快閃寫詩：詠一物十行詩 - 【題主的話】寫詩，要有詩度

以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOycETmFa2

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaUzhJq5ra

感謝參與～167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjjJsgMyfU
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTA2whsky8l
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQlKj5IbEs
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxEGtkG0rU
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYPJXhcrHb
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRUww2wz8l
～～～～分隔線～～～～167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWnx8PRzkA
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1WhPnIXOO
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi4hQExCt6
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8To4qdgOC
〈限制和自由〉167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFSDuUyIKo
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASFxdhGtOo
penana.com/article/1024895167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpZiUVg66a
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbCrQcPLF8
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XbxCmSqLk
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYp9jz08bs
詩度 0。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6IlxhJPXw
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVgwx5WzKy
～～～～分隔線～～～～167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DUxAYBXHw
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoVv9PAo7J
〈問〉167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayCUGvTGuo
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaUFIQFBPY
penana.com/article/1024944167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdp1pOdsxi8
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyY6Bk2huDZ
詩度高一點。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrQy53SNwB
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMntJAVES2
～～～～分隔線～～～～167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8msfjD73mX
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUqsqtcc3o
〈摩天之輪〉167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyQ1G06e8g
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3MSTf3DQr
penana.com/article/1045705167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFW2ueeG4BT
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6rilnOAAr
詩度再高一點。

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCWt7qK7kJ
～～～～分隔線～～～～

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhDkYIjisM
〈蝴蝶酥〉167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSuS1rUwAg
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN669uyZufc
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgUTnNVGUE
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoiEnASTid
詩度比前三首都高。

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObfN3sc3qH
～～～～分隔線～～～～

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTse1R7CaZ
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXOh7Ex5TZ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcezBdZ8zN
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5ShumT0XD
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAmb9E4srg
跟你分享。

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGc1aPdui7
～～～～分隔線～～～～

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvdSnTEK0S
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCn0Oj61mZ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBJcxX3qgm
【認識新詩的基本元素】167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYa11wt7DX
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGUN6Wkz6N
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66CNhjpcbt
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr120wN8RZK
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFknOC3KNil
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdx8GlUlO6
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuGSkBqTuB

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIu5vVIld2

【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡes9M3s4Qzp

這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaHszGmYc8
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfI7QiMe06
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoFQywGMSs
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPde8vh8bX
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz8p1ePWLL

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsAgQXlzJY

【這次全新寫的感想】

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVD7M8mOYV0

我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉作例子：

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMAkgc7SGw

〈詠栗〉

167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5sie4UPh5

殼斗，第一層愛

張牙舞爪威嚇

眾鳥獸，為了

豐美的內在