127Please respect copyright.PENANAGhSqyayNau
我有個不能說的秘密。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAhiGEO4sZxT
從某天開始,我能看到別人對我的「好感度」。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAAPGhDYQIzZ
就像遊戲角色頭頂上的數值一樣,每當我看著一個人,那個人頭上就會浮現一組百分比。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA0Ru75QixLV
爸媽的好感度大約是90%,死黨阿哲是84%,就連平常不太說話的導師也有個65%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAd2oJZHYmDr
數字會隨時間變動,會因為一句話、一個舉動而升高或降低。像是某種無聲的情感反射。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAbaXNZYsVD8
起初我覺得挺有趣的。知道誰喜歡你、誰不喜歡你,感覺能少走很多冤枉路。後來我發現,這其實是一種詛咒。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAafmZH8Zn2g
你再也不能單純相信一個人對你說的話了。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAzEk6ru9a84
你會知道「沒事啦」的背後是40%,會知道「我沒生氣」實際上只剩下15%,甚至會看到那些滿臉笑容、說著「我很喜歡你」的人,頭上只有殘酷的22%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAEOJt0JEF7t
久了,你會懷疑世界是不是都在說謊。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAdAgo4G2o0n
也許正因為這樣,我才會那麼在意——那個對我來說最反常的數字。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA09S73GWBaP
她的好感度,是0%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAASxgNd00sA
葉澄,轉學生。
坐我旁邊,成績好,安靜得不像話,總是帶著一副拒人千里的表情。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAnfAxzpzDKj
我第一次看見她時,那個數字就寫在她頭頂,像刺眼的標籤一樣——0%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAzTy3Une5d7
不是負數,也不是低,而是完完全全的「無」。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA9UhTo0J3Dj
她不會主動說話,下課總是靜靜地翻書或戴上耳機。我試著找話題,問她午餐好不好吃,她只是抬眼看了我一下,淡淡回了一句:「普通。」
127Please respect copyright.PENANA1iLv5MtIcf
我以為她是那種高冷型的女生,對誰都一樣冷。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA37JcgnXnoE
但後來我發現,她其實對別人會點頭、會回應、甚至會笑。
127Please respect copyright.PENANABPAjStDiXm
只有對我,是沉默、冷淡、0%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA49jjcEuQVD
我本來想放棄,真的。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAfF1OxXP0ql
可是那天放學,我剛好沒帶傘,站在門口發呆的時候,有人從身後輕輕把傘遞了過來。那是一把純黑的傘,乾乾淨淨,傘柄有個小小的吊飾,是我在便利店見過她背包上的那個。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA57pNTAecQU
「……拿去用吧。我今天爸媽會來接我。」
127Please respect copyright.PENANAiMd0iKUUZR
她這樣說,聲音淡淡的。說完就走了,沒回頭。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAewjoJfYJCC
我愣在原地,看著手裡的傘,抬頭——
127Please respect copyright.PENANAdSGVyKmPbh
好感度:0%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAtYRhhiZKgM
我真的不懂了。
127Please respect copyright.PENANADZEpzf6R7B
如果一個人對你毫無好感,為什麼會記得你沒帶傘?為什麼會把自己的那一把遞給你,自己去淋雨?
127Please respect copyright.PENANAvIpPhGcHDR
我開始懷疑,是不是這個能力,也有看不見的東西。
後來我也試過不去管那個數字。
127Please respect copyright.PENANANT3yTjjp8g
畢竟她也沒對我差,對話不算多,但偶爾也會接我的話。東西掉了她會幫忙撿,做小組報告的時候她從不偷懶,也從不抱怨。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAKGCwp6la8W
如果不是那個0%,我可能會覺得我們就是普通同學。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAy30swqZytL
可那個數字太刺眼了,像某種不合理的線索,讓我沒辦法當作什麼都沒看到。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAwfoupwX6Al
我不是想讓她喜歡我,也沒有非得刷到幾%的執念。
我只是想知道,為什麼她的反應跟數字對不起來。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAOb6JGYSWxH
她幫我記下下週要交的報告,還在我感冒那週默默把我落下的講義整理好放進抽屜裡。
有次我考試考砸了,她淡淡說了句:「這份卷子本來就偏難。」
語氣很平常,卻像是在安慰我。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAKkxqNTsVZC
但——
127Please respect copyright.PENANAZursLMssGl
0%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAqWMcSRLgMW
連1都沒有,像她根本沒把我放進她的世界裡過。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAX8X6VEa3Rd
我開始懷疑,會不會是這能力出錯了。
127Please respect copyright.PENANATa2lCpB2hM
所以我試著更靠近一點,想看她到底是怎樣的人。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA4NL228m7N7
不帶任何預設,也不期待那個數字會往上跳。
只是……想知道,她是不是真的,對我毫無感覺。
127Please respect copyright.PENANATLGONhgm7h
但越接近她,我就越不確定答案。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAJWeJilQHef
她像是把自己包裹得太好的人,所有的語氣、所有的動作都恰到好處,既不疏遠,也不親近。就好像她早就知道什麼樣的距離是「不會引起誤會」的安全範圍。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAXhbsSmHluR
那是一種幾乎冷靜到機械的距離感。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAiROWJx0u8k
彷彿她不是不懂怎麼表達,而是故意不讓任何情緒外露。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAXT1WbRKT14
這樣的人,我第一次遇見。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAu5qgMjLvhM
也第一次,這麼看不懂。
後來我開始注意她的「無感」。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAE8D9qZz6L8
不是冷漠,也不是對誰都一樣——她對別人會微笑,會點頭,甚至在社團活動中和其他人有說有笑。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAI58P72xhuz
只有在我面前,那些表情都像被關掉一樣。
127Please respect copyright.PENANA9XQKyDlbO0
她回應我,但每一句話都像是經過計算;她幫我,卻從不留下任何可以延伸的話題。
像是怕讓我誤會,又像是怕她自己會動搖。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAJ23kZf1Xsq
某天放學後,我回教室拿東西,看到她一個人站在窗邊,手機貼在耳邊講電話。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAtSnCF4qhs6
她的語氣和平常不一樣,輕一點,也柔一點。
127Please respect copyright.PENANABJVLxwxf0u
「嗯……他應該沒發現吧。」
127Please respect copyright.PENANAsxDWpECCo4
我沒聽懂那句話的意思,但那一刻,她頭頂上的數字忽然閃了一下。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAPN90Z4rR4o
只是一瞬,很快又回到0%。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAfbloXx7jyi
我怔住,站在門邊,看著那個數字彷彿差點崩潰,又被硬生生按了回去。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAxPepjBWxwK
那是我第一次意識到,也許她不是沒有情緒——
而是把它壓得太死了。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAdcAeanOFrI
我突然想起很多細節。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAbZltUtCAEx
她從來不問別人問題,但常常記得我的筆記裡寫錯哪個公式。
她的文具常常和我一模一樣,顏色也一樣。
還有一次我們在圖書館不期而遇,她拿著我上週借過的那本書——甚至還翻到我夾書籤的那一頁。
127Please respect copyright.PENANADGKk9ruH4V
這些東西,太多了,多到不像巧合。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAmeObZpjm6f
但她仍然選擇靜靜地、安靜地當一個跟我「毫無交集」的人。
127Please respect copyright.PENANAWJGwI2iGnd
她的0%,不是空白。
是她不想讓我知道那裡原本有什麼。
畢業那天,我回教室拿落下的筆記本。127Please respect copyright.PENANAwHh9BFsfoU
127Please respect copyright.PENANAmDaAvLzbqg
127Please respect copyright.PENANAODQouMX0zK
她還在,坐在原本的位子,靠窗,陽光斜斜灑在她側臉上,像一幅靜物畫。127Please respect copyright.PENANAEYU15keeaR
127Please respect copyright.PENANA9oHjytUtxO
127Please respect copyright.PENANAUWZOhsKZ4E
我猶豫了一下,走進去。她聽見聲音,抬頭看了我一眼。127Please respect copyright.PENANAmXEUw2neUb
127Please respect copyright.PENANAD3UaX1f8JP
127Please respect copyright.PENANACctqFWRcyg
「你忘了東西?」127Please respect copyright.PENANAofnyk5tq9w
127Please respect copyright.PENANAA95jTnuIWg
127Please respect copyright.PENANAfQ1etFhJLM
「嗯。」我拿起筆記本,轉身,卻沒有馬上離開。127Please respect copyright.PENANAzSRw5Zr192
127Please respect copyright.PENANAIZe8vBVntD
127Please respect copyright.PENANA0Z6go6SqYu
「我想問妳一件事。」我說。127Please respect copyright.PENANA9eBi7orCSE
127Please respect copyright.PENANAWZM4yEknyg
127Please respect copyright.PENANAVv0oPlzk8V
她看著我,安靜地點了點頭。127Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8WViJ1qqB
127Please respect copyright.PENANAOfd0Xglcuf
127Please respect copyright.PENANAcCVt5WMlrK
我望著她頭上的那個數字。127Please respect copyright.PENANAAw8Z1Tkgz6
127Please respect copyright.PENANACxiqBUHnK0
127Please respect copyright.PENANAJkhgPOPVwH
0%。127Please respect copyright.PENANARg9ePn7gzs
127Please respect copyright.PENANAcgY8DLdsaw
127Please respect copyright.PENANAHTFN2ekuhr
我早就該習慣了,可今天再看到,卻像是壓住胸口的什麼終於撐破一樣。127Please respect copyright.PENANACaQV832khu
127Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZKFP94N8L
127Please respect copyright.PENANA4S8YkcIBZG
「妳是不是……其實不太喜歡我?」127Please respect copyright.PENANAFZq7z1aWF9
127Please respect copyright.PENANA6ThnTg1ujF
127Please respect copyright.PENANAdORwYia6wT
她愣住,像是沒想到我會這麼問。127Please respect copyright.PENANAsTfEM9DcC6
127Please respect copyright.PENANADNGdl4NfkU
127Please respect copyright.PENANACyKTH7Ezpm
「你為什麼會這樣想?」127Please respect copyright.PENANAeYVwi0NT9i
127Please respect copyright.PENANAwrqI0WYcIA
127Please respect copyright.PENANAVnMb2SPUcT
「因為你總是對我很冷。不是刻意疏遠,但……就像你總在保持距離,不讓我靠近。」127Please respect copyright.PENANAWMh1T89hDL
127Please respect copyright.PENANAQBsECt78Pq
127Please respect copyright.PENANA0QMaItKIIN
她沉默了幾秒,然後輕聲開口:127Please respect copyright.PENANAI0o7GOCrgY
127Please respect copyright.PENANAfXV3Al6xZO
127Please respect copyright.PENANAvaQzE14Lwl
「我不是那個意思。」127Please respect copyright.PENANAlZSrt030ER
127Please respect copyright.PENANAPsr4m9LM5r
127Please respect copyright.PENANAzHiYUosYQN
我盯著她,沒說話,只是等。127Please respect copyright.PENANAT4yXB6sGu8
127Please respect copyright.PENANAc3dTCfMeru
127Please respect copyright.PENANAPC8aW9PCsE
她低下頭,像終於無法再維持冷靜。127Please respect copyright.PENANAAKeV8HvzBl
127Please respect copyright.PENANAWZfVw9LElG
127Please respect copyright.PENANAwUYzovXyds
「我只是……不太會表達情緒。尤其是你在的時候,我總覺得,只要多說一句、多看一眼,就會讓你發現我……其實很在意你。」127Please respect copyright.PENANAbJ51Ca4I4g
127Please respect copyright.PENANAZv0x14xARi
127Please respect copyright.PENANASRGBKGZfKt
她抿著唇,像是用盡力氣才說出來。127Please respect copyright.PENANAz0RrfZSfID
127Please respect copyright.PENANAmJ7kBG9DTs
127Please respect copyright.PENANAx7cxas4doH
「我不知道你會怎麼看我,所以我寧可什麼都不說,裝得像什麼都沒有。」127Please respect copyright.PENANAwbfo9Xh7wC
127Please respect copyright.PENANAzsTVBigjba
127Please respect copyright.PENANAMcC9yrpPX0
我的心忽然被什麼扯了一下。127Please respect copyright.PENANA709PjiccUh
127Please respect copyright.PENANABIA1CKpoNs
127Please respect copyright.PENANAd5FSxx6Kwp
她的聲音更輕了。127Please respect copyright.PENANAyTAiBPfBjJ
127Please respect copyright.PENANAr0kRS7XOgq
127Please respect copyright.PENANA7nVsjW084y
「你以為我討厭你嗎……那你真的很笨。」127Please respect copyright.PENANAZyaurpLYDs
127Please respect copyright.PENANApApmrdw99Q
127Please respect copyright.PENANAd9IZUdqWEW
我怔住,看著她的臉,第一次發現那雙總是沉靜的眼睛竟然那麼不安。127Please respect copyright.PENANArQxueDlNX5
127Please respect copyright.PENANA4YN0mJas3W
127Please respect copyright.PENANAxwL1m2sScL
而就在那一刻,我看見她頭上的數字——127Please respect copyright.PENANAVe1GVe4KJl
0% → 26% → 63% → 100%127Please respect copyright.PENANAypRkdLJ6Ic
127Please respect copyright.PENANA6C304Zgtra
127Please respect copyright.PENANASsZ6p7ee1e
我沒有再看下去。因為我已經明白了。127Please respect copyright.PENANARHai292jwn
127Please respect copyright.PENANAgqAYy6zSt9
127Please respect copyright.PENANA4abcDR5Bzu
我一直以為自己只是想看懂她,想解開那個不合理的0%。但現在我才知道——127Please respect copyright.PENANA5M3rr6J9O6
127Please respect copyright.PENANAl1gsLOQJYV
127Please respect copyright.PENANA3nCriCLRU0
我只是太在意了。127Please respect copyright.PENANAN9el4cOBW2
127Please respect copyright.PENANA6xjdjfHMvU
127Please respect copyright.PENANAotTuRevP18
只是自己一直沒發現而已。127Please respect copyright.PENANATUvxFu8RlQ
127Please respect copyright.PENANAEhyb98Nw04
127Please respect copyright.PENANAaAK1S9ED8a
我輕聲說:「……其實我也不太確定,從什麼時候開始的。」127Please respect copyright.PENANAtL0OhpMU6F
127Please respect copyright.PENANACOX61dBh7P
127Please respect copyright.PENANAcP5BSm038p
「但剛剛你說那些話的時候,我心跳得很快,快到我沒辦法裝沒事。」127Please respect copyright.PENANA4emC2zu07N
127Please respect copyright.PENANAua0Qt8X6mC
127Please respect copyright.PENANAAkLkLOWtt6
她怔怔地看著我,像是什麼都沒準備好,卻又終於放下什麼。127Please respect copyright.PENANAThfS3iRwJh
127Please respect copyright.PENANANFpxuluF6z
127Please respect copyright.PENANAJqytE6wSmY
我走近一步。127Please respect copyright.PENANAQCesbnJAqu
127Please respect copyright.PENANA9VgOPe3fq2
127Please respect copyright.PENANADHCS0erZLU
「如果你不想再藏了,那我們可以試著……不用那麼小心了。」127Please respect copyright.PENANAMmPEWR66tU
127Please respect copyright.PENANAipOOYn7f4c
127Please respect copyright.PENANAoupkmG38vE
她沒說話,只是輕輕地點了點頭,眼神裡第一次沒有那層冷靜的防備。127Please respect copyright.PENANATV5IH6BlN8
127Please respect copyright.PENANAM3SGzbAtpu
127Please respect copyright.PENANAY5CcFKOrnw
這一次,她沒有再迴避我。127Please respect copyright.PENANASeQEOsXKrf
127Please respect copyright.PENANAW99F0q2gAS
127Please respect copyright.PENANAFMpso3K3EZ
我終於知道,那個「0%」不是空白,不是冷淡,不是拒絕。127Please respect copyright.PENANABZZaBwk5Y4
127Please respect copyright.PENANAZMc0v57VAp
127Please respect copyright.PENANAoSu3k2MrbQ
只是她太小心,藏得太好,連我都差點錯過。127Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZiqucoHjX
127Please respect copyright.PENANAm7Suofh2rJ
127Please respect copyright.PENANAvZCGWCqKyr
她從來沒有不在意我——只是從來不敢讓我知道。