Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6YADZl0bw
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEyWYTtmY5
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNVuw2zwvp
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEKLeBLGNy
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840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKLCPen62U
You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2nKqV2xtR
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYlY3wwuFp
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMuzl6yVjg
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoP1BgZaK1f
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pGo4gJxlC
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRULJZdBEZV
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUU0bGEFFP
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bPysctAxc
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0k024q3WK
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjvta32U7V
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OoICPBF8S
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJegIsc7l9a
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbDvMaTTlD
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TYcTROawl
"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4kxp86IhI
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshW8oaLePj
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeivTPdZs5
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*•*•*•*840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KvjDuqgt9
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RfWeNufmy
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRi5wZvJaSF
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9vOk4JEz5
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqXlMkWii5
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2dtqrONsK
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1qmghhOXN
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIkknmoEtg
"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXD4WMxigF
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MCxRxDA66
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcg0TmjNGS
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1ecXyrIrZ
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZvbO8lSKp
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8hwIfGvpQ
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYL4pVGDiD5
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIJisc8ppK
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"It won't be painful—"840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmELclkdWD
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nGy9AKoMf
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdEnT0FXxo
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxtf4lWmYx
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgr2yiacyG
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEgBZPKzV3
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBDImrIyNy
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLwDRgXMHP
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9ML2ny6aj
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKe5K0uhmZ
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This is it.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6haWC2n9CE
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPAVzd7koq
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbrCIvpNob
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42AHz42wo7
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYYojfbslM
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I freeze.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruBXjYpYvL
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Then I breathe.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleR8uPPIZG
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHDarck2Ne
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXi1EHsTLH
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnX48Kv6ad
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYBC6Dlplq
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmc1dsJJpc
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyBvQ65Krd
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLj5u24uTs
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Something isn't right.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnZbs1aThN
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0x025lYXrl
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiHwEINjVc
"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNSSBMJkXE
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2A8mVKHtOy
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjymZRT2wP
He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjNPu2aqUy
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQUu1PP9Wi
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbFYNJnVSk
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840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0kqU0d9UQ
"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoomrhzAEm
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His lips twitch. 840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTvC20ai1b
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW4XihODLh
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccHAl9oS9K
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEdD1GEonv
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcnXkiHLP0
Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZP33mf6Z6v
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5i32Aw8iHH
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"Okay so what do I have?"840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzEjPK0ECm
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjcTDmXnBQ
840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSE7pOYtaju
"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."840Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7dmD5w1hT
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