從安布羅斯回來,已經又過了一個月。66Please respect copyright.PENANABDVzt7OWmr
這段時間,蘇硯扔了不少資料給我,說是要「好好補償」他這三年的損失。66Please respect copyright.PENANAmxPgzDp8UG
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……什麼損失嘛。66Please respect copyright.PENANAomzZDquy9u
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但他說得一本正經,連眼神都帶著幾分「這是理所當然」的正氣凜然,讓人無從反駁。於是,我只能乖乖接下那些堆積如山的文獻與研究計畫,開始適應回來後的生活。66Please respect copyright.PENANAARkSdlPKPV
66Please respect copyright.PENANAPfvOEAhUE6
學術界變化很快,雖然這幾年我沒有真正離開過這個領域,但國內的環境終究和國外不同,而且,過去三年,我一直都是在邊緣徘徊。66Please respect copyright.PENANAIdfA7XJu66
66Please respect copyright.PENANA18Lob0k15h
現在我開始重新熟悉這裡的研究進展,也參加幾場小型的學術研討,見了一些舊識與新面孔,漸漸找回「高階研究人員」這個身份的感覺。66Please respect copyright.PENANAAYdT35JZL9
66Please respect copyright.PENANAVnHsnX3gMB
比起三年前,現在的我少了幾分焦躁,卻多了一種更穩定的心境。66Please respect copyright.PENANAlG1s80oIKl
66Please respect copyright.PENANAXNBjx498rm
這樣的生活……比我想像中要順利許多。66Please respect copyright.PENANASBlROXqDQj
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「會後悔嗎?」66Please respect copyright.PENANAcgcnSFeNux
蘇硯問過我這個問題。66Please respect copyright.PENANAbYigrefpyF
66Please respect copyright.PENANA7bGgBLVljU
那天他帶我去了一家新的咖啡館,店內的香氣讓我想起了Luna,讓我不由自主地出神了片刻。66Please respect copyright.PENANAf7M7JteXbg
66Please respect copyright.PENANAkisB6aSzHs
「回來這裡,真的不會後悔?」他語氣懶懶的,像是在隨口問著,卻又帶著幾分探究的意味。66Please respect copyright.PENANAlOPxINu9zg
66Please respect copyright.PENANAuzqbVuT74b
我搖了搖頭,手指輕輕摩挲著杯緣。66Please respect copyright.PENANAcGqyuGslwE
「不會。」我歪著頭,思考了會。66Please respect copyright.PENANA1pIUPggnFK
66Please respect copyright.PENANAxwdGCXKmEY
安布羅斯的確是個很舒服的地方,Luna也是讓人安心的歸屬,但……那並不是我的終點。66Please respect copyright.PENANA7vKfOpn9MU
66Please respect copyright.PENANAHgxQcc1UPk
我曾經害怕過回來,也曾經猶豫過,甚至登機前都還有那麼一瞬間遲疑過。66Please respect copyright.PENANADpqbNaSOtH
──我真的該搭上飛機嗎?66Please respect copyright.PENANAgwitcbRxZP
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但現在,回來以後,我已經確定自己不會再逃了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAnobD4pKPfl
66Please respect copyright.PENANAUUmJ2IqNxs
「我很喜歡,現在的生活。」66Please respect copyright.PENANAbgEh6heSHH
「妳確定?」66Please respect copyright.PENANALaa1fRYied
66Please respect copyright.PENANAhLvSuHRtfy
「確定。」我輕輕地笑了笑,「學長要是再問下去,會讓人覺得你才是那個不確定的人哦。」66Please respect copyright.PENANAPRbXgoNVqr
66Please respect copyright.PENANAVULCWOL1T4
蘇硯瞥了我一眼,哼了一聲,「我是怕妳回來後又鑽牛角尖,然後又搞什麼『學術界不適合我』的戲碼,又要大逃跑。你學長沒有那麼多美國時間陪妳玩!」66Please respect copyright.PENANAAXBPyEvDfm
66Please respect copyright.PENANAbmBQBkUXSn
「這次不會了。」我很認真地說,「因為我知道,我是為了自己回來的。」66Please respect copyright.PENANAr8bEv7hQk0
66Please respect copyright.PENANAackXevCmXd
有時候,我仍然會想起安布羅斯,想起Luna,想起店長。66Please respect copyright.PENANAKmUZeacyN1
66Please respect copyright.PENANAp5XdVfbcSH
這個習慣在回來的第一個月特別明顯,每當研讀資料到深夜,坐在書房裡看著電腦螢幕時,腦海中偶爾會浮現那些畫面——66Please respect copyright.PENANAUFJru36048
晨光透過玻璃窗灑落,溫暖地映在咖啡杯旁。66Please respect copyright.PENANA14nugZkrBM
66Please respect copyright.PENANAsQsipHmv0X
店長忙碌時,總會隨手將長髮盤起,嘴裡嘀咕著「這群客人真是越來越挑剔了」。66Please respect copyright.PENANACUTXpOYpuJ
而我站在吧台後,靜靜地磨著咖啡豆,等待水溫達到適當的溫度。66Please respect copyright.PENANA2ddUaPrfbx
那時候的生活平靜而安穩,像是停泊在岸邊的船,不用擔心風浪,也不用害怕目的地。66Please respect copyright.PENANAQWycNAKNp6
只是現在,我選擇再次揚帆了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAYZhkqpMPX1
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關於他……66Please respect copyright.PENANAAs0Cr1vt3r
我不會說,我完全沒有想起過他。66Please respect copyright.PENANATmhAZnSXyc
許墨這個人,無論如何,都不可能被輕易從記憶裡抹去。66Please respect copyright.PENANAE4lABrrVC9
但過去那些帶著痛苦與糾結的回憶,現在卻像是被時間打磨過一般,變得不再那麼鋒利。66Please respect copyright.PENANAAEbp2PkiSL
偶爾會想起。66Please respect copyright.PENANAP6QqtVr8Kb
但不再讓人感到難以承受。66Please respect copyright.PENANAlwPjCpYUUD
這讓我確定,回來的決定,並不是因為他,而是因為——這是我為自己做的選擇。66Please respect copyright.PENANAruS3cpbYD3
只是,我認為,我還不能去見他。我要找到最喜歡的自己,才能去見他。66Please respect copyright.PENANA7SRFxoyQ1e
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時間慢慢推進,日子一天天過去,我的生活步入了正軌。66Please respect copyright.PENANALTjVif5AKk
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某天,蘇硯突然告訴我,他那邊有一個研究員的職缺,問我要不要考慮看看。66Please respect copyright.PENANAKCo3ti1bJs
66Please respect copyright.PENANAE0W5sBUF5J
「學長缺人?」我看著他,眼神帶著幾分調侃,「該不會是為了讓我還債,才故意留了一個空缺吧?」66Please respect copyright.PENANAN28DRT5hyy
「妳要這麼想也行。」他一派理所當然地說,「總之這個機會擺在這裡,接不接隨妳。」66Please respect copyright.PENANAuCpuF4FX26
66Please respect copyright.PENANAA0si6eYnRt
我沒有立刻回答,只是低頭想了一會兒。66Please respect copyright.PENANAMRhIFBgnhG
如果接受這個職位,那意味著——66Please respect copyright.PENANAgCRRPl7mcu
我會再次正式進入這個圈子,會再次站到與許墨同樣的高度,甚至……可能會有交集。66Please respect copyright.PENANASgtAOKW9XW
但我已經不再害怕了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAi0qyC8x9vf
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我放下咖啡杯,抬頭看向蘇硯,輕輕地笑了一下。66Please respect copyright.PENANAn71e1Cu3We
「好啊。」66Please respect copyright.PENANAmIV1ftbg0D
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這一天,窗外陽光正好。或許,我的春天,也該來了。66Please respect copyright.PENANAdsIGzmwg8R