快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

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感謝參與～149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk2izOQRFZ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlCFK11Vsi
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKUCfxHv6B
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXu0oEhj1m1
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrlEQYvBn6
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmrYS5aWaV
～～～～分隔線～～～～149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVBEpr5nx8
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzPxgUlKXJ
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMuIunocwK
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyppLVlSGL
〈限制和自由〉149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSTqOPdYwT
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g0QsZ8QDC
penana.com/article/1024895149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTLGE2cBPd
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoLyViNOUO
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40C7iYuPo8
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ib01LSqmm
詩度 0。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbMKlcExKN
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF8BvT2VRb
～～～～分隔線～～～～149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDz3OMDKLxw
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hvAx5aJVs
〈問〉149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqv5NuJE2Ua
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfYhE1NeQM
penana.com/article/1024944149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UihYBk4VO
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoWqntvcvO
詩度高一點。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7h0kzWoEg
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMJrCuEf18
～～～～分隔線～～～～149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOLekDjQv0
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwERZKJuspS
〈摩天之輪〉149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2KTzU3KM7
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2kpLTycEo
penana.com/article/1045705149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMBnS818mi
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLeIdrBM82
詩度再高一點。

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiNt5Y8rIz
～～～～分隔線～～～～

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1I1IYj2eT
〈蝴蝶酥〉149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwtL6TgsPz
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCXT9Iu5qj
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoTGtdAwYh
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9vDAn0JUR
詩度比前三首都高。

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0swTrBmzj
～～～～分隔線～～～～

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7U9DhNDgy9
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt6ezWJDdY
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEzGc5lNnu
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtogWRZ3E3X
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOFGysQf3A
跟你分享。

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VfhfwV7yM
～～～～分隔線～～～～

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsLECEAqwP
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyE0ddUAqN5
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSXPppNlWQ
【認識新詩的基本元素】149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdOa15Ckev
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW76EjQUphM
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fdhLLvsHQ
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5tRDKmJOd
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlwakkJrcL
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2H1nw23v9E
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgLcYLKrOr

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4kte6z5ef

【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYHgYSdvzR

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvwNOoGMGg
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrnqfqaZ2i
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3jJXcHHNV
149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2tbXEXlIR
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMw7y1Wnmg

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuB6IVZ828b

【這次全新寫的感想】

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjskkywIJvu

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNAMzCcslo

〈詠栗〉

149Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJreHlHBJ0

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在