the way i feel

as you are, not what i want you to be

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOf7Z9z9HFL

What I love about you isn’t solely based on the perception or impression you give me or the rest of the world.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOJgCMCy47

What I love about you are all the reasons why you don’t believe I can love you or that anyone should love you to the depths that I do.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqi3bfH2OGZ

Your strengths and grace in what you know and are may make you beautiful, but your weaknesses and insecurities make you perfect for me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0YlBpmIX8

When I look into your eyes, I see what other men choose not to see. I accept what other men can’t or won’t accept. Choosing to love you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do, but losing you will be the hardest feat I’d have to overcome.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlktvtVmWb

I can’t promise in the future, I won’t harm you. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the perfect man.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mAh4Yja1h

What I can promise is to learn from my mistakes, to have patience with you even when I don’t have patience with myself and to trust you with every fiber of my being. We may live to grow old together, we may not.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAv3VDjWE5

No matter when, no matter what time we have now I’ve come to realize the paradox I find myself in: It will always be enough and it will never be enough; I will always be blessed as I will always be cursed.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygqq5xoaql
Every day that passes makes me joyful because I’m free of the delusion that someone couldn’t love me, when I’m with you I don’t have to hide who I truly am, who I’ve forgotten I could be.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKFiCpGPGG

Every day that passes makes me miserable because I know I have fewer days with you than I’d like. If I could have one wish, it would be to go back in time and relive all the moments we’ve shared.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHquWk1F3k

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because none of the great memories would have ever existed without our struggles. The pain has helped us love harder, appreciate the time we have, and give us the patience to love each other in all our forms.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6STAaCpomK

I vow to love you as you are and not stand in the way of who you want to be. I love you, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life, regardless of where this journey takes us.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBmTifdeUR

For you, I would do anything and everything, all you have to do is ask.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrUPHq2ip5

Solo

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCwkHTXsiM

I have never been much of a talker, I’m comfortable with blending in the background and letting the rest have their fun.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrAMS16zzj

It's hard enough for me to focus and get outside of my head, so being in the present or having a conversation is truly difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEES8yc9T6

Don’t get me wrong, when I speak and join in, it's fulfilling and people tend to be fond of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to partake in any social environment.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFYBT4ItrG

I thrive in isolation, especially when I get my hands on a project dealing with creativity or using my imagination whether it is to create music, write, digital art, or an invention for random issues that I am ill-equipped to bring to fruition outside of the digital realm and into reality.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWp3NuY9Oor

If I’m not in a constant state of flow, I don’t feel any purpose and shortly begin to lose interest in anything at hand that doesn’t seem productive.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHZlJn2EdW

What doesn’t help is that none of my creations have any substance outside of my laptop, it's so much easier to create, save, and then return to it later without committing to more.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcSYpGeING

All I am is committed to fantasizing about what I feel would make my life better; falling in love with the random girl who stares at me from across the room, waiting for her to smile at me so I can approach while thinking of a hundred different conversations we could have and the best way for me to make a good impression.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaufaZVa9k

I think about a life with this person; how our worlds would collide and we’d both be better off for it until finances get in the way, my living situation being back home with my parents, my sobriety which will always mean I’m an addict whether I am sober or not.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MuLTHXXb3

In minutes I think of everything that could go right, and then everything that could go wrong. I’ve always been in love with falling in love.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiZqVQQbh5

It's beautiful because love encompasses everything, there’s pain, sorrow, guilt, vanity, and sacrifice, but on the other hand, there is joy, passion, and companionship, that takes dedication, commitment, communication, and choosing to love and be with someone every day, in all of their forms.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiwTnRJQsA

Honesty

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOMweagmXe

None of it matters the finances, the weight, my looks, my intelligence, my job, my mental illness, my routine, etc.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrMOOKreSk

It’s just all an excuse because I don’t deserve love.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPLtM3Opyk

I have vehemently pushed aside good things, good friends, good relationships, especially good women.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtufsm65Ly

I don’t want to feel like I deserve it.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyeGaBJtQe

I don’t want to make the time to actually improve, I just want to live doing the minimal, avoiding as much pain as possible.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9u1EY9GRj

I don’t have control and I never will. I am sad. I feel lonely, but at this point, this must be what I want.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ruK2rU5Pc

In any relationship, I refuse to get close unless the other person can provide me with comfort and ease.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ247grHN5sr

I’m a narcissist, I only feed off of other people like a leech, a parasite, more like a vampire.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRttudkZlOY

Being sensitive and conforming all the time has become my nature.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeP8MIXD26G

Im not only addicted to Alcohol, Nicotine, and Marijuana.…

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvS5C4aHnJA

Im addicted to suffering and draining the people who love me most because I’m not even sure I love them the way they love me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIEcMXfWJe

I just don’t try,

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyIk2L2Tou

I don’t want to try. Its easier to be everything, but me. Its less complicated.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4cOL25A7y

I dont want to be scrutinized because I already know how terrible I am as a human being.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZhQimGAFK

I can’t even say I’ve tried hard not be everything I hate. I am extremely intelligent and I limit myself.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFv7DXkEmo

I make unwise choices because when I hate failing.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Uf2y16TT0

I hate being feeling less. I hate being less, actually I love being less.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTN2dyk0LW

Confusion and complexity is the only thing I strive for which is why I never want to work on myself.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZH4OMf75LK

I could read an unquantifiable number of books, do drugs, sleep with anyone, fall in love with anyone and it’ll never be enough.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPa688CMsmQ

I will never be enough for myself and that is why I will never be anything more than what I am today or what I was the day before and I’m not okay with that, but I’m scared. I’m deathly afraid of me, I don’t know if I could even handle knowing the person I have become.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1nhJyPpbY

I wish I had the courage to liberate myself instead of always convincing myself to liberate others.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJTqKaGhJK

Fond Of

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx38DCUJ4GT

What im fond of..

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwgExWtwoe

I am fond of memories, until im not

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4sBpDup0b

I am fond of love, until im not

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9S9Rqyzi7

I am fond of fairytales, until im not

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuiOlCTaAo

I am fond of family, until im not

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYWY1rxrpW

I am fond of life, until im not

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Tv5H1hcRx

I am fond of giving, until im not

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsQYOMmQ9W

I am fond of you because this.. I cannot and will not stop

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ujIOm8Op7

Paranoia

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqyQhHD3WZ

Every day, being aware of your thoughts, but not just the act of thinking.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKRpt08iNJ

Organizing, Rationalizing, and battling the sequence, the line of insecurities, the paranoia, the way I perceive the world around me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64NIj7bWuv

Its the same assumption, more like accusations every 24 hours:

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dsdOTCHU9

Are they laughing at me?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeauoBf4Cvd

Do they think I’m ugly?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmBTcGweY7

Do they laugh because I’m ugly?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHfVlcBIWm

They must be looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFo6mwbtjJ

Is there something wrong with me?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiZPWt3Ua9

Why do I care? Why do I let myself care?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYLUKTmw1s

Is she looking at me?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7X5vw9yJT

I wish she would look at me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCJLK0wMpK

Why isn’t she interested?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30yA4Zatod

Do I even want her to be interested?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQ84rzT5Ay

Its better if she isn’t.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPjS0rwM9N

Im not in the right head space, financial stability, patience, looks, or the fact I’m not interesting enough.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYHF4TPms4

Am I enough?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22kQfMPjW5

Will I ever be enough?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxij7Oaete

If I eat this am I going to be fat?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pU1GD118f

Am I going to be even more unattractive?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iIQI1c4Ts

If I don’t pray, if I don’t show gratitude, if I don’t give mercy to others, how can I expect it from God?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswrK5WlU9f

Does god even want to hear from me?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDGcVK0XLJ

I don’t want to pray because Im tired and it feels like a waste of my time.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgF8mL3T1GE

When I do speak to God, does he take the time to listen when I have doubts, practically have zero faith?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDchNYQzc21

Am I just a loser who lives at home with Mom and Rick? Are they helping me or am I just manipulating them?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18gUyT509K

Love Her

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsC6iYe6R1

How can I begin to liberate myself from this burden of loops consisting of only what ifs?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVeCOJ0HW7

Some days I think about you until dawn.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw0rZpQX3N

Most days now, I am restless.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZlrATFmxJ

Producing, then digesting mountains of fantasies hoping theirs a side of you that sees what I do.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfBpjxYLS9

Still, we repel and with each passing moment, I bleed.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxKEYaRYBZ

I lose all sense of consciousness and am yours.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymbMKZyGUC

Am I fool or a hopeless romantic?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPaJTOaa0S

Is there a clear distinction between the two?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBur4n0P1wI

I find myself treading along a silver lining.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOlWWhk8gI

She believes she’s lead by kismet, but how can that be with a leash around its neck?

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnV9MFFaKT

This path she walks erodes her.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzAaPfl35g

It erodes me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9bKysW2YP

I feel it on her skin when we touch.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvREVzvs5M

Spiraling

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqodGt0E1R3

I am losing my mind all over again and I’m afraid of what can and will happen next.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80zkYaFQsw

There is so much that I need, but I think they are just things I want which is a huge difference.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO1JQWn7Z7

Its not a bad to want something, but to cling onto it as if it’ll fix everything, or the key to my happiness is where I fall short.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmciQHbL39n

I keep on focusing on the outside, external factor that are the issue, but I don’t attempt to fix the broken pieces inside of me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6U0p2BHIYS

I need to be validate in everything I do, or else I’ll never be good enough.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dl7D2XKi6

There is a wickedness inside of me that I feed.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIA848VvOi

I believe in all the negative and rarely the positive.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKDrEO4A8A

I am getting much better and more mindful about the decisions and life choices im making, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpPfub6kUI

Because im not. I’m not okay.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIBsnAqHQi

I dont want to with anyone because im scared of being rejected.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPFuIrqJJ2

Im scared of getting close to someone else and not pulling through or giving them too much of me.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6V1lIQCfD

I know that if I got to that point and something bad happens like a break up, too many fights, different life plans/future, I’d be utterly devastated.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA6pPLAN8i

I can barely hold myself together as is.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xgW3HEpwB

I wake up in the morning when I wish I could be dreaming.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfMsbB9tq7

I go downstairs and make myself an awesome smoothie with strawberries, bananas, cinnamon sugar almond butter oats and some milk.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWYCFWoU3w

Its really fucking good.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiMUK5CRlb

I watch tv for about an hour or less, take my medicine and then head to the gym.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfN06z5tyDE

I park my car closer to the bank which is further away from Planet Fitness because I like walking the distance.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OXF5AYdfa

I enter the gym, swipe my barcode with my membership and ask for 20 minutes on the Hydromassage.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48y7NFw7AF

After I go stretch for 10 to 15 minutes, lift for another 20 to 30 minutes, then walk for an hour while reading my books.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvcvWs7WK5

I get to read like 30 pages which I really enjoy, but lately its all felt monotonous, I am struggling to do the things that I used to really enjoy.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwoFZAXlYX

I stretch for another 10 to 15 minutes or hit the hydromassage for another 10 minutes.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsNxGeHT6P

This is when I leave and head back home.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApKSlyCY6r

Going back home I look forward to eating, sometimes showering, making myself eggs , drinking some protein powder (double chocolate).

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVP2ijsRNmH

I sit to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, Prime or YouTube while promoting my music.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UMB7boics

Sometimes Ill make music, sometimes, Ill write a story or create some digital art.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTCItTrR4B

Lately, I’ve been getting into rom coms and feel good movies to distract myself.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7tCCi8s2v

I want to be convinced that something good lies ahead.

435Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3F11zRROG

I want to believe that something real and tangible is going to happen.

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