Cold wind blows into the room from the window, and the sunlight also shines into the room through the glass, sending the temperature of the morning light to the seraph sleeping on the desk in the office. The seraph slowly returned to reality from dreamland, she raised her head in a daze and realized that she had fallen asleep.
She rubbed her eyes, patted her cheeks, and went to scrub, forcing herself to wake up. Looking at the long-grown crimson hair in the mirror, only then she felt that three months had passed. She returned to her work desk and looked out the window. The structure of the residence gradually took shape, which was quite different from the previous ruins.
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Yes, after being surrounded by a large number of hellions, after being ravaged by dragons, half of the town was in ruins, and there were a large number of corpses buried underneath, all of which were the bones of warriors who fought bravely to defend their homeland. With the efforts of everyone, a miracle appeared, and the Empyreans broke the ‘Neutral stance’. They stood up and fought for humanity. So despite the overwhelmingly unfavorable situation, the humans and the seraphim still won. With more than half of the heavy casualties, this unknown epic war was drawn to a close.
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After that heroic battle, Rose still had to tell the truth to the people after all, and with the help of Grimoirh, she managed to keep their anger and grief to a minimum. The next month was very busy, and everyone was busy rebuilding and expanding, trying to restore the small village to its previous life... No, with the addition of a foreign population, it may become a small town.
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The follow-up work of the battle is very complicated, and the result is that the table is full of work. Rose worked through the night for many days, and only completed a quarter of the work without sleep. Even though she herself did not give a definite working time and actual sleeping time, all she knew was that she fell asleep unknowingly.
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"It seems that even the body of the seraph can't be too forceful." Rose said to herself mockingly.
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Out of the corner of her eyes, she glanced at the document she had seen halfway through yesterday, on which was written a name she had heard a little about.
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Originally, she only briefly read the information of the people who came to evacuate a while ago but unexpectedly discovered some extraordinary people.
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That's what she got from the intelligence network of the former assassination organization, and that person was commissioned to be assassinated. That person was once active in both black and white circles, and many underworld bosses and important political figures survived injuries that should have died under his treatment. It is precise because of his great medical skills and talents that he was hunted down by the gangsters and imprisoned by the police. Therefore, he never practiced medicine under his real name, and his free, fair and decisive practice made him known as 'Doctor'.
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But the result of resurrecting the people who should have been wiped out was to offend the underworld dignitaries.
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In the end, he was commissioned to be assassinated.
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Of course, no matter how much the Scattered Bones has changed in the past 500 years, it still maintains its own creeds. They judged that the target should not be killed, but designed an accident for him in order to protect the target. Therefore, the 'Doctor' has disappeared since then, and his life and death have become unknown. Scattered Bones also told the commissioning party that the assassination was not successful, so the reward was confiscated, and they did not continue to follow the 'Doctor'.
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Rose never expected that this famous figure would appear near her again, and at this necessary time. Yes, she needs a competent doctor, because one of the things that bother Rose the most is Sorey's amnesia and Velvet's coma, and this state lasted for three months. Sorey's amnesia may eventually recover in time, but Velvet may remain comatose. Rose thinks that if it is not handled properly, Velvet will be in a persistent vegetative state . Reasonably, Rose didn't want the hero of the town to end up like this.
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Whatever her previous crimes, falling into a permanent coma after saving a town was hilariously tragic.
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So Rose wants the Doctor to wake Velvet up.
She picked up the information and went to look for the Doctor.
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The Doctor is a fair doctor, and he agreed immediately after hearing Rose's reason, but when he saw the entrusted patient, he froze for a few seconds.
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"Will you wake her up?" asked the amnesiac in the same ward.
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"I will. I just didn't expect to see you again."
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"? Have we met before?"
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"...Have you lost your memory?"
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"I heard yes, but I feel like I saw you before. "
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"Really? I wanted to ask you about the reason you two got such injuries."
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"I'll have the doctor in charge report to you."
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"Okay."
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From this conversation, Rose knew that Doctor has met these two people before, but she doesn’t know when he got to know them. These two people lived in this era for several months, and their free time to meet other people is very limited.
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“Did you know each other before?"
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"I was just unlucky enough to be a free attending doctor for both of them. So, Velvet's left hand is missing, where is the prosthetic?"
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"The prosthetic is gone, it was broken like that when she came back. Are you the one who put her prosthetics on?"
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"Yeah, it's really a pity that after installing such an expensive thing for her, it's not enough for half a year, and she lost it already."
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Wow, this doctor is not only fair, And too selfless, right? But of course, those who want to live a quiet life don't need a lot of money.
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"Ah ha ha... Both of these two have been taken care of by you, thank you very much, they have helped us a lot."
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"Well, although she doesn't love herself as before, she helped others,” he murmured, somehow he knew Velvet’s personality, maybe he was the one Sorey said was taking them in.
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"As her attending doctor, I will definitely let her wake up, and I will try to restore the boy's memory by the way."
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"Really? Thank you very much! About the reward... sorry, temporarily there is not enough money, but we can provide a hidden and stable residence.”
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“Hehe, it is exactly what I want, it seems that your pre-investigation has been done very well.”
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“This sincerity is a must.”
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“I brought a child with me, can he be taken in together?"
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"Yes, I'm curious, is he your son?"
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"No, it's just a child rescued from the previous natural disaster that destroyed the village."
He said with a slightly dark expression on his face, it seems that he doesn't want to talk about it in detail.
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"I understand, I will prepare the residence first. Do you need someone to help take care of the child?"
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"Thanks, the child is quite old enough, just let him study with me."
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"Okay."
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— ---------------------------------------
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I have superb medical skills and can easily manipulate people's life and death.
I used to have such megalomaniac thoughts.
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Then I experienced the pain of being helpless as life passed away in front of me.
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I once offended members of other gangsters because I rescued a member of a gangster. At that time, the person I rescued helped me escape from the pursuit, and I felt the touch of being rescued.
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Since then, I will never give up on anyone who needs help in front of me, and I will continue to improve my medical skills in order to be able to help them.
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I seem to be called Doctor because of this.
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Even if I am hunted down by anyone, I will not give up this path.
The poor assistant who has been by my side has also been implicated and wants to flee to the end of the world with me. But even so, she still didn't leave me.
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Stepping into middle age, I felt gradually unable to protect the people around me from frenzied pursuit, so I feigned death and escaped in an accident, found a secluded place to live, and planned to spend the rest of my life with my assistant in peace.
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Together we formed a family and had two children, both of whom grew up and left the village to move to the town to work.
One day a teenager came to my clinic with a woman with a severed hand on his back and he asked me to help her , and then fell down.
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The woman with the broken arm suffered from excessive blood loss and malnutrition and was not in an optimistic state. This physical condition immediately reminded me of those desperadoes, they looked suspicious, but they didn't feel like a danger to us, and they didn't feel like they were coming to kill us.
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I rescued them, and the boy thanked me, The girl seemed to have no desire to survive, but she still thanked me and stayed with the boy to help us as a reward.
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They stayed in the village to pay off the medical bills and prosthetics, and we just collected half of the fee. We don't need much money and have enough money for the rest of our lives. And it's always too dangerous to keep two unknown people around. When I heard the boy was going to travel, I planned to let them leave.
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The days were the same as before, except that there was less noise at the dining table.
It takes time for us to get used to this.
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Until one day a huge thunder fell and the village was instantly ignited into a sea of flames.
The thunder even knocked down the buildings, and many people were crushed under the rubble.
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I happened to be in Ladylake on a business trip for treatment that day, and I happened to be out of the village. When I came back, I only received the news that my wife had passed away.
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At that time, I only had regrets in my mind. If I took her on the business trip, this would not have happened.
With her personality, she must have stayed at the disaster site to help only to end up getting involved. She is an angel no matter how old she gets.
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I wanted to cry and scold Empyrean for being unfair, but I was not qualified. I just escaped this catastrophe and I was the most capable of helping the villagers.
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I don't have time to be sentimental, it's full of people in need, and then I spend the rest of my time treating the wounded after a disaster. It's like escaping grief and being absorbed in work.
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During the treatment, I heard several rumors, some said that Velvet set the fire, some said it was the wrath of Empyrean, and some said that Velvet helped save people from the fire.
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I wonder why her name appears here, but I can’t think of why she burns the village, so I basically don't believe in the assumption that she is the one who set the fire.
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One of the children lost his family and memories in this disaster, and his situation is as lost as I am now.
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He lost everything but he clearly remembered that it was a woman with long black hair and golden irises who rescued him. Her expression was like she was about to cry but she was smiling as if she was crying out of joy because she saved someone.
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Sounds pretty much like Velvet from his description, and I tend to think she saved the boy more than she set the fire.
It must be because of her fiery emotions that left the child with a memory, and because of this, the child wants to be someone who can help others.
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"Please teach me the knowledge that can save others."
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Or he just feels that because of his own life, After surviving, he thought he has to continue to help others, just like me now.
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The fire burned continuously for three days and three nights. Not many people survived the disaster, only a dozen or so people. This number is one-fifth of the village's population, but judging by the situation, it is already miraculously many.
Even so, among those who survived were no friends of the child, most of those who survived the disaster were adults, and it is estimated that his friends were also buried in the fire.
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The child lost all his friends and family but survived alone, There is nothing more mentally shocking than this. There are enough mental or physical conditions for him to lose his memory. It would be more painful if he kept his memory.
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If my guess is right, I can understand why his eyes sometimes seem to be dead.
He who survived but lost everything is like an undead, so he regards "helping others" as an obligation that must be fulfilled.
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No matter what, the moment he got saved by the woman must be very important to him, enough to keep him alive through the loneliness of survival, despite the empty memory and empty attachments to the world.
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I can't leave him alone, the two of us are both fallen people. Out of kindness or sympathy, I temporarily adopted him. I don’t know if the fire was caused by Velvet, and I can’t pursue it.
I can only save those who need help.
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After resettlement After all the wounded, we decided to go to a nearby town to find a place to live. After searching, we found that disasters had also occurred in nearby towns. After several turns, we finally came to Magiland with the help of acquaintances. Unexpectedly, there was a war happening. It seemed to be fighting with unknown existence, so we were placed in the shelter.
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When everything was over, someone came to me, she is the person in charge there, she knew my identity but did not intend to harm me, just wanted me to save a person.
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A person named Velvet Crowe.
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I thought I misheard until I saw the patient I was responsible for.
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Excessive blood loss, weakened organs, over-fatigue, coma, and even a broken left hand. Worse than the first time I saw her.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe5B33ET1m
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It can only be said that she does not cherish her body as before, maybe she still wants to die.
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What happened to her?
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My client said Velvet helped them, so she hopes I can help her regain consciousness.
Now I know that she seems to have lived hard, and tried to help people around her, and there are more people around her who care about her. I know she can't let herself die like this, so she is now in a coma instead of dying.
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She was a person holding her emptiness inside. Yet, I am sure there were fragments of passion inside her heart to keep her alive too. And she saved someone despite being empty.
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Now, meeting her again, maybe, this is a kind of fate.
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My dignity as a doctor does not allow the people I have rescued to fall into a half-dead coma like this, so I must let her wake up with all my strength.
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This is the 90th day of Velvet's coma, because I used the power of the Empyrean to fight, the boundary entered, I broke the event and broke the oath, so I was punished by the power seal of the oath. The blessings applied to Velvet and the world before were also nullified. The other Empyreans should all receive the same punishment, but not as big as the punishment I received.
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Because I used the power many times and broke the oath for a long time, as a counterattack for violating the oath, I lost the body of a dragon and turned into an existence weaker than ordinary seraphim. Perhaps it is more correct to say that I have become a human being invisible to ordinary people. I can't exercise power like the seraphim, but possess the essence of being a seraph so ordinary people can't see me.
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I have no regrets about this. This is something that must be done. In order to protect our future, the Four Empyreans also understand this and follow the same behavior.
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In the current world without the protection of the Empyrean's blessing, Malevolence is easier to produce, and the domains of the four empyreans may collide with each other. However, if the curse is really gone, the result should not have much impact. But if it is the case, what are my remaining responsibilities?
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When I lost my responsibilities, I didn't know what I should do. Unconsciously, I came to Sorey and Velvet to visit them. I cherish them and hope they get better soon, but I can only accompany them when I lose my strength.
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When visiting them, I often chat with Sorey. Although he has lost his memory, he is still the boy who loves to explore. Even if he only read the stories and origins of everything from the book, he still chatted with me excitedly, saying that he also wanted to visit those places.
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Looking at him, I thought of my old adventure-seeking self, realizing that I too had always heard stories from shepherds and folks but had never been there to see them myself.
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Am I now allowed to abandon my duties and visit those places?
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"Now you can't do anything, you should take this as a long sabbatical, you have performed your duties for 1500 years, and your wish has been fulfilled." Miss Grimoirh said to me.
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Yes, now I am as weak as a human being, and I have lost my duty, so the only thing left to do is to rest.
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"When you walk in this world with your own legs, you will definitely see a different scenery than you have seen in 1500 years, and you will also get rid of your current confusion.”
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The teacher’s advice is always so practical and useful, I seem to have forgotten my own confusion.
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In this new era that no longer needs Shepherd, Lord of Calamity, and Empyreans, we have to embark on finding our own roles again on a trip.
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“Let’s go on a trip together later, to see what the world has become." Sorey, who used to be a shepherd, invited me to travel together in the future.
Although he lost his memory, losing his memory did not change his personality, and his yearning for Velvet did not decrease in the slightest.
In the blank memory, there may be a powerful heart fragment remaining to support him.
"Well, I Looking forward to it!" I laughed like a child, maybe I haven't grown up in 1500 years.
Human beings are so weak and powerful, everything is the same as I saw it.
Some people become empty and vulnerable to Negative effects because of ‘injuries’, turning into daemons.
But even if it is so empty, memory has become blank, and feelings have been eroded by darkness, there are still fragments of heart left somewhere in the heart to retain the ‘original self’, so I want to give them a second chance, turned back into a human from a daemon, and started again in the ‘second chance’.
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So even though he lost his memory, Sorey still missed Velvet.
After losing everything, Velvet, who was once dazzled by revenge, finally recalled her original self, making what she thinks is the right decision.
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Maybe Velvet is in a state of losing herself now. She lost everything ‘she had to do’, her ‘responsibility’, like me, so she remains in a coma.
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But I believe she will wake up. Knowing that someone is waiting for her, she will definitely come back.
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We just need to prepare a place where she can stay.
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Hurry up and wake up, Velvet, I really want to see this new world with you soon.
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Things I do have not changed, I still go to that ward to visit the two of them every day, but my heart is more excited about the future.
——————————— -------------------------------------------------- ------------------
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This space is like an exhausted wilderness, but there are things in my memory. The Reaper said that this is the crack between life and death. The soul seems to forget everything when it is thrown into a new life, but when it is in this space, it will remember the memories of all different lives. And there is a place where I can peep into the present world, which is the place that the Reaper usually uses, but sometimes I secretly use it to see, my expectations for the next world.
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But at the same time, I was looking for something, and I forgot what I was looking for.
Until I saw that person, one of my close friends in the past. It's been a long time, I think her affairs may not have much to do with me, but when I see her, I think of the time we spent together and the inexplicable end of that life, looking at her unchanged face and desperate attitude. This aroused my curiosity. Normally, no matter how similar the faces are, they must have changed, but what I saw was exactly the same as the memories.
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That would mean she hasn’t reincarnated since then, is that really possible? After all those years I hadn’t seen her, where has she been, what did she do?
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I was curious about her change.
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She has changed a lot, but the essence has not changed. I unconsciously forgot the time to peek and kept looking at her, not paying attention to what was behind me.
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Sure enough, I was very concerned about what happened to her after I died. She was exactly the person I was looking for, a soul that had been missing for 1500 years.
As a former friend, I couldn't ignore her situation, and seeing her self-harming situation made me even more worried.
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So I couldn't help but care what happened to her.
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Just a glance would do, and I wanted to make sure she was okay, but from what I saw she wasn't okay for a moment, and even when she was, she didn't look happy. I kept looking at the mirror that looked into the world and wanted to see her happy moment until someone tapped me on the shoulder behind me.
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"What are you doing here?"
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It's over, it's the Reaper. This is a facility that only he can use. Now I was caught on the spot and I was using it.
Oh he looks so fierce I dare not talk nonsense. . . .
He stared at the scene in the mirror and then looked at me and asked, "Is there someone you know?"
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I was surprised for a moment. It didn't sound like he wanted to punish me. I nodded quickly and replied, "A girl named Velvet Crowe."
After hearing my answer, the Reaper was surprised for a moment, and his eyes softened a little. He indicated that I can use it to watch it, but don't mind that he sometimes looks at it together.
I thought Reaper was cold and fierce, but he was more human than I thought. And it seems that the god of death has a good impression of her, and things are getting interesting... ah, but I don't dare to ask any more questions, just agree to his conditions.
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So we watched her wandering over and over again on the edge of life and death, the companions around her were worried about her, and she seemed to receive a message of worry, but she was always doing things that made people sad.
Fortunately, she has companions who will stop her from doing stupid things.
Sometimes I can't tell if it's because she's too unlucky or it's her choice, and the reaper sometimes looks very angry.
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"She is making this kind of decision again."
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It doesn't sound like she's doing this for the first time, and the Reaper should have looked at her long before I looked at her. Once he went directly to talk to her, and they knew each other, but he chose to just stare at her.
Then one day she came to this border of life and death, this place is not where the living can come.
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I think I have to meet her and talk to her to find out what's going on with her.
Two souls flew to my side and turned into puppies that I was familiar with.
"Orthie, Russ, can you bring her for me?"
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—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the junction of life and death, the world I came to when I was dying.
I get mad at the feeling that I meet people who hate me and people who should hate me, and their reactions are so confusing to me as if they don't hate me anymore.
I am the one who insists on being resented, and they seem to be saying that.
The two puppies who held a grudge against me in my memory pulled at my clothes and implored me to follow them.
They should have resented me, I killed their master.
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I killed my once best friend, I am not a human but a monster.
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I'm not qualified to be human, and I'm sorry I'm still alive.
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I clearly promised to let them bite me to death after everything was over, but I didn't even give them this chance, and then I was still alive, I couldn't die, someone wanted me to survive.
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The two puppies led me in front of me, walking forward with their tails wagging, and seemed to be in a very good mood.
But that's not because they can finally get their revenge, my gut tells me that they don't hate me anymore, and I don't understand why.
Eleanor in the past wrote that she told Orthie and Russ all, and told me she believed they were sad about me too.
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I saw this as a joke, not to mention whether Eleanor understands everything, I don't expect two dogs to understand me, their existence is my chance to be punished by Niko.
At that time, they may only understand that I will not come back to this world, this is my original plan, disappearing alone in a place that no one can touch.
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They hate me and want to bite me and I should let them bite so that it's all over.
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It was supposed to be like this, but they didn't mean to hate me or bite me at all when they appeared in front of me.
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I was worried by myself while following the two puppies, and I didn't notice the changes in the scenery around me. Thinking about it made the distance of just a few minutes extended tenfold.
The original withered and yellow scenery is lined with a warm atmosphere by the vibrant red maple leaves. There is no resentment in this place, but the feeling of my hometown that I am familiar with. After stepping through the crisp leaves, the dogs stopped in a room In front of the house, this used to be a familiar place to me.
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When I was a child, I used to come here to play with a girl. I heard that it was because our family helped them, so we tried our best to help each other and have had contact since then, so I met the little girl in this family, her name is Niko.
She is an ordinary rural girl, cheerful and optimistic. She can also knit and cook. She will definitely be a good wife in the future, but her life was killed before it could develop in a good direction. She was killed by me at the age remained to imagine her future, and the day before yesterday she was talking and laughing with me about the future and was killed by me the next day.
This is by no means a funny joke, and I hope it was.
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The girl who should have died was standing in front of me.
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She has red hair, tied into two ponytails, and she is no different from the one I know in terms of appearance and clothes,
The girl stood in front of the house waiting, the breeze gently caressed the leaves and her head, she first pressed her hair and skirt to keep them from being blown by the wind, then looked over and smiled at me calmly. .
The two dogs barked happily at their masters, and came to her side as if they were praising them, and the girl crouched down and stroked their heads.
Calm and without a trace of anger, that's the usual her, that's the Orthie and Russ before, like nothing happened, only me caring about everything.
The tragedy of that night was real, as it should be, not my imagination, so why does it feel like nothing happened here, because this is my dream, is it?
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Or has she been stuck here for 1500 years like the 4 exorcists? If she has to suffer like this because of me again, I'll blame myself so much that I can't hold my head up... No, no matter what, I am unable to raise my head in front of her.
"Niko...I..." Reuniting with an old friend after a long absence, complex emotions followed one after another, I was at a loss for words, my head was blank, and I couldn't utter a complete sentence.
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I don't know what I should express. As a murderer, I don't have the right to miss her. I have too many questions, and I don't know if I have the right to greet her. My emotions are stirring in my stomach, and I silently bow my head and dare not look at her. her eyes.
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"Come in, don't just stand outside."
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I stayed in front of the house, thinking about why she would entertain someone like me in her house until the two dogs made questioning noises and tugged at the corners of my clothes, and Niko also questioned, she tried to pull me into her house by force, I accepted her kindness and entered her house.
"It's been a Long time, Velvet."
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She who brought me into the room prepared black tea for two, sat down, and started a conversation with me as if she was entertaining guests.
She greeted me with the same attitude as before, which I couldn't accept, and that I, as a murderer, was being treated so kindly by her was offensive to me.
"...Yeah, long time no see." I couldn't look her in the eye, I just wanted to run away at this moment.
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I didn't say anything more than a sentence like this, and what followed was a terrible silence, and the air was filled with embarrassment.
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"....Hey, Velvet, what's wrong with you? You are very different from usual, and the clothes have become so wild, for a while I thought you were someone else I didn't know. What happened after that? ?"
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"... Have you always been here?"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"... Have you been here since you died?"
".........I've lived several cycles and lived different lives, but this time I saw you, so I stayed here to watch you..."
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She had lived different lives as different people. She just chose the form I knew and started a conversation with me, the two dogs were probably the same. Just by knowing that I was relieved.
It's just that she, who could have joined the next reincarnation without caring about me, decided to stop in this world because she noticed my existence.
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"Velvet...what happened that day? It's been a long time...but I still want to know what happened that day in the Scarlet night. You are still alive after 1500 years, and you are still the person I know. Now that you know I was dead, I wonder how I died?"
"...you...don't know...what?!....It was not the issue of knowing...the person who killed you sits In front of you! Why do you..."
I gasped, trying to calm myself, and wanted to ask back in disbelief.
Why are you not knowing anything? I almost wanted to question her like that.
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Niko doesn't have any feelings other than surprise, she didn't hate me even though I told her personally that I killed her, which drives me crazy, it shouldn't be.
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"...What happened then? Made you what you are now."
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"...I'll tell you everything that happened, and it's up to you to decide what to do." I tried to calm down and felt that since she didn't know, let her know everything, and her decision after knowing everything was my verdict.
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So I told her everything that happened, just as I told Sorey, and I didn't appeal to my own guilt with any forgiveness.
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Including being dazzled by anger, I naturally attacked and killed the monsters that attacked me, and then was pushed to the ground by Arthur's malak. After calming down and looking around, I found that the corpses around me were the people had been living with all the time--- villagers in the same village. I was devastated when I learned that I had killed people and killed my neighbors who had no grudges against me, Arthur revealed his real name: Artorius Collbrande, knocked me out, and escorted me to the prison tower.
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There I repeatedly killed and ate those who became demons, complete or semi-finished, adults or children, and I gave them death regardless of age.
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3 years later, the malak who assisted Artorius released me from prison. In order to save me, she even gave her life to save me, and let me eat her to gain strength.
Then, when I ate her, I discovered that she was reincarnated from my dead sister.
And I killed her for power.
This is for revenge on Artorius, it is what I must do, it had to be.
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I persuaded myself like this, every day for 3 years, only thinking about getting revenge on Artorius, so I did everything I could to survive.
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After I came out, I brought chaos to the world, burned towns, robbed towns, and even kidnapped someone to become my "companion".
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Finally, I know the truth:
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My brother sacrificed himself for a perfect world because he was terminally ill.
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So he didn't need revenge.
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As I make my brother my revenge urge, I have lost the foundation of everything, and all my actions are pointless killings.
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I, who can kill for nothing, am no different from monsters. I was desperate and wanted to give up my life, but I was rescued by my comrade who was kidnapped by me in the first place.
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The kidnapped companion Laphicet, observed and assisted me on the way. He accepted my existence and pulled me back from despair.
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I survived with the spirit of carrying out revenge and fighting for myself. The outside world became strange under the influence of the Innominat, and human beings were calmed and lost their feelings - it turns out that this is the perfect world.
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In this case, the world is too desperate. At least, I think the world that is bought with my brother's life should not be like this. I don't want such a world, and he won't want this kind of inorganic world.
At least I want to leave hope before I go.
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I, who have brought chaos to the world up to now, willfully carry this thought and continue to fight with revenge as the main goal.
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In the end, I succeeded in killing Artorius and sealing Innominat with my eternal freedom as a price.
This is my little redemption, but I didn't expect to survive, it was the farce of fate, I woke up in the world 1500 years later, and was rescued by a Shepherd who also woke up from a deep sleep.
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While talking, my chest gradually became uncomfortable, that is the sadness and anxiety that I had never experienced when talking to Sorey.
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That's because I feel so guilty about her and believe she'll hate me, and confessing everything to her is like asking me to destroy a relationship.
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I'm afraid everything will change, but I want her to punish me.
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It's alright, she's dead, and her hatred doesn't change anything.
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It's alright, just one more resentment, I always expected her to hate me.
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I'm starting to say to myself that it's all ok, nothing has changed, nothing can change the fact that she died, she was killed by me, and she hated me.
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There were several times when I stopped because I almost couldn't hold it, she just supported me and said that I don't have to force myself, that if I didn't want to say that I could not stop.
I don't understand what the so-called 'force myself' means, it's just that my chest is uncomfortable, and I've already gotten used to it.
So I'll say it all, even if she hates me, that's what I predicted.
I will pick up all memory I once hid deep inside my heart and speak them out again, and let these 'undissolved sediments' make the surroundings cloudy again. Let no gap for light penetrate into the 'solution'.
Pain is something I should take for granted.
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Until I finished talking about the past, she listened silently, like Sorey, she never expressed her disgust.
After everything was explained, she silently took me into her arms.
"Niko...?!"
"You've been through hell so far until now..."
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... And again, why are the people around me so unwilling to punish me, even the person I killed.
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As a Shepherd, Sorey definitely has a position to fight against me, but he decided to help me only because of 'my help from my whim'. So far, I have received help from him many times, so much that I am a little scared.
Everyone's been so nice to me, it's kind of scary to me....I can't repay their kindness at all, and I might hurt them.
Even so, they still choose to stay with me.
So for them, I can only do my best to repay and repay.
I shouldn't stay in this space, I've wasted a lot of time.
But in Niko's presence, the restlessness disappeared, replaced by doubt.
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Niko now has the same level of intelligence as everyone else, she knows all my crimes now because I told her all the crimes that have always been done. So she can judge my sins and punish me ----- I thought so, so I told her everything in detail.
She, who knows everything now, should not forgive me, the sinner who kills too many people like a monster.
The same reaction from her as my companion left me very puzzled.
I am the one who killed her!
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"...Why? Don't you hate me at all? I killed you."
"I don't hate, since I became a daemon, it wasn't me anymore, so it wasn't me who killed, but the demon who occupied my body. I just regret that I couldn't be by your side and let you face so many things alone."
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It didn't feel like she was lying at all, to hear her take it for granted. I let out a dull sigh of relief, thinking I'd be a fool for thinking so much, and she didn't mean to hate me at all.
She accepted me just like the 'Niko' appeared in Melchior's magical dream. It wasn't just my imagination, she might have done the same thing if she survived. Just like what she did, no, better, she accepted me without fear.
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"...Why are you gentle with someone like a monster like me? I'm already a murderer who kills countless people."
"You're not a monster! You're my friend! I can't possibly hate you!"
I've heard the same words from Sorey and Eleanor, but I still feel like a monster inside of me.
I'm so stubborn, repeating hopelessly stuck in the quagmire of the past, why didn't they want to leave me behind?
"....I ---"
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"Velvet, you are still the same as before, it's easy to feel that it's your own responsibility, obviously you can be a little more willful."
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"......I do not understand what you are saying."
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"Velvet, you have been burdened with too many responsibilities since you were a child, and you don't know what willfulness is at all."
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"I've been too willful... The world has been messed up by me once... The village is also destroyed because of me..."
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"This time you took the whole world on my shoulders. Alas, you tried too hard...that's why I'm so worried." Niko tapped my forehead with her fingers.
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"People in the village have become daemons. If you don't kill them, you will kill them when the demons come. Arthur will definitely bring people to restore peace to the village. The ending is the same, just a different person to kill, but you are the only one who will always take our lives to heart. From this point of view, you are very human."
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"-----"
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"The world is always going to be chaotic, it's messy everywhere, it won't be messed up just because of you... So it's okay to be a little self-willed."
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"In the past 1500 years, I have also lived many times, and I can tell you I've seen countless people. You are definitely not a bad person, and you are definitely not a monster."
She said it with certainty, and it was a little more convincing to come out of the mouth of her who was killed by me.
After speaking, the doorbell of Niko's house rang, and a visitor came.
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She went to open the door, and there stood Artorius, whose clothes were a little torn, and it seemed that the duel with Shigure was not an easy battle.
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"Arthur?" I don't know if it was because after hearing my story, Niko was hostile towards him, and even her dogs barked at him hostilely.
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"Let him in, Niko, it's alright." I tried my best to put on a reassuring smile and make her willing to let him in.
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"Aren't you forcing yourself? He's your enemy."
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"Not anymore, I killed him."
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"Even so, did you say what you wanted to say?"
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"What I wanted to say?"
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"Like, the reason to hate him?"
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"I said it before he died, and he said it too. He said he wish we were the ones who died instead of my sister—"
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Before I could finish my words, I was interrupted by a loud and powerful voice. Niko slapped Arthur decisively. I realized that the sound of the hand hitting the cheek can be so loud.
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"You are too bad to say such things to your family."
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Niko said angrily to Arthur, without any intention of respecting the person who saved the world. Maybe only this person who died early could do such a thing, the people he saved didn't include her. This is done by someone who knew me long before the incident happened, because she also knew Arthur before, so she knew how much I valued my family.
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"Why on earth are you here? Are you going to continue hurting her?"
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Niko, who only heard my story before the new era, did not know that Arthur was helping me in this era, she only came to a conclusion like this.
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So I was hurt? Isn't I the one hurting someone else?
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Ah, yes, I understood at that time, very unwillingly to admit, that Arthur and my brother chose to continue and save the world instead of living with me.
I was very unset. I used to work so hard to make Arthur, who worked hard to support our family, happy. I did what my sister did for us, and I worked hard enough to hunt alone and subsidize the family's economy. In the end, Arthur still felt If only my brother and I died in the first place.
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I tried to imitate my sister, but I couldn't be her after all, and I was nothing.
I had nothing left, I was nothing, just like an empty shell.
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I've been stuffing myself with revenge and responsibility so far, but I just don't want to notice it.
Even if I survived, there was nothing I wanted to do, so I ordered myself to make atonement because it was something that would bring me back from the thought of wanting to disappear.
My smile gradually collapsed due to the thoughts that Niko's words brought up, and the corners of my eyes gradually became wet.
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I think I should have an ugly smile on my face, the kind of expression that doesn't smile at all but just a surface smile.
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Arthur's face also suddenly changed from sadness to surprise. Speaking of which, I haven't cried in front of him for a while since my sister died.
Because I don't want him to recall the sadness, and I don't want to let the sadness spread to my family, I just want that home to maintain a happy and warm atmosphere, even though I may not understand what warmth is like anymore, I have to replace my sister to maintain this home.
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So I always put a smile on my face, maybe as long as I get used to it, I will know true happiness.
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Looking back now, have I been in such a ridiculous state since then? …
It hurts, my heart hurts...why do I remember it? It should be the pain that has already subsided. Why does it make me feel so uncomfortable again?
It felt like there were all sorts of black stuff coming out of the body, maybe malevolence.
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I'm gasping for breath, I have to calm down, I have to calm down...
I have a contract with Eleanor, I can't become a daemon, I can't!!! I can't implicate her!
…………Ah? The horizons are upside down...the vision was taken away by the darkness...In the end, only the worried expressions of the two of them were seen.
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.
.
.
.
.
"Velvet? Are you awake?"
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"...What's happened?"
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"After I slapped Arthur, then you passed out."
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I don't know what happened while I was unconscious, but Niko seems willing to let Arthur get close to me now.
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"Sorry, I slapped him without authorization. I didn't know it hit you so hard."
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This was a big misunderstanding, and I didn't faint because of it, but what she said after the slap indirectly reminded me of my own nature.
This slap was as hot as it hit me, and it ripped apart the hypocrisy that I almost deceived myself.
I just want to keep everything in a familiar state and follow the habit.
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"...The blow is there, but not because you hit him."
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Hearing these words, Arthur shook his upper body expressionlessly as if he had been hit.
It looks kind of funny, but I'm not in the mood to laugh.
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"It's just that you reminded me of the unwillingness and the sense of how ridiculous I have been living since my sister died. I turned out...like an empty shell..."
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It is precisely because I had already become an empty shell that I collapsed so easily and was filled with revenge.
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Both of them showed sad expressions after I said such words, which is what I expected. However, enough is enough, they are all dead, and I don't need to worry anymore, the daily life I want to maintain is long gone.
"I'm just imitating my sister, but I can't be her, I'm nothing."
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"...you're not going to be her, and I'm not going to see you as her, because you're Velvet Crowe. You're not an empty shell, you've always worked so hard... but I've been blinded by despair. "
Arthur responded very sadly.
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"You look a lot like her and do what she would do, and when I look at you, I do think of her and my own incompetence, so I'm actually... sorry, I'm a bad brother. "
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Speaking of which, I know he didn't want to see me at all, and I worked hard in the direction he didn't expect.
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"But you are a good girl, you always want your family to be happy, so I want you to be happy too. Please live, find what you lack, and embrace what you have now."
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"For people like me..."
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"Don't say things like 'for people like you.' They all think you're the best to stay by your side, just as I think you're the best. You've worked hard enough."
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It's not enough, it's far from enough, what I've done is nothing but imitation, and the good deeds I do to relieve my guilt are not sincere, it's hypocrisy.
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"Velvet...you're not as bad as you think. If you're still waiting for a punishment, that punishment is living. Until you can accept it, living is a punishment, and when you can accept it, it's a reward. "
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Perhaps reading my thoughts, Arthur tried to turn me in a positive direction. He succeeded, and I became less resistant to living.
"...you're right, it's a punishment for who I am now, and Oscar is right, I unconsciously want to suffer and live the hard way. I wanted to live, but in retrospect, my nature was full of hypocrisy, I didn't expect a bright future, and I couldn't imagine it. Maybe after this, I will spend the rest of my life like muddle along without any aim."
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"It's also a choice, but is it really appropriate for all the people who work hard to keep you alive? Your life is continued by the efforts of many people."
Although a bit irritating to me, Arthur is right.
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"There are people waiting for you."
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Perhaps I was so lost in the perceived nothingness that I forgot the people who actually waited and rescued me many times.
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I think of Sorey, Eleanor, and Edna, all the people I've met in this day and age, all of whom are important to me, and they do value me even though I think they're important only because of the sense of responsibility I've forced myself to recognize.
They cherished me, and under their respective strong complaints, I understood this matter, and I also understood that disappearing and leaving after repaying them was no longer an option.
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That cherished warmth scared me so much that I had to escape from that warmth to keep myself awake.
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Solving things alone is not an option when they are by their side, they always make the option to catch me and not allow me to disappear without authorization.
Before I knew it, I felt that I could live properly by their side, and Sorey became my salvation.
I have the idea that I can live a little longer, I have to protect them.
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I can't let myself die before I can do anything for them, and I can't forgive the thought of muddling along.
For these people, and for Sorey, I should also think more seriously about 'being alive' and the 'future' I want.
Giving up life and the future casually is just an escape.
"... After I go back, I will seriously think about what I want to do with this life."
"Go on, I'm sure you'll find what you want to do. I'll be here watching you. Remember, you're fine, you can be happy."
Niko, who was next to him, heard Arthur's words and didn't object, but only encouraged me.
At this moment, I think there is not much resentment left for me, and as Sorey said, she is not hating me, the one who hates me the most is myself.
"It's time."
I saw silver particles emanating from my body, fading away from existence.
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"Does this achieve what you want?"
"What?"
"Find my new targets."
"Yes, because you will now seriously look for what you want to do, and seriously want to recall what you like. As long as you have this idea, I will be relieved."
"You really want me to live..."
"Of course, that's what correct --- no, that's what I want, my atonement, my waywardness."
"...I didn't expect you to say such a thing."
"By the way, Shigure asked me to send you a message, he wants you to take care of his brother."
"What?"
"What? Want to ask why? Of course, he thinks you are trustworthy, and I think he respects you too. That's something you can be proud of."
"That's not the point—"
"Work hard to live! This is your life."
These were Arthur's last words, he didn't mean to listen to me at all, he just wanted to finish what he had to say to me.
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In the end, Claudin also jumped out of the sword to say goodbye to me, and for a moment I saw the figure of the Reaper, and then everything disappeared.
The world was dyed white, dyed with the familiar warmth, and I remembered the teenager who tried desperately to save me many times.
What a weird guy, we were supposed to be two unrelated people at first.
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That must be his waywardness, and I don't hate it....not only that, but I don't know what that is.
Because of his willfulness, I also want to stay with him for a while longer......
The emotional residue is heating up in the empty heart, and that heat expands to fill my emptiness.
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'You are not an empty shell'
They would say the same to me.
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It is because of them that I have not discovered the empty part of my heart, they have long since become an important content that fills my heart.
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Speaking of which, Sorey and I have agreed to think carefully about what to do in the future.
I don't want to break the promise.
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Speaking of which, Sorey said that he wanted to live with me... Does that idiot understand what this means?
...but, that's not bad either.
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Even if the people who have hurt are gone, the time has passed, and everyone else is forgotten, the sin will never go away, I will always remember, in order to never do wrong again.
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A new life has just begun, and I will not allow myself to repeat the same mistakes.
Even if I make a mistake, the people around me will definitely help me correct it...
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Next, I have to live seriously, accept the gentleness of the people around me, and respond to their kindness.
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I will no longer give up my life casually until the inevitable death comes, I will struggle to live.
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When my consciousness slowly recovered, I heard the continuous sound of the machine and smelled the strange smell of disinfectant. When I opened my eyes again, I saw the white ceiling, and familiar faces emerged one by one.
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I probably really woke up this time.
What I saw were the delighted expressions of those who wanted me to live, who had been waiting for me.
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I realized that I had no reason not to give my best to live.
I sighed inwardly.
It has been a long time, I'm back.
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—-------------------------------------TBC—---------------------------------------------------
A.N.
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Umm, it's probably a bit messy to read, I can’t find a better way to conclude what I wanted to write, and I feel like I write a lot of settings in this chapter.
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I mainly wanted to write “there was something other than void enough to become the strength for something”, but I am sure I don’t handle it well.
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And in the end, it is really not the perfect solution to solve the problem of Velvet completely, I just can’t make up an answer I don’t know, it was probably something we spend our whole life studying.
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It is difficult for us to define what salvation is, and the only person who can solve our own problems in the end is ourselves. I also don’t want Velvet to be a character who is always rescued, so I have always let her do what she thinks is ‘within her power’. matter, to repay others.
Even so, she always felt as if she was being helped all the time without being helped.
In a way, I was projecting my own feelings onto her, but the difference was that she was actually helping others but she didn't recognize it.
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Thinking about describing Velvet's psychological problems, I imagined going back to her past period, and then I found more problems (so the whole chapter is "finding more problems than solving")
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"As long as that person is there, I will have the courage to live." This is really a love story message that has been used badly often, so I want Velvet to regain the courage and strength to "live seriously" instead of relying everything on Sorey.
The result is this kind of micro-depression that half seems to be redeemed and half punishes oneself.
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If what keeps her alive all the time is the responsibility and the heart of being punished, it will be difficult for me to make her change all of a sudden. If I let her change all of a sudden, it feels very unrealistic, you must know that Velvet is very stubborn, (and I also very stubborn XD) So I can only let these two things that support her life make her look at the matter of "living" in another direction.
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Recently, my work is also not going well. My boss often makes me feel that all my efforts are in vain, and my works have been overturned and redone. The things on YOUTUBE are also made with heart, but few people see and like them. I feel Psychologically inconsistent.
I'm not willing to give up at this point, and I don't want all my efforts to be wasted, so I have to work hard to make myself feel a little more relaxed.
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Putting this idea in here turns out to be "Let responsibility and punishment make it less sinful to be alive"
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But if I write like this, the positioning of love will be very unclear, so I worked hard to add Velvet’s thoughts on Sorey, and then found that there seemed to be very few words, so I added things about other people in reality at the same time. Then I found that there were too many things, so It was a bit messy, in order to echo the title, try to add the element of "remnants in the blank".
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Yeah, that is why it is messy, I am sorry
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Thank you for reading, see you next time!
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