【校園/日常】杏壇中學眾生相 - [1-1]天才是專業小丑

開學以來過了⼀個星期，班群中各種事的討論熱度絲毫不減。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjC6PNGyjs
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甚至，每天會出現過千條的信息。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8nJfEyQqf
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＋5578 XXXX：數學功課做到哪826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTciHvnzAeB
＋6678 XXXX：［狂丟貼圖］826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhRHL5OtFM
＋6881 XXXX 移除了＋6678 XXXX826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAl0ALOkmp
＋6881 XXXX：好吵喔826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTkTnp6Oj4
＋5578 XXXX：沒人回我哦（攤⼿826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQNDV54Te1
＋5937 XXXX：@＋6323 XXXX 你⽤IE？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBhIDjq4oG
＋5937 XXXX：【讓眾⽣下跪的王者魅⼒！「路西法」7⽉1⽇獸神化解禁】826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByt9GFYehJ
＋6881 XXXX 新增了＋6678 XXXX826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TOBvMDBXf
＋6897 XXXX：你們不要再打了826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxSISNEYit
＋6881 XXXX 已將群組名稱從「1A班怪物彈珠同好會」改成「1A（禁⽌洗版）」＋6323 XXXX：其實我開始覺得應該要開discord group826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeylCSf8l7
＋6897 XXXX：要打就去練舞室打826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4ln0P8qko
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在這段時間內，班級內漸漸出現了幾個團體。最主要有以羅晨西為⾸的男⼦組，以及以Queenie為⾸的⼥⼦組，兩個⼩組間相處融洽，班內氣氛表面和諧。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJASfagQ86
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但因為班內氣氛和諧，同學們在⼤部分的課堂上都會製造出⼤量譟⾳，唯獨上孫⽼師的課時才會安靜，畢竟孫⽼師的罵⼈次數之多，甚至引來同學對此進行統計。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXg8GVEiIQ
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「根據統計，⾄今為⽌班內有8⼈（佔全班同學的25%）被孫⽼師進⾏過思想教導，當中7⼈（佔整體87.5%）是因為沒帶上課⽤品或是通告，剩下的那1個⼈則是開學第⼀天就遲到。現時因罵⼈⽽損失的教學時間⼤約為33分鐘，佔總上課時間的13.4%，我希望這個數字未來可以呈下降趨勢。」——摘錄⾃該報告

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「這裹⼤家有沒有發現？2加3是5，3加上5是8，接下來⋯⋯」任教數學的陳⽼師，也就是「陳伯」的⼿上拿著紅⾊圓珠筆，在筆記本上留下⼀個⼜⼀個的箭頭。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIsXbHZEoe
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這一切都透過投影屏幕顯⽰給學⽣。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOqNog6NCG
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「叮、噹、叮、噹——叮、噹、叮、噹——」下課鈴再⼀次地響起。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJmFdsD9eD
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhp4ST5I6Mw
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「我不浪費⼤家⼩息時間了，起⽴，各位同學再⾒。」陳⽼師雖然因外貌⽼成被學⽣稱為陳伯，但是平常對學⽣挺好的。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7NBr3unZ0
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「陳⽼師再⾒！」知道可以準時⼩息，學⽣的敬禮也有⼒了幾分。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gsa20q1uu
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「這個陳伯，目前還挺正常的啊，很破格嗎？難道迎新日學長說的話有錯？」羅晨西看著陳伯離開的背影，食指摸了摸下巴。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JZnY8tZOq
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小息時間開始，班房內馬上亂作一團。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOkHyWv2Rl
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有兩個⼈直接用筆袋在教室內玩起傳接球來，正好把封思諭⼿上的歷史課本被⾶來的筆袋打歪了。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6SMSDbUFa
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「ADHD出門左轉社工室。」封思諭看似平靜地留下這句話，黑著臉地離開教室，不知道到哪裡去了。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOP3nZXLQ1
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「主席，行動開始？」⼀位男同學主動走近了羅晨西，低聲說著。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEWO3FYA5Y
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「『天才』，跟我來。」羅晨西揚了揚手，暗示行動開始。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGVu2kb17e
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看到信號，幾個人從各自的位置冒出跟上他。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPKYMvk4AA
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接下來他們要做的事，和這間學校純樸的校風並不相稱。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2VTp989WA
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現在，幾個人正鬼祟地摸進⼀樓男廁。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4xNYWRXm3
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「君子，守住門口。」「天才」指揮著，聲線中透出一絲不正經。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKXc1Pb394
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他留下林正君在門口，和其他人一起跟著羅晨西走進男廁內部。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTY8wVT0MIs
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「唉。」林正君似乎有點不情不願。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxKsEfg4ej
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羅晨西拿出手機，撥向了事先存好的外賣電話，再打開免提功能。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxsK0Xe0zY
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要說為甚麼事情會變成這樣，還得從昨天說起。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRjUVbQYCR
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任教1A班歷史科，被天才叫作『遲放之⿁』的史sir，昨天硬是延遲了⼗五分鐘才肯下課。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWv4oyLacf1
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⼗五分鐘，可以⾜夠杏壇中學附近所有餐廳由冷清變成爆滿狀態。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywdzB9Om6g
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當錯失⿈⾦⼗五分鐘的羅晨西等⼈看⾒即使是連⿆當勞中，外帶⾷物的隊伍⼈⿓也排出店外時，他們就只能到⼩賣部買炒麵充飢。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUB4dyCKD0
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為免悲劇重演，羅晨西召集了好幾位班上的同學加入這次行動。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadpNVTSDxR
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「喂，這是杏壇中學，要兩個和風牛肉飯，兩個豚骨拉麵，兩杯凍檸水，兩杯凍奶茶。能麻煩十二點四十分送來嗎？」羅晨西開著免提，手機瞟著群組，利落點單。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNi79nMPkg7
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這時，一陣電玩音效突然響起。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPffvj2MRXW
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「機神，不要開聲玩怪物彈珠⋯⋯」天才鄙視地看著音源方向說。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡef95jflq5D
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「意外。」回答的這位「機神」，聲音就如在公園散步一樣平靜。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QvXOBKSZN
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⾃開學以來，這位天才兒童幫不同人取花名的速度真不是一般的快。他的傑作包括但不限於羅晨西的「主席」和林正君的「君⼦」。

被叫作天才的這位同學膚色是健康的麥色，說話的時候不時環視著圍著他的同學，唇邊總是帶著明顯的笑意，彷彿想引導其他人被自己的發言逗笑。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrl4sWaXjd
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典型的氣氛組。羅晨西在第一天已經為這個人定性。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfdHW95aFt
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQme7Qv5MEr
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「是，就是這麼多沒有錯。另外我想問⼀下你們是會送過來學校正⾨是吧？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyeBT67xFN
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「好的，沒有問題，再⾒。」他掛斷了電話，⻑舒了⼀⼝氣。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mwD7jAQKE
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羅晨西回頭看著眾⼈，⽰意問題已經解決。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUi2PJDDMQ1
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「班會主席英明。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOPoZwjRtE
「我們以後就不⽤擔⼼吃不到午餐了！」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MnjRn2uDf
「如今的我們，即使是⾯對『遲放之⿁』也絲毫不懼！」

眾人笑鬧著附和。

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天才突然拋出⼀個問題：「我們不⽤幫Queenie她們叫嗎？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bA0rkpNHH
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聽到這問題的羅晨西在心中冷哼一聲。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y8GsvMYRW
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要如何維持一個舒適的社交距離，是一門學問。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdnmSUDTAi
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpDweHfo0f
太近，自己要付出額外精力不斷應酬。太遠，在和對方再碰上便會顯得尷尬。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayrEaWESbb
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和Queenie她們建立的關係，暫時到這個程度已經足夠。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69tdvFPYtf
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就在他內心打著小算盤的時候，外面有人已經幫忙回答。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEhxmIi9OJ
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUCMqflM4k
「她們已經在Discord回過。而且Discord 是⽤來溝通，不是⽤來刷bot經驗的。」剛才被叫作「機神」的同學在回應他的同時，還不忘偷損⼀下對方在群組的屁孩舉動。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVXLrCtC9L
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「錯了，我也是被迫的！你們沒有聽過⼀句話叫『如果故事中出現了⼀把槍，那麼它就應該被發射』嗎？」他開始手忙腳亂地解釋。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesJ0EJCPPT
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「天才兒童？我看是專業小丑。完全不知所云。」羅晨西腦袋轉了一圈，還是不知道這位「天才」想說甚麼，在心中看不起對方。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8EOP0Yzfz
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「那個bot既然有等級功能，那我們就要活⽤它。只有在群組發送信息，我們才能升級，想要快速升級，就唯有瘋狂發送信息。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SgcOPe5i5
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「如果不是我另外開了⼀個刷經驗頻道，我懷疑現在我們discord 群組已經變成第⼆個班群了。」想到班群的亂象，羅晨西也⼀陣後怕。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOzsplYmHy
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「我的洗版是有⽬的性的洗版，和班群中那些沒有意義，為洗版⽽洗版的⾏為完全不同。」天才繼續在發表著他的偉論。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaOlnJS8iy
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說著說著他突然激動起來，右手握成拳頭放在胸前看著其他人，語氣堅定得像是在述說自己的人生信條一樣：「大家有沒有想過，我們經歷的日常，或者在將來的某刻會成為伏筆，這就是契柯夫之槍的真諦啊！」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5oz8cFj82
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826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRmOKSyGsN
「你說是就是吧。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtxQeGwu2J
「你的思路也太跳脫了吧。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZfNyj0uZf
「你去加⼊杏壇辯論隊吧，它們需要你這樣的『⼈才』。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvfFmBjlAA
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsD11Jz1hKn
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyGurjMpCI
「正所謂『天才總是被誤解的』，強如梵高也是在死後才成名⋯⋯」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2gO68Tnj8
826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSjZZk3UW9
被叫作天才的他似乎還想說些甚麼，但眾人早已離開。