behind

Do you see me?

A question I ask often.

Life is lonely when I live in the shadows, moving with so much care that even the sun shys away.

What of that voice I don’t use? The smile that doesn’t shine? Is it forbidden or am I just a lost child yearning for light?

The touch I don’t feel wraps around me icy cold, burning hot. Too much too little.

I feel everything and never nothing because my nothing is my everything.

I am nothing.

Forever is time and time is always. Slow like a snail fast like a hare.

I approve and am overridden.

I blink and my eyes are shut.

Do you choose not to?

The mirror is one way only just like the road but I walk backwards, see with my eyes closed and my ears covered.

What did I do?

The noise, my noise, is too much and too little. Never enough never just right.

They are my answers and now they are yours, were they ever mine if I don’t exist?

Ghosts are real because I am real.

Ghosts are not real because I am not real.

Flip a coin, choose, option one option two.

I drop the coin, I panic, I leave.

No commitment.

My only commitment is to be uncommitted. To not be.

Am I here?

No one can answer.

Are you here?

Of course you are because I see you. They don’t but I do if you’d only give me the chance.

Why do you look away?

I am not scared and I am not silent.

The wind blows over me and knocks me into the waves.

I drown.

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