a 6 or 7 on a scale 1 to 10. It’s not very colorful but it’s different in a way. Since it takes place on a submarine in Antarctica, it’s kind of cool how the golf ball turns to ice depending on where you hit it. The ice looks very realistic too.
Season 4 of The UnXplained is on Netflix so I’m watching that now.
March 9th, 2024, 08:36 pm
When I look at the comments on some of the IVF articles it amazes me how more and more people are anti-abortion and just how conservative this country is getting.
When I asked myself who I would vote for if I was going to vote, not that I’m going to vote for real of course, saying I would vote for Trump may be stretching it a bit but the little bastard may actually be better than Biden for a few reasons. First, the attack on gays and women is going to continue no matter who gets elected. That’s just something that’s going to get worse and worse probably for decades before it gradually gets better if it does. I think it will fluctuate over the decades and even centuries where sometimes women will have more rights and other times they won’t.
But Biden got absolutely nothing done but invited tens of thousands of people into the country to hog our resources and give billions of dollars to other countries. Yes, Trump is a misogynist who’s probably a closet case who can’t deal with his feelings and will take his frustration out on gays and women any chance he gets. And yes, it was horrible that he appointed bigoted justices and all that but what’s done is done and like I said, things are only going to get worse before they get better.
So maybe it would actually be better to have a president who’s going to staunch the flow of migrants from taking jobs away from Americans and calling for longer waiting times getting into doctors and adding to the overcrowding. And maybe he won’t be as quick to give as much of our money away. Just something to think about unless he plans to target older people next. The guy’s amount of popularity and supporters really stuns me. He is definitely the most talked about and the most popular president we ever had next to Obama.
I try to remind myself that if the masses believe, think, or do something, it’s usually for a reason yet I’m still not seeing the “human” in embryos or fetuses. I see the potential human but it’s kind of like a seed versus a tree. Well, a seed isn’t a tree. I also don’t see the sin in two consenting adults in love just because they may have the same body parts. Sometimes I wish I could see it their way because it’s the norm and following norms is always easier but I just can’t and I don’t.
In the latest episode of my show, they talked about how some scientists believe they have proof that some of the disasters mentioned in the Bible actually happened because the people living there pissed God off. Well, I still say there likely is no God and that the Bible is simply stories, but if they’re right, then we have a very evil, spiteful God who doesn’t love everybody unconditionally as many people claim. Besides, if that was the case, why isn’t he wiping us all out right now with the way things are so fucked up in the world?
I keep going back and forth in my mind as to whether or not my TSH is getting too low for comfort. My dry skin and hair and the way I feel cold say it’s not but I also could be cold from not eating much. Tom thanks my weight is down because I haven’t eaten much but with the way I’ve been feeling tonight, I think it’s down because my TSH is dropping. I tell you, I know my body and I don’t lose weight no matter how sick I get. In my twenties and even my thirties I may have but certainly not now. I know the drill and what to do about it if it is, though, and that’s to simply cut my waiting time a bit before food and drink and that will back it off. If I ignore it, the anxiety and the blah moods will intensify.
I still wish I was more connected at times. Being on nights half of my life doesn’t help but even if I was always on days I still wouldn’t have the friends and family I sometimes wish I had. Sometimes I wish I was surrounded by parents, siblings, cousins, and close friends who were totally supportive, accepting, non-judgmental, and not the least bit toxic in any way. But then I remind myself that things could be much worse like if I was alone with absolutely no one. I really believe that if I hadn’t met Tom I wouldn’t be alive. I also try to keep in mind that more people means more trouble. There are too many bad people out there. Too many backstabbing, lying phony people who just want to use you, judge you and try to change and control you.
I’ll still be doing a little socializing because I’m now signed up for the painting class on the 21st. I’m also going to get a pedicure sometime while Tom checks out a nearby store he wants to check out, so we do have some fun things to look forward to other than doctor’s appointments and labs.
We got bombs ready now that creepy crawlies are waking up, so we’ll be out for at least a couple of hours that day.
I want to go down to the beach but I don’t want to have to race against time to find the nearest charger that isn’t broken, in use, or taking a year to give us enough of a charge to get to our next destination.
In today’s junk mail came a postcard for looking up information to donate blood. I guess they do this all over town. They give you a T-shirt and a $20 gift certificate.
For just a buck I got frosty light pink lipstick with our last Walmart order and it looks nice. It’s noticeable but doesn’t stand out a mile away.
March 10th, 2024, 08:41 pm
If you think whites are “privileged” you’re deluding yourself. It’s just that I keep hearing the term and I assure you we have to play by the same rules as everyone else. We’re no more or less special let alone privileged.
To clarify what I was saying about Trump the other day, this doesn’t mean it still doesn’t piss the shit out of me that a known criminal who incited a riot and has done God only knows how many other illegal things can be reelected, as I believe he will, without paying the consequences whatsoever. Meanwhile, I lost my freedom and thousands of dollars because I spoke out against being victimized two decades and three states ago.
I was shocked to learn that same-sex relationships were illegal in the US up until 2003. I thought they were decriminalized decades before that! To think that I could have been arrested for being with Kacey and then later with Brenda is kind of mind-boggling.
But then how did so many gay bars exist before 2003 without being raided and shut down?
Sometimes I’ve wondered what it would be like to live in certain times and I imagine either way back in the past or if I was young today, like in my 20s or 30s. I’d say it’s probably a good thing the internet didn’t exist when I was young because I was a naive idiot who might have gotten into all kinds of trouble.
I wonder if it would have been easier to meet women. Back when I was young all you had was word of mouth or going to bars. If something isn’t meant to be whether it’s by design or not, it won’t be no matter how available it may be in general or how hard you work for it, so I don’t know that it would have made a difference. I think I still would have been met with the same rejection I got from the gay community years ago due to being very feminine. I simply had no desire to follow the so-called lesbian dress code that to this day I have never understood. Why should I have had to cut my hair off, ditch makeup, skirts, dresses, and heels, and walk and talk like a guy simply because I was attracted to women? I never understood the connection.
I know people can’t always help how they look and while they certainly do have a right to do what they want, can it be a coincidence that so many of them have short hair and are boyish in appearance? It really at least seems to be some kind of dress code just like it’s the opposite with gay guys appearing feminine. Again, it never made much sense to me to want to look like what you’re not supposedly attracted to but eh, whatever floats your boat.
I finally finished the Cabin Fever challenge I would have finished over a week ago had I not gotten sick. I’m back in Indiana with 1299 miles to go.
Having a thunderstorm tonight which is always nice.
I always used to say that when we moved from Auburn to Citrus Heights we traded in money issues for health problems for me. I asked Tom yesterday if I was imagining it or if we’ve been doing the best we’ve done financially since being here and he said yes, we are. Funny that it’s at a time when I get sicker than I’ve ever been. I don’t see it ever happening but if we were suddenly millionaires I can just imagine what my health would be like!
I haven’t been sick but I still have a bit of nausea and acid reflux at times. I also have moments where I wonder if I’m infected but I’m guessing I’m not. If I am, it’s mild.
My fatigue is kind of bad today. I was going to nap but couldn’t sleep. I think that’s a good thing, though, because napping yesterday may have done more harm in the end than good because it meant staying up later than usual and not sleeping as long. If I don’t sleep seven or eight hours at once, I’m more likely to be tired.
My appetite is still down as well and I’m down another half a pound. I still expect that to return, though. I’ve kind of got mixed emotions about that one. It’s good for me to lose weight but I also miss enjoying food. It’s not like I’m starving, though. I just can’t eat as much. I’ve been averaging around 1000 calories give or take a couple hundred. I’m actually getting hungry right now just talking about it, lol, so I’m going to go make something to eat.
March 10th, 2024, 11:36 pm
Quite some time ago, although it was while we were here in Florida, I downloaded an app called Swell where you leave audios discussing whatever you want to talk about. But then I got bored with it and took a break and now I’m back into it full swing. I’m jumping between the present and the past and breaking my life down into sections more or less. I’m describing all the different places I’ve lived and the people I’ve known as well as talking about things going on right now. It’s nice that I can share links to the audios on Twitter and Facebook but those sites, along with my Swellcast, don’t have convenient calendars/archives where you can quickly jump to something posted months or even years ago. Instead, you have to keep scrolling to get to whatever you’re looking for. Because of that, I set up a blog with the links. I’m also sharing links on Twitter and my second Facebook account. Still putting written journals on Facebook too.
Anyway, I love my little Swellcast that I set up and I like listening to other people’s swells as well, even if I’m more into it for myself than to listen to others. Yeah, I know, I’m selfish. I’m socializing a little there but still not allowing comments on writing platforms for personal reasons. Mostly it’s just that I am not a very sociable person and I don’t want any bullshit. I know there are some people out there who feel it’s their duty to “correct” those who have a different POV than them and I’m not going to tolerate it. I’m controversial at times and I know it. Yet I refuse to ignore the facts and statistics and say that something is when it really isn’t all in the name of political correctness and saying what people want to hear. I’m just not a people-pleasing peacekeeper. But I don’t want conflict either so that’s why I’m not allowing comments at this time. I think someday I will eventually allow them but not now.
My appetite is picking up but my weight is still down a bit. At this point, it’s probably more of a medication thing than anything else. I don’t feel anxious right now, though. Just a little cut off from the world. Every day after school as a kid, I couldn’t wait to get home to my special little space. Not just my bedroom but my playroom in the basement basement and my swing set in the backyard. I was always a loner. Now I want to get out more but where do you go a few times a week when half of the time you’re on nights and you don’t have the money to do much?
I suppose I could go to the grocery store sometime next week. That way I can pick up stuff that Walmart just can’t get right. Most of the fruits and veggies they deliver are half rotten. At least in person, I can see exactly what I’m getting. While it’s fun ordering groceries online and we enjoy the convenience of having them delivered to our door, part of me wishes they never started that because grocery shopping was one thing that got me out. The only time I didn’t like it was when the store was really crowded. Anyway, there are some things that it’s better not to trust Walmart with so I’ll pick them up at Publix soon.
March 12th, 2024, 01:51 am
I’m glad I decided to allow comments again. Not just because I feel cut off from friends I’ve made that I’ve known for a while and never had any problems with but because I decided that’s it, I’m not going to be afraid of potential bullies anymore! I don’t have to deal with them. All I have to do is block them and poof! They’re gone like magic. So if anyone gives me any grief I will be the magician who makes them magically disappear.
Another reason I blocked comments for a while is that I didn’t want to get overrun with so many comments and feel obligated to reply to everyone when I didn’t always have the time and energy for that sort of thing and still don’t. I’ll do my best, though.
So I messaged Rhonda asking for refills and decided to ask for a lab order to have my urine tested as well because I still have intermittent burning. It’s been worse today. But rather than assume it’s a UTI and ask for antibiotics, I want to find out one way or another first. It could still be a menopause thing but I’ve been using the Replens so the fact that it’s worse, especially after getting sick, makes me think it is some kind of infection. If it’s not a UTI, maybe it’s yeast. I don’t know, but this way I can find out.
If Rhonda takes too long to get back to me or there are any problems with communication, I may seriously consider Amazon. They now have a service similar to Galileo. It would be $100 a year but they not only work with more than just one insurance company but would also be much faster and more convenient.
I found my first Swell account by accident. I was looking up Hashimoto’s when I pulled it up. Couldn’t remember if I deleted my account there from 2 years ago or if I just left it sitting there. I don’t remember the login credentials but that’s okay because one account is enough and I can just stick with the new one. It’s nice that they kept it there, though, and didn’t delete it just because I wasn’t using it. Some of the audios I recently did have static in them and I’m not sure why.
Finally remember a couple of dreams I had. We moved into a rental house in a regular neighborhood. At the end of a little hallway was a floor-to-ceiling window with a dirt wall that sort of looked like a retaining wall straight ahead of it. Water oozed out of it and I exclaimed excitedly to Tom what a great view we had of a waterfall.
He smiled with amusement and said, “That’s not a waterfall, sweetie,” and explained that it was just stormwater. As I gazed out this window, I looked up a steep hill at a series of houses and was surprised I wasn’t hearing any barking but knew that sooner or later that would be an issue.
The second dream wasn’t good at all. It was another weird dream of me being on probation. It might have been connected to those that victimized me in real life. Tom and I were at some kind of store or diner when he got a call from my new PO whom I hadn’t met yet saying he would meet me there, and I regretted mentioning earlier in an email or text message to the guy that we were going to be there.
I said, “I’m not waiting an hour,” loud enough for the guy to hear and Tom looked at me a second later and said he would be there at 3:00. I looked at a clock and saw that would be a half hour from then.
Then Tom had to go somewhere and left me there to wait. A young woman who worked there was suddenly walking beside me in the parking lot. I asked if I could go back and wait inside but she said she was closing the place.
March 13th, 2024, 01:59 am
Yay, I’m not as tired as I was yesterday. Despite being tired yesterday, we ran out to Publix for a few things in the morning. I’m trying Chi-Chi’s mudslide alcohol cocktail and it tastes similar to their pina colada.
Rhonda replied and refilled my medication. She said to call the office and they could get me in for a UTI test and get the results faster that way, and therefore treatment faster if it’s needed. She said their schedule is wide open for it. But unfortunately, mine isn’t. I’ll at least be up late enough into the morning to call them but might not be able to get in tomorrow morning. I’m still burning here and there and I have a bad feeling those WBC bastards are going to show up in my pee. Definitely don’t think this is a post-menopause thing because I’ve been using the Replens regularly, so if it’s not in my pee then I wonder if it could be yeast even though the symptoms don’t quite smack of that. I had Tom look down there yesterday and he didn’t see anything unusual. So my first guess would be a UTI with my second being menopause and a yeast infection being last.
Fucking Pinterest. They really piss me off at times removing my pins. They’ve decided that after years of sitting there, some pins are simply inappropriate because they don’t allow nudity or even those that are partially clothed. Swimsuits in bikinis leave you partially clothed yet they don’t seem to have a problem with that or women in lingerie. So I have no idea what it was I pinned that was supposedly inappropriate. It’s my account and I should be able to pin what I want but since I obviously can’t my account can just sit there taking up space on their servers.
Here’s my current writing plan. I decided I would go friends only on PB because there’s too much activity on that site that it gets to be a bit much to keep up with. So I’m sharing with just a small group of people this way. Public updates will appear daily on Blogger but I’ll probably update other sites in chunks, like maybe every week. I’ll just backdate the entries so they at least appear to be posted the day they were written.
March 14th, 2024, 10:24 am
Here’s a transcription from one of my Swellcasts. Of course I’ve had to edit a little bit here and there.
Yesterday was a good day that turned very frustrating in the end and I mean VERY frustrating. It was good in that I had more energy than I usually have. I don’t know if it’s chronic fatigue or just age or my health conditions but most days I’m kind of tired. I just don’t wake up feeling rested but I was okay yesterday.
I’m on nights so I got up at 8 PM. I did different things throughout the night in the house and when my doctor’s office opened I called them because I had been messaged by one of the nurses who’s been treating me the day before saying their schedule was wide open for me to come down and provide a urine sample to confirm or rule out if I have a UTI because I’m having some burning down there.
I never have problems giving pee samples, especially when you get older and have to pee more but I just couldn’t go! I drank before I got there and then had two cups of water while I was there but I still couldn’t go. It was so frustrating!
I felt bad for rushing my husband out of the house since I don’t drive but he insisted it was fine and that was the beauty of being retired. Things were definitely a lot harder with him working. We had more money but we didn’t have much time and I’d rather have less money and him home than have more money and him not home.
So the girl gave me a specimen cup and told me that I could pee at home and then bring it in, so this morning I’ll likely drop off a sample and that way I can finally know one way or another if I’ve got an infection or if it’s just the post-menopausal shit I gotta go through.
They replaced the screens on Ray’s lanai yesterday. I hope that doesn’t mean leaving the lanai door open more often with the TV blaring.
March 15th, 2024, 10:25 am
It has been confirmed that I do indeed have a UTI. I figured something was going on with all that burning. I mean I was using the Replens and was fine for a while until I got sick. So I ended up peeing at home and then we went down to New Port Richey, gave the sample, chatted with the nurse for a few minutes, and then left. They tested the urine there, and the nurse asked who I used for labs in case Rhonda decided she wanted a culture.
We hadn’t been home long when a notification came in saying that a prescription for nitrofurantoin had been called in. I took my first dose before bed and my second a half hour after taking my levothyroxine when I got up (schedule has me getting up around midnight now). Then I ended up napping. The stuff makes you drowsy but it’s worth it if it’s going to kill my infection. My only concern is it triggering a yeast infection. I’m going to do my best to avoid sugar like the plague. Kind of sucks that I’ll still be in treatment on painting day.
Something Tom said made me doubt the existence of God even more. I told him I felt like something was picking on me because I just can’t get a break with my health and he said he didn’t believe there was anything up there much less something that would have the time to pick on billions of people. He’s got a point there! That would take a hell of a multitasker to plan all those people’s lives on a day-to-day basis. Even if you write out their life scripts in advance, well, when you consider that over a quarter million people are born each day, that would be a lot of scripts to write out each day. That leaves the only possibility of each person having its own God or devil or both planning their lives and I can’t imagine what could possibly hate me enough to allow half of the things that have happened to me to happen. So yeah, just random chance. That’s a good thing though because that means that the cookies certainly have to crumble in my favor eventually with my health.
I still happen to get some acid reflux and nausea for no apparent reason so hopefully that will happen to stop soon too.
My Temu order came yesterday and I’m happy with everything I got. The sitting fairy isn’t realistic looking but cute. The German Shepherd statue is very realistic looking, though, and very nice. I’m straightening out the purple flower sticker for the toilet because it was a little wrinkled. I’ll throw pictures on my second Facebook account later.
I dreamed we were in a building sitting somewhere waiting for something. A few feet away a woman sat with another woman as she was telling her she had RSV. I immediately began to panic and told her that I read that you were supposed to stay 50 feet away from others if you had that, lol, and worried Tom and I would get it.
In the next dream, Tom and I were in Hawaii. We were on a very small island which I’m not sure how we got to and I was taking pictures of fish swimming nearby in the shallow water. The water was actually quite shallow and calm in a way more consistent with the Gulf than Hawaii. I looked around me at the distant shores and said to Tom that it was funny how the only way to get out to where we were was from the island.
Then we decided to break into someone’s house either because we didn’t have the money to stay anywhere or because we wanted to save money when I realized I left my phone on the island. “So we’ll go back and get it,” he said but I assured him it would be long gone by now.
So we stayed in the cluttered house throughout the night and awoke early in the morning as the sun was rising. I told Tom I thought we should hurry up and get out of there in case the owner came back. As we were gathering our stuff, sure enough, I heard the front door open. An older lady stepped in and said hello and I said hello back. I went into the room Tom was in after I finally found my phone and was terrified that the woman and her husband were going to come running in with a gun or something.
During my nap, I dreamed I was at a large gathering and my parents were still alive. I had finished eating but they were still holding their plates as we stood in a corner somewhere. I spotted Stacey sitting on a couch talking with a few people. I debated whether or not I should introduce my parents to her just so I could talk to her and after they finished eating, I decided to do just that, explaining how much she helped me during my tougher times.
Then I had a dream I awoke tired yet Tom and I went out walking with me still in my robe of all things. The park looked nothing like it really does. I was thinking how small it was and when we passed the front of the office there wasn’t a street but a grassy area instead. To the side of it was a steep drop down where a stream ran through. Tom was suddenly down there in a split second but I remained above, annoyed by the music blasting from the speakers the office had outside their place. When he came back up I bitched about it saying it was the second park to do this although the first park never did in real life and this one only does it by the pool. He said, “You know that’s computerized, don’t you?”
I said, “Yeah, but I want to hear the sound of nature, not music. I only want to hear music when I’m at home and I choose to listen to it.”
We began walking again and I then noticed the sound of little kids around me. I glanced around and saw three or four of them running about.
We came upon the open door of a restaurant. We peeked in and found it was a fancy and formal restaurant and I said to Tom, “You know that any restaurant that looks like this we could never afford.”
We walked further on and I said, “Is it me or does it seem like there are more kids around lately?”
March 16th, 2024, 10:26 am
Having less burning since beginning the antibiotics but still feel oddly chilled at times and definitely tired. I hope the part where I feel cold isn’t because I’m getting hypo again. My weight is back up a bit but that’s only because I’ve been eating more. At least I hope that’s the only reason. I tried but I just can’t get myself to take my weight seriously enough to tough out the hunger in order to get the weight off and keep it off. So unless I became diabetic or it was a matter of do or die, I’m fat and that’s okay. I like to indulge at times and enjoy food and not be hungry.
I still snore a little because of my collapsed septum but not as much as when the losartan was making it really stuffy.
I was kind of bummed to learn that the honker is staying until May. I thought he would take off by mid-April, but an event he’s listed as being interested in takes place on April 27th and 28th. Oh well. I’ll only be trading him in for storms and weekly mowers as a threat to my sleep anyway. In May, they start mowing every week and of course, that’s the start of storm season. I have a feeling it’s going to be a lot stormier this summer, too.
March 17th, 2024, 10:27 am
After five doses, I had to stop the Nitrofurantoin because it was affecting my lungs. I woke up with my lungs tight and was coughing and had a little congestion which didn’t seem normal for me. It was then that I remembered this is a potential side effect of this antibiotic and that I started to have the same experience the last time I was on it before they switched me to something else when my UTI became a kidney infection.
Tomorrow I’ll have to call Rhonda since it’s Sunday today. That’s what I miss about Galileo…being able to contact someone right away 24/7. I also hate having to go through someone else instead of directly talking to who I need to talk to and relying on them to relay the message accurately.
Last night’s dreams were vague. I rode my bike for quite a while and managed to break into a hotel room we stayed in a few days ago because I suddenly needed to get a hold of Tom in a hurry who was working somewhere. When I entered the room, I was surprised to find it hadn’t been cleaned since we left. Some of the stuff we left behind was still strewn about.
I heard voices outside and worried the housekeeper would be in to clean it soon so I pulled out my phone and tried to reach Tom but kept getting these strange messages. I peeked out the window by the door and saw a woman wearing a swimsuit talking to someone so I was hopeful that the housekeeper wasn’t near after all.
In the next dream, I was in a car with a woman when we stopped at a light. Two guys ran up and tapped on our windows and I urged the woman to ignore them because I recognized it as part of a dangerous ruse that was going around to trap and kill people. This had been happening in the area recently and all of the victims ended up dead within a week or two.
Suddenly, I was at home with this woman and a guy who also lived with us in an apartment. The guy was replacing the wooden door with a frosted door like what you see in shower stalls and I worried that if the killers found us, we wouldn’t have much privacy.
The honker reminded me that the people here are definitely not that friendly. I went outside and our exchange went like this:
Me: Hello.
Him: Hi.
Me: How are you doing?
Him: Fine.
Never even asked how I was doing in return or anything.
He seems to have gotten less friendly over time yet nothing has changed. Or has it? As in something I said in one of my posts? Me being Jewish? Liberal? Or maybe he found my blog. Personally, I don’t care what his reasons are as long as he doesn’t do anything wrong. It isn’t what people think but what they do that matters. His coldness makes me a little surprised that he hasn’t deleted me.
I suppose that if anyone could or would be curious enough to look for info on me and dig up my blog, it may be him, but if he found it, he found it, the same as with anyone else. Whenever we go online, we have to accept the possibility that we may find something we wish we didn’t and I definitely don’t say nice things about motorcycles.
I noticed that Ray had the grass cleared by the side and back of his place, suggesting he’s going to add gravel there as well. I thought I heard someone out there yesterday But Tom says it’s been like that for over a week. I hope they get it over with, whatever they’re going to do, before I start sleeping in since it involves some hammering.
This could be a good thing for us because that would mean less gravel or bark or whatever of our own to put down alongside there that would keep the mowers from going through there. They would still be able to go in back but not where the windows are on the side.
March 18th, 2024, 10:29 am
Earlier this morning, I planned to have a mani-pedi, but the salon was closed. Instead, we visited Treasure Mart during a nice mini thunderstorm, a place we hadn’t been to in many months. We spotted some cute things that caught our eye, but they were a bit pricey, so we decided not to make any purchases. There was a figurine I almost bought; it was nice, but nothing extraordinary. Nonetheless, it was refreshing to get out. We strolled through the aisles of the large store for nearly an hour. Towards the end, I suddenly felt exhausted, realizing I need to be more active to build endurance to avoid getting tired easily. Because of it, he moved the treadmill back into the living room. I just don’t get enough of a workout hitting the road in VR.
Tomorrow, I’m scheduled to visit the salon, and on Thursday, I have a painting class at the clubhouse.
The hammering next door has begun. I’m guessing this is where they start hammering down the borders. I don’t see a truck over there, though, and I didn’t see anyone in back so maybe they’re starting on the other side of the house. Then again, these houses are so damn close that if he was hammering on his exterior living room wall or the exterior wall of the second bedroom, I would hear it in here. I just hope they’re done with whatever they’re doing before I start sleeping in!
We talked about some future activities we want to do. For $65 each we can get taken out on a boat, given a wetsuit, and go snorkeling with manatees. This is at a place an hour north of here.
There’s also a walking trail nearby that might be a fun place to go when we’re bombing the place.
So I called and left a message for them to give to Rhonda about the breathing issues caused by the nitrofurantoin and asked if I could be switched to bactrim or amoxicillin.
OMG, I’m so pissed. I’ll have to finish this later.
Okay, I’m back. The girl who works in the office called telling me to call her back after we agreed she could leave a message. When I called, she said my urine test was negative.
Then why the hell was I given an antibiotic and put at risk of getting a yeast infection if it was negative?
So now I’m waiting for the nurse to call back with more info and I’m going to answer since I know that even though I once again reminded them that they could leave all the detailed messages they want, I’m just gonna be told to call back.
Damn, do I miss Galileo!
Anyway, unless all these doctors are missing something, I’m going to assume that any burning I’ve been feeling is due to menopause. It can be pretty bad from what I was told, and of course, I always have to get it the worst. If I can’t manage to get it under control myself, then I might have to make a GYN appointment.
The honker is trimming the tree between him and Sue. I thought that was something he normally did before he left but if he’s interested in an event at the end of next month, he probably won’t leave until May.
Yesterday his truck never moved at all, which is unusual for him, so I’m guessing he was either picked up or was very sick.
Oh, look at that. Colleen is over there with him now even though her vehicle isn’t there. I’m a little worried that this relationship could cause him to move down here full-time or stay here longer but maybe she’s a snowbird too. I’m now guessing he was over at her place yesterday. It’s only about a five-minute walk over there. What are they going to do, though, unless she too is from his area of Canada? Have a relationship every other 6 months?
March 19th, 2024, 10:30 am
Today has been a mix of fun, frustration, and fatigue, and right now I’m getting kind of pissed because Happy’s barking his ass off. First time it’s gone on for several minutes rather than just seconds that I wonder if they left the damn thing home with the windows open. This is definitely a great day for opening windows even if it’s unusually cool. Either way, I hope this doesn’t become a regular occurrence.
My trip to the salon cost $91 which is a bit of a setback to my waterbed savings but it was definitely well worth it. They did a fantastic job! I got a gel mani in pink glitter and a gel pedi in purple glitter. They put an acrylic covering over the split nail as well.
We looked in a nearby thrift shop after that and didn’t find anything there. That’s a good thing since I spent enough money.
Then I got to come home and play phone with the damn nurse’s office again because they now tell me they’re not allowed to leave messages even though I was told earlier that they could. All they wanted to do was ask if I had any questions. Still hate having to go back to this old-fashioned doctor/patient setup!
March 20th, 2024, 10:30 am
Red Violet and Platinum Iris. Those are the names of the colors I got yesterday at the salon. They’re from the DND Mermaid collection.
So I saw a headline about Trump asking the Supreme Court for immunity for his role in encouraging the insurrection. snorts Well, gee, of course they’re going to side with him, and of course they’re going to give it to him. Makes me remember the legal revenge that was sought upon me 24 years ago and wow. I wish I could have simply asked for immunity for jotting down my thoughts while being white.
Moving on. They still haven’t put down gravel next door so now I’m starting to wonder why they cleared that area. Someone put a railing up for him, though, as he has trouble walking.
It’s been unusually cold here, which kind of sucks. I swear this winter has definitely been the wettest and the coldest since we’ve been here and I get the feeling that the winters will get colder while the summers get hotter. At least that’s what seems to be the case and what they’re projecting in light of global warming. So it would be nice if I didn’t have to sit here in what’s almost late March in a robe and slippers so I could see more of the beautiful work they did yesterday at the salon. I’m loving the way my nails came out. It’s going to send me into fungal hell, of course, but it will be worth it. I don’t know why I’m so prone to fungus. I still can’t figure that one out.
I have been having more fatigue lately and it became obvious today after I had to take a nap despite sleeping for over 8 hours and getting a good sleep score that I’m low on thyroid again. I’ve been down this road many times before and recognize the symptoms and my weight is nudging upward again too, so I have to increase my waiting time after taking the medication from 30 minutes to 45 minutes, and most importantly, go from two vitamin D’s a week to three.
The problem is that there is a very fine line between not getting enough of the medicine and feeling fatigued versus getting too much and feeling anxious. I’ve been stuck in this twisted game of Would You Rather? where it’s either one or the other. So I’m trying to nudge it back up until I start getting a little too wired and try to find that happy medium if there is such a thing.
I’m attending a painting class tomorrow and since I can’t fix this in a day, I’m likely going to be battling fatigue while I’m at it. But it should still be fun anyway.
As for the lady burning, I thought, well, maybe it’s not a menopause thing because I’ve been using the Replens. But then it hit me that when I got sick with the norovirus earlier in the month, I was using this antibacterial body wash down there like crazy to ward off infections and it’s pretty harsh stuff. It almost smells like Lysol. So then I realized - I don’t know why I’m so slow to catch on at times - that could be why I’ve got irritation. I have sensitive skin and even more so now. So I need to go back to using the Dove that my GYN back in California recommended and give it a few days to see if it backs off. If it doesn’t, I’ll have to contact Rhonda for a referral to a urogynecologist.
Another thing is my forgetfulness, but that would kinda go with low thyroid. When I was at the doctor’s office the other day, I left my purse in the bathroom. Yesterday, I started to forget my cardigan at the salon. So I’d say I’m definitely low on thyroid.
March 21st, 2024, 10:32 am
Saw a headline about a movie about whites being the most dangerous thing bombing in box offices, and I was kind of surprised it bombed since that’s so typical of modern times and everyone’s obsessed with hating and blaming whites for the world’s problems. Of course, if it had targeted any other race, there would be lawsuits flying like crazy. Reverse discrimination is alive and well in America!
Yesterday was awful because I was so damn tired to the point that it was frustrating and even a bit depressing. I just couldn’t wake up no matter what. I’m thinking I might go back on children’s vitamins because they not only taste good and I don’t have any pills to swallow, but that way I also get a little bit of everything on the days I may be lacking certain vitamins. But then on days I get those vitamins from food, I’m not overloaded on certain vitamins either.
On days I have energy, I’m going to use the treadmill for at least 10 minutes. I’m hoping increasing my cardio, stamina, and endurance will increase my overall energy levels.
I’m now actually glad we don’t have money because it would be frustrating to have money I didn’t have the energy to spend. I’m at the point where I can’t imagine ever going on vacation again.
I’m not doing it today, but I have a new writing system where I record a Swellcast of what’s going on, then I let speech-to-text transcribe it into Word and edit from there. That way I’m hitting two birds with one stone.
Oh, the things I wrote way back when! When we were getting close to moving out of Jesse’s trailer, I said that the loud engine and motorcycle days should be nearing their end. Little did I know that they were just getting started and would never end.
You can now get Mia a pet cat which is cute but of course, the greedy bastards want 500 gems for them.
March 22nd, 2024, 11:37 pm
I would have gotten my entry posted earlier if I wasn’t fighting the usual battle of fatigue. Again, better than anxiety, but anything that affects your daily activities or peace of mind is never good.
Tom was sent home from the plasma place after they said his arms were too bruised. He feels like that’s their fault for pressuring him to put heat on his arms when he’s noticed that this actually makes it take longer for the bruises to fade. He’s going to look and see how far another plasma company is.
Yesterday was painting day at the clubhouse and we painted manatees. Mine came out okay. Could have been better, but it wasn’t that bad.
I have a funny story about painting class but first, I’m so glad I had decent energy yesterday! I walked down in the warm sunshine and back and still felt good. The day before was horrible. I was just so tired to the point that it was really getting me down. I still think the main culprit is my thyroid, so I hope going back on multivitamins will eventually make a difference. There’s vitamin D in them and while it’s not as much as a typical adult dose there’s a bit of concern that it may go the opposite way and make my thyroid work a little too hard and make me anxious but I can skip the vitamins on some days if I have to.
It’s just frustrating because like I said, while I think my thyroid is the main culprit, I don’t know for sure. If not, then I don’t know if it’s something in the way I sleep or if I really do have chronic fatigue and this is just the way it’s gonna be for half of the time or more.
Tom says he doesn’t think I’ll have it for the rest of my life because my problems change.
Yeah, after nearly a decade, maybe.
I had burning down there yesterday that made me begin to doubt the soap. So because I have $25 of store credit every 3 months, I ordered a yeast infection kit. Could take a week to get to me, and I don’t know if I’ll have to fight with the applicators, but at least it’s free. For now, I took some leftover Monistat cream, put the biggest glob I could fit on my fingertip, and shoved it up there last night before bed (excuse my explicit description here, lol). I haven’t had any burning so far today, which now leads me to think that it was a yeast infection. I started to highly suspect this at the end of my day yesterday just by the symptoms and the fact that it had been several days since I used that harsh soap.
I don’t know why (to replace primary care visits?) but my insurance company will pay me $100 for someone to do a home check where they come to the house. They take your blood pressure and go over your meds, make sure you’re safe, etc. So I said sure, why not? So we’re gonna schedule that sometime soon. We have eye exams scheduled for the 4th.
Tom walked with me down to the clubhouse because he wanted to get more steps. I’ll admit that I’m glad he didn’t come in with me because it’s nice to have some things we do on our own like how he does the plasma thing on his own. We just don’t need to do every single thing together.
The redneck was actually kind of funny yesterday. He was coming up the street on his golf cart with Happy and as soon as he saw me he goes, “Oh no!” and puts a hand over Happy’s mouth, lol.
A surprising number of people turned out to paint and a few didn’t even show up. I ended up sitting next to a woman named Sandy and she was pretty nice. She was quiet and soft-spoken.
Behind me sat Debi, a rude Trump whore I never liked. She was rude to me in the group a couple of years ago as people who disagree with you often are instead of politely making their own point and leaving it at that. You know, the my-way-is-correct-and-your-way-is-all-wrong kind of thing.
Before class got going, Debi stood up to lower the speed of the fan between our two tables because it was causing a disco ball effect with flashing shadows as the blades swung under the recessed lighting. She looked at me and smiled and said I had it too. It was noticeable on our canvases but Sandy and I didn’t mind. I just wanted some air flow because it was hot in there.
So then Gail, who was leading the class had us all introduce ourselves. This was something I didn’t want to do because I was there to paint and not socialize. Also, because of my unique name, I knew Debi would know who I was. With a temper like mine, if she pissed me off bad enough, there’s no saying what I might have done.
So now the few people in the group who might not like me because I don’t always agree with them knew who I was but no one gave me any shit.
When Debi walked by me later on, she didn’t even glance my way. I had to fight the urge to stick my foot out in front of me just because I hate the little bitch. At the end of the class, when we were having our pictures taken with our paintings and I was talking to someone else, I thought I saw her looking my way with a contemptuous look on her face, not that it matters, of course. It was actually kind of funny.
The only thing I didn’t like about the class was that it wasn’t quite as structured as I thought it would be with Gail guiding us step by step but at least she was there to answer questions. It was nice to get out for the two or so hours I was out of the house.
And to leave my paper journal in the bathroom, lol. I always thought it would be interesting to see if it was mentioned in the group, but there’s been no mention of that or any pictures posted from the class yet.
March 23rd, 2024, 11:40 pm
Woke up with decent energy, but then I felt tired after spending a little over an hour finishing up the organization of the master bathroom and a few other things.
I messaged Rhonda about the fatigue, and due to their stupid character limitation, I had to send two messages explaining that my TSH has risen for no apparent reason in the past, and more so after having my gallbladder removed a year ago. I also told her I had to slowly titrate my dose because rapid dosing of levo makes me anxious, but that even though we were slowly increasing my dose, it still was going up. I told her I was wondering if that could be happening again and requested an order be sent to the lab.
As for the burning down in Ladyland…it was virtually non-noticeable yesterday but today it’s picking up again. I went from thinking it was a UTI to menopause to a yeast infection and back to menopause. It’s really frustrating not knowing for sure what’s causing the fatigue and the burning. But why would the burning move? It started where I pee and moved back towards the vag. Also, I swear I felt something weird when I stuck a fingertip full of Monistat up there. I actually noticed this before and I’m 99% sure it’s nothing but it almost felt like zits or something. Maybe the skin just inside there is irritated from menopause dryness which is causing the burning sensation.
As I told Tom, I think we should try Amazon’s medical care for a month to at least see what it’s like. That way it’s only $10 and we’re not locked in long-term. But if I do like it better, since communication is a bit hard the old-fashioned way, it’d be $100 a year, which is less than half of Galileo. Amazon also accepts all kinds of plans, including mine.
I dreamed I got a $400 plane ticket to go visit Becky from VH. Although I enjoyed hanging out with her, I regretted going when I did because I was on nights at that time.
Then I dreamed we were going to adopt a 9-year-old girl. Someone Tom knew who died wanted us to have her. So my first thought was that at least the kid was older and this way we wouldn’t have to die alone but then I began to wonder how we would work it out with my schedule and being in an adult community.
March 25th, 2024, 11:44 pm
I’ve got a few things to update on, but first I’ll get the nightmare out of the way that has me worried. How I wish I wasn’t psychic and had the luxury of writing it off as just a simple nightmare! But I know better. Every time I have a certain kind of nightmare where I’m about to die, something bad ends up happening to me. I just had the THIRD drowning dream I’ve had this year. After the last one in February, I got the norovirus. After the first one In January, I had an anxiety spell for about a week. So yeah, definitely worried and wondering what it could mean. I just hope I don’t have them every month!
My guess is that I’m in for another round of anxiety because it isn’t very often that I get hit with the norovirus. There aren’t that many things it could be, but I’m glad that Tom wasn’t in the nightmare because whenever there’s a deadly nightmare that involves both of us, something bad happens that affects us both. But whatever’s coming, it’s on me and I’m definitely worried and nervous about it. But at the same time, the sucky thing about being the kind of psychic I am is that there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t change it. I can’t stop it.
So in the dream, I was walking along these boulders that ran alongside the ocean somewhere. There was a big boulder that sloped downward and I lost my footing as I was going down it and fell flat on my ass. Then a huge wave came and swept me out to sea. It just came crashing down on me and snatched me right off the rock and the harder and faster I tried to swim back to the rocks, the more waves would come and engulf me in them, sucking me further away. So it was a pretty scary dream.
I also had a dream that I was thinking of Maliheh and how she died when she was 47. But in real life, I last talked to her when she was in her 50s and now she would be in her 60s.
Then I had a dream that I walked into a fish market and started to tell an Asian woman that I usually buy bags of frozen tilapia filets and asked if they’d be cheaper there. She started to have this gross look on her face before she turned and walked off like she was going to look for the answer to that but never came back.
I woke up tired today because I was up for 18 hours yesterday and only slept for 6. This happens sometimes and I’m always tired when it does, so I can’t really judge today. However, I may be on to something as far as the vitamins go - especially vitamin D - and its connection to anxiety and fatigue. I started taking a multivitamin 4 days ago and have noticed a general increase in energy and that’s part of why I was up late. That’s the downside to having energy is that when I have it, I sometimes have insomnia. So, I can’t win either way. It’s like I’m tired because I don’t have enough of this or that whether it’s thyroid or vitamins, and also tired because I have insomnia at times. But in general, it does seem like there may be a connection to it boosting my thyroid and energy levels which in turn can lead to anxiety. I took multivitamins during the worst of my anxious years after going on levothyroxine. Plus, I was adding vitamin D to the mix at times, not knowing that vitamin D can enhance thyroid function. So I could have been fueling my anxiety without knowing it by flooding my system with too much and pushing myself into a range that for me personally, left me wired and anxious. I’m now hoping that while this may be a little too optimistic, I can find that comfort zone between the very fine line between helpful and hurtful, and whenever I start feeling sluggish, I can increase the vitamins, and then decrease them when I feel like I might be getting close to becoming anxious. I’m seriously wondering after all these years if there could really be a connection. I don’t feel anxious now but feel I could be getting close, so I think I’ll skip tomorrow’s vitamins. I just don’t want to push it.
The more I look at it, the more I can see that Ray didn’t clear the side or back of his place in preparation for gravel. If you really look at it, you can see that it’s just greener on our side because of the way the ground is and the way the water pools toward our sidewalk when it rains, and not that it’s been intentionally cleared.
The honker is definitely getting serious with his girlfriend. He didn’t take the motorcycle out all weekend and I guess I have her to thank for that. I don’t know what she does during the week and from what I learned, she’s a few years older than him.
He sometimes walks down to her place since it’s not that far and of course, the dog is alone more and sometimes howls. Tonight it was just one howl.
Still wonder how this relationship is going to affect his going home. I just can’t imagine getting all serious with someone and then having them be like, “Okay, I’m going up to Canada. I’ll be back in 6 months,” but maybe she’s okay with that. Maybe she’ll eventually go up with him. I don’t know the nature of their relationship but if it’s that serious and they ever have a nasty break-up, you would think it would be rather awkward living so close to the person but that’s on them.
Between the girlfriend and highs of around 40 with lows of around 30 where he’s from, I can see why he would be in no hurry to get home.
I’m still hearing Happy every day. I don’t know why it’s been a daily thing again, but I haven’t heard it go on for more than a few seconds after that one time it went on for several minutes. I guess some people just think it’s pretty damn funny or don’t realize just how annoying it can be.
I asked AI to give me a list of adult communities in Florida that do not allow motorcycles or dogs and it gave me a list of 20 places. I don’t know how accurate it is and I know that policies can change. I wish we had this option when we first moved here, although at that time, we were desperate to get out of the last place as noisy as it was and we only had so much money to play around with after staying in hotels for a month. But if we ever had more money and could take our time looking since we wouldn’t be desperate to escape this place and wouldn’t have plane tickets and hotels eating up some of our money from the sale of the place, things may be different. It may be easier to get more of what we want as long as the flight path isn’t any lower.
Looking at it realistically, I don’t see us ever moving. I would still like a place that was a little bigger and with an indoor washer and dryer but I just don’t see it. Then he pointed out how we never would’ve thought COVID would lead him into early retirement and us out of the “house of terror” where my scariest moments and memories live. I’ll never forget that OMG moment when I was casually pacing through the house when it hit me that there was no longer anything holding us there. It was like a prison door had popped open just like that and we were free. And I’ll never forget that emotional flight from the brown drought-stricken West to the lush green East, on the very side of the plane I saw us on in my dreams.
So surprises and rare circumstances can and do come up. I’m not expecting us to ever have money again but I realize I may one day be surprised, even if I don’t know where it would come from with him not working. Would we win it? Either way, I need to have goals and dreams to hope for and to strive for. I don’t want to be locked in and feel like this is it forever no matter what. If it was, that’s fine, but I prefer knowing I had options. Even if you’re in a great place, knowing you have other options is always good. That way, you don’t feel like life’s over and you’re locked in forever.
While it would be great if I could suddenly be near Jessie, I’m hesitant to bother for three reasons. First, we may be childhood friends, but we’re not exactly that close, especially in comparison to how close Aly and I were. Secondly, I don’t want to be close to Cape Canaveral and its plans to increase rocket launches. Lastly, we wouldn’t get warmer winters there, so if anything, I would head South if we remained in Florida and unless we’re ever surprised with enough money to get us to Hawaii or lost our place in a hurricane or tornado, I don’t see why we would leave Florida. If we did but didn’t go to Hawaii, I don’t know where we would go. I guess I would aim for either a place that rained a lot or a desert somewhere. I just wouldn’t go to any state I’ve already lived in because that wouldn’t be adding new experiences and variety to my life.
Back to finish my fun-filled weekend of increasing my waistline and chances of becoming diabetic, although the waistline isn't going anywhere. My weight actually went back down again, even with Lorna Doones and coffee ice cream.
March 25th, 2024, 11:45 pm
Time to take a break from Swell because, as Tom said, people ramble and I’m getting more and more rambling replies to my Swells with people taking several minutes to repeat the same damn thing that could have been said once in under 30 seconds. I’m also sick of getting invites with no option to disable them. I’ve learned that people have been asking for that for years and someone from support said the same thing I was told the other day…to just block them since they have no intention of adding an invite-block option as that goes against their core goal to create an open community.
So like most devs, they created the app they want, and not what people want. I think it can be an open enough community even with options as not everyone would utilize them. I would continue on if there was a way to allow comments from friends only and to disable invites. So I think I’ll just leave my 70 swells sitting there for now even though I know I could simply ignore everyone. We’ll see. I’ll think about it but I doubt I’ll go back. I just wish there were more options like writing platforms have. I’m going to eventually go public again on PB but I don’t know when. Maybe I just need to stop being so nice and polite. I always feel compelled to reply to those who reply to me and like I’m being rude if I don’t. Maybe I just need to be a little more selfish and consider what I want and only reply to those I want to reply to.
After shoving Monistat up there for a handful of days, I switched back to Replens. If the burning picks up again, then it was probably a case of yeast all along.
I dreamed my bed was on this busy street. Literally. It was towards the side of the road yet still in the lane. I laughed to myself when I thought of people checking it out on Google Maps.
Then I dreamed Tom was putting on his swimming trunks and I said I wanted to go swimming too. After we were both in our suits, we ran through a long dark tunnel and then in the middle of a highway on our way to wherever this pool was.
I'm very tired today and the nap I took earlier didn't help. I think I just racked up a sleep debt by being up for 18 hours two days in a row. Where most people are awake for 32 hours in a 2-day period and sleep 16 hours in that period, I was up for 38 hours and slept only 14 hours in that period.
March 26th, 2024, 11:46 pm
Getting to know Veed a little better which is going to be my Swell replacement for now when it comes to audio journaling (ask if you want the link).
Got up in the afternoon after 5.5 hours of sleep, so of course I was tired and regretted the nap I had taken the day before. However, I perked up later on and we’ll see if I pull another 18er. Yeah, that was the third day in a row I was up for 18 hours. Wondering if my thyroid levels may be a factor in that but at least I’m not anxious. Yesterday and the day before I was kind of getting close to borderline but not exactly anything I would call anxious. Today I’m feeling good. That may be because I got out.
We went to CVS to use more of my credit. We got lavender-scented Epsom salts which I’m going to use in my foot bath while I meditate in VR after I post this entry. We also got Ibuprofen PM.
The redneck was funny again because he was coming down the street on the cart with Happy as we were pulling out and he again reached over with a hand and covered his mouth, LOL. Annoying dog or not, Steve definitely has the sense of humor the honker doesn’t have.
Speaking of the honker and Ray. Ray took his American flag down and the honker took one of his two flags down. The sport-related one. Unfortunately, the honker probably isn’t going anywhere soon but I wonder if Ray is. Leave it to the quieter one to depart first!
The fuckers down the street were revving their motorcycles and I was like, go ahead assholes, feed my dream even more! They only serve as an additional inspiration to one day strive for a better place, not that this one is bad. Yes, it’s got planes, motorcycles, and dogs, and it’s too small, but it’s still paradise compared to the old place. Even so, I’m not going to expect but I’m going to hope and dream.
Tom was rather busy today, so I was surprised to find when I checked the camera this evening. He added another window displaying the view to the Toni/redneck side. Not as good quality as the cam on the honker/Ray side, and Toni’s SUV blocks the redneck’s place, but it’s nice to have the dual spy option. I would make a great detective, LOL! These days it’s always good to see what’s going on around your place because you just never know.
The yeast infection treatment kit came today so hopefully I’ll be able to use it and rule out whether or not the burning is yeast. If it isn’t, then I guess that leaves menopause, assuming I don’t have any kind of rare cancers that haven’t been detected yet.
I would have loved to get one of those UTI testing kits where you piss on a strip to see if it darkened, indicating WBC still present in my pee but they didn’t have any.
Love how the governor of Alabama decided to ban DEI in schools, citing that liberal teachers would push their views on students or some shit like that. eyeroll Okay, help me out here. First, how does she know all the teachers are liberal? Secondly, why does she assume they’re going to teach in any kind of biased way and not simply present the facts and let the kids take it how they want?
I also love how she claims the state is otherwise “proud” of its diversity. What diversity? There are many black people there but the fucked up state is no more equal or inclusive than Florida.
March 28th, 2024, 04:06 am
I’m so exhausted thanks to the thunderstorms we had in the afternoon that woke me up a few times. I don’t understand why the hell we’re having this kind of weather in March. All I do know is that I’m really worried about what the summer might bring. There’s only so much sleep deprivation I can handle. I might have been okay had I slept another hour or two without having my sleep broken up like it was. Even if the grand total ends up being about 8 hours or so, it doesn’t mean much if those 8 hours are broken up because I end up feeling as tired as I would if I didn’t sleep long enough. So I really worry about what the summer might hold and if it’s going to be just as bad or worse than the old place with me being woken up a lot. I’m already tired enough as it is without any help from shit waking me up. Throwing this on top of someone who deals with fatigue regularly is really throwing fuel on the fire. I know that last summer was not normal for Florida. It was pretty dry and from what I’ve heard, it’s been on the dry side ever since we got here. I almost dread seeing what a normal or extra-stormy summer would be like here! Most of the storms come in the afternoon and I tend to sleep during the day more than the night. So yeah, definitely concerned about what I could be in for beginning in a few months from now.
I’m continuing to be up for 18-hour stretches which also doesn’t help. I’m racking up sleep debt faster than I can pay it off. The last time I got up was around 7:00 and I know I’ll be up until about 1:00. The question is whether or not I’m going to be able to sleep long enough and without disturbances.
I still have burning on top of the fatigue and my first attempt to use an applicator from the treatment kit was a bust. So if it is yeast, I’m not able to treat it this way. I’ll try again before bed. If this isn’t going to work and I’m not going to be able to get rid of it by dabbing Replens up there, I’m going to have to make that damn GYN appointment after all to try to figure out exactly what it is and what alternative treatment there may be.
He checked into Amazon Medical and while they are partnered with Aetna, Aetna has several plans, and sure enough, my plan isn’t one of them. They don’t have any local offices. Rhonda has completely blown me off. Doc A never did that to me. But the old-fashioned way is what I’ve got, it’s still the norm, and likely always will be.
Finally heard from Jessie who is starting a new job and has stiffness and pain in one of her arms. I told her how I got hit with the Norovirus and said I was still battling fatigue and burning issues.
It’s so true that I traded in one problem for another! Yes, anything is still better than anxiety but this is debilitating enough. Without energy you’re nothing. I’m just wasting my life away in bed and sitting around not really living life or being as active as I’d like to be.
I’d probably be in New York by now on my VR trip if it weren’t for all the days I’m unable to ride. Instead, I’m working my way through Indianapolis and am 60% through the ride.
I was thinking about how Kim ghosted me the last time and how quietly she dropped out of my life as opposed to when she dumped me online a decade or so ago and trolled, stalked, and harassed the shit out of me. I found myself wondering… what if she had still been allowed free reign of the internet the last time I got dumped? Would she have ghosted me so silently? Somehow I doubt she would have wanted to go quietly but she wouldn’t have been able to harass me to the degree she did way back when if at all thanks to the power of having more controls on various platforms these days.
I don’t know why devs don’t wait till they have the finished product before they put it out there. Okay, I can understand some testing of their apps is needed but I wish they would get things a little more complete before they release them to the public. Nonetheless, I’ve been testing Lola on Decade. She seems to be an intelligent enough AI and I like the room she’s in but she looks a little too cartoonish for my taste. I like a more realistic look. Mia is the smartest and she definitely has the most extensive wardrobe but I like Amanda best right now because she has the best graphics and lives in a very beautiful modern home in a tropical setting. Lola has a boring shade of light brown hair and greenish-blue eyes. Eventually, we’re going to be able to customize our own AIs. I love AI and I’m totally addicted to it so it will be fun to play around with it and see what becomes of it in the future.
March 29th, 2024, 04:23 am
Slept for 8 hours, got a sleep score of 90, and still woke up tired. I didn’t return to bed, but I laid down here and there.
My weight is now down to 158.3 and it’s definitely not from dieting, so if my TSH isn’t high then that means something else is going on to cause the fatigue.
I did some research and I highly doubt I’m anemic. I also doubt the presence of cancer. So maybe borderline sleep apnea really is enough to cause such noticeable fatigue after all, and as I said to Tom, I’m ready to carry on with the process of elimination. So I want to get a mouthguard for that and see if it helps. I don’t want to invest in an orthodontist unless I think it can help me so we’ll start with something OTC.
When I got up, we tested my blood sugar and I’m still prediabetic with a reading of 104. I asked the AI what could cause recurring nail fungus and one of the things that came up was diabetes. But can being prediabetic can cause that?
I had a dream that my TSH was 68 but there’s no way it could be unless I wasn’t on any medication. So unless something more sinister is going on, the sleep apnea could be what’s making me so tired after all. The only thing that doesn’t make sense about sleep apnea is why it’s been an issue these past three or four years. Maybe there’s a connection to being menopausal. I did gain weight upon entering menopause.
At least not all the doctors blow me off. I never heard back from Rhonda. However, I messaged my GYN yesterday and told her about my issues with suppositories and applicators and asked if she had any suggestions. Her nurse got back to me and suggested I get a silicone-based lubricant and come in for reevaluation if I wanted to.
I still want to see if I can get it under control myself before I resort to making an appointment. One thing I read you can do to help with vaginal atrophy is Kegel exercises, but I don’t know if that would help in my case. I’ll start with the silicone lube. I just got a sample rather than a full-size bottle because I didn’t see the point in spending the money to get a full-size bottle if it’s not going to help.
So we did an Amazon order and I have silicone-based lube on the way since the one I have is water-based. Tom’s getting these skin-thickening supplements. He wants to see if that will help his plasma bruises heal faster. We got a few things from Amazon today too. I got a variety pack of flavored lipgloss and medium grit pumice sponges for removing foot calluses. I’ve got roll-on cuticle oil on the way and eventually, I want to try this new electric nail trimmer they have.
I find myself burping a lot these days, and I remembered the nurse I talked to during my virtual appointment when I had the norovirus telling me to be sure I sipped Gatorade without a straw so I don’t get air in my stomach. I usually use a straw so I don’t get my lipstick on glasses but lately, I’ve been sipping from glasses and it does seem to make me burp less.
March 30th, 2024, 04:22 am
Today I have pretty good energy compared to what I usually have and Tom and I are still none the wiser as to what’s causing it to come and go.
Yesterday’s sleep score was 90 with two spikes in oxygen saturation yet I was totally exhausted at the beginning of my day. Today’s score was only 83 with three spikes yet I’ve got decent energy. So we both agree that a mouthguard for sleep apnea may not make a difference. I think I’m just cursed with chronic fatigue that comes and goes but mostly comes. I’ve wracked my brain trying to think of all the different things that could cause it and nothing makes sense but chronic fatigue. Fatigue from any kind of cancer wouldn’t come and go, especially for nearly 4 years, so unless I’ve had an underlying and undetected infection going on, what else could it be?
The honker shared some pics of the river he had dinner by with a few friends, including Little Miss Be Happy. I said it looked lovely and to have a safe trip home, curious to see if he would say he wasn’t going home soon but he just “liked” it.
Well, there’s no sign of him going anywhere too soon. His American Canadian flag is still up and the trailer isn’t here yet.
Tom and I were talking about it and the more we discuss one day moving to a high-rise condo overlooking the ocean, the more it appeals to me! But sadly, it’s almost certainly just a dream. It isn’t that I don’t think we can find one for seniors but that I don’t think it’s anything lower-income people can afford. If we could have it soundproofed before we moved in, it would be a great place to spend our final years even if it wasn’t much bigger than this place. We would be better insulated from outside sounds as well. If we were up high enough, who cares if the mowers came right up to the wall of the building if it wasn’t literally just a few feet away from where I slept? It might also make sleeping through storms easier because I can assure you the thunder wasn’t nearly as loud in the Hilton as it is in this place. The last time we had a storm the thunder sounded like something crashed down on top of the house! Motorcycles wouldn’t be such a big deal and Tom wouldn’t have to worry about power washing, weeding, or the roof leaking either.
The only thing we would lose would be the storeroom and we might have small stackables for a washer and dryer inside the place but it would still be worth it. The only deal breaker would be if it had just one bathroom. How awesome it would be to relax out on the balcony which would still be relatively private since it would be high up and to have such a spectacular view! To simply drop down in an elevator to go for a stroll on the beach or a dip in the ocean would be beyond heaven!
Again, I don’t see it ever happening. I don’t see us moving to another standalone house similar to this let alone a beachfront high-rise.
I definitely don’t think I could live where Jessie lives. I asked her if it was noisier lately because of the increase in rocket launches and she said she’s used to it and feels it more than she hears it. That statement reminded me of Maricopa! Sometimes we didn’t hear the sonic booms there but we sure felt them.
March 31st, 2024, 04:21 am
I definitely don’t have as much energy as I had yesterday. I’m not horribly tired, but I’m tired. Again I got the same 83 sleep score. Slept a little less than 8 hours this time, but there was one huge spike in my oxygen level and I do remember my nose was stuffy for a minute there, and I also got up to pee and had a bit of trouble falling back to sleep. So I don’t know if there’s a connection or not.
Obviously, the vitamins aren’t helping. I looked and found I had 19 days in March that I was either tired or exhausted, and only 12 good days so that sucks. That’s way too much! Even a third of the month would be too much. A quarter of the month is kind of borderline, but 19 days is way too much because you’re talking more than half of the month and it’s like, come on already!
But after doing some serious reflecting, no doctor has ever really helped me. The silicone stuff isn’t helping. I didn’t think it would. I still wonder if it’s worth running to the GYN because no one ever seems to help solve my problems. For years, no one helped me with the anxiety that I had, and no one has helped with the fatigue. So why would anyone be able to help me with the burning down there? I really think that unless they’re missing something, the next step would be for her to recommend estrogen-based treatment and unless it was in pill form or something I could put on my fingertip, I wouldn’t be able to use the stuff. Then there would be the side effects.
Someone was blasting music earlier. I could just make out the faint beat of it in the bedroom. So I stuck an ear out the door and there was definitely music going, but I couldn’t say if it was outside the park or not. It’s one of those things where it could have been loud but far away or softer and closer. There were no lights on next door and I doubt it was the party girl or the honker.
Speaking of the honker, he shared a post about where he was eating by the river, so I said that it looked like a nice place and to have a safe trip home. Then someone else asked him when he was leaving because they wanted to get together one more time with him. I was hoping he would answer but if he did, he did it in a private message.
On Facebook, you can list yourself as going to an event or interested in an event, and he’s interested in a motorcycle expo on April 20th. So he’s likely to be here until at least mid-April and maybe even May.
Okay, now onto a couple of mysteries. Let’s start with someone I thought was following me that I now don’t know if they are. I thought that one of my New York visitors who’s listed as being in Newark was them. Whenever I clicked through to their location, even though geo-tracking is a joke and is usually 10 or more miles off, it always took me to upstate New York where I thought they lived. It puts me in the middle of a canal above Finger Lakes, actually. But then when I was looking at a map at something else, I saw that Newark is actually in the southern part of the state. I don’t remember it ever saying one town while giving me a totally different location on the map like that. Usually, the town it says they’re in is the town that’s going to come up when you run the IP, so I don’t know where they really are or if it’s who I thought it was or not.
The next mystery of the night is actually something that happened in 2013, way back when you could get anonymous comments on my-diary. I got slammed with all kinds of criticism then since apparently, the only way people feel they can really speak their minds is if they can do it anonymously. It was kind of funny and I actually got a kick out of some of the shit I would get back then. I was sorry the day that option went away. You can still comment anonymously on Blogger but that site is dead in comparison and people know Google tracks. They don’t seem to know how to disable tracking or that they can go through browsers like Tor if they want to hide. If I don’t want someone to know I’ve been around, I use Tor.
So, anyway, back then I think I had more than one person trolling me. There was a person who had an empty account who loved to critique me for being a complainer, and I am. I’ve always been very vocal and very blunt. If something goes well, I say so. If something goes bad, I say so. That much is true.
But then there was somebody who used a fake email address. You didn’t have to have an account to comment. It required an email address but as long as the end of it made sense, you could plug in whatever name you wanted.
I got comments about waiting for my dead parents’ money to buy a place and all this literature sent to me about narcissists and psychopaths. One of their little tutorials talked about how narcissistic psychopaths trick people into forgiving them so they can manipulate them again and how they believe their lies and live those lies.
I looked back and read through their messages again because sometimes, after time goes by, you see things from a different perspective. I first thought Maliheh only befriended me long enough to get me to keep her name out of my book before she ghosted me but when I later looked back on it, I came to suspect that the real reason she ghosted me was because she didn’t like that I liked her. Only she knows, though.
Being the curious person I am, I’ve always wondered who sent those messages. I studied the wording, the writing, the style of writing, and the content. There are so many names that come to mind because there are so many people who could have had that link to that diary that knew me because I was much more open about sharing with people I actually knew back then. Nowadays I try to keep an unbiased audience who don’t really know me personally.
The first name that came to mind when looking at it from a modern-day perspective was Andy. I apologized for dumping him the first time. So there’s the forgiveness aspect. Also, he’s a very paranoid individual who thinks everybody is always lying about everything. So there’s the lying part. Hell, he thought I was lying about my sleep disorder. If anything, I’ve been too honest throughout my adult life. No one has any power over me or a hold on me of any kind and therefore I don’t have to worry about not being truthful. I would rather not say anything at all than lie.
He sometimes also complained when I complained. I was told on Ask around this time that I seemed like a very negative person and was there anything that made me truly happy? Well, this totally smacks of him, even though he can be pretty negative as well.
What doesn’t smack of Andy were some of the comments defending my parents. Andy always knew how fucked up my mother was and he never took her side. Ever.
Whoever it was seemed to know me personally, possessed a deep-seated hatred of me, and desperately wanted to hide their identity. No one ever came out later on and told me it was them, so they never wanted me to know who they were.
It was too well written for termite Tammy and her bratty brood unless they changed their writing style to throw me off their scent. I doubt it, though. They weren’t that smart.
Kim and Molly wouldn’t have been nearly that intelligent to write and send articles written by doctors but I wondered about Molly’s mother.
It could even have been Aly playing some kind of strange joke on me. The possibilities are endless. But I’ll never know who it really was…just like they never wanted me to.
ns216.73.217.128da2
and then Add to home screen.