快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

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感謝參與～219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaikjNt0atA
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老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3K6yiByb5
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rb4QaXbIp
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8An8F5kr1
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～～～～分隔線～～～～219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MQOxmvRCX
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfQ8OuZmtm
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrshyrIVpZ
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〈限制和自由〉219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1HCMPD3tG
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penana.com/article/1024895219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iQ3phRWpS
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eDygbdTTH
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrIskyObgn
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXT4OkGTrw
詩度 0。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡof0MuPJ2qs
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～～～～分隔線～～～～219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfawoPnR2D
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〈問〉219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GCex0K0zL
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penana.com/article/1024944219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdEO8rK2kp
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詩度高一點。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UQcSWDSbu
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhJVVX2WUg
～～～～分隔線～～～～219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjDmMF9IWe
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GrX0AcuNO
〈摩天之輪〉219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl1OG4TGDh
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTVx6i075R
penana.com/article/1045705219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yUWmm55yb
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詩度再高一點。

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～～～～分隔線～～～～

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〈蝴蝶酥〉219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYl0F8ItB4
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSYjSV6unJ
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WwWXP698d
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詩度比前三首都高。

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～～～～分隔線～～～～

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Dy4RYADAt
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprBZBgFQdh
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLtMwaujb8
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRTcd3a7A8
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跟你分享。

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～～～～分隔線～～～～

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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcFBNOWybt
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【認識新詩的基本元素】219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lJeLblMcH
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blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1aPU1OK8z
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我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCUbmJmAZz
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219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WVi6W3jJU

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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01xuul3WrT

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMgMBwdsn9
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw809Oy1oB8
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdZGAnh6kc
219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRoz0yvpA9
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

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【這次全新寫的感想】

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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

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〈詠栗〉

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殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在