「各位同學,早晨。新學年要開始啦⋯⋯」
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2009年,9月1日,開學日。
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我打咗個長長嘅喊露,眼瞓既感覺好似瘟疫咁喺我地成班同學之間傳開咗。同學一個接一個咁放蚊,最終引起最兇狠嘅訓導主任周Sir嘅注意﹕「你地咪過分啊!校長講緊嘢呀﹗邊個再放蚊就同我出去跑圈!」
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周Sir隻眼瞪到鬼死咁大,好似想食咗我地落肚咁。大佬呀,呢個新校長都唔知係咪和尚寺黎,一開口就係唸經咁悶⋯⋯不過,其實諗諗下都合理,我的確讀緊一間和尚廟,即係男校。難怪校長講嘢真係唸經咁悶!
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「祝各位同學新學年學業進步!接住落黎,我地會介紹全體教職員⋯⋯」
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年年都係咁架啦,未又係嗰啲同一間中學教咗成世書嘅老師囉!全校都識架喇!呢間學校啲老師一來大部分都係阿Sir, 平均年紀都係三十歲起跳。Miss來講情況更嚴重,惟一一位後生啲嘅Miss都係三十五歲起標!其他唔係老就醜⋯⋯
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唉,大家都應該聽得出我呻緊啲咩。喺和尚寺讀書好悶架!第一,成班麻甩仔日對夜對,玩嘅嘢唔係打波就打機。第二,中學生十幾歲最關心梗係媾女啦!我地不知幾羨慕啲男女校嘅同學可以拍下拖。我地長期困住喺同性圈子入面,真係喺吽到「中途轉基」添呀。由於身邊冇女同學,我地對女性嘅認知就只可以由一眾人到中年嘅Miss身上認識,結果慢慢令我地對女性失去興趣。聽講中七嗰層啲男廁曾經出現過「四腳獸」添呀!
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「其實今年都有個驚喜比大家嘅,我地學校請咗兩位新老師同三位新嘅教學助理,首先同大家介紹嘅係任教電腦同生物嘅黎銘賢老師!」
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禮堂又響起掌聲。跟住我見到一位身材高大,氣質傻戇嘅男人行到台中間。嘩——睇佢副眼鏡就知佢連紀律部隊都唔洗考。
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「我對呢間學校冇任何期望。」我同身邊嘅老友阿偉講。
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「呢間和尚廟呢架。」阿偉冷冷一笑:「請靚女Miss黎做,唔驚有AV情節咩!」
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「發夢請早啦!」另一位老友杰少笑住話。
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呢個時候校長繼續介紹:「黎Sir今年第一年教書。佢以前係一位好有輔導經驗嘅社工。所以黎Sir亦將會係我地新任嘅輔導主任!黎Sir 請講兩句。」
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「各⋯⋯各⋯⋯各位同學,早⋯⋯早晨⋯⋯!」
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我眼都突埋,就同阿偉講:「嘩!佢戇居到咁,難怪要轉行啦!」
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「嚟緊佢肯定被成班男仔蝦啦!」
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我同阿偉對望一眼,就擰晒頭。
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「多謝黎Sir! 接住嚟就係第二位新老師——」
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都冇咩期待架啦,我感覺到我已經悶到靈魂出竅。
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「——佢剛剛喺香港大學畢業,係一位好年輕嘅老師。佢將會任教中文科同埋會主要教導SEN同學。」
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掌聲如潮水從後而至。冇任何期望嘅我好hea咁做下拍手動作。雙目無神咁望住台上面。
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但就喺下一秒,下一個重要嘅一秒,我注意力被從後台嚟緊嘅人吸引咗!
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黑色高踭鞋發出嘅聲響直接敲入在坐所有男仔嘅心靈。
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黑色嘅絲襪有一種神秘而誘人嘅魅力。
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剛好及膝嘅裙,將佢嘅臀部嘅美態好完美咁展現咗出嚟。
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黑色嘅行政外套雖然為佢帶有嚴肅冷漠嘅氣息。但正正因為修腰嘅cutting……唔係嘛?身材好似太好!
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清澈迷人嘅大眼、鼻高嘴細、吹彈可破嘅肌膚、頭髮長度剛好及頸嘅公主頭⋯⋯一切一切,實在太⋯⋯實在太令我難以置信啦!
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「Miss Wong, 交時間比你自我介紹一下。」
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我發夢⋯⋯我一定係發緊夢!
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「各位同學早晨!」
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邊有可能有一位咁嘅老師架?
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「我新嚟嘅黃梓盈老師,大家可以叫我做Miss Wong。」
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鞠躬,微笑。
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係Miss都算,仲要係後生!靚!而且仲要係———
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「我除咗任教中文科之外,我亦都係今年4A班嘅班主任。」
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仲要係我班主任呀!!
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Miss對住台下所有人微微一笑,呢一笑肯定已俘虜晒所有男同學包括阿Sir嘅心!
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「4A班嘅同學,今年請多多指教啦!」
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= = = = =
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今日簡直係創校四十年以嚟嘅奇蹟!聰明如智者嘅阿偉都嚇咗一嚇,一個馬步扎唔穩都搞到差啲跌低。
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喂!創校以嚟第一次有又靚又後生嘅Miss嚟教書喎!唔係唔奇蹟吓話!完咗開學禮,我地成班人上晒課室,大家仍然難忍心中嘅興奮,喺返去課室途中繼續高談闊論!
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但喺佢地啲雄性荷爾蒙高漲嘅時候,惟獨我慢慢冷靜返頭腦,諗諗下新Miss嚟到或多或少係對我地班有影響,於是趁Miss未到我就開下「班會」傾下個對策。
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我將課室中間四張枱泊埋做咗個講台,然後我企咗上去處理下啲「班務」。冇錯,我,謝子匡就係4A班嘅班會主席(自動冧莊,選都唔洗選),主要處理4A呢個大棚嘅囚友福利外,亦都要即時處理啲特別狀況,包括處理換新班主任對手足生活嘅影響。
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「大家靜啲!我要開一個緊急班會!」
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補充一下所謂嘅福利係有啲咩。其實不外乎都係大家嘅早餐、請槍代做功課代做罰抄、代收違禁品,同埋——
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「匡哥!吉澤明步出咗新女教師系列,幾時可以益我地成班兄弟呀!」
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——關注一下4A班手足對四仔嘅需求。
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咁當然唔係義工啦!所有「班務」都會收錢。同一時間我自己都撈緊7-11!唉,冇計啦。鬼叫屋企窮咩,我都係係想養活自己,唔洗老豆老母咁辛苦嘛!老實講,我聽到呢個要求都忍唔住冷笑,揶揄佢地話:「成班垃圾爛泥扶唔上壁!而家仲洗靠睇四仔去幻想架咩!喂阿哥!成個新Miss棟咗喺度做我地班主任呀!你睇佢一身打扮就知佢淫底啦!」
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聽完之後成班手足即刻起哄。
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「喂!主席!你係咪打算擒咗新Miss呀?」
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「你都痴線!」我指住條傻仔笑佢:「犯法嘢我就唔會做嘅!唔該你地目光咪咁短視啦!我開緊急班會個目的就係要話比你地聽,以前『廢超』怕我地,咁先至有三年嘅自由時光咋!」
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『廢超』係我地上一位班主任,由中一睇到我地中三。睇嚟佢已經廢到比校長炒咗。
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我繼續講:「正所謂新官上任三把火。以我閱人無數嘅經驗,呢位新Miss一定會搞亂呢班建立咗三年嘅秩序!你班友仔跟咗我三年,應該知我想講咩啦?!」
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「知!!」全班叫囂!
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「缺席嘅缺席﹗」我振起雙手大叫!
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「繼續缺席!」全班大叫。
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「欠交功課嘅繼續欠交!」我煽動全班手足。
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「繼續欠交!」
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「上堂瞓覺嘅瞓覺﹗食嘢嘅食嘢﹗總之 我要『廢超』時代嘅生活維持五十年不變!」講講下搞到我自己好似政棍喺度拉票咁。
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「五十年不變!!」全班拍晒手掌。
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「所以!我地!要諗下點比個下馬威新Miss睇!比佢知道,邊個先係4A班嘅揸fit人!」
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我大聲振呼,但係冇我預期中嘅反應,成班同學突然鴉雀無聲。我大感奇怪,平時佢地一定會跟埋起哄。我放眼全班,有啲人面色發青,有啲人即刻拎書出嚟扮嘢。呢個時候我阿偉殊緊我,佢同我打個眼色,示意我望返出班房前面。
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我回頭一望——
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「邊個係4A班嘅揸fit人呀?」
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大鑊﹗係周Sir。
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Miss Wong企喺周Sir後面,腼腆咁對住全班同學微笑。
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====
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我,謝子匡,出晒名係老師嘅剋星。但其實,呢間學校有一位老師我始終都唔敢係得罪。
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「你就係4A班揸fit人啦?你當自己係洪興呀?」
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周Sir,就係嗰位唔可以得罪嘅老師。
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「阿Sir, 我都係吹水之嘛。」
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周Sir係我地嘅訓導主任,係呢間學校權力三巨頭之一!
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我比佢捉咗喺黑板前罰企,仲當住我喺啲手足面前插我。雖然周Sir呢刻唔算好惡,但係佢嘅氣場都嚇到全班唔敢出聲。我瞄咗Miss Wong一眼,見佢企喺老師枱隔離,兩隻手交疊放喺身前,個樣好拘謹,似乎因為第一次見我地,令佢有啲緊張。
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「吹水?放學留低慢慢比你吹好唔好?」周Sir用手指篤我心口。
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「Sorry Sir! 我唔敢搞事啦!Sorry Sir! !」佢講到咁,再同佢頂嘴的話咁我就蝕招,惟有道歉。我留意到周Sir間唔中會瞄去Miss Wong度,Miss Wong又瞄過嚟。雖然佢地冇講嘢,但我感覺到佢地眼神中係有一種不能言喻嘅交流。呢一刻我知道,周Sir呢條友想喺Miss Wong面前威下!
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「周Sir, 我知錯啦。對唔住!」
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果然自我好膨脹嘅周Sir達成目的後,佢就放過我,但係佢就借勢訓斥全班:「4A班!你地操行同成績都唔達標!全校最差就係你地!有同學甚至群埋黑社會!以前梁Sir點縱容你地,我唔理!」
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梁Sir就係指「廢超」。周Sir行到去課室尾,再行返上嚟繼續訓話:「你地過去三年點樣蝦梁Sir,我都唔會追究。我只要求所有高中同學都要有鐵一樣嘅紀律。操行達唔到標嘅,即踢!所以——」
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周Sir去到黑板前,兩手交疊放喺腰後面,當正自己係警校教官:「唔好比我知道,你地用對付梁Sir嘅方法對待Miss Wong。」
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啊——!明晒,周Sir係嚟護花嘅。我瞄下Miss Wong,佢嘴角含笑,仲抖咗一啖氣,似乎被周Sir打咗枝好勁嘅強心針,而家佢個樣慢慢冇咁緊張。
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周Sir望返去Miss Wong, 原本好似黑面神嘅佢突然變臉,露出笑容仲好溫柔咁話:「呢度交返比你。有咩事隨時叫我上嚟幫手。」
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「嗯!唔該晒,周Sir。」Miss Wong微笑,帶住幾分仰慕。咦?兩個眼神咁曖昧,難道佢地拍緊拖?
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但係⋯⋯周Sir好似結咗婚架喎!
.
睇住周Sir離開後, 成班氣氛回復正常。呢個時候Miss Wong望住我,一面友善,就話:「同學你⋯⋯」我見佢好慌忙咁睇下人名表,似乎想知我叫咩名。
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「我叫許波!」fake老師,基本嘢啦。
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「許同學,你去可以返埋位坐!」
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我一擰轉面,就見到成班人知道我fake到Miss而偷笑。我行去我個位,阿偉同杰少就同我做咗個碰拳嘅動作。至於「許波」係邊個?未就係坐喺杰少旁邊扒喺度瞓緊嘅死肥仔囉。我地叫佢做阿波,四兄弟入面佢最抵得諗。
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我一返埋位,就好似老細咁將隻腳晾咗喺枱上面。我見到Miss Wong唔多滿意望我一眼。不過佢冇理我,繼續保持微笑。
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「4A班同學你地好。我再介紹自己一次,我係黃梓盈老師,係你地嘅新班主任⋯⋯」
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「Miss!」我夾硬打斷佢說話,問:「你個名點寫架?寫出嚟比我地睇吓啦!」
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而我就好似坐安樂椅咁,搖緊張櫈。我一定要比個下馬威Miss Wong!準備整啲麻煩比佢嘆!
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Miss Wong表情好似閃過一絲不滿,但好快笑面迎人:「好呀。」當佢轉身想喺黑板寫字時,先發現啲粉筆比我地玩完而跌晒喺地下。
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「邊個同學玩粉筆呀?」Miss Wong開始發嬲,佢仲特意咁望咗我一眼。好肯定佢將呢壇嘢入咗我數。
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佢鬧完之後就彎低身執起粉筆。呢個時候,我感覺到全班突然安靜咗!
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個⋯⋯個⋯⋯個畫面!!
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嘭——!!
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「哎吔——!」
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頭先個畫面搞到我失咗平衡就成個人跌低!當我完全未意會到發生咩事時,我已經聽到全班恥笑緊我!
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Miss Wong聽到我跌低時就即時回頭轉身,我見佢表情即刻擔心起嚟:「你冇事呀嘛?」
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Miss Wong急步向我走嚟,想嚟扶起我。佢嘅步速好急,但喺我眼內就好似放慢咗個鏡頭咁,令我可以好好咁欣賞呢位新Miss最靚嘅一面。佢將貼喺面龐亂咗嘅頭髮圈起耳背後面。忽然間,我心跳加速起嚟!我⋯⋯我好似被佢呢下動作同樣貌吸引咗!Miss Wong呢一刻有學生師姐嘅感覺之餘,佢條頸同鎖骨亦散發出成熟女人嘅韻味。 就好似奶同茶咁,兩隻唔同質料嘅水混埋一齊之後出奇地match!⋯⋯唔係唔係!剩係奶茶都唔夠形容!我喺Miss身上搵到好多好多吸引人嘅特質!
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老師嘅威嚴,令我覺得佢好神秘。
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但佢呢一刻嘅溫柔親切、令人好想接近佢!
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憂心嘅眼神,唔知點解,令我覺得佢雙眼係水汪汪咁!
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更重要係,剛才令我跌低嘅畫面、佢彎身執起粉筆時嘅——臀部!
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「你起翻身先。」
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Miss Wong緩緩地向我伸手,想將我扶起。成個畫面好慢好慢,仲好似有埋濾鏡咁!佢啲手指係好白、好纖細。五塊手指甲上面塗咗一層透明嘅甲油,令佢啲手指有一種閃閃生亮嘅感覺。呢個女人每一寸肌膚、一舉手一投足,都好似充滿咗魅力!我無法抗拒呢種魅力,好自然地輕輕搭住Miss Wong伸出嘅手。然後佢將我扶返起身。
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「點呀?你有冇整親呀?」Miss Wong溫柔咁講。原來佢都幾高,我剛剛高佢半個頭。目測著咗高踭鞋嘅佢大概有170cm。
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「有冇撞親個頭呀?」Miss Wong好想輕輕撫我髮頂。
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我避一避,搖晒頭就話:「冇⋯⋯冇事。」
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Miss Wong聽到我冇事之後,我留意到佢表情慢慢變得嚴肅,仲有少少惡咁講:「以後唔准搖櫈!你咁樣好易整親自己架!」
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Miss Wong帶住責備嘅意味去關心我。
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呢種反差⋯⋯呢種反差⋯⋯
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「聽唔聽到我講咩呀?許波!」
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呢種反差令我反應慢咗幾秒!我都未認得切Miss Wong, 本來瞓緊嘅阿波聽到有人嗌佢之後就彈咗起身!
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「係!對唔住!我瞓著咗!」阿波以前比人罰開上堂瞓覺,一聽到自己個名就好條件反射彈咗起身!但佢呢下動作令Miss Wong大感奇怪。睇住Miss Wong個表情慢慢疑惑起嚟,一時望下我又一時望阿波。由Miss Wong面露慍色,佢知道我fake咗佢。
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「唔⋯⋯唔係捉我瞓覺咩?」阿波無辜嘅眼神望住我同Miss Wong。
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Miss Wong冷笑咗一聲,就雙手抱胸,向我行前一步。
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「你兩個即刻去罰企!」
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