Upstairs the fox scratched at a plastic door, which meant it could only be the comfort room. Hearing her hisses, I ran up.
Mom grabbed my other hand. "You're bleeding! Let's- bandage you!!! And-what- do what else to treat you!"
"It's fine!" I slid away from her hold and sprinted up the stairs. The contentedness the fox bit into my blood was fading, and pain stung my hand. I stumbled to the comfort room door to open it, and the fox went in.
Mom had ran up, gasping as she saw me collapsed on the doorway. "Savion!!!" She hurried towards me but flung herself back with a scream when she saw what was past me.
In the comfort room was Lolo, upside down with his left hand standing his whole body up on the sink, limbs twisted like barbed wire. He opened his mouth, too wide for a human, and his voice box squirmed in his throat for another howl.
The fox hissed at me in panic, so I carried her up to Lolo where she thrusted her fangs, crossing them with Lolo's teeth. His mouth bled with black blood, but the fox continued gnawing on his jaws.
His teeth cracked at her bites, his gums sore and mangled, her fangs grinding at his bones, their faces darkened with blood.
Still holding the fox up, I asked Mom. "Can I curse?!"
"Oh hell yes!" Mom shouted from behind.
"Putang ina. What the actual shit is happening in front of my face!"
My hands slid right through the fox's body as she finally pulled back from Lolo's face. The black blood smeared from his maimed flesh turned blue, and when his left wrist shattered, his body fell on to me.
Mom could only punch Lolo's lifeless body while crying. The fox, even though now transparent to my touch, somehow pulled me away from under Lolo's numbingly cold body.
Before I could cry and hug Mom, regret over ever letting Lolo stay with us, tell her how scared I was, and seek her comfort, I passed out.
In the night's darkness, in the dead middle of nowhere of the forest, I woke up.
The fox was in front of me, laying on the grass. She was glowing like the stars, her fur flowing like a stream as the wind passed by, leaves gliding right through her body with the breeze.
She spoke. "I only hid your sister for her own sake."
"Where did you take her?!?!"
She stood up from the grass, silent for a few seconds. "I've returned her, she is fine."
Her voice made me want to hold my chest and drop my jaw in awe, but I couldn't move a limb. I looked around, and saw everything but myself. "Where am I?!"
"With me."
If I could find my eyes, I'd be rolling them at her. "Can you bring me back home?!.."
"Your blood has already felt my heart. If I let you go, your soul would only roam this forest with no end."
She turned away from me. "If I just visit your family; you will see their tears fall over your dead body, hear their cries of how they love you repeated 'til they lose their voice, and you will realize every ounce of their pain."
She walked, still facing away, and like a car tied to a truck; I was pulled with her.
"But you won't be able to tell them you love them back. You won't be able to touch them with your skin. You won't be able to shed tears with them like you humans do. And you'll remember every single cry, plead, and curse they say for the rest of your now immortal soul's life."
She paused, standing still. "I've left them with hope, they'll be fine. But even I, cannot help you recover from seeing their pathetic state and be able to do nothing to help."
She rubbed her face against a bush, and looked back at me with her piercing blue eyes. "Do you want me to continue walking in their direction?"
I wanted to strangle that goddamn fox so bad. But even without a body, I could still feel myself swallow a lump in my throat. "No... I understand."
From then on, I went wherever she went. And even though she brought me along every time she went to kill her enemies---who I assume are evil---she never spoke again.
I guess she's too busy protecting everyone from whatever evil she's so focused on to waste another pitch of her damning voice on my nonexistent ears.
And this pretty ghost... she tries to hide it from me. But everytime I wish to be able to eat fish with my family at dinner again just one more time. When I think about my friends, my life, and how much I miss all of those; I catch her holding back a sob, or find her quickly wiping away a stray tear.
Whenever I convince myself to be grateful that my family and I are safe, whenever I feel content with my unique life, whenever I remember something funny in my head, I can't help but notice the small smile she tries to cover, tugging at the corners of her mouth.
Even when I lose myself over her, staring down her body, ignoring the guilt of having such terribly real feelings for a fox spirit. Whenever I wish I still had a body so that I could at least hope to touch hers... I always manage to discern how she conceals her repulsed yet amused facial expressions, or hear how she tries to cover up a disgusted gag with a cough.
At first I thought she could read my mind, but when I think of all those things out loud in my head, she has no response. Even when I shout lewd comments on her appearance but only in my thoughts to test her; she has no reaction.
I think for a 'sacred' spirit like her, to save a common soul like mine---from a fate of eternally rambling around the forest with no direction---she must have sacrificed something. And being able to read minds would be an upgrade, not at all a sacrifice, right?
Sometimes in her evil-slaying missions, I notice her glow fade. When she faces great evil, I hear her throat gulp with worry, nervous that she may not be able to defeat it---even though she always does. Occasionally, even an illusive spirit like her feels down and looks as if she's anxious about existing---I guess overthinking is not only a human experience.
Though my feelings for her are bittersweet, I do owe her one. So whenever she may need it, I try to think positive. I do my best to feel happy; in the hopes she'll feel the happiness too and feel better. And, it actually works. Her glow shines as bright as ever, her throat growls in confidence, and her pretty little mind relaxes.
Now I've come to realize that in saving me, she opened her heart. She feels what I feel. She knows the emotions that come upon me just as well as I do. And I think it's funny that she doesn't just tell me that outright.
I guess that even a violent, stupidly benevolent spirit like her gets embarrassed sometimes. But if we're gonna be stuck with each other forever anyways, she might as well just be truthful to me, shouldn't she?
.
.
.
.
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