快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmS8pLdQ96

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbWJlBPDiD

感謝參與～164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlK8LFcpPS9
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZlVfFWpah
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnfiGuxEKW
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLD9Wpn32ZY
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJiAsNMYWR
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjINrPUcPaF
～～～～分隔線～～～～164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHPPIgVc2J
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQggyu1Toi
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6DgqRYzAc
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmyYAdZ8hq
〈限制和自由〉164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdDHhXCs9v
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNp4UKtbA3j
penana.com/article/1024895164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0066xQsCx
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQQaHhWAmc
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7o3dXuXRF
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NRtO7gPOs
詩度 0。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lPiBxOzp2
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGDTYZPcbh
～～～～分隔線～～～～164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpxQxqYM9g
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJUyo7ju6j
〈問〉164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEKNYDkvyI
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWW7D2yGqV
penana.com/article/1024944164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1t2Rjma60
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mlzWXbY36
詩度高一點。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡce7NLjuqYk
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGz9pdZfNx
～～～～分隔線～～～～164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnc2PUlCJYT
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHYnCycTc5
〈摩天之輪〉164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdmuWJi1QK
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2uqQh1dU7
penana.com/article/1045705164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBySMvaWkrs
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQ36MW0LnD
詩度再高一點。

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWIUS9oC0e
～～～～分隔線～～～～

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6dDfcgCNU
〈蝴蝶酥〉164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrDUDsFG7v
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWodvfjjpz
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvHr0tWFqA
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrBk6v5c6g
詩度比前三首都高。

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFo8MVYq8aQ
～～～～分隔線～～～～

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9ppGqpXWC
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwmb9vyXI3
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIClojwNqE
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01CNHRJDB0
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YmalyHm5d
跟你分享。

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YYOVjnwu5
～～～～分隔線～～～～

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jTupev5dj
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XA3NrF2CG
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEEPirleAR
【認識新詩的基本元素】164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pVkPlnvJG
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3CdXGwzH3
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpixE49OplU
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9Gb3bAHTX
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0F9wBABwh
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJhG5Uykrn
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjMk4sJPwY

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7p8kBdbIm8

【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4O5b6xT9V

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9mr7ymC2q
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9VjKAxV9R
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthmhXQ7KQd
164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA4qIXcoaH
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkYyhHqGGw

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf37utibTlZ

【這次全新寫的感想】

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmtzQr2j1z

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWrAqPQprZ

〈詠栗〉

164Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtHuriJ6ik

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在