For better days to come, perhaps I needed a mask—a mask so convincing, so lifelike, that even I couldn’t tell if it was me beneath it. Was it the real me, or just the mask pretending to be me?
So I gave that mask a name—Rudeus.
He was a version of me, yet the complete opposite in many ways. Because, let’s be honest, I couldn’t face everything in life armed only with my inner child—the part of me that’s kind, quiet, overly forgiving, and always retreating. Rudeus was the side that could do what I wouldn’t, speak up, challenge, reach out, and walk into storms with eyes wide open.
And so, with Rudeus, I set a small but significant goal for myself:158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqPO5UsN69
To win the third coding contest hosted by Thub.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuycyEunmf4
But it wasn’t just about winning—it was about stepping out, talking to people, understanding them, really seeing through them.
That’s when I started categorizing people—not by name or grades or reputation—but by the essence I felt in them. I called them flowers, because even the broken ones bloomed once upon a time.
Type 1: Dead Flowers
The ones who’d lost their way in life. The ones who no longer dreamed for themselves, walking paths laid out by others. They're not lazy, they're just… done. Done hoping. Done trying. These are the ones I worry about most. They say, “I’ll start today,” but their "today" never comes. They're stuck—either frozen in a future that’s too far or trapped in a past they can’t fix.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DYUbwD55a
They are lifeless, not because they want to be, but because the world took too much too soon.
Type 2: Dream Flowers
They pity me—and I pity them back. These are the hopefuls who are always "almost there."158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjQdwkKp2N
They say things like:
“If I had that setup…”158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrFOUrTj8A
“If I had more time…”158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCj9RvsCiE
“If only I were like you…”158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KRAvLrcE0
They believe they can, but never do. Because they dream with their eyes wide open but never move their feet. They envy others but won’t acknowledge effort. They are romantic escapists—scared not of failure, but of reality.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWcwbLQwbi
Their dreams are loud, but their will to act is silent.
Type 3: Hopeless Flowers
My favorite kind. The ones who shouldn’t have any hope left, yet keep trying anyway. They fail, get up, fail again, and still hope. That kind of pure hope is terrifying—because it’s relentless. These are the ones who keep going, who believe the world will be kind next time.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuppExSXWI
They shine not despite their scars but because of them.
And here’s the strange part—I could almost read people just from a few exchanged words. It scared me sometimes, how clear they became to me so quickly.
And where did I place Seren?158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXo0FzCnv1c
Nowhere.
Because I couldn’t place her in any category. She wasn’t a flower in my garden of types.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxWATJx8VF
She shined.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpbprLW7dJ
So bright, so strange, that neither my heart nor my mind could decide how to feel about it. And believe me, I have scary intuition. The kind of spidey-sense that tingles before anything happens—good or bad.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhae0vKKsSe
But with Seren?158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunZm9GxOF8
I was unstable. Too much of everything and yet not enough to make sense of it.
The days flowed like gentle rivers with sudden rapids.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn281hJOWp0
Morning bus rides were mostly talking with Seren and dozing off. At Thub, I kept learning, talking—and occasionally dancing just to keep the blood and motivation flowing.
And at THub, I met someone I’d never expected:158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3m3KSUAimc
My teacher. No… My Teacher.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AKsQqfqM0
The first person I ever truly called that. His name—Pavan. The man who showed up every day with a spark in his heart and a joke half the class couldn’t catch. He was a Hopeless Flower—kind, real, grounded. Living not in the past or future, but in the moment. Rare. Precious.
He taught me more than tech. He taught me resilience. He taught me the difference between difficult and impossible. He called it out:
"Nothing is too easy or too hard. You just need a consistent mind and a heart that won’t quit."
And that stuck.
He even let me call him "brother"—the kind of casual, respectful connection I rarely made. And as forgetful as I am with names, I’m sure I’ll never forget his. Pavan.
Lunch was always a ritual. A sandwich. Same stall. Same sister-like figure who made it ready even before I arrived. She just knew. I did too. Guess that’s the power of committing to a single sandwich stall in a chaotic college.
Afternoons meant lectures. I dozed sometimes. Sorry, not sorry.
Evenings were golden. Seren and I would talk. Sometimes behind the buses, sometimes near them. And those short chats—those little nothings—made everything feel like something.
And then came the third coding contest.
I gave it everything.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKfCmxjZQm
And I won.
For a moment, the world aligned. I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could make something out of this life. I smiled. I felt happy.
But, as always, the world noticed. And not always kindly.
People—boys, girls—started messaging me. Asking doubts. Wanting to be friends. I tried to be kind, replied to everyone. Some were genuine.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTSKCaB0Oq
Some weren't.
Some misused it.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAb8Eit6WZ
Some mocked it as "just talent."158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIGLfbQ9eP
Do I look like a genius to you? Maybe.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bpOxWA1ov
But what they didn’t see were the sleepless nights, the tutorials, the self-doubt, the failed projects, the late-night debug marathons. They didn’t see the pain and growth. They just saw the result.
"If I were you, I’d do it too," they said.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKF0ZCkwCo
Then why didn’t you?
Only a few understood. Only a few truly acknowledged it.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlz0xoXZezX
And the rest?158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lizsAdWME
Their words became the fuel that kept Rudeus alive.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc76SP8QLx
Because that’s why he was born in the first place—158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQ2z5fmjIN
To survive.158Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0Xl48JQ1S
To die, so I could live.
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