從安布羅斯回來,已經又過了一個月。34Please respect copyright.PENANAhybxkflFpA
這段時間,蘇硯扔了不少資料給我,說是要「好好補償」他這三年的損失。34Please respect copyright.PENANAJDoQ04TCAx
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……什麼損失嘛。34Please respect copyright.PENANA3swuJSLtx0
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但他說得一本正經,連眼神都帶著幾分「這是理所當然」的正氣凜然,讓人無從反駁。於是,我只能乖乖接下那些堆積如山的文獻與研究計畫,開始適應回來後的生活。34Please respect copyright.PENANAospNAOrn3w
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學術界變化很快,雖然這幾年我沒有真正離開過這個領域,但國內的環境終究和國外不同,而且,過去三年,我一直都是在邊緣徘徊。34Please respect copyright.PENANAWxy3K8p2Nk
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現在我開始重新熟悉這裡的研究進展,也參加幾場小型的學術研討,見了一些舊識與新面孔,漸漸找回「高階研究人員」這個身份的感覺。34Please respect copyright.PENANAR1AE6WQJF8
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比起三年前,現在的我少了幾分焦躁,卻多了一種更穩定的心境。34Please respect copyright.PENANAXXmSbczRer
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這樣的生活……比我想像中要順利許多。34Please respect copyright.PENANAlGh7rY11ff
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「會後悔嗎?」34Please respect copyright.PENANA8xhZV2vjXd
蘇硯問過我這個問題。34Please respect copyright.PENANAxhYiNEnQd0
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那天他帶我去了一家新的咖啡館,店內的香氣讓我想起了Luna,讓我不由自主地出神了片刻。34Please respect copyright.PENANAJ24gyIOI4I
34Please respect copyright.PENANAEUhICJekJv
「回來這裡,真的不會後悔?」他語氣懶懶的,像是在隨口問著,卻又帶著幾分探究的意味。34Please respect copyright.PENANAxJ0CZokaW4
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我搖了搖頭,手指輕輕摩挲著杯緣。34Please respect copyright.PENANAh3WI6kDz2j
「不會。」我歪著頭,思考了會。34Please respect copyright.PENANACteIJUEsg7
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安布羅斯的確是個很舒服的地方,Luna也是讓人安心的歸屬,但……那並不是我的終點。34Please respect copyright.PENANAZuxsHQApRS
34Please respect copyright.PENANAj9K3rJb4Ju
我曾經害怕過回來,也曾經猶豫過,甚至登機前都還有那麼一瞬間遲疑過。34Please respect copyright.PENANAftyU2UoJWu
──我真的該搭上飛機嗎?34Please respect copyright.PENANAt9wq5gXdxe
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但現在,回來以後,我已經確定自己不會再逃了。34Please respect copyright.PENANA3PJJ9U2oqU
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「我很喜歡,現在的生活。」34Please respect copyright.PENANAV5kQwpFdx5
「妳確定?」34Please respect copyright.PENANAqu7XM7DbLG
34Please respect copyright.PENANAEcxFKOJCkE
「確定。」我輕輕地笑了笑,「學長要是再問下去,會讓人覺得你才是那個不確定的人哦。」34Please respect copyright.PENANAVuo9ShgAjl
34Please respect copyright.PENANAHBsZOfz0VH
蘇硯瞥了我一眼,哼了一聲,「我是怕妳回來後又鑽牛角尖,然後又搞什麼『學術界不適合我』的戲碼,又要大逃跑。你學長沒有那麼多美國時間陪妳玩!」34Please respect copyright.PENANAnOmbVzuBvq
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「這次不會了。」我很認真地說,「因為我知道,我是為了自己回來的。」34Please respect copyright.PENANAgliQWx3t6Y
34Please respect copyright.PENANA4IlmH3YUGA
有時候,我仍然會想起安布羅斯,想起Luna,想起店長。34Please respect copyright.PENANArJQnPoE4hp
34Please respect copyright.PENANAgBS0Il2WhM
這個習慣在回來的第一個月特別明顯,每當研讀資料到深夜,坐在書房裡看著電腦螢幕時,腦海中偶爾會浮現那些畫面——34Please respect copyright.PENANAYa0QTqNTky
晨光透過玻璃窗灑落,溫暖地映在咖啡杯旁。34Please respect copyright.PENANAX97F8ZpAvG
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店長忙碌時,總會隨手將長髮盤起,嘴裡嘀咕著「這群客人真是越來越挑剔了」。34Please respect copyright.PENANAPzvddnOKAp
而我站在吧台後,靜靜地磨著咖啡豆,等待水溫達到適當的溫度。34Please respect copyright.PENANAqezMYjut2n
那時候的生活平靜而安穩,像是停泊在岸邊的船,不用擔心風浪,也不用害怕目的地。34Please respect copyright.PENANAVY3feHQD2U
只是現在,我選擇再次揚帆了。34Please respect copyright.PENANAqxFHpV2G1K
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關於他……34Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2jsvB4dBi
我不會說,我完全沒有想起過他。34Please respect copyright.PENANARS9Y3b6bsb
許墨這個人,無論如何,都不可能被輕易從記憶裡抹去。34Please respect copyright.PENANAxihtg8A4pn
但過去那些帶著痛苦與糾結的回憶,現在卻像是被時間打磨過一般,變得不再那麼鋒利。34Please respect copyright.PENANA0LOpeJgzMC
偶爾會想起。34Please respect copyright.PENANA7kiU9tww8d
但不再讓人感到難以承受。34Please respect copyright.PENANAF0V3uziFve
這讓我確定,回來的決定,並不是因為他,而是因為——這是我為自己做的選擇。34Please respect copyright.PENANAP6E7RQqysS
只是,我認為,我還不能去見他。我要找到最喜歡的自己,才能去見他。34Please respect copyright.PENANAdaz9QpHZAy
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時間慢慢推進,日子一天天過去,我的生活步入了正軌。34Please respect copyright.PENANAqQuWj9WHUB
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某天,蘇硯突然告訴我,他那邊有一個研究員的職缺,問我要不要考慮看看。34Please respect copyright.PENANArcv8wGu5dT
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「學長缺人?」我看著他,眼神帶著幾分調侃,「該不會是為了讓我還債,才故意留了一個空缺吧?」34Please respect copyright.PENANAPrkSCCqVc4
「妳要這麼想也行。」他一派理所當然地說,「總之這個機會擺在這裡,接不接隨妳。」34Please respect copyright.PENANAwuJ2fGqFEQ
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我沒有立刻回答,只是低頭想了一會兒。34Please respect copyright.PENANAv4LPZKLENR
如果接受這個職位,那意味著——34Please respect copyright.PENANAQyQ6MvZQDb
我會再次正式進入這個圈子,會再次站到與許墨同樣的高度,甚至……可能會有交集。34Please respect copyright.PENANAq2znfY9LHZ
但我已經不再害怕了。34Please respect copyright.PENANAzdZ2fbQVpq
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我放下咖啡杯,抬頭看向蘇硯,輕輕地笑了一下。34Please respect copyright.PENANAYvr37QW4Uf
「好啊。」34Please respect copyright.PENANA50YSNOgSYM
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這一天,窗外陽光正好。或許,我的春天,也該來了。34Please respect copyright.PENANAh9wKS4cUmH