快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnq0c3KXDb

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KIm3mKcdh

感謝參與～361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBclxMU2vJX
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSm5y0XqDab
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKRrjS80UI
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlltmy4Gh1g
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lCQ7iqDjq
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IUg462vrm
～～～～分隔線～～～～361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e89rgUzDu
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOt8ucAaP8
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOMYfuydHr
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KYCBdp3Ac
〈限制和自由〉361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgzsp2JgFv
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHPCLfrnWi
penana.com/article/1024895361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAaDAQpG8a
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyYrnLtKnc
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzFkUNRgUX
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxhujiOvEh
詩度 0。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVM2iWlhoCg
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBKsuJnp48
～～～～分隔線～～～～361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxloL8Wo3z
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrxS3SKTxU
〈問〉361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XCxAe0Mdb
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafD52GPCD4
penana.com/article/1024944361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHmeq8fH6s
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4W6ZuxQpB
詩度高一點。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBziMx8KLB
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA5SrLqEMN
～～～～分隔線～～～～361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Mwpmes6yQ
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrbNGC5DaN
〈摩天之輪〉361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwDGX2D7ep
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5P8nMJ62hJ
penana.com/article/1045705361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqg7OmQUH6
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxK71ps4AZk
詩度再高一點。

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xJ9ZkAYIu
～～～～分隔線～～～～

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIOouGIJbN
〈蝴蝶酥〉361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjyrobQa8J
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdp8yctBnB4
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1qM3nqIO2
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHuQLVPtEv
詩度比前三首都高。

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkxcFSu1cF
～～～～分隔線～～～～

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSe7RwmBJe
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2aPZqVxR5
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlp4K1g5x7k
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aTxr4olu3
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsk9ZZI3m3Q
跟你分享。

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOi968lNVJ
～～～～分隔線～～～～

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VXeW4BADV
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVUKJQcMU8
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUkffbRXcE
【認識新詩的基本元素】361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7n5d12WijA
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyydluPP60
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjkyv4yEiW
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOgBBcDYpP
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjxtzzqwz2
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cs301P6Ba
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCJIOncvCk

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDcIa7Ynqe

【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBI5TY0CW0

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNW9qHpYCJ7
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GqQ9Ke47t
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqgvsVAhIX
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXuDyezUMd
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnMOcxH1uv

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtU1Qs4KXZ

【這次全新寫的感想】

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87rPhThDBS

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlogBJnSGT

〈詠栗〉

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7Ewtrjxpz

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在