No Plagiarism!mfHHnxnIctl32VpmZcLoposted on PENANA 大致整個看過了~143Please respect copyright.PENANAmbpzve4sUr
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我覺得寫得很好欸,尤其是簡介,有種日輕的感覺XDD,但後面可能是為了強調,字體有點大,但我覺得其實不需要這麼大的字…143Please respect copyright.PENANA32WGkZq5iZ
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以下幫你修改看看目前最後一章,然後我的建議很不專業,看看就好哈哈143Please respect copyright.PENANAahw8eGQ4aX
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我很閒可以找我聊天或是聊寫作OwO8964 copyright protection139PENANAVpqnRfFfNr 維尼
#94說走就走8964 copyright protection139PENANAzMSIz0UyQW 維尼
「啊啊啊啊啊——」143Please respect copyright.PENANAgClWe0FPMP
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驚惶恐懼的尖叫聲響起,在茂林裡顯得孤寂悲壯,掀起回聲。8964 copyright protection139PENANA0l3O8yK5gZ 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANAROYykizwjQ
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「吵死了。」恐慌中,佇立在野地裡的人出聲。143Please respect copyright.PENANAD5afctXS1V
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那人聲音顫抖中帶著故作的威嚴,說道:「不要再傷害他了,放手!」143Please respect copyright.PENANAMqJdX8noOp
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「攻擊西爾維就可以了,你要對西爾維做什麼都可以!」143Please respect copyright.PENANA8yB6EgPHvf
8964 copyright protection139PENANAljdv5TJqlq 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANAQQK7QQXYEQ
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「我已經在你們這些垃圾上花費太多時間了。」8964 copyright protection139PENANAQzBaTwVLfY 維尼
「讓開。」143Please respect copyright.PENANAw5bV2qWJCn
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143Please respect copyright.PENANAlh9br40mKE
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「不要啊……不要帶走他……」口裡吐出的話語已不成聲,倔強得宛如野獸嘶吼前滾在喉腔裡的低鳴。143Please respect copyright.PENANAXBLLVBkgPt
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「我不要!」143Please respect copyright.PENANAfp6eDqEKQ1
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143Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZwAwEelc4
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啪!8964 copyright protection139PENANAkIsl56bdPP 維尼
那是巴掌烙下的聲音。8964 copyright protection139PENANAOFfQYrV3d7 維尼
「……心智配不上身體的廢物。」她薄唇微啟,帶著輕佻。8964 copyright protection139PENANA8QRTuPW1d3 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANAIAaeQ2CsEd
8964 copyright protection139PENANArB9IgixQlu 維尼
這話一出口,萬籟俱寂。8964 copyright protection139PENANAaesHzkBuVe 維尼
大家都以為被揍的人會反咬,會反抗。143Please respect copyright.PENANAmH0inS1KCT
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143Please respect copyright.PENANAOywjc5wTsR
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但是。8964 copyright protection139PENANAhEtiFRi5Pa 維尼
「……沒錯……沒錯!」8964 copyright protection139PENANAMR4ljN1vXO 維尼
「打我就對了!」這話是來自西爾維。8964 copyright protection139PENANA9GEFt0nIdy 維尼
遍體鱗傷,卻昂首不斷肯定點頭。8964 copyright protection139PENANA9mc19RDVQo 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANAK9NaedEmE7
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他很堅決。8964 copyright protection139PENANADWEGuCMU2k 維尼
「攻擊我。」8964 copyright protection139PENANAk6JGWdPSfK 維尼
「直到妳滿意為止。」8964 copyright protection139PENANAh7T3UQBCYg 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANAxVvXfkyw0V
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「……啊??」連施暴者也啞然。8964 copyright protection139PENANAWsrBVCxLv0 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANAsJ3Up1tzCp
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咚。8964 copyright protection139PENANAVSDMs3lX7P 維尼
刀子落下的聲音。143Please respect copyright.PENANA8QMiTMOLv1
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接下來,是西爾維的聲音,沙啞不成聲:「很抱歉,之前對你這麼囂張。」8964 copyright protection139PENANApeksxW39Wh 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANAzJKYtpyGK2
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咚。8964 copyright protection139PENANA3kC8efXVIW 維尼
身上不斷增加的傷痕和血液,他置若罔聞。143Please respect copyright.PENANAIOoKHCgzfJ
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「很抱歉,竟然試圖想要攻擊妳。」8964 copyright protection139PENANA4ywQw7rt9e 維尼
143Please respect copyright.PENANARkB6fRNcIx
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「要對我做什麼都可以。」143Please respect copyright.PENANAklGVJvNAiQ
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「原諒我。」他腥紅的血液淌在唇邊。8964 copyright protection139PENANADR4guZ81xm 維尼
「好不好。」143Please respect copyright.PENANAtzbL511A6o
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143Please respect copyright.PENANABgRFNoF6uH
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落在他身上的武器聲音一聲接續一聲,沒停。143Please respect copyright.PENANA4Ijnuherhu
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「我是說真的,對不起。」143Please respect copyright.PENANApt1M0s6ky1
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143Please respect copyright.PENANAJCZdxwOfoG
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「西爾維只是沒用的破爛樹枝而已。」8964 copyright protection139PENANA5cG0eBqsM0 維尼
個人覺得寫得很好欸,主要問題是人稱~~143Please respect copyright.PENANA9UnsAfTP6d
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不知道#94第一句「吵死了」這句話到底是哪個角色所說,建議改成:8964 copyright protection139PENANANIAW3Qnmem 維尼
XXX說:「(台詞)」143Please respect copyright.PENANAAFWDgFwq7N
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「(台詞)」XXX震怒吼道。8964 copyright protection139PENANApn6Wks0zjk 維尼
反正就是在台詞前後寫出這句話是由誰所說,不然讀者會需要不斷從前後文中推敲,作者可能自己看得明白,讀者卻不知道這篇在說什麼143Please respect copyright.PENANAP1ayCPMGq5
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我覺得這個改了之後會好很多真的~希望有幫助到你~143Please respect copyright.PENANAbrTG9hIWId
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祝更文順利ㄚ!!!143Please respect copyright.PENANAagGvcH5jCi
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