《一腳踏兩船》 - [Day 20－好夢驚醒] PART 01

“很感激喜歡我十年仍不休”219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHMLA4GEwO

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電話一響...

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“近日舊同學說我已耿耿於你心六百週”

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其實都唔知係幾時開始響...因為仲好攰...

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“很可惜這一世未能長廝守”

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仲係好眼瞓...仲係唔多願醒...

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“很感激喜歡我十年仍不休”

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然後又Loop咗幾次之後...

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『唔......』

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我都唔知自己係唔係已經滑動解鎖咗...

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「喂～尋晚又話可以早啲打嚟叫你起身嘅？又咁遲先聽電話～」

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聽到Jeff把聲...係夢？定係現實？

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『嗯......』

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我都分唔清楚到底邊度係夢...邊度係現實...

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「喂～係唔係仲瞓緊吖？俾你瞓多陣先喇～」

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係現實...係現實...

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『唔瞓...唔瞓...醒㗎喇...』

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要分清楚...而家係現實...現實嘅Jeff打咗俾我...叫我起身...

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「真係唔瞓？」

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唔係嘅話...

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『係吖煩...』

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一陣唔知講錯啲乜就大件事...

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「唔煩你～唔煩你～咁陪你碌多陣床先喇～」

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『嗯嗯...碌碌...』

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碌床還碌床...都要不停咁提醒自己...呢個係現實...

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「碌碌～碌碌～尋晚咁早瞓都咁眼瞓～睇嚟好攰喎真係～」

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『嗯嗯...攰吖攰吖...』

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其實尋晚只係早同Jeff收線...並冇早瞓...

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尋晚同Jeff收咗線之後，就打咗俾LB傾電話～

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都係傾返有冇俾Jeff發現啦～好彩就冇嘅～

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又傾返晏晝喺LB屋企搞啦～

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LB話佢嗰陣真係扯到行晒！好想插入嚟㗎！不過我又太緊太窄...好難入喎...

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我都話其實我嗰果好緊張...而且都好想俾佢插入嚟...已經俾佢玩到濕晒啦...

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望住佢個龜頭不停咁掃掃磨磨我條一線嫩鮑...個心跳得勁快囉！

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不過LB隊個龜頭埋嚟嗰陣係有少少痛...

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LB就話第一次係會痛啲㗎喎～不過入咗就會好舒服～

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唔知啦呢啲嘢～要試過先知囉～

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LB都係話一定要我留返個第一次俾佢～

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都唔明點解男人咁想要女仔嘅第一次嘅～

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冇經驗喎...乜都唔識喎...舒服咩？

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或者呢啲就係叫做...處女情意結？

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不過呢啲今日就唔諗住啦～LB今日有嘢做吖嘛～我都約咗Jeff出街～

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所以呢...或者都係...聽日先約？

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睇吓聽日LB得唔得閒囉～聽日星期日～

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「點吖？碌得舒唔舒服吖？」

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『好舒服～』

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諗完尋日啲嘢，而家個人都清醒咗好多～

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「咁碌夠未呢？」

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『碌夠喇～』

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「碌夠咁點呢？」

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『碌夠你話呢？』

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「啜啜卜～啜啜卜～」Jeff錫我兩啖，「夠唔夠呢？」

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『未夠喎未夠喎...』我又嗲兩嗲，『再錫多啲～錫長啲～』

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「啜～～～啜～～～卜～～～」

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『嗯嗯起喇起喇～』

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其實Jeff錫我嘅時候...我係諗住LB...

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明明係聽住Jeff把聲...但腦裡面出現嘅係LB個樣...

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不過我都唔可以抗拒...仲要自然咁接受...

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咁先唔會俾Jeff察覺到有咩唔妥...

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『嗯唔嗯！唔唔唔！嗯嗯...嗯唔！唔！』

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有Jeff陪住～但係諗住LB～

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『而家換啦～想我著邊個Bra好呢？』

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不過開咗FaceTime...望到Jeff個樣...

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『呢個？定呢個？白色吖？白色呢款好唔好？』

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有啲嘢都係呃唔到自己...

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「好吖好吖～」Jeff又一路行，一路好認真咁點點頭，「就你手上呢個啦～」

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『好啦咁我摷埋條底褲襯返一Set先...』我摷摷條白色底褲，『好搵到～咁著咩衫好呢？一字膊露腰加條熱褲？』

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「都好吖～」Jeff又點點頭，「今日都幾熱～」

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『OK～咁就轉返聲音先～等你專心返行路吖～』

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「係吖係吖～」Jeff點點頭，「唔係好易撞柱～」

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『你知就好啦～』我都係轉返做聲音先...

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其實係我怕望到Jeff個樣...

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而家FaceTime都面對唔到...一陣出到嚟面對面咁點算？

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希望唔好好似尋晚咁啦...（最怕係仲衰過尋晚...）

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換返套衫...

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『而家執緊袋喇～』

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繼續同Jeff傾住電話執袋～

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『有咩功課？哦哦...英文...Maths...下個禮拜要測咩？有你記我唔使記㗎嘛～』

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我個心都冇位載啲學業嘢...

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成個心都係LB...當然仲要塞埋Jeff入去...

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明明之前成個心都係Jeff...而家反而係LB佔咗大多數...

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咁樣對Jeff係唔係好唔公平？

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我又係唔係應該要對Jeff公平返啲？

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不過愛情呢樣嘢，從來都冇公平過...

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尤其係一腳踏兩船...

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『OK喇執齊晒喇～戴埋帽～著埋鞋...著緊著緊...OKOK行得～』

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搞掂晒就出門口～

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『喂喂？收唔收到...喂喂喂？收唔收...』我離遠就望到Jeff已經喺每日等我嘅位置等緊我。

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望住Jeff呆呆咁...企定定咁...我有啲卻步...

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總係好似有道阻力咁...好似唔係咁想...行近佢咁...

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點算呢...咁樣唔得㗎喎...全日流流長...避唔到㗎喎...

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唔得㗎唔得㗎！要自然啲！要好似平時咁！

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我就鬼鬼祟祟咁行快兩步...然後一嘢就拍落去：『喂～又喺度望貓貓吖？』

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「喂～」Jeff帶住微笑擰擰頭，「貓貓入咗去舖頭裡面啦～」

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我就離遠望過去間舖頭：『係喎係喎～今日冇得見添～』

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「唔緊要啦～」Jeff帶住微笑擰擰頭，「只要過嚟接你，就有機會見㗎啦～」

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『都係嘅～返學又有機會見㗎啦～』每朝返學，都有Jeff過嚟接我～

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「好啦咁我哋行喇喎～」Jeff伸出手～

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『嗯～行喇～』我就十指緊扣咁拖住Jeff～

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「嗯～」係Jeff拖到我實一實～我都仲係手鬆鬆咁...

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俾Jeff十指緊扣拖到實一實咁行...喺冇乜人嘅街上...

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我都靜靜咁...望吓條街...望吓馬路...

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其實有乜好望？其實冇乜好望...係唔知望去邊好...

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「你真係好似好攰咁喎...」Jeff打量住我...

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『哦？係吖係吖...』我盡量自然咁望住Jeff點點頭，『呢排太忙喇...搞到個人勁攰...』

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其實個心最攰...

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好似同自己角力咁...

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「咁...」Jeff一面憐憫咁望住我，「不如接少啲？」

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『你唔想我接咁多吖？』要多啲望住Jeff...

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「我係怕你辛苦咋...」Jeff都係眼定定咁望實我...

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『唔緊要啦～』我帶住微笑擰擰頭，『都夠時間休息嘅～』

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「平時都夜瞓㗎喇喎...」Jeff皺皺眉，「功課都做唔晒...」

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「夠嘅夠嘅～深層睡眠唔使瞓咁多㗎嘛～而且學業方面又有你幫我吖嘛～好似今日咁～』再自然啲...好自然咁...

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「嗯...」Jeff有啲不忍咁點點頭，「不過都唔好太勉強自己吖...」

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『放心啦～』唔勉強...要自然...

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我都拖返緊Jeff隻手～十指緊扣拖實啲～

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一直都有Jeff帶住我行～去搭車～

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挨住喺Jeff身邊～坐定定～

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喺Jeff身邊，真係好多嘢都唔使諗咁多～

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基本上只要有Jeff帶住，跟住佢，咁就順利到完成咗都唔知道～

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咁仲有咩好煩？冇乜嘢好煩～煩惱...都係自尋...

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有Jeff帶住，又嚟到一間冇乜人嘅咖啡店～

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搵咗個靚位坐定定之後...

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「我去買嘢食返嚟～」Jeff放低埋個袋，「等我～」

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『嗯～』我點點頭後，望住Jeff嘅背影行去買嘢食...

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我就拎部電話出嚟睇...

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“LB：要做嘢喇今晚先再搵你記得你嘅第一次係屬於我㗎”

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做嘢都要掛住我嘅第一次～

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你話LB一定係有處女情意結啦～

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“得喇放心啦你去做嘢啦第一次一定留返俾你”

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我絕對唔係想安撫LB先咁講...

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事實上...我都冇可能將第一次俾Jeff...

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唔好話第一次...就算而家要同Jeff攬攬錫錫都做唔到...

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一定會諗返起同LB纏綿...一定會有比較...

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離遠望住Jeff買嘢...等...等到啲嘢齊晒...就帶住微笑咁望住我～行返埋嚟～

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「食返個早餐先～」Jeff放低啲嘢食同咖啡喺檯上，「會精神返㗎～」

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『係咪真㗎？』都係我哋平時食開嘅嘢～

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鍾唔鍾意？肯定係鍾意㗎啦～

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不過更鍾意嘅...次次都食嘅話...悶囉...

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新鮮感...真係好重要...我而家先發現...原來我都需要新鮮感...

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會唔會太遲呢？

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又或者Jeff察唔察覺到呢？

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正正就係Jeff察覺唔到...先令我覺得有問題...

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「真㗎～」Jeff坐喺我對面，「食完早餐先有精神做功課溫書㗎嘛～」

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『喂吖...』我冷眼打量住Jeff，『唔好突然就講埋啲掃興嘢得唔得？』

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「係係係～唔掃唔掃～食嘢先～」

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『嗯～食嘢先～唔係唔係！影相先～』

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都係好似平時咁～同啲食物影相～咖啡影相～我同Jeff又影啲情侶會影嘅情侶相～

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唔出樣...睇唔到眼神...都冇咁易俾人發現到我係有啲奇怪...

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你知啦～而家啲網民～個個都係柯南嚟㗎嘛...

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一個眼神都知你殺咗人...

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所以呢...慶幸平時都係影啲唔出樣嘅情侶合照相多～

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影多幾張～又影多幾張～

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「仲有冇電㗎？」Jeff拎咗個尿袋出嚟～

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『仲有電～仲有少少電～影埋先～影埋先～』我就再影多幾張～

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係吖～又就嚟冇電喇～尋晚同LB傾完電話又係冇叉電～

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影到真係就快冇電～冇喇冇喇～我就插返個尿袋～

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「可以專心食嘢喇嘛？」Jeff半帶恥笑咁打量住我～

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『係吖係吖～』放好埋部電話～就同Jeff開餐～

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你一啖又我一啖～我哋都...有互餵對方嘅～

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不過...個感覺就...

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同Jeff食到差唔多...又拎啲功課出嚟做～

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『呢條點計㗎？』我望住條數...

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「呢條吖...」Jeff都望望條數，「哦～就咁嘅～」

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我都好專心咁聽Jeff講解～

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望住條數～望住本簿～望住本書～望住支筆～就係冇乜點望Jeff...

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唔係因為我真係想追返啲學業...而係...都係唔多想望住Jeff...

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個感覺...面對住Jeff嘅感覺...總係好似...失了蹤？

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感覺好似失了蹤...

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逃避也好...只知道感覺失了蹤...

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有啲嘢就係咁？失去咗就失去咗？

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係唔係失去咗就搵唔返？又喺邊度先搵得返？

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搵得返又係唔係原本咁？

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點解要搵返呢？因為唔想失去？咁點解當初又要失去？

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失去係自己想？定係不知不覺？

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我哋總係會喺不知不覺之間失去很多...失去了太多...

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曾經有一份至真嘅愛情擺喺我面前，但我冇去珍惜，到冇咗嘅時候先至後悔莫及，塵世間最痛苦莫過於此。

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如果唔想後悔莫及...又可唔可以返轉頭？

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好明顯就冇咁嘅可能啦～

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唯有喺失去之前好好留住！

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咁我而家又係唔係已經失去呢？仲有冇機會呢？

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我都唔知道...或者太年輕...入世未深...冇太多經驗...

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或者要等到遍體鱗傷...心都淌血...

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到時就會看破紅塵～百毒不侵～

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