Reason
Avery's Point of View
Nagtataka ba kayo kung bakit ganito ako makisama sa kanila?
Well, to be honest, ayoko talagang maging ganito. Kung may choice lang ako, I wouldn't have to wear this mask, pretending I'm okay when deep inside I'm breaking. Pero sa loob ng dalawang linggo na pagkakahiwalay ko sa kanila, ang dami kong napagtanto. Ang daming sakit na kinailangan kong tiisin, and more than tha... ang daming tanong na hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring sagot.
It was past three in the morning when I finally decided to leave. I booked two Grab cars dahil hindi kakayanin ng isa ang lahat ng gamit ko. Mga maleta, kahon ng mga gamit, at mga libro. My heart was pounding the entire time habang binababa ko ang lahat ng ito. Each bag I carried felt heavier not because of the weight, but because of what they symbolized. Leaving wasn't just about distance... it felt like I was ripping a part of myself.
The ride home felt endless. My forehead leaned against the car window habang pinagmamasdan ko ang mga building na unti-unting napalitan ng mga puno, mga pamilyar na kalsada. Until finally, I saw it... ang mansyon namin. The tall gates, the manicured garden, the white walls that glistened against the setting sun. Home.
And God, how much I missed it.
Pagbukas ng gate, nakita ko agad si Yaya Mel, ang personal yaya ko mula pagkabata. She rushed toward me, tears already forming in her eyes. Napaka-emo talaga ni Yaya ever since.
"Ma'am Avery! Naku, ang ganda-ganda mo na lalo, hindi ka man lang nagparamdam!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug. The warmth of her embrace was overwhelming, almost making me crumble.
"Na-miss din kita, Yaya..." I whispered, trying to smile kahit ramdam ko pa rin ang bigat ng loob ko.
Inside, the house smelled the same. Fresh flowers mixed with the faint scent of polished wood. Pagpasok ko, my mom was already there at the doorway. Elegant as always, but the worry in her eyes was undeniable.
"Avery," she said softly. No questions, no anger. She just opened her arms, and I ran straight into them. I hugged her tightly, burying my face against her shoulder.
"Na-miss kita, Mom," I murmured, my voice cracking a little.
She stroked my hair gently, her perfume wrapping around me like safety. "We missed you too, anak. Welcome home."
Pero kahit anong lambing ng yakap niya, ramdam kong hindi ko kayang ipaalam ang totoo. Hindi ko kayang ipakita kung gaano ako wasak sa loob.
After that, I excused myself and went straight to my room. The moment I opened the door, I froze. Everything was just as I left it. The pastel walls, the framed photographs of me and Jill, the books lined neatly on the shelf, the queen-sized bed with my favorite soft blankets. It was like stepping into a frozen memory.
I sat on the bed and let out a shaky breath. Bakit ba ganito? I should be relieved to be here, but instead, I felt lonelier. Because this room reminded me of who I was before everything got complicated. Back when life was simple. Back when my only problems were exams and what outfit to wear the next day. Hindi pa ako iniwan ng mga taong akala ko ay kakampi ko. Hindi pa ako nagkakagulo sa mga taong ngayon ay parang hindi ko na kilala.
I buried my face in the pillow, inhaling its familiar scent. Tears threatened again, but I forced them back. Hindi puwede. Hindi ako puwedeng umiyak dito. I needed to be strong, kahit fake.
When dinner came, the whole family gathered at the long dining table. The chandelier above cast a warm glow on the food spread before us. Roast chicken, vegetables, pasta, lahat ng gusto ko. My dad had finally arrived, his presence filling the room with authority, while my brother Jill sat casually across from me, scrolling on his phone.
"It's been a while since we all sat together like this," Dad said, giving me a rare smile as he carved the chicken. "What made you decide to come home, Avery?"
I paused, my fork hovering above my plate. My throat tightened, but I forced a light laugh. "Na-miss ko lang kayo, Dad. And honestly, I haven't been able to visit since I transferred schools. I thought... it's about time."
Convincing enough, I told myself. The truth was too heavy to say aloud.
Mom nodded approvingly, though I caught the flicker of doubt in her eyes. "We're glad you're here. The house feels more complete when you're around."
I smiled, but it was faint. "I missed you all too. Kahit si Jill," I teased, trying to lighten the mood.
"Wow, what an honor," Jill said sarcastically, finally putting his phone down. Then his lips curled into a grin. "Speaking of which... I know you visited St. A recently."
I blinked. "What? How do you even know that?"
Jill leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms with an air of pride. "Please. Sino bang hindi makakaalam? You're kind of famous, Ate. Everyone talks about you. Even if I didn't say anything, people would still connect us. St. A's campus queen? Transferee turned icon? Of course they'd remember."
I froze at his words, my heart twisting. Famous. Icon. Words that felt like they belonged to someone else. Sa dati kong school, oo, sikat ako. Hinahangaan. But here, sitting at this table, I just felt like a fraud trying to pretend nothing was wrong.
I forced a smile and poked at my food. "Really? That's... nice to know."
Inside, though, my thoughts were screaming. If only they knew. If only they understood the truth behind why I left, why I was sitting here pretending everything was fine. Hindi nila alam kung anong bigat ang dinadala ko, kung gaano kahirap itago ang sakit na dulot ng mga taong dati kong tinuring na pamilya sa dorm.
I looked at my family one by one. My dad, calm and collected. My mom, quietly observing me. My brother, smug with his little discovery. They all looked happy to have me back, and for a moment, I almost convinced myself that this was enough. That maybe I could just stay here forever, pretend none of it happened.
But deep down, I knew the truth. This wasn't escape. This was temporary.
And sooner or later... I would have to face them again.
The first few days at home felt surreal. After months of chaos, here I was, waking up in my own bed again, with the smell of brewed coffee and pandesal drifting from the kitchen, Yaya Mel knocking on my door every morning asking if I wanted taho. For a while, it was like stepping into a bubble where nothing was wrong.
But that peace was fragile. Deep inside, I knew this wasn't permanent.
I had already talked to Dad about excusing me from classes for two weeks. He called the dean of my department directly, using his calm but commanding tone that people rarely dared to challenge. And just like that, problem solved. "Focus ka muna sa sarili mo, anak," he had told me after the call, patting my shoulder.
Still, each night in my room, lying awake while staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars I had stuck on my ceiling as a child, my thoughts spiraled.
Do I really belong there? Kaya ko pa ba silang harapin? Or should I just... start over?
The idea crept into me slowly at first, like a whisper I ignored. But by the fourth night, it became impossible to silence. I wanted distance. Not from my family—no, never them but from the chaos of the dorm. From Elliot's coldness, Tyler's pain, Tyron's unspoken worries, and Edward's quiet gaze that said more than he admitted.
If I don't give myself space, mauubos ako. And when that happens... what will I have left to give?
So one late afternoon, I found myself in Dad's office. It was his usual sanctuary, lined with dark mahogany shelves filled with books about business, a faint smell of leather and paper filling the air. He was sitting behind his massive desk, reading glasses perched on his nose as he scanned through documents.
I cleared my throat. "Dad?"
He looked up, his face softening when he saw me. "Yes, Avery? Halika, sit down."
I sat on the leather chair opposite him, my hands clasped tightly on my lap. My heart pounded, and for a moment, I considered backing out. But no—I needed this.
"Dad... I was thinking. Can you help me find an apartment near school?"
The look on his face shifted from calm to puzzled in a split second. He set aside his papers and leaned back. "Apartment? Anak, bakit pa? May dorm naman kayo. You're one of the Elites. Complete amenities, security, convenience... everything you need is there. Why would you want to live somewhere else?"
I swallowed hard. This was the moment I needed to convince him. "I know, Dad. And I'm grateful. Pero... iba kasi. Living there feels too heavy now. I want my own space. A place where I can breathe, where I don't feel like every corner is watching me. Alam kong kaya kong mag-cope up sa lessons, pero hindi ko kakayanin kung araw-araw ganito 'yung pakiramdam."
His brow furrowed. "Heavy? What do you mean by that, Avery?"
I looked down at my hands, forcing myself not to tremble. How do I explain without revealing too much? How do I make him understand that sometimes, being surrounded by people doesn't mean you're not lonely?
"Dad," I started slowly, choosing each word carefully, "you know how in school, everyone sees me as strong, confident, 'yung parang kaya ko lahat? Pero to be honest... pag-uwi ko sa dorm, it feels like I'm carrying all of that alone. I just... I need a place where I can rest without pretending."
There was silence. I could feel his gaze studying me, dissecting me, and it made my chest tighten.
"Anak," he finally said, his voice softer now, "are you sure this isn't just you running away from something?"
His words hit too close. And for a moment, my throat closed up. Yes, I am running away. But isn't that what I need right now? Isn't space the only way I can protect myself from breaking even more?
I forced a smile, blinking back the sting in my eyes. "No, Dad. It's not about running away. It's about choosing peace. About making sure I don't drown in everything else. Please... I just need this. Malapit lang sa school, maliit lang, nothing extravagant. Promise I'll be responsible."
His silence stretched again. I hated how transparent I felt under his gaze. But after what seemed like forever, he sighed, removing his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"You've always been strong, Avery. Pero kung ito ang sa tingin mo ay makakatulong para mas lalo kang lumaban... then fine. I'll help you. But on one condition. Your mom and I will check the place first. We need to be sure you're safe."
My heart leapt in relief. "Of course, Dad! Thank you, thank you so much."
He chuckled, shaking his head. "You really are stubborn, just like your mom."
I laughed softly, though deep inside, the relief made me want to cry.
Finally... a space of my own. A chance to breathe, to restart, kahit papaano.
But even as the hope flickered inside me, guilt tugged at my chest. Why do I have to leave them to find peace? Why can't I fix things where I am?
I didn't have the answers. All I knew was that if I stayed in that dorm any longer, I would break completely. And this... this apartment could be my lifeline.
The ride to my new apartment felt heavier than I expected. I booked a Grab again, same as when I went home that first night, pero this time, hindi na pauwi sa mansion kundi paalis. Two cars, actually, because of the bags and boxes Dad's men had already delivered earlier in the day. I sat quietly at the backseat, wearing my oversized gray hoodie and black leggings, hair tied in a messy bun. Comfort over style.
As the city passed by outside my window, I couldn't help but stare at every familiar corner we drove by. Each streetlight blurred a little as tears welled up again. This is it. I'm really doing this. No more excuses. No more pretending. I'm going to live on my own now.
I tried to breathe slowly, pressing my palms against my knees to stop them from trembling. The driver glanced at me through the rearview mirror once or twice, maybe wondering if I was okay, but he said nothing. Mabuti na lang dahil wala akong energy to explain myself.
When we arrived, I saw the small building tucked neatly between a café and a flower shop. The apartment wasn't grand, nothing compared to the Elite dorm or our mansion, but it had a quiet charm that immediately calmed me. Two floors lang ang building, white-painted walls, simple iron railings, and a tiny veranda outside my unit.
Pagpasok ko sa loob, I let out a deep sigh. The space was not big, pero sakto lang para sa akin. One bedroom, a small kitchen, a living room with wide windows that welcomed the late afternoon light. The place smelled faintly of varnish and new paint. There were no memories here. No arguments, no cold stares, no heavy silences. Just... space.
I smiled, kahit may bakas pa ng luha sa mata ko, and wiped them away. Finally, my own place. My safe corner.
I began unpacking slowly, arranging books on the shelf, folding clothes into the wardrobe. I played soft music on my phone, something instrumental, para may background sound at hindi puro katahimikan. When I got hungry, I decided to cook for myself. Omelet lang muna para simple and safe.
To my surprise, it didn't burn, didn't fall apart. The golden-brown folds looked almost perfect. I laughed, clutching the spatula.
"Look, Edward! Hindi nasira!" I blurted out, half-proud, half-amused. Achievement ko 'yon! My smile froze as I realized what I had just done. I looked around the empty apartment. No Edward teasing me. No Tyron giving me quiet nods. No Tyler cracking jokes. No Elliot rolling his eyes.
There was no one.
My chest tightened. I set the omelet on the table, but suddenly, I didn't feel hungry anymore. I forced one bite, chewing slowly, but the taste was bland, lifeless. Food without laughter, without banter, without company felt empty. I put the plate away, stored the rest in the refrigerator, and retreated to my room.
After a shower, I lay down on the bed. The sheets smelled fresh, the mattress was new, but the right side of the bed felt cold and unoccupied. I found myself glancing at it, imagining Elliot sprawled there, wearing that mischievous smile of his, teasing me until I got annoyed. I groaned, covering my face with a pillow.
Stop thinking about him, Avery. Stop.
To distract myself, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through TikTok. As if the app could read my mind, videos started flooding my For You Page: "How to emotionally detach." "How to limit attachment." "How to protect your peace." Every quote I read, I tried to absorb. "Be distant. Be cold. Learn how to say no."
I repeated those lines in my head like a mantra. I need to do this. For them, not just for me. I need to heal. I need to change.
I told myself I could catch up with missed lessons and Dad had already taken care of that. Professors would allow me to make up. But repairing my heart, silencing the guilt? No one else could do that but me.
Later that week, I found myself wandering outside. My footsteps brought me to a quiet coffee shop just a block away from the apartment. The place had warm yellow lights, wooden tables, and the faint aroma of roasted beans that immediately soothed my senses. I ordered a latte, settled by the corner near the window, and pulled out a book I had just bought earlier that day.
The title caught me immediately: When Distance Saves You.
The story was about a cheerful, vibrant character who always lit up every room, someone who thrived in company... until one day, everything collapsed. She got hurt in ways she never saw coming. The people she loved the most were the ones who unknowingly broke her. And from that moment, she changed. She became colder, quieter, distant.
Reading her story felt like looking into a mirror.
Every page echoed my reality. My laughter with them, my comfort around them, and then the cracks that slowly appeared, sharp enough to wound me when I least expected it.
I closed the book for a moment, staring at the cup of latte in front of me. Steam curled into the air, soft and fragile. Do I really want to become like her? Do I really want to distance myself so much that I lose the warmth I once cherished?
But then again, wasn't this exactly what I needed to protect them? If I didn't change, if I kept being the same Avery who cared too much, maybe I'd just keep hurting them. Maybe I'd just keep being the reason for their fights.
"I'll change," I whispered to myself, tracing the rim of the cup. "Kahit mahirap. Kahit masaktan ako. If it means protecting them... then I'll do it."
I went back to reading, drowning myself in the story, letting it guide me, convince me. The coffee shop buzzed quietly around me, students reviewing, couples whispering, strangers typing on their laptops but all I felt was my solitude.
And strangely, it was comforting.
Because for the first time in weeks, the silence didn't suffocate me. It gave me space to breathe.
Maybe this is what healing looks like...
The classroom felt unusually heavy after dismissal. Chairs scraped against the floor, laughter and chatter filled the air, and everyone rushed to leave as if it were just another ordinary day. But for me, nothing about this was ordinary. I caught sight of Avery slipping her books into her bag with such precision, her face calm, her gestures detached, like she wasn't even in the same world as the rest of us.
She moved toward the door, her posture composed yet unfamiliar, as if she had shed her old skin and decided to wear one that didn't belong to her.
This isn't Avery.
This is someone else pretending to be her. My chest tightened at the thought, and before I could even stop myself, I rushed forward and caught her wrist.
Her reaction was immediate sharp, almost instinctive. She flinched, her brows furrowed for a second before she pulled her hand back, her gaze landing on me with an icy distance I had never seen before.
"What?" Her voice was flat, no warmth, no recognition of who I was to her. Just a cold syllable that cut deeper than any insult.
I clenched my jaw, refusing to let the distance she was building between us swallow me whole. "What's happening to you, Avery?" My tone was serious, demanding, almost desperate. I wanted answers. I wanted her to at least give me something real.
She stared at me, long and steady, her eyes devoid of fear or hesitation. If anything, she looked like she was the one holding the ground, while I was the one shaking. "The real question is... anong nangyayari sa 'yo?" she replied, pulling her hand free from my grip as if even my touch was unbearable now.
Her words landed harder than I expected. I could feel a crack forming inside me, the kind that spread slowly, painfully. "I'm not playing games here, Avery. I need answers, not questions," I snapped, my frustration bleeding through. I could hear the slight sharpness in my tone, but I didn't care. I needed her to fight back, to break the mask, to be the Avery I knew.
But she didn't break. Instead, her lips curled into a smirk, followed by a laugh that wasn't her laugh. It was hollow, sarcastic, mocking. It wasn't the Avery who laughed freely at the simplest things, who teased me endlessly, who lit up a room just by existing. This laugh had no joy, and it was a blade pressed against my ribs.
"Do I look like something's wrong with me?" she asked, her voice coated in venom. "I'm obviously okay. Ikaw? You're the one acting blind."
Every word sliced clean into me. My throat felt tight, my pulse heavy. Blind? Ako? She was the one standing here, acting like a stranger, yet she dared to call me blind? I wanted to shake her shoulders, to demand she stop pretending, but my body stayed rooted in place, helpless.
Then, as if the universe wanted to rub salt on an open wound, Edward, Tyron, and Tyler showed up. Their timing was perfect, yet it felt like a curse.
"Saan ka galing, Avery? Miss na miss ka na namin," Edward said, his tone full of relief, almost affectionate.
"Have you been eating properly? Ayos ka lang ba sa bagong tinitirhan mo?" Tyron added, gently reaching for her hand, the same way he always did when he wanted to comfort her.
But Avery did something none of us expected. She brushed him off. A firm, dismissive gesture that left Tyron frozen, shock flashing in his eyes. This was Tyron, the one she always confided in, the one she once called her safe space. And now she shoved him aside as if he were nothing.
My gaze flicked to Tyler. He stayed quiet, his eyes trained on the ground, jaw clenched so tight I thought he'd break his teeth. He didn't even try to speak, didn't even try to look at her. There was guilt there, something unspoken, something heavy.
Avery's voice broke the moment, sharp and unapologetic. "I have to go. Please move. Nakaharang kayo sa daanan." No hesitation, no hint of apology, just a cold command. She stepped past us like we were strangers blocking her way.
I felt my heart sink lower with every step she took away from us. Edward muttered something under his breath, his disbelief evident. "She's... not the same anymore."
Tyron followed with his own quiet observation, softer but still heavy. "Parang ang layo na niya."
I didn't respond. I couldn't. Their words only confirmed what I already knew but refused to accept. My fists tightened at my sides as I watched her disappear down the hall. I swallowed hard, the taste of bitterness thick in my throat.
I turned on my heel and left, barely registering their voices behind me. I needed space. I needed air. My car was waiting outside, but the drive home felt endless. The streets blurred, the lights stretched into nothing.
Inside, my thoughts screamed.
Why is she doing this?
Doesn't she know how much it hurts to watch her erase everything we had?
Is this her way of punishing me? Of punishing all of us?
Every word she had thrown at me replayed in my head like a broken record. "Do I look like something's wrong with me? I'm obviously okay. Ikaw? You're the one acting blind."
If this is her being okay, then what the hell is broken supposed to look like?
I gripped the steering wheel tighter, veins pulsing on the back of my hand. My chest was so heavy I thought I'd suffocate. The Avery I loved—yes, I admitted it to myself in that moment—the Avery I couldn't stop caring about was gone, replaced by someone colder, sharper, untouchable.
And yet, even as the pain pressed harder against my chest, one thing stayed clear in my head.
This isn't the end.
No matter how far she tries to run, no matter how much she pretends, I'll find her. I'll remind her. I'll bring her back.
Because the Avery I know, the Avery I love... is still there, buried beneath the walls she's trying so hard to build.
And I'm not about to let her go.
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