the way i feel

as you are, not what i want you to be

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJM7KBUy7Ff

What I love about you isn’t solely based on the perception or impression you give me or the rest of the world.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLJqq4dzPR

What I love about you are all the reasons why you don’t believe I can love you or that anyone should love you to the depths that I do.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpi8gT6guK

Your strengths and grace in what you know and are may make you beautiful, but your weaknesses and insecurities make you perfect for me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5JM6hwZhm

When I look into your eyes, I see what other men choose not to see. I accept what other men can’t or won’t accept. Choosing to love you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do, but losing you will be the hardest feat I’d have to overcome.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJAyC0Iq6U

I can’t promise in the future, I won’t harm you. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the perfect man.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcVbjzdkrd

What I can promise is to learn from my mistakes, to have patience with you even when I don’t have patience with myself and to trust you with every fiber of my being. We may live to grow old together, we may not.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkbTVignAq

No matter when, no matter what time we have now I’ve come to realize the paradox I find myself in: It will always be enough and it will never be enough; I will always be blessed as I will always be cursed.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoL5FKqgpMa
Every day that passes makes me joyful because I’m free of the delusion that someone couldn’t love me, when I’m with you I don’t have to hide who I truly am, who I’ve forgotten I could be.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2GSkr03qu

Every day that passes makes me miserable because I know I have fewer days with you than I’d like. If I could have one wish, it would be to go back in time and relive all the moments we’ve shared.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5OE84PJLQ

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because none of the great memories would have ever existed without our struggles. The pain has helped us love harder, appreciate the time we have, and give us the patience to love each other in all our forms.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6FFLi2xjb

I vow to love you as you are and not stand in the way of who you want to be. I love you, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life, regardless of where this journey takes us.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigu9sxlvfx

For you, I would do anything and everything, all you have to do is ask.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfWRJHIAwy

Solo

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnjWWQ44ES

I have never been much of a talker, I’m comfortable with blending in the background and letting the rest have their fun.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFkYH1wQcG

It's hard enough for me to focus and get outside of my head, so being in the present or having a conversation is truly difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZxIF8cWWb

Don’t get me wrong, when I speak and join in, it's fulfilling and people tend to be fond of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to partake in any social environment.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddtqPbatmS

I thrive in isolation, especially when I get my hands on a project dealing with creativity or using my imagination whether it is to create music, write, digital art, or an invention for random issues that I am ill-equipped to bring to fruition outside of the digital realm and into reality.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvvqk0VzX3

If I’m not in a constant state of flow, I don’t feel any purpose and shortly begin to lose interest in anything at hand that doesn’t seem productive.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4t5iPZva6

What doesn’t help is that none of my creations have any substance outside of my laptop, it's so much easier to create, save, and then return to it later without committing to more.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9KV0Zs9Y3

All I am is committed to fantasizing about what I feel would make my life better; falling in love with the random girl who stares at me from across the room, waiting for her to smile at me so I can approach while thinking of a hundred different conversations we could have and the best way for me to make a good impression.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmyLCBo7Zv

I think about a life with this person; how our worlds would collide and we’d both be better off for it until finances get in the way, my living situation being back home with my parents, my sobriety which will always mean I’m an addict whether I am sober or not.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHytTfckKMD

In minutes I think of everything that could go right, and then everything that could go wrong. I’ve always been in love with falling in love.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNxELOl1Ih

It's beautiful because love encompasses everything, there’s pain, sorrow, guilt, vanity, and sacrifice, but on the other hand, there is joy, passion, and companionship, that takes dedication, commitment, communication, and choosing to love and be with someone every day, in all of their forms.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcmCOt7Trp

Honesty

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Tw0u5IVYf

None of it matters the finances, the weight, my looks, my intelligence, my job, my mental illness, my routine, etc.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4yhPs7CZs

It’s just all an excuse because I don’t deserve love.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu2qXXX2NZ

I have vehemently pushed aside good things, good friends, good relationships, especially good women.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGy1FbkI9g

I don’t want to feel like I deserve it.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEbUaEuIbT

I don’t want to make the time to actually improve, I just want to live doing the minimal, avoiding as much pain as possible.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpeds2iXP4

I don’t have control and I never will. I am sad. I feel lonely, but at this point, this must be what I want.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicwDNhpNts

In any relationship, I refuse to get close unless the other person can provide me with comfort and ease.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7rK6pv7MW

I’m a narcissist, I only feed off of other people like a leech, a parasite, more like a vampire.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZ44Vqk6TU

Being sensitive and conforming all the time has become my nature.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6S55jkMYn

Im not only addicted to Alcohol, Nicotine, and Marijuana.…

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDSY7FLXbJ

Im addicted to suffering and draining the people who love me most because I’m not even sure I love them the way they love me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UTlvVuKP5

I just don’t try,

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73UVjysgoY

I don’t want to try. Its easier to be everything, but me. Its less complicated.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlxapu9F0H

I dont want to be scrutinized because I already know how terrible I am as a human being.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAWeiaPb5D

I can’t even say I’ve tried hard not be everything I hate. I am extremely intelligent and I limit myself.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ga1pO00j9

I make unwise choices because when I hate failing.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORCQFPXCkU

I hate being feeling less. I hate being less, actually I love being less.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhqOgbLEoN

Confusion and complexity is the only thing I strive for which is why I never want to work on myself.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqshE52dr4

I could read an unquantifiable number of books, do drugs, sleep with anyone, fall in love with anyone and it’ll never be enough.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VwWxgB4yx

I will never be enough for myself and that is why I will never be anything more than what I am today or what I was the day before and I’m not okay with that, but I’m scared. I’m deathly afraid of me, I don’t know if I could even handle knowing the person I have become.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m63Y1udbu

I wish I had the courage to liberate myself instead of always convincing myself to liberate others.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9RSsKE145

Fond Of

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPqE2XfPIa

What im fond of..

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Mju3DT00A

I am fond of memories, until im not

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1N7VfkaZvB

I am fond of love, until im not

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TOPUJMGCt

I am fond of fairytales, until im not

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVxm7Rk9p9

I am fond of family, until im not

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMRvAVgFau

I am fond of life, until im not

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0dfAh4ulu

I am fond of giving, until im not

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeFNBAQn3A

I am fond of you because this.. I cannot and will not stop

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TMwBs2Jih

Paranoia

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsAEeJHzRb

Every day, being aware of your thoughts, but not just the act of thinking.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYg6OUnRbg7

Organizing, Rationalizing, and battling the sequence, the line of insecurities, the paranoia, the way I perceive the world around me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHp8GWeaMiS

Its the same assumption, more like accusations every 24 hours:

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGb968zvRh

Are they laughing at me?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ612TjIeDRb

Do they think I’m ugly?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVsUHrjTCu

Do they laugh because I’m ugly?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KBAM76t7d

They must be looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NpiUhMXb1

Is there something wrong with me?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HqDDcKmPR

Why do I care? Why do I let myself care?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5c2WYUGTY

Is she looking at me?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD1Q03CY7h

I wish she would look at me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zYoVVHlwf

Why isn’t she interested?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk74XS8aWX

Do I even want her to be interested?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCinZRG8Ql

Its better if she isn’t.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmHA8i48Az

Im not in the right head space, financial stability, patience, looks, or the fact I’m not interesting enough.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPK4Lflfyig

Am I enough?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRW1CFgkiy

Will I ever be enough?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN1r3E5H33

If I eat this am I going to be fat?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcWNg241wb

Am I going to be even more unattractive?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9C3YrfyG06

If I don’t pray, if I don’t show gratitude, if I don’t give mercy to others, how can I expect it from God?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyhV8ypTJu

Does god even want to hear from me?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkclezspXP

I don’t want to pray because Im tired and it feels like a waste of my time.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzigGIv6rL

When I do speak to God, does he take the time to listen when I have doubts, practically have zero faith?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHub2kJPSqy

Am I just a loser who lives at home with Mom and Rick? Are they helping me or am I just manipulating them?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Hjn030aNM

Love Her

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt6h1BynrT

How can I begin to liberate myself from this burden of loops consisting of only what ifs?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjQfm1mQYX

Some days I think about you until dawn.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwWRDqwxAE

Most days now, I am restless.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFZYTw5QrJ

Producing, then digesting mountains of fantasies hoping theirs a side of you that sees what I do.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkmR7E1bOo

Still, we repel and with each passing moment, I bleed.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8AZuTW2sE

I lose all sense of consciousness and am yours.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddrMvni2YT

Am I fool or a hopeless romantic?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAOgHo59WF

Is there a clear distinction between the two?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGqRIansCL

I find myself treading along a silver lining.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nNqD1KXpE

She believes she’s lead by kismet, but how can that be with a leash around its neck?

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWblZOyG3pg

This path she walks erodes her.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4rCZcfimK

It erodes me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtSGlIsjFo

I feel it on her skin when we touch.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8Nm1GqmuO

Spiraling

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMYSsTjB8o

I am losing my mind all over again and I’m afraid of what can and will happen next.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR48579LW2n

There is so much that I need, but I think they are just things I want which is a huge difference.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiAdMWv29F

Its not a bad to want something, but to cling onto it as if it’ll fix everything, or the key to my happiness is where I fall short.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jYQ0usLwp

I keep on focusing on the outside, external factor that are the issue, but I don’t attempt to fix the broken pieces inside of me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLRvR7QmOb

I need to be validate in everything I do, or else I’ll never be good enough.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQdQm4QryJ

There is a wickedness inside of me that I feed.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rNLiwAFqX

I believe in all the negative and rarely the positive.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6B6Yursju

I am getting much better and more mindful about the decisions and life choices im making, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhJnApBppe

Because im not. I’m not okay.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4Ik6h9j0A

I dont want to with anyone because im scared of being rejected.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe0LWNXPzX

Im scared of getting close to someone else and not pulling through or giving them too much of me.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejMC5COzQe

I know that if I got to that point and something bad happens like a break up, too many fights, different life plans/future, I’d be utterly devastated.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz89H6I7FJC

I can barely hold myself together as is.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBqpodgYwp

I wake up in the morning when I wish I could be dreaming.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1v7tC0k8M

I go downstairs and make myself an awesome smoothie with strawberries, bananas, cinnamon sugar almond butter oats and some milk.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxJKjCzTGv

Its really fucking good.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc8Sv8cnVJ

I watch tv for about an hour or less, take my medicine and then head to the gym.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6m5jPfgZI

I park my car closer to the bank which is further away from Planet Fitness because I like walking the distance.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKUrOx158p

I enter the gym, swipe my barcode with my membership and ask for 20 minutes on the Hydromassage.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWaaaqfQp6

After I go stretch for 10 to 15 minutes, lift for another 20 to 30 minutes, then walk for an hour while reading my books.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPq0kHcLyX

I get to read like 30 pages which I really enjoy, but lately its all felt monotonous, I am struggling to do the things that I used to really enjoy.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVRFLP6UdC

I stretch for another 10 to 15 minutes or hit the hydromassage for another 10 minutes.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3psT4JwGD

This is when I leave and head back home.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLXS5gVhwT

Going back home I look forward to eating, sometimes showering, making myself eggs , drinking some protein powder (double chocolate).

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm89u1KD2qK

I sit to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, Prime or YouTube while promoting my music.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJhsHSyZl1

Sometimes Ill make music, sometimes, Ill write a story or create some digital art.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwftyyZfkdM

Lately, I’ve been getting into rom coms and feel good movies to distract myself.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2zPL9kgVW

I want to be convinced that something good lies ahead.

616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeFrWmQhHI

I want to believe that something real and tangible is going to happen.

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