快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

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感謝參與～356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrjbZXAsje
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEcBH5exKX
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1UGFaQZ9T
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne607r3cA0
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD599faW1fl
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJsQATK6D0
～～～～分隔線～～～～356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONogWNV7qi
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLoeX7qk2g
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpKR5OdBHp
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUdEIMzlxw
〈限制和自由〉356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3P3KrUAii
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsWEBqoTvF
penana.com/article/1024895356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrR2Bc4Rqp
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEufgU5Nuq
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoj1yvmOo0q
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVfz0Oqm1x
詩度 0。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5NgdA2GIQ
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5rFDg0jYA
～～～～分隔線～～～～356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAGKtlFdo7
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1HvKfcF67
〈問〉356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzGdNc6WIM
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUC0F2h3HUs
penana.com/article/1024944356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcnsY4r4Oz
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxvqRKrlZv
詩度高一點。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHRlwLeGPM
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFPeb3zl6l
～～～～分隔線～～～～356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA624SyXjF
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhdZryXIu1
〈摩天之輪〉356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysJpz1P5Gm
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSGYazNOj6
penana.com/article/1045705356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFI6LeVESJ
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23yX5jPeLL
詩度再高一點。

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0c9ab9oeig
～～～～分隔線～～～～

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYd9zXY8loo
〈蝴蝶酥〉356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oZ9kfAfba
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRBZUFv8yQ
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisHHyqRuYC
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Hbklw2i3b
詩度比前三首都高。

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡau8A5H2L8d
～～～～分隔線～～～～

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgPiOsaYPX
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Wr3NieK9M
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCR4nhVgYlv
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmCTqDCgFT
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDWs3YTp5U
跟你分享。

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bsi4u5pbC
～～～～分隔線～～～～

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakw1GgOOZ0
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5cwKf0X2C
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTtyCMf0mz
【認識新詩的基本元素】356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7CIFiKej7
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KIjVJZSVK
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxtvCzi7SM
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4AvKP2t60
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidmoHbQGdZ
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLNJAk3lUw
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxg5EkfLJ1J

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRlfR32F2M

【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9mKWSUTha

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡke14W3eABl
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35EHFY4iif
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzfCjf0pGT
356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLSj92IHGe
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ799cG27Trx

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQLv2wMPDv

【這次全新寫的感想】

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhduJIi8Nk

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

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〈詠栗〉

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqyqqtFjJO

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在