the way i feel

as you are, not what i want you to be

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccNHJFCuqK

What I love about you isn’t solely based on the perception or impression you give me or the rest of the world.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVmXjhCIYc

What I love about you are all the reasons why you don’t believe I can love you or that anyone should love you to the depths that I do.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9w88twCXb

Your strengths and grace in what you know and are may make you beautiful, but your weaknesses and insecurities make you perfect for me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPQmVr1Vp2

When I look into your eyes, I see what other men choose not to see. I accept what other men can’t or won’t accept. Choosing to love you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do, but losing you will be the hardest feat I’d have to overcome.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQjkZmnxYr

I can’t promise in the future, I won’t harm you. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the perfect man.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwBud4Y7A2

What I can promise is to learn from my mistakes, to have patience with you even when I don’t have patience with myself and to trust you with every fiber of my being. We may live to grow old together, we may not.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPGZcKOthi

No matter when, no matter what time we have now I’ve come to realize the paradox I find myself in: It will always be enough and it will never be enough; I will always be blessed as I will always be cursed.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42djOaFJYt
Every day that passes makes me joyful because I’m free of the delusion that someone couldn’t love me, when I’m with you I don’t have to hide who I truly am, who I’ve forgotten I could be.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFtKp1v6wX

Every day that passes makes me miserable because I know I have fewer days with you than I’d like. If I could have one wish, it would be to go back in time and relive all the moments we’ve shared.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4NYlco9YQ

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because none of the great memories would have ever existed without our struggles. The pain has helped us love harder, appreciate the time we have, and give us the patience to love each other in all our forms.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzhuHzMQH8

I vow to love you as you are and not stand in the way of who you want to be. I love you, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life, regardless of where this journey takes us.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4USTQRNCA

For you, I would do anything and everything, all you have to do is ask.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgUDpNZaYT

Solo

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHrkcfNJaN

I have never been much of a talker, I’m comfortable with blending in the background and letting the rest have their fun.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3YdiK3j4w

It's hard enough for me to focus and get outside of my head, so being in the present or having a conversation is truly difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKYZbtANGv

Don’t get me wrong, when I speak and join in, it's fulfilling and people tend to be fond of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to partake in any social environment.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhtypI9pYs

I thrive in isolation, especially when I get my hands on a project dealing with creativity or using my imagination whether it is to create music, write, digital art, or an invention for random issues that I am ill-equipped to bring to fruition outside of the digital realm and into reality.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTOVSIxTud

If I’m not in a constant state of flow, I don’t feel any purpose and shortly begin to lose interest in anything at hand that doesn’t seem productive.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgT1VBWBhrv

What doesn’t help is that none of my creations have any substance outside of my laptop, it's so much easier to create, save, and then return to it later without committing to more.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouPXruWR4w

All I am is committed to fantasizing about what I feel would make my life better; falling in love with the random girl who stares at me from across the room, waiting for her to smile at me so I can approach while thinking of a hundred different conversations we could have and the best way for me to make a good impression.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EukamFzRG

I think about a life with this person; how our worlds would collide and we’d both be better off for it until finances get in the way, my living situation being back home with my parents, my sobriety which will always mean I’m an addict whether I am sober or not.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7S1vrF0veA

In minutes I think of everything that could go right, and then everything that could go wrong. I’ve always been in love with falling in love.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyWnu6Wx6t

It's beautiful because love encompasses everything, there’s pain, sorrow, guilt, vanity, and sacrifice, but on the other hand, there is joy, passion, and companionship, that takes dedication, commitment, communication, and choosing to love and be with someone every day, in all of their forms.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqDp9FEyKy

Honesty

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSK4rv8Fkm

None of it matters the finances, the weight, my looks, my intelligence, my job, my mental illness, my routine, etc.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5EzKV3Qdf

It’s just all an excuse because I don’t deserve love.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgCIlg31dX

I have vehemently pushed aside good things, good friends, good relationships, especially good women.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJSRciz4vd

I don’t want to feel like I deserve it.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6xOjkj3XY

I don’t want to make the time to actually improve, I just want to live doing the minimal, avoiding as much pain as possible.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6P9wLzHjGU

I don’t have control and I never will. I am sad. I feel lonely, but at this point, this must be what I want.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsz44a3Pu0x

In any relationship, I refuse to get close unless the other person can provide me with comfort and ease.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOgHCJftQ4

I’m a narcissist, I only feed off of other people like a leech, a parasite, more like a vampire.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjPPgYjJHv

Being sensitive and conforming all the time has become my nature.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcjEFob64j

Im not only addicted to Alcohol, Nicotine, and Marijuana.…

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GWHRoHcAY

Im addicted to suffering and draining the people who love me most because I’m not even sure I love them the way they love me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TJVSMQ0Dz

I just don’t try,

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOFc0rDUwh

I don’t want to try. Its easier to be everything, but me. Its less complicated.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBE7FJbvt1B

I dont want to be scrutinized because I already know how terrible I am as a human being.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASsLVOlyGo

I can’t even say I’ve tried hard not be everything I hate. I am extremely intelligent and I limit myself.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgikakfT1gA

I make unwise choices because when I hate failing.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHaZjXroG9

I hate being feeling less. I hate being less, actually I love being less.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Iqva7DyBu

Confusion and complexity is the only thing I strive for which is why I never want to work on myself.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8stZBT7G3n

I could read an unquantifiable number of books, do drugs, sleep with anyone, fall in love with anyone and it’ll never be enough.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWsz6aA5F8

I will never be enough for myself and that is why I will never be anything more than what I am today or what I was the day before and I’m not okay with that, but I’m scared. I’m deathly afraid of me, I don’t know if I could even handle knowing the person I have become.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyI6BSncDs

I wish I had the courage to liberate myself instead of always convincing myself to liberate others.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFWetqwLeF

Fond Of

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3UrWWUcm5

What im fond of..

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecrVAG3QgY

I am fond of memories, until im not

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOcvw06PcU

I am fond of love, until im not

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkz1lsnyjS

I am fond of fairytales, until im not

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryfMkZjl95

I am fond of family, until im not

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJcgyfDAZ2

I am fond of life, until im not

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6oKaClHhS

I am fond of giving, until im not

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLL2Szlo8u

I am fond of you because this.. I cannot and will not stop

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJvPdpjJZ2

Paranoia

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1NVZgnxEH

Every day, being aware of your thoughts, but not just the act of thinking.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXslfobOUZk

Organizing, Rationalizing, and battling the sequence, the line of insecurities, the paranoia, the way I perceive the world around me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmmCgbn2nD

Its the same assumption, more like accusations every 24 hours:

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡze88flBhNy

Are they laughing at me?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvUhdmsYIF

Do they think I’m ugly?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNS8HOfA06

Do they laugh because I’m ugly?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQGC1atrkk

They must be looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡak7sxCgbLx

Is there something wrong with me?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9uPI3DWks

Why do I care? Why do I let myself care?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wmWAVNqED

Is she looking at me?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjINncgmuTa

I wish she would look at me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qsXxe4A66

Why isn’t she interested?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQGaH1OZpC

Do I even want her to be interested?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhW0LTvrdmZ

Its better if she isn’t.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6hQVd4Tk2

Im not in the right head space, financial stability, patience, looks, or the fact I’m not interesting enough.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypz1iGjEIG

Am I enough?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIr4xBQ1iAr

Will I ever be enough?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzn2OPesfYE

If I eat this am I going to be fat?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9U9zKdVUMW

Am I going to be even more unattractive?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRhAzZMBRm

If I don’t pray, if I don’t show gratitude, if I don’t give mercy to others, how can I expect it from God?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9dJrZPElF

Does god even want to hear from me?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pRE7SOnp5

I don’t want to pray because Im tired and it feels like a waste of my time.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRJwYag15R

When I do speak to God, does he take the time to listen when I have doubts, practically have zero faith?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyKRXRYZFH

Am I just a loser who lives at home with Mom and Rick? Are they helping me or am I just manipulating them?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTXZ03rZ0a

Love Her

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ332zMmqw

How can I begin to liberate myself from this burden of loops consisting of only what ifs?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxcKtdbvun

Some days I think about you until dawn.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeaAdYOcyL

Most days now, I am restless.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkmx3ss4bK

Producing, then digesting mountains of fantasies hoping theirs a side of you that sees what I do.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8g9a0SPYb

Still, we repel and with each passing moment, I bleed.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmwMrcF4PB

I lose all sense of consciousness and am yours.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLe4VaVpkG3

Am I fool or a hopeless romantic?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPtT2MorjK

Is there a clear distinction between the two?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGohWC9vqk

I find myself treading along a silver lining.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs8MiEUHvn

She believes she’s lead by kismet, but how can that be with a leash around its neck?

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAslxOSjSr

This path she walks erodes her.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu28VraeUou

It erodes me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqI485z2Kwi

I feel it on her skin when we touch.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0H5gHo8PS

Spiraling

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Rv0QmkEQj

I am losing my mind all over again and I’m afraid of what can and will happen next.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mcNj48Th3

There is so much that I need, but I think they are just things I want which is a huge difference.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqEz5Eenlu

Its not a bad to want something, but to cling onto it as if it’ll fix everything, or the key to my happiness is where I fall short.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrRmyGccWa

I keep on focusing on the outside, external factor that are the issue, but I don’t attempt to fix the broken pieces inside of me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9mFh0O2MF

I need to be validate in everything I do, or else I’ll never be good enough.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgzdl6JBBS

There is a wickedness inside of me that I feed.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIA8T0baBD

I believe in all the negative and rarely the positive.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQGRDNrzjV

I am getting much better and more mindful about the decisions and life choices im making, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QI5wwADHw

Because im not. I’m not okay.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqC6b2e5Hp

I dont want to with anyone because im scared of being rejected.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgI3vlQoaf

Im scared of getting close to someone else and not pulling through or giving them too much of me.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wdR3ZUj6s

I know that if I got to that point and something bad happens like a break up, too many fights, different life plans/future, I’d be utterly devastated.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjBFphXdux

I can barely hold myself together as is.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyIxX8pl5R

I wake up in the morning when I wish I could be dreaming.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZDOM1yofO

I go downstairs and make myself an awesome smoothie with strawberries, bananas, cinnamon sugar almond butter oats and some milk.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5RiT3g2ii

Its really fucking good.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLNoYREHZa

I watch tv for about an hour or less, take my medicine and then head to the gym.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKB3FMfx6lR

I park my car closer to the bank which is further away from Planet Fitness because I like walking the distance.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DdgCvuJCf

I enter the gym, swipe my barcode with my membership and ask for 20 minutes on the Hydromassage.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDRV9X4LcG

After I go stretch for 10 to 15 minutes, lift for another 20 to 30 minutes, then walk for an hour while reading my books.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEpacIyl65

I get to read like 30 pages which I really enjoy, but lately its all felt monotonous, I am struggling to do the things that I used to really enjoy.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGasCxgaNF

I stretch for another 10 to 15 minutes or hit the hydromassage for another 10 minutes.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUBCw78V4M

This is when I leave and head back home.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLoPJhavoE

Going back home I look forward to eating, sometimes showering, making myself eggs , drinking some protein powder (double chocolate).

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMNWyt7Nbz

I sit to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, Prime or YouTube while promoting my music.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqlBGEI2SP

Sometimes Ill make music, sometimes, Ill write a story or create some digital art.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaa6tz4n09R

Lately, I’ve been getting into rom coms and feel good movies to distract myself.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGK3PikYlQf

I want to be convinced that something good lies ahead.

277Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1YLfYD3KB

I want to believe that something real and tangible is going to happen.

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