Sometimes I wonder how I got here, sitting, watching my best friend get married to my ex-fiance. I'd be lying if I say, it's not a painful thing to watch. Yes, I may or may not have had that connection I had with my lecturer back at the University with Sam but that doesn't give them the right to do what they did to me. The betrayal that stings most was my best friend Tricia, she did worse, telling him that I wasn't in love with him, I swear I was, but it made no difference cause up until now, I still don't know why he wanted us to get married. They came to make peace with me, a few days ago and I forgave them, but it's still hurts. I'm happy for them anyways..but it doesn't change the fact that I wasted five years with him, thinking we were heading somewhere and he cheated, they both cheated. Now I'm twenty seven, not married yet. I hardly go to visit Ma and Pa, cause of what people would say and how they would look at me judging from where I come from. I'm Nuien from Netherlands, I grew up in Avatele, but now I stay in Alofi, but it's not far from home. In our town, girls are encouraged to marry early, and sometimes parents arranges marriage for their girl child so at most at the age of twenty five, you're supposed to be married and if you're not, It's a shame. The judging eyes of the older women prickles into your skin, makes you want to hide. For God's sakes we're in the 21st century not 1900. But nobody cares. I still remember when I left home, then I was twenty two, I wrote a book and fortunately for me, it sold and the life of my family changed, we were not poor, we were not rich either, we were just okay I'd say 'middle class' and from that moment my writing careeer started, people were happy for me, my parents could never be more proud and I on the other hand was the proudest- it's that even a word, but whatever...I became determined to pursue my dreams and now, regardless of everything, I'm still lacking. Just like every other woman who wants to get married and lean her head on the arms of her loving husband, I want that too. But here I am, oh Lord Jesus, I'm not getting any younger. I doubt He might even hear me after all I can't remember the last time I said a word of prayer to Him.
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" And now, you shall now be called husband and wife..you may kiss the bride" the priest pronounced. That sentence alone broke whatever trance I was in. I couldn't hold my tears, I quietly dabbed my wet eyes and cheeks with my Kleenex, and, quietly not trying to look obvious, looked around to see if anyone saw me, and even anyone saw me they would think I'm moved by what is going on but I just have to be careful. I don't want to draw attention to myself, but I can't help feel that it's kind of useless because, most people here are from our town, Tricia and I grew up together, we've been best friends since middle school, that explains why. Even Ma and Pa doesn't know I'm here, I lied to them that I wouldn't be present for a reason I do not know of. But Alia and Nathan knows, I find it hard to lie to them, they can be so persistent especially Nathan. I plan to leave once everyone is heading out so.. I'll be lost in the crowd besides, I already told Sam and Tricia that I won't be attending and they said they understood but I still don't know why I came here dressed like an old hag.
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********************
After what feels like, thousands of years of waiting for everything to end, the wedding finally came to an end and I stood up just like I had planned, I blended into the crowd, trying not to push anyone and avoiding anyone pushing me, I don't even know why people are pushing and making a hell lot of noise.
" Excuse me miss" a middle aged woman shoved me out of her way unexpectedly. I was too shocked to react, infact I'm not even in the right state of mind, I'm beginning to feel stupid for coming here in the first place, maybe I should have just sat at home and try to come up with new ideas on how to finish my book. For the past few days I've been having a writer's block and it's very annoying and frustrating, I don't even know what to do anymore. While standing awkwardly looking at everyone, I felt a tap on my left shoulder, taking a sharp turn, I came face to face with Sam and Tricia, my face paled instantly, I didn't even know how to react at first but I came up with the best smile I could muster
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"Hey Nad, how are you? I thought you said you couldn't make it?" She asked genuinely curious while Sam looked straight at me without blinking
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" Uh.. actually I came because of Nathan and Alia, we're all going to my house together" I said, which is true cause to be honest I don't even why I'm here.
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"Oh, that's alright, anyways it's nice seeing you here" she said smiling at me and if not for how disoriented my feelings are right now, her smile is wicked in a way, conveying a message of 'he's mine now' or maybe it's just me making up things in my head.
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" Yeah... congratulations by the way, I pray God bless you with beautiful kids" I said to them, and honestly I meant it cause, I hold no grudge against them. Besides we all are humans regardless. And this time, Sam spoke.
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"Thanks a lot, it means a lot to me and to us" looking back at Tricia he went on "Nadine, once again I..we want to apologise for what happened-" I cut him short
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" Noo, you're forgiven alre-
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"No really, I have to get this off my chest, I'm really sorry Nadine, I really don't know why I was with you, I felt like I used you, I knew I liked you but maybe not enough as I supposed to have. You're a very good person and you have a good heart and I pray that one day God will bring the right man for you, I'm really sorry". That statement was like a punch to my heart but I can't find the right words...he was with me the whole time for nothing!!. My God!!I'm such a fool. I knew coming here was a bad idea. I have to leave before I end up making a scene. Closing my eyes for a brief two seconds, for some reason my throat feels clogged up so I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath not an obvious one, obviously and then I replied
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" Uhm...like I said you're forgiven really...uh..I have to get going. I'll see you...when I see you" with a fake brief smile I headed towards my right and I think I catch a glimpse of Nathan with a girl. While leaving I heard Tricia quietly scolding him, asking him why apologized to me, that they had already done that, and she went far as saying that he humiliated her in front of me. Sometimes I wonder if it's the same Tricia I grew up with. I just want to go home and rest my head on my pillow and have a good sleep, because right now, I'm exhausted, mentally, physically, in every way possible. I finally reach Nathan, but he doesn't notice me yet cause he seems caught up in whatever he's saying to the gorgeous brunette in front of him. I gesture to the brunette not to say a word. And my brother continues talking animatedly.
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"-it was stupid really, I regret ever going with him, and I told myself I'd never go to any party with him even if he ends up being the only man in this earth and guess what, it didn't end there, he told the girl, that he's in love with her mother, at that point I wanted to bury myself- " and then he sharply turned. "Nadine, what the hell" immediately he said that I and the brunette bursted into laughter.
" Seriously, how long have you been here?"
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"Not long though" and then he turned to her
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" Is she lying?" He asked the brunette
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"No she's not" she said
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"Well, for some reason I do not believe you, anyways...I see what's going on here, women supporting women huh?"
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"Nathan, stop being silly..." I give him a smile and me being the inquisitive person I am, I demand with my eyes, giving the 'who is she' eyes.
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"Naddie, meet Carina my fiancee and Carina meet my younger sister Nadine" he said winking at me.
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"Don't mind him Carina, I'm his elder sister, nice to meet you" I say sweetly moving closer to hug her instead of a hand shake and I feel like she was tense a little bit and I'm happy I made her to relax a little bit. I'm even surprised at myself how I'm able to relate given how tired I am emotionally.
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"So how did you meet this boy?" I ask Carina and before she could answer, Nathan beat her to it
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" I'm not a boy, I'm a man" he said adjusting his tux with a serious face but helloo I know my brother so well..and I guess Carina knows him too. How come he has a fiancee and I don't know about it? Well I can't make a fuss now. I just want to be home, besides I'm just getting back from America, it's been a while since I've visited home.
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" Says the boy with a bat man boxers, I'm pretty sure that's what you're putting on now" I burst into laughter and almost immediately Carina joins me and we both laughed out a bit loud like maniacs and I'm sure we got a few looks from people but I really don't care right now. I'm starting to like this Carina of a girl. Nathan went all red including his ears. I started to feel sorry for him but I couldn't help it, besides he teases me a lot and I'm not usually that defensive
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" Alright.. that's enough" he said dressing his hair backwards and I actually took note of how he looked today, no doubt, my brother is quite handsome and with Carina, they're going to make a good couple, their kids are also going to be super cute. I'm happy for him, at least he has someone and I pray nothing comes in between them, and if it's something I can prevent, I'll do it with everything I have.
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"Have you guys seen Alia anywhere around?... I'd be heading home"
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"Now?"
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"Yes now" I answered... getting more tired and tired by the minute I decided to wait for them at the car.
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" I'm at the car waiting for you guys, and Carina I'll see you later" we hugged and I left them, I feel pressed so I head straight to the restroom and oh my God!!
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"ALIA!!...." I don't have anything against her..but... really?! In public.. anybody could see them. On a second thought, wow... little Allie has grown for sure
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"Uh.. I'm sorry...you had to see things like this" taking a deep breath and trying to collect herself she continued.
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" Meet Dante, Dante, my sister, Nadine" she said feeling a little bit flustered. We shook hands and Dante straightened his suit before speaking
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"I'm Dante Fernando... sorry you met us like this, you see..it's not usually like this-"
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"Yeah I can see that" I cut in
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"Right...I don't think I saw you when I came visiting"
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"That's because she's not been home for the past two and a half years" Allie answers and I saw an emotion of hurt flash through her eyes but everything went as soon as it came. I feel like a bad sister and I realise I have a lot of catching up to do with my siblings.
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*******************
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I'm currently sitting on the long couch, while Alia is sitting on the love seat and it's only Nathan who is seriously watching the movie. I decided to break the silence even though I'm tired, I feel like I have explaining to do, so I better lay up a good foundation.
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"Uhm.." I clear my throat a bit loud to get their attention. Nathan's head turned to me sharply.
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"Are you okay??" Nathan asks seeming concerned
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"I am" standing up immediately, I went to turn off the T/V. Then I straightened up and faced them. "So I know you both are angry with me and you have every right to, because I didn't come home for two and a half years-" I said looking towards Alia, but she's still typing out her phone like she doesn't see me, but I continue regardless. "I'm really sorry guys, you have no idea how much I've missed you guys....I miss you both so much I....I wished it was that easy but a lot was on my plate I swear...and now I'm back and I'm not leaving and even if I leave I'm going to make sure to spend Christmas with you guys every single year" from the look Nathan is giving me, he has forgiven me already but Alia doesn't say a word. She just kept her phone aside.
" I promise" I say heaving a sigh, trying not to cry cause I feel so overwhelmed right now. Nathan walks up to me and towers me with his height pulling me into a tight hug and I'm still fighting my tears but I don't succeed. Alia hugs me the second Nathan releases me. And right now, I don't care if I'm a crying mess. "I'm really sorry" I said sniffling, she releases me and wipes my tears.
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" I forgive you, I wasn't even angry with you to begin with, I was just a little bit mad that we hadn't talked for two weeks and then you just showed up...like that" she said getting all flustered and Nathan doesn't let that go 'untalked' about according to his language not mine.
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" Woah, woah wait, what's going on here? I need explanation" he said standing akimbo and looking at us inquisitively and me and Alia share a little laugh. Nathan can be so funny.
" I'm still waiting"
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"Alia, I'm sorry" I said looking at Alia, giving her a knowing smile and wiggling my eyebrows, and her cheeks goes red
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"Don't-" she said turning her back to me and running upstairs.."if u say a word I'll stop talking to you" she shouts from upstairs.
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"I'm still here" Nathan reminds me
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" I caught her heavily kissing a guy and he's quite older" Nathan lets out a shocked gasp and I sit back on the couch. Nathan sits besides me.
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" Oh my God!" he said
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" I said that too"....chuckling I said " Allie is a woman now, she could make choices for herself and if you ask me, I'd tell her to take it slow, but on a second thought, I don't think I'm in the right place to advice her" I state smiling sadly at Nathan.
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"Nadine don't be hard on yourself...I know how you must be feeling, you said you weren't going to come, so why did you later end up there?"
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"Honestly I don't know why I showed up, I guess...I just wanted to see them" I shrugged and smiled. " I'm going to bed Nathan, I'm worn out"
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"Alright then" he said still looking at me, worry written all over his face. I turned away from him and headed upstairs. Once I reached my room, I changed into a silk night gown and I got under the covers and that's when everything dawned on me. The whole events of the day came rushing through, my thoughts jumbled, where did I go wrong? Almost all my friends are married. First it was Dania, I attended her wedding last three weeks, second it was Debra, and the last person I thought she wasn't going to get married because she's always like marriage isn't her thing but she's married now with a kid. And I'm here wetting my pillow. Maybe I should go back to God, maybe he'll listen to me. I'm so confused right now. I wipe my tears, while it continues to flow uncontrollably. And then I hear some yelling outside my bedroom and for a second I was about to get up to find out what's going on but on a second thought I laid down back, I was so tired to get on my feet and after a few seconds my brother knocks and comes in and I wipe my eyes immediately, bit Nathan being Nathan he'll know I've been crying so there's no point actually.
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"Hey..I know you're not okay, I'm sorry for disturbing you though but I think I should tell you this everyone's destiny is different, very soon everything will fall into place, and you wouldn't even have to do much because that time will be your time" I love you... but Jesus loves you more, have a good night sleep. Please don't think too much you're fond of that. Good night Naddie" and with that he left and that was when I cried my heart out, I cried so hard that my eyes became sore. I couldn't handle it.
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****************
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Waking up to a message notification, I tiredly picked up my phone from the bed stand and propped on my right elbow, opening the message, it was from an unknown number, saying;
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Unknown number: hi
Hello
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Unknown number: it's Josh..Josh Washington 🙂
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Oh my God!!
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How are you?
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I'm fine, how have
You been..long time.
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I'm good, yeah it's been a long time.
you're books are everywhere
Congrats ❤️
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Thank you😌❤️
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Would you like to go out sometime,
Probably next week, are you down?
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Yeah sure I'd love to😊
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"So 7pm next week Friday it is
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I'm cool with it😌
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Alright then, later. I'm a bit busy
right now.
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Yeah sure no problem.
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I pinched myself to see if I'm dreaming but I'm not it's a fuckin reality. I had a huge crush on him back at the University
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then, I don't know how he'd be like presently. A man like him would obviously be more handsome than before. I can't wait for next week!!.
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