the way i feel

as you are, not what i want you to be

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYD5ef2ssh9

What I love about you isn’t solely based on the perception or impression you give me or the rest of the world.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsFuRs1YAc

What I love about you are all the reasons why you don’t believe I can love you or that anyone should love you to the depths that I do.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qJZPQbnIJ

Your strengths and grace in what you know and are may make you beautiful, but your weaknesses and insecurities make you perfect for me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXxMNAceFm

When I look into your eyes, I see what other men choose not to see. I accept what other men can’t or won’t accept. Choosing to love you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do, but losing you will be the hardest feat I’d have to overcome.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7ANlrUX2w

I can’t promise in the future, I won’t harm you. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the perfect man.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSovk0iWac

What I can promise is to learn from my mistakes, to have patience with you even when I don’t have patience with myself and to trust you with every fiber of my being. We may live to grow old together, we may not.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLaVlxbXR2

No matter when, no matter what time we have now I’ve come to realize the paradox I find myself in: It will always be enough and it will never be enough; I will always be blessed as I will always be cursed.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdxcwQvEWX
Every day that passes makes me joyful because I’m free of the delusion that someone couldn’t love me, when I’m with you I don’t have to hide who I truly am, who I’ve forgotten I could be.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZUPuUD1ad

Every day that passes makes me miserable because I know I have fewer days with you than I’d like. If I could have one wish, it would be to go back in time and relive all the moments we’ve shared.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLcWbfqwR4

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because none of the great memories would have ever existed without our struggles. The pain has helped us love harder, appreciate the time we have, and give us the patience to love each other in all our forms.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34Z9Y01qkU

I vow to love you as you are and not stand in the way of who you want to be. I love you, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life, regardless of where this journey takes us.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6eoLfhN7L

For you, I would do anything and everything, all you have to do is ask.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqJt48Disf

Solo

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdfEwdr8nk

I have never been much of a talker, I’m comfortable with blending in the background and letting the rest have their fun.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxDbmrvARY

It's hard enough for me to focus and get outside of my head, so being in the present or having a conversation is truly difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qQCVvyvLn

Don’t get me wrong, when I speak and join in, it's fulfilling and people tend to be fond of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to partake in any social environment.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob0T62fm8q

I thrive in isolation, especially when I get my hands on a project dealing with creativity or using my imagination whether it is to create music, write, digital art, or an invention for random issues that I am ill-equipped to bring to fruition outside of the digital realm and into reality.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qzBoNSvwl

If I’m not in a constant state of flow, I don’t feel any purpose and shortly begin to lose interest in anything at hand that doesn’t seem productive.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB2WNkHvPp

What doesn’t help is that none of my creations have any substance outside of my laptop, it's so much easier to create, save, and then return to it later without committing to more.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIksiGUrACP

All I am is committed to fantasizing about what I feel would make my life better; falling in love with the random girl who stares at me from across the room, waiting for her to smile at me so I can approach while thinking of a hundred different conversations we could have and the best way for me to make a good impression.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiD5RDpAFut

I think about a life with this person; how our worlds would collide and we’d both be better off for it until finances get in the way, my living situation being back home with my parents, my sobriety which will always mean I’m an addict whether I am sober or not.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6kLKXIjg8

In minutes I think of everything that could go right, and then everything that could go wrong. I’ve always been in love with falling in love.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsd6zTBP04

It's beautiful because love encompasses everything, there’s pain, sorrow, guilt, vanity, and sacrifice, but on the other hand, there is joy, passion, and companionship, that takes dedication, commitment, communication, and choosing to love and be with someone every day, in all of their forms.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91g8SYc7yz

Honesty

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMnPwDMvBY

None of it matters the finances, the weight, my looks, my intelligence, my job, my mental illness, my routine, etc.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVCrAaaVoO

It’s just all an excuse because I don’t deserve love.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sCQxDBYQR

I have vehemently pushed aside good things, good friends, good relationships, especially good women.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYNY0JLze4

I don’t want to feel like I deserve it.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7PNvMJpB8

I don’t want to make the time to actually improve, I just want to live doing the minimal, avoiding as much pain as possible.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPtnS8kwtL

I don’t have control and I never will. I am sad. I feel lonely, but at this point, this must be what I want.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5zyTFESGX

In any relationship, I refuse to get close unless the other person can provide me with comfort and ease.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhSBN70XN4

I’m a narcissist, I only feed off of other people like a leech, a parasite, more like a vampire.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIHSeN7IpL

Being sensitive and conforming all the time has become my nature.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk35QbkbxKZ

Im not only addicted to Alcohol, Nicotine, and Marijuana.…

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vUo2YsMc5

Im addicted to suffering and draining the people who love me most because I’m not even sure I love them the way they love me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9A1NDkET4

I just don’t try,

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh4kZ7sfJA

I don’t want to try. Its easier to be everything, but me. Its less complicated.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMWR4Ug6Of

I dont want to be scrutinized because I already know how terrible I am as a human being.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqBQFI5q42

I can’t even say I’ve tried hard not be everything I hate. I am extremely intelligent and I limit myself.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAcBLuQp2w

I make unwise choices because when I hate failing.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc5IBnjDB6

I hate being feeling less. I hate being less, actually I love being less.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPbrWf3MJY

Confusion and complexity is the only thing I strive for which is why I never want to work on myself.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARVDOjgIFu

I could read an unquantifiable number of books, do drugs, sleep with anyone, fall in love with anyone and it’ll never be enough.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoRhIbc0fT

I will never be enough for myself and that is why I will never be anything more than what I am today or what I was the day before and I’m not okay with that, but I’m scared. I’m deathly afraid of me, I don’t know if I could even handle knowing the person I have become.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7WMfxk6na

I wish I had the courage to liberate myself instead of always convincing myself to liberate others.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZAyTomekC

Fond Of

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUP0C3KTKnh

What im fond of..

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kCaCUEKZl

I am fond of memories, until im not

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXyMKx9hXu

I am fond of love, until im not

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrZ2blJ1CR

I am fond of fairytales, until im not

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5kuYb86Tg

I am fond of family, until im not

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65SGbBNSqo

I am fond of life, until im not

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRFdMolpIg

I am fond of giving, until im not

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvajV3JZYyc

I am fond of you because this.. I cannot and will not stop

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0zj6knBS8

Paranoia

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HeCTDB21F

Every day, being aware of your thoughts, but not just the act of thinking.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGUcXLL4Ek

Organizing, Rationalizing, and battling the sequence, the line of insecurities, the paranoia, the way I perceive the world around me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZfwa9bjuh

Its the same assumption, more like accusations every 24 hours:

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUK5r5LDR4G

Are they laughing at me?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSP94M2hbd

Do they think I’m ugly?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbfFXEzLmP

Do they laugh because I’m ugly?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWEmUBz0oY

They must be looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaV2o2Iaza

Is there something wrong with me?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gJXWkKqDt

Why do I care? Why do I let myself care?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmb0B86I10

Is she looking at me?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8GDcsAZfz

I wish she would look at me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLp9DOW3tJ

Why isn’t she interested?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqYpPXyFdl

Do I even want her to be interested?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUlaPVIfIN

Its better if she isn’t.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZUUQ0VVxc

Im not in the right head space, financial stability, patience, looks, or the fact I’m not interesting enough.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxSuaK4k2t

Am I enough?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYYtzmC7qC

Will I ever be enough?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXusrPe66r

If I eat this am I going to be fat?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQt5IJzuj6w

Am I going to be even more unattractive?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYcl0KvvJ3

If I don’t pray, if I don’t show gratitude, if I don’t give mercy to others, how can I expect it from God?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqote1PwDe

Does god even want to hear from me?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kuFtzOY5M

I don’t want to pray because Im tired and it feels like a waste of my time.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡME8z9N81mA

When I do speak to God, does he take the time to listen when I have doubts, practically have zero faith?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdk1tkXYA4J

Am I just a loser who lives at home with Mom and Rick? Are they helping me or am I just manipulating them?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLjdYzSSvX

Love Her

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4ieN7BGKe

How can I begin to liberate myself from this burden of loops consisting of only what ifs?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5BnYmc4EL

Some days I think about you until dawn.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL26LsUGWD

Most days now, I am restless.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIIFIhoCYv

Producing, then digesting mountains of fantasies hoping theirs a side of you that sees what I do.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEbDjHpzRo

Still, we repel and with each passing moment, I bleed.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkf6sRYo7b

I lose all sense of consciousness and am yours.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmy5AreD9vg

Am I fool or a hopeless romantic?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgLoYHrjZF

Is there a clear distinction between the two?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4WWKidpki

I find myself treading along a silver lining.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FhZCNdrPD

She believes she’s lead by kismet, but how can that be with a leash around its neck?

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiBRcpfLIq

This path she walks erodes her.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHV1lW3fpIC

It erodes me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvv3bzFTy3

I feel it on her skin when we touch.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHr1mFQuXR

Spiraling

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ekmm3KXgX

I am losing my mind all over again and I’m afraid of what can and will happen next.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ef30Dyzsg

There is so much that I need, but I think they are just things I want which is a huge difference.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvFnft1qCH

Its not a bad to want something, but to cling onto it as if it’ll fix everything, or the key to my happiness is where I fall short.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyGoFqtMzS

I keep on focusing on the outside, external factor that are the issue, but I don’t attempt to fix the broken pieces inside of me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61S825JK6m

I need to be validate in everything I do, or else I’ll never be good enough.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbObbdwbXmr

There is a wickedness inside of me that I feed.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFmwLiwMRf

I believe in all the negative and rarely the positive.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dKzu3VCfR

I am getting much better and more mindful about the decisions and life choices im making, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EJAZAIiMU

Because im not. I’m not okay.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5i7Acmnbi

I dont want to with anyone because im scared of being rejected.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHByK68G3B

Im scared of getting close to someone else and not pulling through or giving them too much of me.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡET1tZsmd9H

I know that if I got to that point and something bad happens like a break up, too many fights, different life plans/future, I’d be utterly devastated.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzziglLzKIL

I can barely hold myself together as is.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnx2pRHTmQ

I wake up in the morning when I wish I could be dreaming.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nbOl4kWsJ

I go downstairs and make myself an awesome smoothie with strawberries, bananas, cinnamon sugar almond butter oats and some milk.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdnMrNzKIh

Its really fucking good.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIwizL4OP6

I watch tv for about an hour or less, take my medicine and then head to the gym.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhq3VmAijH

I park my car closer to the bank which is further away from Planet Fitness because I like walking the distance.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WP4YzkTMb

I enter the gym, swipe my barcode with my membership and ask for 20 minutes on the Hydromassage.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EYUrO3IMK

After I go stretch for 10 to 15 minutes, lift for another 20 to 30 minutes, then walk for an hour while reading my books.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbUgICeWxk

I get to read like 30 pages which I really enjoy, but lately its all felt monotonous, I am struggling to do the things that I used to really enjoy.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje5BRIGoBH

I stretch for another 10 to 15 minutes or hit the hydromassage for another 10 minutes.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjHKIDE0Vr

This is when I leave and head back home.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjO3a2hTiF

Going back home I look forward to eating, sometimes showering, making myself eggs , drinking some protein powder (double chocolate).

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW8NEPbfmy

I sit to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, Prime or YouTube while promoting my music.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7zBf1ktJJ

Sometimes Ill make music, sometimes, Ill write a story or create some digital art.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcDIQuenm7

Lately, I’ve been getting into rom coms and feel good movies to distract myself.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJkE7lJzcN

I want to be convinced that something good lies ahead.

356Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGg0Y7LakUj

I want to believe that something real and tangible is going to happen.

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