Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FAM6Q5vbn
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2C0WBDiPV
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUwlbyGR66
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGsmxTiEgd
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSmTVsmFBB
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbdcHZHU34
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFa7FG9Lh6
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMZGdBWddZ
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ421LvHDFmN
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViUhRLNWoO
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw4JeZfuAd
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSaw86d8rT
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzQN5pbirr
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnEc4EwN7N
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiI26u5jug
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIafPkiPqAx
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsG2xJMM64
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*•*•*•*953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpd3kdaXbtA
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnwmlDA6k8
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9LhgPMcsv
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbNEixZwmF
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxhQ8FcAM2
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTkKn4fHhD
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluQYHMjGUR
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKfF1pT2R5
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aaqX3KmDq
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfXs5tvdJk
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMO5iRBa8BV
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPJAptoLjd
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"It won't be painful—"953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniPbLIDHbA
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxc3Y5al49
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMJhFobFVa
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirC1nnQlkx
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ2usexoZ0
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWDYUeTCmO
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8rAXaEuox
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8H5PZDU4IS
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXgO5PzYg0
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This is it.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9J2igUmQP
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz1SeSRf5z
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukEx5B8q7b
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9QS4RPzqY
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡai49q3PfEO
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I freeze.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGen8kN3LE
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Then I breathe.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJefRYu0h0R
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRG73Sw7D9
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76PLY7Pv7X
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLq3pWfwHu
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYJgZ2gq6A
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuTN2G7XQC
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Something isn't right.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l0NHS7jmO
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcaM9Pp6fX
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPeqqEqeyY
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLENAFCN3G8
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPD0HsHT7C
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi071XnSS2Q
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His lips twitch. 953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEu929Qc8hJ
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaCDzk7u2c
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBBOqhSUen
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"Okay so what do I have?"953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cCWD3Aty0
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpHzVWG9WN
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