The room was dark. Light came in from several buildings that looked like they had collapsed. It smelled of blood. There were several pools around it with taps still running, even though the water was already full. The lighting was limited, making it impossible for me to see the entire room.
I looked for various objects that could be used for lighting. There were matches and several oil lamps, enough to light up the entire room. I installed oil lamps in every corner of the room. I saw several objects that were worn-out and old.
I walked past several pools. There was a lot of stagnant water, only as high as an adult's ankles. The water was murky and smelly, mixed with the red color of blood. The more I walked, looking for a way out, the higher the stagnant water became. My footsteps felt heavier.
The wind whistled so loudly. Someone was talking beside my ear, his voice like a whisper. It got louder and louder. My ears were buzzing; I immediately covered my ears with my hands. Over time, the buzzing changed into the soft voice of a woman.
The hair on my neck stood up. Her voice was so soft that my whole body was covered in goosebumps. I tried to turn my body around, praying that she was also human like me. My guess was wrong. A woman was standing behind me. Her clothes were white, and her long hair covered part of her face. The more I looked at the woman, the stranger she became. Her body was shaking; her lower abdomen was bleeding profusely.
"H..h..help," her voice sounds terrible.
Her hand was raised towards me. The blood that came out of her lower abdomen was clotting. I felt nauseous seeing it. "H..h..help," she whispered. The further back I went, the more my body hit the wall. I looked for something that could be used as a weapon. There was nothing.
I screamed louder. Her hand grabbed my neck, strangling me hard. "H..h..help," she kept asking me for help. I cried in resignation, trying to get her hand off my neck. Her nails had penetrated the skin of my neck. "It hurts.." I tried to speak. She let go of her hand.
"Please... help," her voice sounds terrible, begging.
I tried to avoid her. She just stared at me with one eye almost popping out. I shook my head hard at her. "No, I can't help you," I said in my heart.
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I woke up from my dream, stunned by what I had just seen. It was the same dream as the last three days. That woman — what’s really going on? She wanted to ask me for help, but she seemed so pushy. She scared me to death.
I went down to the kitchen and got a glass of water. I drank it, trying to calm myself down. It was already half past four. I took ablution and then spread out my prayer mat, praying that the dream wouldn't come back.
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Chapter 1
I went to school with Geesa. Usually, we went to school by bicycle. Our school did not allow students to ride motorbikes because the school provided pick-up services for students whose homes were quite far from the school.
"Lientha Ariesandy, listen to me or stand at the back of the class until my lesson is over!" said Mrs. Eva firmly.
"Lien, you were reprimanded by Mrs. Eva," said Geesa while nudging my arm.
"Yes, Mrs. Sorry, next time I won't repeat it," I said.
I returned to paying attention to the lesson delivered by Mrs. Eva. I continued to do my homework even though the woman in my dream kept bothering my mind. The last lesson was over at half past one. Geesa and I went home, pedaling our bicycles.
"Let's go home via the front road. I want to see that unused hospital they talked about. Residents say there have been many strange incidents. The hospital is also old," said Geesa.
"Okay, while refreshing after Mrs. Eva’s lesson. I have a headache," I replied.
We went home through the front road. The hospital was indeed no longer in use. The nameplate also looked worn out. A veteran hospital. No wonder all I saw were soldiers who probably died in the war. Some passed by one after another, with different conditions. for example, one hand missing, blood on their clothes, or worse, someone dragging their own head.
While continuing to pedal, I looked around the hospital. The building was worn out but still standing strong. Beside it was a place to park several ambulances. There were many nurses and women sitting on the ambulances, shaking their legs.
They said that being indigo was fun. I hope they are right, but the reality is not that simple. I see the world like you do, but also a side that you never imagined. Joy and sadness mixed together in my silence. Everything went hand in hand like water spilling without direction.
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Chapter 2
I went to school as usual with Geesa. The difference was, I asked to have breakfast in front of the school. This morning, my mother cooked tofu, and I didn’t like it. So, I chose to eat chicken porridge with Geesa, even though I was actually quite insistent. Geesa didn’t mind.
For almost sixteen years, I have never been truly alone. Even though other people see me as being by myself, sometimes I play with someone unseen by other humans. And that’s fun. But still, many people think I’m strange.
Just like now — I was sitting behind the schoolyard. Earlier, Geesa invited me to the canteen, but I refused, saying I was still full. I had been sitting alone for a while, still thinking about the woman who appeared in my dreams for the past five days.
I took a deep breath when a woman sat beside me. Her clothes were typical of Dutch children. Her dress, which reached a quarter above her ankles, was decorated with lace and floral motifs underneath. Her face was pale white, slightly covered by the hat she was wearing. Her hair was long, brownish blonde. "Beautiful," I thought.
“Het is erg warm vandaag” she said.
“Huh? What?” I asked, not understanding what she said.
“It’s very hot this afternoon,” she answered with a smile. “My name is Larry,” she continued.
“Lientha, usually called Lien.” I nodded in agreement with her response. Her smile was sweet, and her gaze was calm and warm.
I remained silent, not daring to start a conversation with her. Although honestly, there were many things I wanted to ask. Who knows, maybe she could also help me find out about the woman in my dream. I even doubted she could speak Indonesian, even though she had just spoken to me very fluently.
“Just ask if there’s something you want to know. Don’t hesitate. Who knows, I can help you. Well, at least that’s what your gaze says,” she said.
“Well, there are many things I want to ask, actually. Who knows, you might know and can help me,” I said hesitantly.
“Go ahead,” she offered.
I still hesitated to ask her this. Especially after a long time of not interacting much with them anymore. It made me feel a little strange. But she seemed nice. She looked back at me, waiting for me to ask her a question.
“The woman in your dream, huh? She bothered you?” she asked.
“You knew? How could that be?” I asked in disbelief.
“I apologize in advance, she’s my mother. I don’t know what to do. Before, my mother also asked for help from many people who happened to be the same as you. I don’t know what made her like that,” she explained.
“Oh, she’s your mother,” I nodded. “Honestly, she’s been bothering me for the past few days, making me sleep uncomfortably, feeling restless every time I want to sleep, giving me dark eye bags, and making it hard to focus on my studies,” I continued.
“I want to ask you for help. Sorry if I’m being rude, but I’ve been watching you for a long time. I really wanted to talk to you. My mother was one of the victims of the Dutch army massacre — I know that. She married an Indonesian man and was considered a traitor to her people. No one listened to her, except for ordinary natives. My mother’s family is highly respected in the Netherlands, so they felt it was a disgrace for her to marry an ordinary native. I want you to listen to my mother’s please for help so she doesn’t keep bothering people,” she asked.
She didn’t look like she was begging, but her face was full of hope. I wanted to help her, but I couldn’t forget the incident when her mother strangled me. From the beginning, her face reflected sadness. Her calm gaze told me there was a lot of pain she was trying to hide.
“I’ll try to help, Larry. As best as I can,” I said convincingly.
Larry smiled, as if wanting to hug me. “Thank you,” she said. I told her there would be another class after the break. She said she would stay, so I went to class right away.
If you look at me, my eye bags are getting darker. I miss sleeping soundly — not this restlessness that comes every night. I miss living in comfort. That’s why Mom doesn’t let me interact with them too often. If we do, sometimes they keep asking for more from us.
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Chapter 3
My heart was reluctant to help, but I had already promised to listen to what her mother asked. After all, she had also been honest about her mother. But her mother always wanted to kill me, and that made me restless every time. Other voices entered my senses too. It seemed like it wouldn't stop. It sounded like a tangled cassette tape if you know.
"Hihhhh...." I looked at my brother who was teasing me. "Can you be quiet? Your friend told you to be quiet," I continued.
"Just leave it, so that Sis Lien's hair will be bald. My friend pulled it," she said happily.
"Whatever, I'm going to sleep. Later when you want to sleep, close the door," I said.
My brother often played pranks on me. We were both in the same grade. But for some reason, she had a lot of invisible friends. Often her friends were told to wake me up, sometimes spy on where I put my money, or sometimes follow me when I was away.
I went back to my room. I wanted to sleep but was afraid to meet the woman. When I opened the room, there was a woman standing on my bed. I didn't know who it was. I walked closer to her, and suddenly the surroundings of my room changed into a place I didn't recognize.
"Hey, where are you taking me? It's nice to invite me straight away, I don't even know you," I said, shouting a little.
The place was big, full of several soldiers who were shouting. Some kicked things. Others seemed to want to find something. I was surprised to see one of the soldiers dragging a woman and throwing her among the other soldiers.
I seemed to know the woman. She looked similar to Larry, very similar. Could she be his mother? If she was his mother, it meant I was in the place that usually appeared in my dreams. I watched her attentively, approaching the chaos so that it was clearly visible. Now I was holding on to being in front of them.
Waiting for what they would do. Beyond my expectations, it turned out that they immediately beat the woman. She cried while begging the soldier to stop doing it. Still, the soldier beat the woman in front of her. I reflexively screamed loudly. My tears just flowed.
The woman stood up, took something that could be used as a weapon. She took a long piece of wood and hit the soldier's head with it. The soldier who could not accept his head being hit by the wood shot the woman's leg. The woman immediately fell down, still begging the soldier to let her go.
The soldier shouted loudly in front of her face. Then poked the woman's eyes with the wood he was holding. I shouted very loudly. "It hurts," I whispered. The woman was still fighting, her tears flowing mixed with blood.
I cried, screaming, seeing all the events that looked so painful. I cursed, kicked, and hit the soldiers who had no mercy. The blood that flowed and pooled so much. It even made me feel dizzy and nauseous.
The woman was still crying, her face looked tired. Her body was weak from running out of blood. The soldier was still kicking the woman. I was tired of seeing it, wanting to end the journey that began with sorrow.
I walked closer to the woman, wanting to hug her. The merciless soldier instead carried the woman and put her in one of the bathing pools. The soldier pointed a gun and shot the woman's head several times. I was weak looking at it. Still not enough, he also turned on the water tap and left the tap open.
I ran to see the woman covered in water. The water flowing from the pool was stagnant up to my ankles. The red color mixed with blood, and the stench made me want to vomit. I was still standing in front of the pool, crying and screaming.
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After returning to my room, I immediately threw up everything in my stomach. The woman who had been standing on my bed had disappeared, who knows where. I wiped away the remaining tears on my cheeks, trying to forget the incident that had just happened.
I dreamed again. The woman still came, even though she had already shown me a glimpse of her life. This time, I saw her face more clearly. Half of it was covered by her hair, seemingly to hide the eye that had been pierced by wood. I smiled when I saw her. She no longer left; instead, she stayed to ask for my help.
She was still wearing her blood-soaked clothes. Her hands, now clenched, had once been used to strike the soldiers with wood. Her smile, partly covered in mud, carried a bittersweet expression. She stepped closer to me.
"What can I help you with? I will help as much as I can," I said.
"I have a daughter. Her name is Larry, and I want you to take care of her for me. Can you?" she asked.
I was at a loss for words. How could she not meet her child when they were already in the same world? I wanted to tell her that Larry had also passed away, but I was afraid that it would only hurt her more. The soldiers had already given her enough suffering.
"I will try to take care of her if I ever meet her," I said. I smiled, seeing her smile too. "Her smile is very similar to Larry's , beautiful," I thought.
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Chapter 4
As usual, I went to school with Geesa. We ate chicken porridge in front of the school since my mother didn’t cook this morning. I told Geesa about last night’s incident. She said she had been waiting for me to share it. She had noticed the changes in my eye bags, which were getting darker day by day.
"I know you haven’t slept much lately. Everyone knows," she said.
I just replied with a faint smile. Thinking about it, my eye bags really did look very dark. I had also barely finished my schoolwork for the past week.
After the second period ended, I immediately went to the backyard of the school. I looked for Larry. I called him, but he didn’t come. I waited for him while sitting under a guava tree. Then, I heard someone humming softly from the top of the tree. I looked up, and sure enough, a woman was sitting there.
"Larry!" I called.
"Oh, hi! What’s up? Looking for me?" she asked.
"About your mother… she asked me to look after her child," I said with a smile.
"Ahh, my mother didn’t know my fate was the same as hers. It’s okay. Thank you for helping me by hearing my mother’s request," Larry smiled. "About taking care of me… it’s okay. I can be alone here," she continued.
"But you have to promise, you can come to me whenever you want. If you’re lonely or sad, you can come to me too." I smiled.
"Thank you, Lientha. Sorry if I bothered you before," she said.
I nodded. It felt good to be friends with her. Finally, I could sleep peacefully and comfortably after this incident. There were so many things I learned from every moment that passed. And until now, she’s still my best friend. Sometimes she comes when she feels lonely. Other times, she invites me to play together.
Since then, I realized… loneliness is just an illusion. There are things that can’t be seen with the eyes but can be felt with the heart. Even though other people only see me sitting alone, I know I always have a loyal friend who accompanies me, in happiness or sadness. She comes when I feel like I’m falling apart, inviting me to laugh when the world feels too quiet. From every incident that comes, I learn that solitude is not the end; it is just a space to find yourself.
So, if you see me alone, believe me… I am never truly alone in this world.
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