No Plagiarism!sFnJRqvirymbUbYgk0CDposted on PENANA 大致整個看過了~116Please respect copyright.PENANAZWHBBocSkg
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我覺得寫得很好欸,尤其是簡介,有種日輕的感覺XDD,但後面可能是為了強調,字體有點大,但我覺得其實不需要這麼大的字…116Please respect copyright.PENANAeEuQ0WUn0x
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以下幫你修改看看目前最後一章,然後我的建議很不專業,看看就好哈哈116Please respect copyright.PENANAmQqxVEPKoZ
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我很閒可以找我聊天或是聊寫作OwO8964 copyright protection112PENANADhCJny8tCW 維尼
#94說走就走8964 copyright protection112PENANAFkce2ybfxa 維尼
「啊啊啊啊啊——」116Please respect copyright.PENANAXpnAdO3Jmc
8964 copyright protection112PENANA2Yxe43Ua71 維尼
驚惶恐懼的尖叫聲響起,在茂林裡顯得孤寂悲壯,掀起回聲。8964 copyright protection112PENANAgoWNrY3vyW 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANAuosyX3nPVO
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「吵死了。」恐慌中,佇立在野地裡的人出聲。116Please respect copyright.PENANAe8HuRQOhvq
8964 copyright protection112PENANAbigZMew5H7 維尼
那人聲音顫抖中帶著故作的威嚴,說道:「不要再傷害他了,放手!」116Please respect copyright.PENANAnM56v3b6E2
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「攻擊西爾維就可以了,你要對西爾維做什麼都可以!」116Please respect copyright.PENANAFUCKMLlOMO
8964 copyright protection112PENANAXo3o0KDMcH 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANACRQy4ulj5C
8964 copyright protection112PENANALaNgDJvrwo 維尼
「我已經在你們這些垃圾上花費太多時間了。」8964 copyright protection112PENANAmSstlmYUYO 維尼
「讓開。」116Please respect copyright.PENANAdYpBy6iTCc
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116Please respect copyright.PENANAP2AicKi3F1
8964 copyright protection112PENANAy8nT8gpvqR 維尼
「不要啊……不要帶走他……」口裡吐出的話語已不成聲,倔強得宛如野獸嘶吼前滾在喉腔裡的低鳴。116Please respect copyright.PENANAeFCXbJoXAL
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「我不要!」116Please respect copyright.PENANAEgojSYA08w
8964 copyright protection112PENANA61QRqYGvKT 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANARpTqQtI0N0
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啪!8964 copyright protection112PENANAu1Mi5h65HW 維尼
那是巴掌烙下的聲音。8964 copyright protection112PENANATPbFOCyOgS 維尼
「……心智配不上身體的廢物。」她薄唇微啟,帶著輕佻。8964 copyright protection112PENANApYCT96DzhW 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANAXeaOrp8IL5
8964 copyright protection112PENANAgNtZAmOCAR 維尼
這話一出口,萬籟俱寂。8964 copyright protection112PENANA1YyPxJXNxG 維尼
大家都以為被揍的人會反咬,會反抗。116Please respect copyright.PENANAUGS0vXb70s
8964 copyright protection112PENANAjInJ13OOA7 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANAZDBG0o54Xh
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但是。8964 copyright protection112PENANA5PSLMXvCs1 維尼
「……沒錯……沒錯!」8964 copyright protection112PENANAwqVU4HbmA6 維尼
「打我就對了!」這話是來自西爾維。8964 copyright protection112PENANApU5nqf3xIc 維尼
遍體鱗傷,卻昂首不斷肯定點頭。8964 copyright protection112PENANAbjORaW7Z6w 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANALGaelHc9B1
8964 copyright protection112PENANA2dZS4XkgOa 維尼
他很堅決。8964 copyright protection112PENANA3jqjHA5WoW 維尼
「攻擊我。」8964 copyright protection112PENANAQ8CpUekuh0 維尼
「直到妳滿意為止。」8964 copyright protection112PENANA7Oy7zi8pfu 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANAC7BgNZTT4R
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「……啊??」連施暴者也啞然。8964 copyright protection112PENANAHIRl6gV6fd 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANA7AuxmtG0Hi
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咚。8964 copyright protection112PENANAm4qTKoBPQO 維尼
刀子落下的聲音。116Please respect copyright.PENANANBYGcbAgSx
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接下來,是西爾維的聲音,沙啞不成聲:「很抱歉,之前對你這麼囂張。」8964 copyright protection112PENANAbI3DpyMcc8 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANAvpjzVz6uHx
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咚。8964 copyright protection112PENANA9YPrY1FDkH 維尼
身上不斷增加的傷痕和血液,他置若罔聞。116Please respect copyright.PENANAxTbCe66jw5
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「很抱歉,竟然試圖想要攻擊妳。」8964 copyright protection112PENANAjL6W10niQ1 維尼
116Please respect copyright.PENANAF5aKsYdHSa
8964 copyright protection112PENANAhYGgot3EtI 維尼
「要對我做什麼都可以。」116Please respect copyright.PENANAGXPfkdxTPM
8964 copyright protection112PENANA29fY2jts11 維尼
「原諒我。」他腥紅的血液淌在唇邊。8964 copyright protection112PENANA6C2TSdVQis 維尼
「好不好。」116Please respect copyright.PENANAX7KEfoNCFf
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116Please respect copyright.PENANAV1GIODicva
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落在他身上的武器聲音一聲接續一聲,沒停。116Please respect copyright.PENANALVzGGBJxOo
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「我是說真的,對不起。」116Please respect copyright.PENANAB9IhkoQ80O
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116Please respect copyright.PENANARlP7plHRfo
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「西爾維只是沒用的破爛樹枝而已。」8964 copyright protection112PENANA1LurBJR3Os 維尼
個人覺得寫得很好欸,主要問題是人稱~~116Please respect copyright.PENANAolrioesaj2
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不知道#94第一句「吵死了」這句話到底是哪個角色所說,建議改成:8964 copyright protection112PENANAUyaKGHtgD6 維尼
XXX說:「(台詞)」116Please respect copyright.PENANAd4JEeq4R9B
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「(台詞)」XXX震怒吼道。8964 copyright protection112PENANAKDa6B4gyog 維尼
反正就是在台詞前後寫出這句話是由誰所說,不然讀者會需要不斷從前後文中推敲,作者可能自己看得明白,讀者卻不知道這篇在說什麼116Please respect copyright.PENANAXP935DMr6w
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我覺得這個改了之後會好很多真的~希望有幫助到你~116Please respect copyright.PENANAtuWvzPsESX
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祝更文順利ㄚ!!!116Please respect copyright.PENANAmRvmqGzFYR
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