Dear Little Moon,
I’m not going to belittle you and say you made good or bad choices. I’m not going to lecture you on your friendship groups or education pathways. I’m not even going to say it’s going to get easier.
But I will say that I miss you a little bit more every day. I wish I had documented you more. Celebrated you more. Gave you more grace when you needed it.
Because I realized it’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to backtrack. Its okay to look at yourself in the mirror and see five different people staring back at you. You don’t have to be a finished project. You just need to start it. If a puzzle piece doesn’t fit, then acknowledge that and provide space and time to remove it and heal. Forgiveness and apology can be to the same person, the same dance.
You have always known who you are and why you’re here. I have never looked at you and thought you were lost. Just sidetracked by something shiny. You accepted yourself when you found that many didn’t know how to. You are strong and stoic in the darkest of places. You have known a long time how broken people are. Developing how to both hold your personal boundaries while also admiring the stain glass windows around you.
You have hurt and experimented and tweaked. I see you and I still like you. I know you have let go of more than you wanted. And I know you see the writing on the wall for many relationships. But your ship still has a sleeping figure below deck. You are safe no matter the storm. It may not be okay. But your perchance for finding gold within the rust gets you through more than you’ll ever know.
Your mother is right. Your actions always have a tinge of hopeful goodness. Even amongst the chaos. Not every decision will be the right one. But you will choose decisions that align with who you want to be. Remember, you may remember every embarrassing thing you’ve done. But name more than one of someone else’s – you can’t. You are a kaleidoscope of colour and wonder. Your world fractures a little more every day, but you have the chance to rearrange the room the way you like it.
It is not your job to pull people out of the muck. You may offer a hand. You may provide room on your boat. But do not drown with them. No matter how beautiful the soul is – remember drowning people do not know of safety. You cannot force change, only provide space for it. Even if their wings heal, sometimes they have no passion to fly. That is not, and never has been your fault. Nurse your pain over a cup of tea and allow it to flow out of you. Your experience is just as valid.
Adulthood is… wild. So many conflicting expectations and viewpoints swirl around you. I wish someone had told me that you don’t need to pick a side. You can be a shade. Black and white is not sustainable and will end up with no peace. Your reality is something you get to decorate. Pick your peace so when you need to fight the battlefield is somewhere you step into, not live in. Money will come and go. That is the human experience. Build community so when you faulter someone will stop to feed you. Your energy is yours alone to use. With freedom comes knowledge that time never stops. Flow along with it, create plans, but should they never happen take a breath and say, “I will try for a better day tomorrow.” Rest is work. It is building up supplies for the next task ahead. That is work. Peace must be worked at.
Oh, little Moon, how brightly you shine. You are a creature of the night that shines luminescent. It is hard to form true attachment when your family never knew how to comfort you. And yet, you will dip your toe into love. I admire you for that. Your visions are filled with starlight. You take the good with the bad. For how beautiful and priceless the fragile is knowing the journey it took to get to you.
Love. Romantic love is flawed. Remember that. Make sure you can be completely you before you fully commit. They may not laugh at or who you are. They may not mock your being. Your person – for they will be your person – must look at you as though they cannot believe you chose them. And you must view them as not only your equal, but a creature that fills you with delight. That is the foundation for secure, long-lasting love. Attraction can be built on. Style changes. But do they make your soul gleeful? Do you feel safe, loved and known? That is the basis for true love. That is what men go to war for. And your person will learn that to fight beside you, they must also fight for themselves.
I am proud of you. I love you. We are of stardust.
Until next we meet,
Bigger Moon.
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