Ex Text - I'm Depressed (But Make It Funny)

I'm depressed

Which isn't new

But I wanted to annoy you

I'm pretty sure you have the wrong number

Seriously?

You're not Rachel?

5'10, looks like Shrek with hair?

Wouldn't Shrek with hair just be Fiona?

Nah, Rachel's not a princess

Not even a cursed one

She's shrek

Interesting friendship you've got there

So why're you depressed?

I don't know if I should tell you, stranger

Oh come on

Please?

You could be a 60 year old pedo

I'm not

That's what a 60 year old pedo would say

I'm not a 60 year old pedo

And anyways, you're the one who texted me first

So maybe you're the 60 year old pedo

...

Touché

Are you going to tell me?

Fiiiiiine

A year ago, today, I broke up with the love of my life bc he was a little shit

Damn

He must've sucked huh?

Yup

Hence the breakup

But somehow still the love of your life?

Sadly, yes

He must've been special then

I thought he was

Turns out, he was a shitty little fucker, but eh, who cares?

Not meeeeee

Yet you remember the exact day you two broke up?

Is that pathetic?

Of course not

I'm still hung up over my ex too

She was amazing

Then why'd you breakup?

I'm pretty sure I messed it up

She wouldn't have broke up with me otherwise

Sucks to suck

HEY

I WAS NICE TO YOU ABOUT YOUR EX

THIS IS WHAT I GET?

COME BACK

YOU'RE LEAVING ME ON DELIVERED?

BITCH

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