快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

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感謝參與～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBdEfd9xfj
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUWnJjt5vd
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvRBBtdw6S
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSU0l8XRjjW
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCPXRsQNKE
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiKnOENg17
～～～～分隔線～～～～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFr7yWvMyAY
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXXEUjtMXM
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0xegibjma
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeZYpzzxGm
〈限制和自由〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj896k9TeYc
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v2BYsLPDW
penana.com/article/1024895357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vdL5kPjIo
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4q24ojr4M
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd40RW7bRcf
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowRV3esk1p
詩度 0。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4PX2haeok
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXD1PDZhtzh
～～～～分隔線～～～～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl461rUWUiR
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〈問〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZOWekdvUx
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penana.com/article/1024944357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzESKBQGzUy
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPH9sujg8wJ
詩度高一點。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUoGet72HD
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbM67wegsjK
～～～～分隔線～～～～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLI2iBc9zY
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYerrXRgZh
〈摩天之輪〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpWBcZxp3f
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDroqS8wT9
penana.com/article/1045705357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtbKD9Zzjd
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDX8rTYIkr
詩度再高一點。

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～～～～分隔線～～～～

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〈蝴蝶酥〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrAqhWm5Aw
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUckMus93I
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDSw5Vg3fI
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQL9bSLtiF
詩度比前三首都高。

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～～～～分隔線～～～～

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4qeWE9lsL
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNHnANoety
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftdeHHIDlP
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEU54DF6tT
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跟你分享。

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpFTF1uwae
～～～～分隔線～～～～

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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUXs9WnDiN
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ubRSotgcZ
【認識新詩的基本元素】357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjykvtZyv8l
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFQiHRZ3Rs
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1wVJILqug
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHELJHfCnC
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSswMpg7joq
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357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36PEIoXzT6

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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZ7QnnihAX

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe5Mg9vTCS
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtCOT4ZMH2
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJ9IYSxeHz
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh1h23xwwF
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmddZigKQl

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQFm20WEej

【這次全新寫的感想】

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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

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〈詠栗〉

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOekeILiuBh

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在