An ember nearly dying flickering and slowly grows till the flame burns once more.
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It hurt…
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It all hurts…
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The darkness slowly gave way to light, and all I saw was madness. Was this the afterlife?
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All around me was chaos: it was a war zone where battles were fought and lost by those too bold and weak to truly know the legends they fought. Why the gods sent her here, she did not know. Deep pits surrounded torn earth, and random splashes of blood were among what green was still left in the vast plain.
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Wait, plain?
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I was still in the battle? Panic grips me as I remember being broken, falling first in battle, and scouting what was left. How did she live? That onslaught of force from a raging beast. Yet now, looking really looking, she saw them.
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They're all dead…
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I finally saw them line up near me like soldiers waiting to be buried before the one who led us… Len.
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She was hunched over, sword and shield still in hand, and died a warrior, never letting go of her weapons.
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I looked to my side; there were my hammers, but not held with pride in death like Len. No, I live holding nothing in shame… My thoughts drifted to what that battle must have looked like before even Len fell in the end.
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I tried to reach for one of my hammers to hold to be defiant and claim victory once more, yet a tremble entered my hand and refused to go any further; it felt numb. Glancing back at Len once more, I did not have the will to defy Len's sacrifice by holding those hammers. The weight was a burden she could not carry, unworthy…
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Tears fell gently like twin streams that met into a waterfall on my chin, a last goodbye leaving me with the pain of knowing I was alone… to live with the shame of the loss and to carry them all home in defeat
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It made no sense why she was left. Did the ogre think me dead and just line us up and do nothing? to parade to others? A final mockery and warning to any who challenge it to know it lived?
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"Man, I feel like shit…"
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The voice broke my thoughts: someone else lived?
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Scanning desperately toward the sound of the voice. An ember of hope bloomed in my chest. I knew the voice but feared it was a desire not to be alone more than a truth that he lived.
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Yet as I watched the shadows form and shift on his prone form as he covered his head with his arm, lying there, I knew.195Please respect copyright.PENANAVQmOcbngSy
Arlin lived…
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"I don't feel any better…" a new voice from my side.
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Coby… His voice was weak but stable. Gods, what's happening? The ogre was letting them live? There's no way it did not kill three of them...yet maybe––
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Glancing to the hill, I looked to Len with an irrational desire for her to live to explain how the impossible became possible and beyond all my power to believe… Did she live?
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Watching Len’s unmoving form, she glowed… a hope to dull my shame…
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Beyond the wonder of how so many of them lived, that just left one alone to an unknown fate. It was Nina… I was afraid to pray for her to live, as if it was already a miracle so many of us lived, but… did she?
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Nina lay unmoving. She remembered watching her grow rock armor and smash the ogre, and it took the hits like it was nothing, and now Nina lay as if she was nothing.
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Even amongst the pain of my stiff body, I could not stop myself from dragging myself forward, desperate to see if there was some hope she still lived, clawing at the earth trying to close the distance. She gave so much; the least I could do is honor her in death, but halfway to the body, a voice stopped my desperate flight.
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"Let her sleep; she pushed herself." A soft voice gently spoke, stopping me in my tracks.
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It was Len, still hunched over her weapons as if a king of a hill looking down on us, not that I had any reason to stand proud….
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"It dun muke sense?" I could not help but ask. Too stunned to do much else, how did we all live?
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Len watched me with a weariness, "I won; it just cost more than I thought it would."
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Gods… She won ALONE? … MADNESS! She went blow for blow, slamming her flaming hammers into the beast, and lost…. She watched its cruelty, as it knew she could not win and yet still Len did?
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"Nuuu."
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"Huw?"
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Len stared back at me with a gentle smile, looking as if the weight of the world was upon only her, as a slight breeze blew her hair from her face, but she answered me all the same.
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"It was too smart, so I baited it and made it a beast."
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Then Len looked at me with sharp eyes that did not waver, as if promising death, a coldness that chilled me, as she only ever offered us warmth or love. As Len spoke the rest, "And I killed the beast."
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I heard stories countless times from my father about what it meant to fight monsters; I even trained to do the same…. But it was Len who faced the beast and won.
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Alone…
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Drawing on the flame within her to feel the warmth now more than ever, but it felt cold. It wasn't a warmth anymore; it wasn't a pride she held. No… Now it was a shame.
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Even if Len did not say it, I knew. As she looked at me with those eyes, it said enough.
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I fought like a beast and lost. So she killed the beast as it acted like me… Failures are worthy of only death, and I failed us all yet live…195Please respect copyright.PENANAf58tWpIey9
Looking to Arlin, still covering his face, random shadows still flowing with him as he lay unmoving, as I listened to the truth Len told us.195Please respect copyright.PENANAmisTkYxACm
Yet shame still plagued me on how things could be different. Why did nobody yell at me for rushing, bringing no victory, just defeat?195Please respect copyright.PENANAISx2ni0624
I wanted to be forgiven, and I would've forgiven others, but I still would have made sure they knew what it cost…
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So why wasn't Len doing that when she was the only one to stand in the end against that? True, we chose to follow, but I led the charge. I wanted battle. Len might have had a better way to fight and win, now that I thought about it. Nobody really ever asked what the plan was.195Please respect copyright.PENANA10ueGoY1md
We will make it work was the general idea as we all just gathered and left playing heroes and never thought much beyond that…
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Yet looking out at the field of blood and craters and shattered trust, it did not just work. All this broken land could be us. Maybe it was; we just did not know it yet…
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"Great, another nightmare where we did not win…."
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The voice shocked me, watching Nina look around, frowning…
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"You're awake, dummy," Arlin said from behind his hand on his head.
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"Nooo, if I were, I would not be here. We would've won too if it wasn't a nightmare," Nina said, pouting.
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"We did win, Nina," Len said softly.
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I watched as confusion turned to blind fear, then tears and loud crying as Nina learned it was over and we really did win…195Please respect copyright.PENANAI7P8OU2XCc
Len dragged herself slowly closer to Nina's side, as did I. We both held her, crying too, each of us hurt in our own way, surviving the impossible that almost cost us everything…
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After a few minutes of weeping and recovering, I finally felt strong enough to move like a rock, drained and disoriented but able to move. I stood shaking but moved a bit away, not wanting to be too close to others as I spoke of my shame.
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"I shuld have bun there for u instead, I cust us everything…"
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"I dun know huw u wun alone… I lost…" The fire burned ever brighter within me, an old comfort trying to return to give me a glory. There was no glory to feel; there was only ash now.
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"I don't care how we got the victory; we won, and that's enough," Arlin said, not accusing me, just an odd acceptance, which still bothered her; they did not speak their judgment of her… Maybe that was a judgment in itself: she was not worthy of praise or shame.195Please respect copyright.PENANAGXvkETE0vY
Looking to see how Nina felt about my words, I saw her just watching passively, being held by Len, seeming to not want to let go or look at what was left of the madness of the battle.
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Coby was also quiet, seemingly filled with indifference as I turned to see Len watching me.
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"We were never going to win," Len said coolly, stumping me, not sure I really understood what she meant.
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Yet the words hit like a physical blow when I really heard what she said. All that pain, all that breaking and madness for nothing? I stared at her, trying to make sense of it. My hammers had felt so heavy in my hands, pushing myself to the edge in battle, and made useless against something that was just... playing with us?
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"Uh, whut?" I finally managed to say, and Len smiled sadly at that before explaining.
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"It was toying with us from the start. It could have killed us all three times over. I had to gamble on outlasting its blind rage and fury till I could time a perfect counterstrike."
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Still watching me with that same sad smile, "And I won."
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"That's supposed to make us feel better, because it doesn't…" Arlin voiced my unspoken words.
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"You trusted me, and for that I thank you, but this was a battle we were never meant to win or should have fought. I take responsibility for that…."
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Why wasn't anyone blaming me? I rushed into battle and made it worse. Len probably would have seen the truth long before, and we would
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have gotten away… It's my fault, not hers…
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So why is she carrying the blame?
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And not me….
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"I lied too, Len…" That surprised everyone to hear Coby say such words.
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What was going on?
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"I knew a new team was coming later this week that could hunt the ogre. I feared you would've gone anyway…"
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The silence stretched between us like a chasm. He knew. Coby knew there was another way, and he let us walk into the maw of the beast anyway. I wanted to be angry, but I was too empty, too broken. What did it matter now? We were all liars, all fools. and I led the charge full of pride…. Before this, I probably would have dragged Len to fight it with me if not alone…
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A mad laughter came from Arlin, scaring me a little, and when it finally calmed down, he spoke.
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"So we nearly died for nothing?"
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"Then what was the point?" Arlin asked, though I wasn't sure I wanted an answer.
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I did not know, and nobody spoke to offer insight. I was not sure how to feel. Everything felt wrong, even the flames within me. My training failed, my pride failed, and even my hunting for love failed…
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"So what do we do now?" Nina asked, ears perking up, looking hopeful but lost, still holding Len.
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"What do you mean? We go home; it's over…" Arlin said casually. "I just need a few more minutes. My head hurts, and your questions aren't helping…"
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"YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" Nina shouted back, ears going flat while she glared him down, tears brimming in her eyes.
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"Nina, be nice, please," Len asked calmly, still holding her.
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"Sorry," Nina said, burying her head in Len's side, not wanting to be here but unable to leave.
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I wanted to laugh to offer support and cheer them up. It's not so bad; we won; we beat the beast, but it all felt hollow. Every hammer slam I
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swung did not bring the ogre down; it just went on its way as if I meant nothing…
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Learning to block….
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I remembered my dad teaching Len that important thing. I thought it was stupid… Why hold one weapon when you can hold two? So boastful, I was thinking, just go faster and you can smash anything…
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The flame that burned within me allowed me to move so freely, burning brightly and never believing I could not smash a victory.195Please respect copyright.PENANAe9crkQHxKX
But I could not block that which broke me and my team…
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Only Len did outsmart the beast and my berserker fighting style… Maybe I was rusty and cared more about love and adventure, but the ogre did not, and Len won…
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Outsmart, outplay, say whatever you want when the gloves come off, and there's only one winner. It was Len, and when I tried the same…195Please respect copyright.PENANAuqADxLQ6mI
I woke up lost. Defeated. A broken flame.
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The fire inside me that had always been my pride, my strength—it felt cold now. Ashamed. I'd rushed in like always, thinking my flames could burn through anything—just keep pushing and I’ll get my prize—and instead I'd nearly gotten us all killed. Maybe Len had a better way if I hadn't charged ahead like a beast.
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She knew she was self-loathing, but it helped even if a little to have someone to blame her, even if it was only herself…
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"You know I followed you more than once and never wanted any of this. Maybe I could have said something sooner, and I didn't, but now?" Arlin spoke slowly and calmly, as if this was something he had held back for a long time and nobody really knew.
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"I'm out no more."
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"Never again."
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I listened to his words slowly, really hearing them, and I wanted to laugh and be proud and say, Don't talk like that, but I knew I felt no different… Looking at my prone hammers, I did not even want them, at least not for battle…
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I still loved blacksmithing; that was something that could free me, but the thought of banging my hammer reminded me of my fist with hammers slamming into the ogre flesh and doing nothing…
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No, maybe I was not ready for them…
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I looked to see Nina burying her face in Len's side. I don't think Nina wants to fight either; she was there for us. She always talks about her brother, never battles, never magic, just family…
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Coby looked determined. I wasn't sure what he would do. He was a hunter; he probably would keep going.195Please respect copyright.PENANAl5Oz9cixMJ
Looking back to Len, she did not look at any of us, but even now she still held her weapons as proof of what she would do…. She never stopped, even as we fell… We lost…
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I moved a little further away. I could not handle being close to those that would not judge me for my failures that took a burden I felt and did not share in blaming me…
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We all wanted to leave to end this madness.
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Yet all over the battlefield, there's nothing left in its wake save for us.
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Arlin slowly drifted to sleep; his shadow grew deeper, cloaking him in a blanket of darkness.
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Coby tried to keep watch, refusing to accept it over not seeing the end, but no matter how much he searched with the wind, it was only us in these plains, and the drain wore him down as he slept.
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Nina quietly wept at Len's side till even that turned to a restless sleep.
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I watched in shame as everyone drifted off to sleep, wanting to be held, to be free to be home, as the flame burned gently within me. At a low rate, lost as I was, I focused on that, wondering where to go as I lost myself to sleep watching my flame within slowly dance in defiance to my shame as if I had a reason to glow bright still.195Please respect copyright.PENANA71OIQav9We
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All that was left was Len watching over each person, never stopping her watch, never giving up the hill as king. Only after she was sure all was safe and nothing was left did even she sleep.
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The battle was over, and none of us were dead, but all of us lost a bit of ourselves to the ogre even after its death. The future will tell of this day of legendary heroes that defeated the impossible beast that stalked the shadows of the dungeon. But for those that lived and fought this day, we knew what really happened and what the true cost was.195Please respect copyright.PENANAwSTmaTo7tQ


