【校園/日常】杏壇中學眾生相 - [1-5]天才兒童是專業小丑

班群中每天會出現過千條的信息。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQ5zlSly7z
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⾃開學以來已經過了⼀個星期，班群中討論各種事情的活躍程度絲毫不減。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ887axyNPUp
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＋5578 XXXX：數學功課做到哪339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsF9O6Rccs
＋6678 XXXX：［狂丟貼圖］339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bOemmKbaB
＋6881 XXXX 移除了＋6678 XXXX339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiB4StNFKTw
＋6881 XXXX：好吵喔339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6uMy7z3Uj
＋5578 XXXX：沒人回我哦（攤⼿339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdotRGPxja4
＋5937 XXXX：@＋6323 XXXX 你⽤IE？339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTwXqhtdq9
＋5937 XXXX：【讓眾⽣下跪的王者魅⼒！「路西法」7⽉1⽇獸神化解禁】 339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2klNLfoMMX
＋6881 XXXX 新增了＋6678 XXXX339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7G0WsPMG4
＋6897 XXXX：guys stay calm339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZayT9aZRb
＋6881 XXXX 已將群組名稱從「1A班怪勿彈珠同好會」改成「1A（禁⽌洗版）」＋6323 XXXX：其實我開始覺得應該要開discard group339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9eipGEkwZ
＋6897 XXXX：what is discard339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzyGcxJiwU
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在這段時間內，班級內漸漸出現了幾個團體。最主要有以羅晨西為⾸的男⼦組，以及以Queenie為⾸的⼥⼦組，兩個⼩組間相處融洽，總體來說班內氣氛和諧。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLiS28gPEq
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因為班內氣氛和諧，同學們在⼤部分的課堂上都會製造出⼤量譟⾳，唯獨上孫⽼師的課堂時才會⽐較安靜，畢竟孫⽼師的罵⼈次數之多甚至引來了同學對所有被罵的情況進⾏案例分析，嘗試找出關連。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQj5vMKfdbw
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「根據統計，⾄今為⽌班內有8⼈（佔全班同學的25%）被孫⽼師進⾏過思想教導，當中7⼈（佔整體87.5%）是因爲沒帶上課⽤品或是通告，剩下的那1個⼈則是開學第⼀天就遲到。現時因罵⼈⽽損失的教學時間⼤約為33分鐘，佔總上課時間的13.4%，我希望這個數字未來可以呈下降趨勢。」——摘錄⾃該報告

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「這裹⼤家有沒有發現？2加3是5，3加上5是8，接下來⋯⋯」任教數學的陳⽼師，也就是「陳伯」的⼿上拿著紅⾊圓珠筆，在筆記本上留下⼀個⼜⼀個的箭頭。

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這一切都透過投影屏幕顯⽰給學⽣。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Swgj9q0pU
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「叮、噹、叮、噹——叮、噹、叮、噹——」下課鈴再⼀次地響起。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvjTGKvxEK
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「我不浪費⼤家⼩息時間了，起⽴，各位同學再⾒。」陳⽼師雖然因外貌⽼成被學⽣稱為陳伯，但是平常對學⽣挺好的。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYv5OmWahD
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「陳⽼師再⾒！」知道可以準時⼩息，1A的學⽣的敬禮也有⼒了幾分。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkHPoaSYnQ
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小息時間開始，班房內馬上亂作一團。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DOtkEa1Oe
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⼀個看起來⼀臉傻相的男學⽣正在打開不同的儲物櫃，⼝中唸唸有詞：「怎麼沒有新的零⾷⋯⋯」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48DZgRHdIA
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有兩個⼈直接用筆袋在教室內玩起傳接球來，正好把封思諭⼿上的歷史課本被⾶來的筆袋打歪了。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NUk7qK6Lt
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「ADHD出門左轉社工室。」封思諭看似平靜地留下這句話，黑著臉地離開教室，不知道到哪裡去了。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJkPFc7qlI
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「主席，你還未加我好友。」⼀位男同學直接取出⼿機打開好友列表，向羅晨西展⽰。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFjeDp0KtW
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說起來這家伙當初還說自己是天才兒童，天才在哪？339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhasue5Lffo
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開學的第一天，羅晨西就得知了這位天才兒童的名字叫余創常。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIIyq10GLo
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⾃開學以來，這位天才兒童常常運⽤他的創意幫不同的同學和⽼師取了花名。其中包括但不限於羅晨西被叫成「主席」和林正君被叫成「君⼦」。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEqTHyK1YP
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余創常的膚色是健康的麥色，說話的時候不時環視著圍著他的同學，唇角總是帶著明顯的笑意，彷彿想引導其他人被自己的發言逗笑。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8XxE4SyxC
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天才兒童？我看是專業小丑。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhWHlBaGvO
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「現在不是討論這個問題的時候了，再不去叫外賣就完了。」羅晨西把話題轉走。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEaUDAKpKf
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任教1A班歷史科的史sir，昨天硬是延遲了⼗五分鐘才肯下課後，被余創常叫作了『遲放之⿁』。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2mynr8AQ7
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⼗五分鐘，可以⾜夠⼀個⼈在沒有跳過⽚頭曲的狀態下看完半集動漫；可以⾜夠完成五次杏壇中學的校園遊蹤；可以⾜夠杏壇中學附近所有餐廳由冷清變成爆滿狀態。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQ4UR9C2kc
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最後，當錯失⿈⾦⼗五分鐘的羅晨西等⼈看⾒即使是連⿆O勞中，外帶⾷物的隊伍⼈⿓也排出店外時，他們就只能到⼩賣部買炒麵充飢。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzitewte9v
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所以現在，幾個人正鬼祟地摸進⼀樓男廁。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBc3gsi1hB
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「喂，這是杏壇中學，要四個和風牛肉飯，兩個豚骨拉麵，兩杯凍檸水，四杯凍奶茶。能麻煩十二點四十分送來嗎？」羅晨西開著免提，手機瞟著群組，利落點單。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMbtkNC5lj
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「是，就是這麼多沒有錯。另外我想問⼀下你們是會送過來學校正⾨是吧？」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugwwgYMG3P
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「好的，沒有問題，再⾒。」他掛斷了電話，⻑舒了⼀⼝氣。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ul62r6Xne
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羅晨西回頭看著眾⼈，⽰意問題已經解決。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQwJIM6RY1
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「班會主席英明！」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswvb4heqL5
「我們以後就不⽤擔⼼吃不到午餐了！」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvXuXvkMbm
「如今的我們，即使是⾯對『遲放之⿁』也絲毫不懼！」

眾人笑鬧著附和。

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余創常突然拋出⼀個問題：「等等，我們不⽤幫Queenie她們叫外送嗎？」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA94T4Qhuj
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「其實Discard 的⽤途是⽤來溝通的，不是⽤來刷bot 經驗的。你沒看到Queenie她們已經有在Discard說她們已經另有打算了嗎？」有同學在⽴刻回應余創常的同時，還不忘偷損⼀下余創常在群組的屁孩舉動。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBAbDFyazV
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「錯了，我也是被迫的！你們沒有聽過⼀句話叫『如果故事中出現了⼀把槍，那麼它就應該被發射』嗎？」為了合理化⾃⼰的⾏為，余創常開始解釋。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfm3hM6ox6
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「那個bot既然有等級功能，那我們就要活⽤它。只有在群組發送信息，我們才能升級，想要快速升級，就唯有瘋狂發送信息。」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjr4LgqBm5
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「如果不是我另外開了⼀個頻道給你刷經驗，我懷疑現在我們的discard 群組已經變成第⼆個班群了。」想到之前班群的亂象，羅晨西也⼀陣後怕。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHEh4j990f
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「總⽽⾔之，我的洗版是有⽬的性的洗版，和班群中那些沒有意義，為洗版⽽洗版的⾏為完全不同。」余創常作出最後的總結。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpPVHv7mlV
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「你說是就是吧。」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Awg38LRsu
「你不是以為你說得很有說服⼒吧？」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6mIXPvWCb
「你去加⼊杏壇辯論隊吧，它們需要你這樣的『⼈才』。」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx0LqmmbJY
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理所當然的，余創常即興創作出來的說法沒有得到⼤家的認可。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PAF0zQoWL
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「正所謂『天才總是被誤解的』。強如梵高也是在死後才成名⋯⋯」339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjRPEUkh2n
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余創常似乎還想說些甚麼，但眾人早已離開。339Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4f2WIV7hw