Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYizjtU2fmx
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Pf2LisFTd
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBZpd2otde
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0WALYm8Y9
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxrIRpOyg5
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JR7EEMV7A
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvNWHnmD8W
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa3lrtKwse
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RbaJq9XSX
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSKEy1dCPY
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUqWT3Fcht
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElI6fGtEBI
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqw3s1bMys
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC8faqzjvK
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfAbnjIbSQ
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhJROmcA5i
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81hQrj4Jut
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*•*•*•*952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26qnM37aMN
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ku0lZ51L4
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW4zT4WFIV
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBHpprTV8z
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fxL7Gae4X
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SQ30xQCen
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEZnuw3Y9R
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWlr6cVsMh
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4T4QIR2AP
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UScqTS9dr
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡir9OYB4dLB
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NipYqMIgP
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"It won't be painful—"952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf05SQFuahL
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBFh233Y19
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26FUC5f1cK
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RfibG8EEc
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yrTek66Cm
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4zfBfG333
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVcIXvgnH0
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ633JSyAXAs
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKGp93CNy8
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This is it.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHBXxzaoj7
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVzraGBSTQ
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMZU47Fn49
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3u7lxmKBm
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJP0Bz6HjoC
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I freeze.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtd3CLlWjN
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Then I breathe.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhbqtb25jK
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9A7IrrWQMh
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCFqmJ95wn
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrE7BN8XX2
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEjn6n2td7
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPikBKH7pN
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Something isn't right.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgQ4pKy3fZ
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw9NbAhdGh
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03EbepVxfZ
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREO6vi5uvL
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdU4mNoKcF
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uFNfGYJBe
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His lips twitch. 952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMCGVb7RXY
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZyPTZROll
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvdqjFO7Nx
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"Okay so what do I have?"952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcO5BSYCOC
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ73B6tMOmA
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