Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UG6wabth0
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHWUu5YvjC
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YuPXyTWMD
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iMdWJMxyp
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxJY7IvntF
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBaXWL959Z
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwp5kDGBnCD
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZyMcmujGv
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPESF8xD77
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMAuY3Qyzu
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbSG06IA4S
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopRjVGV2rY
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvggIQsybKh
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86lOgXAs1x
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KFAbulJXp
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISHo7wXC5X
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjvlfWXcAi
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*•*•*•*959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGT8WWwaQNs
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtlNIUBIvy
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafyqakgtqG
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BUlGEwvEi
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB68b4ADHg
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOMclo2Cg1
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jDuEkgSuy
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KeV8GmLOT
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQz8R7s0eTb
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmBammYrjR
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaJgjRcRvp
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLqFrkL3wk
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"It won't be painful—"959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXFtYsIZ1T
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqNwUFHhyI
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCXjcZ62dw
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jYSfcarpD
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRznH3zECY
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UO2363kJl
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnZfcEtXqB
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqxYDGi5Mq
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhYnKAdWuv
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This is it.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8MUPe7uMB
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpt9lW7k7uK
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYglHPjhmI
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHnTmhpA1w
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMKTfbJ3hV
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I freeze.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahxZWlUcjU
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Then I breathe.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyrmNA37kT
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpBjQ2LtXM
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvzEMdftV1
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFPk7yKQpM
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAbNNV6Neu
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlNfFLOqR4
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Something isn't right.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTevnZ5sN2
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHzb3yFJdP
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxz6yZvXS8q
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSLV7JjiGS
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqSHrINFZP
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJzJVPfZ77
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His lips twitch. 959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvM0Pherru
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgZ2fBhf48
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSn1mZ6lmXL
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"Okay so what do I have?"959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ1TJ8s0SL
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."959Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89Y3JqX1FG
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