Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQU3sgR2jb
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8BjUZlX0K
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtxHpECHJW
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulfbWh7gIx
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLUgWHBekq
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFscJWiyGB
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTZogpfW6s
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjF0IAYWwe
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5BJc28G8U
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j6SZzoNac
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuQCi2X3vK
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VUPpQVS8J
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73kBGUJb0W
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPqAk0gHNR
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiW0xH8lr4W
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBL8NrhuGp
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnO2xqPya36
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*•*•*•*951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTczQ1evIQ
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOXvI9A9DP
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cLozMEHiq
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7DcBDzUea
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLX7w2vPZi
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4c2T5HACs
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYHC8TNtMe
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWLIG1iry2
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHoqvuuhXA
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6TiHZZV83
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbAU7hJjg4
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbrcaY4kRY
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"It won't be painful—"951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzt1vaChfsK
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWmrxLMHxw
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQnnzhWd0b
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cLlJSXKVm
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQGXtUpxpv
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0F31r19ZoQ
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRfbxgL9ws
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTd7KlOePF
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jfsLnXlPA
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This is it.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHa4jNUsPh
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZZ473YMPq
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mmXpNziEH
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLSvcdAcYL
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4WzdPUtUm
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I freeze.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtS8stzjBx9
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Then I breathe.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOolwkPlDE
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujUJmslQbD
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzPF5kS3on
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnOa8uUKpt
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv3OyfKznJ
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6rvCB3YjQ
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Something isn't right.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjtsuHy6Sc
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5FRJvtkSV
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa3VHTj2hw
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqHA3JPJA2
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv89ire8vj
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaczQ3xqQ6
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His lips twitch. 951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkJ75sM5lw
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6zwHNkQLm
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp07tuM7YgG
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"Okay so what do I have?"951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDblGE8PG9c
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhwCrqgEwe
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