快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

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感謝參與～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGBxX5oodB
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCF1O8qPsc
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBO6tgRN2K
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYi4x8Cv3SI
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaas08H0Wq
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIEiTXanZj
～～～～分隔線～～～～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQ897wjd1A
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQo9MbDKeX
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKkwtMhxf2
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu54FfKgtos
〈限制和自由〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRZOQeHxbn
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgQ7viDtPQ
penana.com/article/1024895357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIb62LxoRTk
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtYKmHeE3G
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55m5wc6Uor
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauBXxzt4Ic
詩度 0。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKL1BCcOZt
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrMMG0Mdeq
～～～～分隔線～～～～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhqYwXsMX5
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUNnUJA5ex
〈問〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBwTCdjoX8
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAMb8PXw45
penana.com/article/1024944357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LI3e49grE
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJIfLrzSNO
詩度高一點。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b82oCLt40
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mocQJ6Iwf
～～～～分隔線～～～～357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVvnSqxHmP
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwLE5Rm2JV
〈摩天之輪〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamnaaBWO9b
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCnugCiMPp
penana.com/article/1045705357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk0bSEt3wL
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJa0KtV58CV
詩度再高一點。

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～～～～分隔線～～～～

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlofBtxgToj
〈蝴蝶酥〉357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnVIcygLu9
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpH8tvl5q5
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDSHnHKC3q
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv3driRQBq
詩度比前三首都高。

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydKX8YKrwm
～～～～分隔線～～～～

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbi9nF0tHv
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6UUJrib2P
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVaTpB5oYx
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qVCvKszvn
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTa5BUzKL0P
跟你分享。

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Fc76rbXdN
～～～～分隔線～～～～

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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvFq3jcfNY
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoI4zHPjaK
【認識新詩的基本元素】357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRJEdnfSfZ
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSZx5mCI5e
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAXAqK66BF
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zqb0t5i5k
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIIt2DZR4n
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWomBKdQKce
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSmGU4rV28

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2cJqtw8f6

【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzKKOZhiHH

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMc03L9mx11
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDPVpOMGbu
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAeadg7J3m
357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05n92b1sG0
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBISGVVn5h

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZoHxWClf1

【這次全新寫的感想】

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RfPBXhpSe

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

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〈詠栗〉

357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKMSYYZidg

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在