今天,是我三十歲的生日。
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有人說過,隨著年齡增長,陪在自己身邊的人的數量會逐漸減少。
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我向著蛋糕閉眼許願後,吹熄上面的蠟燭。
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自從搬出來一個人住之後,每年生日幾乎都是自己渡過。現在認識的這群朋友不會記住彼此的生日,也沒有慶祝生日的傳統。姐姐生了小孩後,爸媽都顧著照顧孫兒忙得團團轉。三十年母胎單身,還是別妄想能有什麼男朋友陪伴。81Please respect copyright.PENANAIW5PFqVo7G
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這是一個甜到膩的巧克力蛋糕。生活愈是苦悶,就愈需要大量的糖份來提神。81Please respect copyright.PENANAzxkMBXhdlK
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「咦?阿妹回來了?怎麼不告知我們一聲?」我媽在廚房做菜,抬頭瞅了我一眼,又繼續忙活去。81Please respect copyright.PENANAzAyritK6I4
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「也沒什麼……我只是回來找東西,拿到後就走了。」我到廚房添了杯水,喝完後從廚房出來到客廳,看見我爸坐在軟墊上一邊陪外甥玩玩具,一邊看電視劇。81Please respect copyright.PENANAK5jq2mjK27
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「爸。」我喚了他一聲,沒等他有什麼回應,就直往後院走去。81Please respect copyright.PENANAqy38VFYuF4
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家後院種了很多花花草草,還有一棵朴樹。我蹲在朴樹下一個凹凸不平的小坑前,用泥鏟挖除泥土,把埋在坑裏多年的小藍罐盒子掏出來擱在一邊,之後又重新撥土封坑。81Please respect copyright.PENANA8NEx9S6P41
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拍掉手上的泥沙,我拎起地上的小藍罐,正打算離開父母家。81Please respect copyright.PENANAIwuCxN3Ndg
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「不一起吃飯嗎?菜待會就煮好了。」我媽在廚房裏喊停我。81Please respect copyright.PENANAhcY03cKkDH
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「我已經吃過了,不餓。你們慢慢吃吧!」81Please respect copyright.PENANAcB7ONuFFVN
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把大門關上後,我鬆了一口氣,就像是暗地裏做了些什麼偷偷摸摸之事似的。81Please respect copyright.PENANAVlkEewqS82
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回到自己家後,椅子還沒坐暖,我就迫不及待地打開小藍罐蓋子,探頭翻望,彷彿裏面有什麼叫人雀躍的寶物一樣。81Please respect copyright.PENANA5FSMtFucKC
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裏面的東西仍舊保存得很好,並沒有因為長年累月的塵封而變得霉黃。81Please respect copyright.PENANADbd1KJrDAB
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是一封信。81Please respect copyright.PENANApj2mcvfF2I
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是二十歲的我寫給此時此刻的我的一封信。81Please respect copyright.PENANArj2raddzZI
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回想起二十歲的自己,剛剛大一,同時做兼職賺賺零用錢,就算多忙碌,也總能擠出空閒時間約朋友吃飯聚聚,年輕的身體怎麼折騰都好像不會累,時間表填得滿滿當當,每天都精力充沛,生活過得十分充實。81Please respect copyright.PENANAPUkHwg0aTq
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那時候還沒搬出來獨居,姐姐還沒有男朋友和小孩,一家人晚上就圍坐在一起吃晚飯,會聊聊近況,或者邊看電視邊吃飯。吃完飯就會一同收拾飯桌,大家該做什麼就做什麼。81Please respect copyright.PENANAriz3hHi9e9
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二十歲的生日,光是吃蛋糕都吃了好幾個,口味各有不同。更重要的是,身邊為我慶祝的人,有爸媽、姐姐,還有一群中學時期認識的朋友,而且願望也許了很多,至於願望有沒有實現似乎也沒所謂。81Please respect copyright.PENANAMNZrMnMbiB
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以為日子會一直這樣過下去。81Please respect copyright.PENANAk435mSYATm
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直至出來社會打滾了兩年,姐姐懷孕了,但她男友不認帳跑了,像人間蒸發一樣,她每天以淚洗面。爸媽開頭說了姐姐幾句,之後就沒有再提太多事,一昧幫忙在家照顧孫兒,好讓姐姐能專心工作賺錢養家。81Please respect copyright.PENANA0394Xa8RZu
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為了自由清靜的私人空間,我選擇自己搬出去住。81Please respect copyright.PENANAIq1AmQTFJq
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工作日益繁重,不加以維繫的話,朋友的關係就漸漸疏遠,直到被時間慢慢沖淡。不得不提,固定重復的日子有時候會一點點消磨對生活的熱愛。81Please respect copyright.PENANA0noTOK18TE
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自己一個人的生活,的確很寧靜很悠閒,不過偶爾也會懷念起從前熱氣騰騰的群體生活。
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看完那封封印十年時光的信件,寫字字跡沒變,我仍是那個無事時常會暢想未來的我。那個時空,以及那個時空裏緊密聯繫的人,終究是回不去。
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我戴上耳機,耳機裏播放著十年前到現在仍然很喜愛的歌曲旋律,漫步走在大街上。一個五歲左右的小女孩一手拎著粉色印著笑哈哈表情的氣球,一手捧著甜筒,迎面向我走來。81Please respect copyright.PENANApPzOnXmuKf
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她只顧舔著手裏快要融化的甜甜的冰淇淋,一不留神就鬆開了手。氣球隨即順風起行,朝著廣闊的天空飛去,飛得很高很遠。81Please respect copyright.PENANAkfUQSlVeGh
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氣球上笑哈哈的表情望向我,彷彿在對我說:「再見啦!很高興遇見你。」
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頃刻間,我想起二十歲的自己在信裏寫的一句話:無論怎樣,希望小思你一直開心下去。81Please respect copyright.PENANAhYyO2rkcNB
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這也是三十歲的我,所許下的生日願望。
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