其實…我地而家係乜嘢關係？ - 六十七

嗰排我成個人做嘢都好不在狀態，我都唔知道自己應該點樣去繼續過冇咗晴晴嘅生活。我最初都覺得話，其實只係冇咗一個熟悉嘅人，喺隔離陪住自己去繼續行呢一條求學之路，但係我慢慢明白，其實晴晴比到我嘅幫助，真係比我想像中大咗好多好多。

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依家我去到呢一步，我會諗：其實我而家嘅努力係為咗啲乜嘢呢？我當初都算為咗晴晴而揀咗呢間男校，咁當晴晴離開咗我嗰陣時，我又有咩動力去繼續留喺呢間學校呢？

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用另一條問題去問，其實我仲喺呢個世界上嘅意義係乜嘢呢？

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有啲人為咗佢哋嘅家庭，繼續有一個甜蜜嘅婚姻，或者佢為咗事業

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但係當而家呢一刻我仲未有呢啲條件之下，而我都啱啱失去咗一個我好鍾意嘅人，咁我而家應該點樣做呢？

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我都諗唔到點樣去紓解呢種感覺，即係…

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其實生存落去又有咩意義呢？

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我覺得我自己冇做錯任何事，錯嘅係呢個世界

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呢個世界實在太多唔完美嘅事，我幾年嚟都好鍾意晴晴，不過佢就响一個我冇預期過嘅時機離開咗我，選擇做返好朋友

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雖然話最後我哋都做返朋友，不過大家都冇再聯絡，去傾偈，即係我啱啱同時失去咗一個伴侶同一個朋友

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由另一個角度咁講啦，我而家仲有聯絡嘅女仔，其實都得返Cathy一個，咁佢都可能有時無聊搵我吹吓水咁樣啫，咁佢都有佢自己嘅學校生活，

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我都冇諗過自己會唔會鍾意Cathy，我唔想過咗嗰條界，好似宜家咁同佢做咗咁清楚嘅朋友關係

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其實我亦都有思考過，究竟應該點樣去行每一步路，但係我真係唔知點做。我最初諗過可以試吓搵Cathy去排解嗰種感覺，就係我失去咗一個我好鍾意嘅女仔嗰種感覺，睇吓佢會唔會有啲咩方法幫到我，但係我最後都冇咁樣做，因為我覺得佢都冇咩好辦法，

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以我所知佢都冇拍過拖，點會知呢？

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嗰排都有諗過，當晴晴離開咗我嗰陣時，又有冇其他女仔可以取代到佢嘅呢個位置呢？

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我淨係諗起Cathy呢一個人

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Cathy都可以算係晴晴以外最熟悉我嘅女仔，佢同晴晴都有一種青春可愛嘅外表，但係我始終覺得佢俾唔到晴晴嗰種感覺

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嗰陣時我搵佢IG傾偈，佢嗰種感覺係...溫柔友善？我唔知點樣去形容呢一種諗法

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晴晴喺我小學嗰陣時嗰個正向教育堂，俾咗一種應該算白月光嘅感覺我，令到我體驗到一種俾人在意嘅感覺，去幫我咁樣，但係始終呢種感覺係無論其他女仔都俾唔到嘅

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咁我唯有去慢慢接受呢一種改變啦20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktsRHDhVbD

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