快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsssNR1t5mp

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感謝參與～202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmq7dDYqPE
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnibgFmNn6
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXV4HcmZQz
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfHbvSBF1p
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlw88qD4zLj
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEplJPboqYl
～～～～分隔線～～～～202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxD0y1XtISe
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo37eNtebs
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTVnlVaRNT
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvhCewL8Hs
〈限制和自由〉202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCc66MNO8I
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xUXaLYMIp
penana.com/article/1024895202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDph3MimO5
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmu9Ojqvfh
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDSAASbMiw
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9J5MriPB0q
詩度 0。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIQflQuGXs
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGip8U0YReW
～～～～分隔線～～～～202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sTuYzLShO
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOjLMIlyJ4
〈問〉202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhcVZxydOE
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penana.com/article/1024944202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqTQ1hgn9r
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxupQOmtGzi
詩度高一點。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemO1Z1gHrz
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYtn8YShmH
～～～～分隔線～～～～202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSomaiG5Q4
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh8Mx1XR6e
〈摩天之輪〉202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nXCynrLda
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rPuWihz08
penana.com/article/1045705202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPGfZFCFVK
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jk2Qa3Bqp
詩度再高一點。

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCrpM0IScC
～～～～分隔線～～～～

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYyoWTJRFb
〈蝴蝶酥〉202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH9f6EURNe
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpyI3A7f7q
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbl1e4byGz
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詩度比前三首都高。

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtJSfC4JwL
～～～～分隔線～～～～

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoc8wXLFgQr
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDmwWeiJPI
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIr52lZZwh
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6GXGMPu90
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tDxx4OeT0
跟你分享。

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL55aucU7vx
～～～～分隔線～～～～

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj5HTRzbOw
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb02xuQgRBg
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuUMMo7IBm
【認識新詩的基本元素】202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfCWmBY2ws
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiJXi9rOXJ
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DFnKZ4Ynr
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrecmkaAciF
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYWSZKVIOV
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56Mg3GQgr8
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U2BlRpE94

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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPXKMJ2BJj

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRgAYcv2cL
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkJNknnhgc
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0j5Ej9Hte
202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwssEQwq5d
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhn3775Rp5

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQwG6S4Hgd

【這次全新寫的感想】

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMHeMnZmHZ

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvuar34hMH

〈詠栗〉

202Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXDUfVFgBD

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在