《一腳踏兩船》 - [Day 11－公開私隱] PART 01

“很感激喜歡我十年仍不休”

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每朝都係同平時一樣...

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“近日舊同學說我已耿耿於你心六百週”

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都係一樣有Jeff打嚟叫我起身...

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“很可惜這一世未能長廝守”

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已經過咗四日...

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“我愛過哈囉吉蒂嗎似乎沒有”

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由慶功嗰晚之後已經過咗四日...

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『喂...』

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總係仲有啲...

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「喂～早晨吖～夠鐘起身喇～」

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唔習慣...

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『嗯嗯...』

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有啲咩唔習慣？

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「又賴床～」

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生活好似冇乜大轉變？

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『錫啖...錫啖...』

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的確...好似冇乜大轉變...

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「啜啜卜～」

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不過就只限於私人時間...

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『啱啱梳洗完啦～係唔係快手先？而家換喇～』

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唔止係換校服都要諗諗...係唔係應該要戴返頂帽？

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『戴緊Bra吖～唔准諗！』

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都係算啦...著住校服戴帽咪更加惹人注意...

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『係吖...著好鞋出咗門入𨋢添喇...』

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我都只係耷低頭...就算係搭𨋢...只要裡面有人都要耷低頭...

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『喂喂？喂？喂～』

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就算出咗𨋢都要偷偷咁左望右望...望望有冇人望住我...

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『喂～～～收到喇嘛？係吖～』我望住Jeff已經喺每日等我嘅位置等緊我。

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Jeff望兩望～又望兩望～

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我就趁住Jeff仲未望到我，就鬼鬼祟祟咁行快幾步...一嘢就拍落去：『喂～都話好快就到㗎啦～』

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「係喇係喇～」Jeff帶住微笑點點頭，又望兩望，「都係啱啱好囉～」

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『咁咪準時囉！』我再拍Jeff多幾下～

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「係喇係喇～」Jeff仲係望左望右，「好準時吖～」

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『係吖呢～』我繼續拍拍Jeff，『喂望咩姐？』

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「冇～」再望多幾眼，「睇吓有冇人望過嚟咋嘛...」

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『唔好理人咁多啦～我哋行啦～』

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「哦好好～行喇行喇～」

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同Jeff一齊行去黨鐵站...

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我都盡量扮晒冇嘢咁...但沿途總會有人望過嚟...

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係有啲唔自在...但都要扮冇嘢！

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只要心態夠穩...心態夠穩...

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呢四日我都不停咁提住自己！要心態夠穩！

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其實我都唔係好明咩叫心態夠穩...但明顯Jeff嘅心態就唔夠穩...

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落到黨鐵站，等車期間...Jeff都好唔自然咁望望身邊啲人...

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『喂～』我貼住Jeff，『做咩吖你？』

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「呃...」Jeff彈開少少，「使唔使保持返少少距離呢？」

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『做乜要保持距離喎？」我再貼返埋去Jeff身邊！

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「呃...」Jeff又彈開少少，「你會唔會介意...俾人見到我喺你身邊？」

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『有咩好介意喎？』我再貼返埋去Jeff，『有你喺我身邊先有安全感～喂吖唔准郁！返埋嚟！』

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我就貼住喺Jeff身邊！同佢一齊等車～一齊上車～一就企定定喺車廂裡面～

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介意？其實我並唔係唔介意！

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我係介意！但介意嗰點同Jeff嗰點係有分別！

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我介意嘅係...點解要俾唔識嘅人影響到我嘅日常生活！

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尤其係我同Jeff嘅二人世界！

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呢點或者Jeff唔明...點解咁都唔明㗎呢？

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當然啦！受影響嘅始終都已經受影響...

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俾人望住晒係其中一個問題...而另一個更重要嘅問題係...跟蹤狂...

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我都偷偷留意四周...會唔會有啲一睇就覺得係變態嘅喺附近周圍呢？

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同Jeff落咗車，都要提高警覺！

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萬一俾人跟住就危險喇！唔知會做啲乜㗎嘛！

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不過～有Jeff喺身邊係冇咁驚嘅～

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所以我咪話有Jeff喺身邊先有安全感囉！

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同Jeff都偷偷留意四周咁行...行到返學校應該安全啦！

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不過又有另一樣嘢煩...

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成間學校啲同學都望晒過嚟！一路行...個個對眼就好似Spotlight咁射咗落我同Jeff身上！

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即係射住都算...佢哋仲要竊竊私語咁...

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「喂喂返嚟喇！返嚟喇！」

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「咦喂真係喎！又見到佢哋一齊返嚟喎！」

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「我都話㗎啦！邊有咁啱吖？一定係約埋㗎啦！」

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冇錯！佢哋個個都講緊我同Jeff！

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「條仔乜水吖？點解會喺女神身邊㗎？」

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都唔係今日嘅事啦！早兩日都聽到㗎喇！

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「喂喂會唔會係佢男朋友吖？」

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聽到佢哋討論我同Jeff係唔係拍緊拖...

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「唔會掛？條仔咁普通...」

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即係討論我哋係唔係拍緊拖都唔係問題...

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「透明人嚟㗎？之前都唔覺眼有呢個人嘅？」

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最大問題係講Jeff吖嘛！

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「你識唔識佢吖？」

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「唔識喎～」

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「冇人識佢喎～」

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「邊度彈出嚟㗎？」

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「係彈就彈開啲唔好黐住我女神啦！」

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聽到我都嬲！火都嚟埋喇！

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『好過份！』正當我忍唔住想走過去同啲八婆八公理論...

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「算啦算啦...」Jeff就拉住我！

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『算乜鬼...』我仲係好唔憤氣！

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「唔係吖...」Jeff仲係捉實我，「我都唔介意...」

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『佢哋咁講你都唔介意？』我又唔明喇！

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「唔係吖...」Jeff諗一諗，擰擰頭，「唔想影響到你吖嘛...」

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『唔想影響到我？』我都諗一諗，『我都冇諗住要做公眾人物！』

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即係咁！我有我自由㗎嘛！有拍拖嘅自由㗎嘛！同咩人拍拖關佢哋鬼事咩？冇理由俾其他人影響到我嘅自由㗎嘛！

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我都唔止講過一次！呢四日都同Jeff講過幾次！但點解Jeff仲要介意呢？

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吖唔係！佢係唔介意人哋點睇佢嘅！係介意影響到我嘅形象姐！

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形咩象吖？我咪話咗冇諗住做公眾人物囉！

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「你真係冇諗住...」Crystal打量住我，「做公眾人物？」

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『冇吖！咪話咗冇囉！Jeff又係咁...你又係咁...』答完又問...問完又答...答完又繼續問問答答無限輪迴地獄！

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Crystal仲係打量住我：「咁你又會唔會公開？」

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『我！我...』又會唔會公開？

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「會唔會Post IG？」Crystal繼續問，「會唔會Post你同Jeff拍拖啲嘢出嚟俾人睇？」

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『呃...會唔會吖...』我皺晒眉咁諗一諗，『Post出嚟咪更麻煩...』

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即係你哋都唔係唔知啲毒L㗎啦...

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你唔公開，佢哋又FF呢樣FF嗰樣...FF得多麼美好...

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你公開，佢哋FF破滅...又會話你呢樣唔好嗰樣唔好...

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人言可畏吖...更何況係毒L？

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「咁如果公司嗰邊問起呢？」Crystal繼續追問，「要保密呢？甚至要分手呢？」

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『咁我又唔係佢哋公司啲人...』我都未講完...

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「你分明就係逃避。」Crystal擰擰頭。

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我逃避？

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「如果真係覺得公開都冇所謂吖，就唔使諗咁多直接Post上IG啦～」Crystal點點頭～

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『唔係囉...我都係講事實姐...』

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「事實就係你逃避～」

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我真係逃避咩？

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或者...真係...

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我都唔敢答...連自己內心都唔敢面對...

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但點解要逃避呢？

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公開又有乜問題呢？

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或者公開嘅話...只會對公眾人物先會帶嚟大嘅影響...

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咁我係唔係想做公眾人物？

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明明一直都冇諗過話要做咩公眾人物...

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而家個情況都係啲人留意我...我都冇話...想...

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想？定唔想？

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我拎返部電話出嚟...打開IG睇睇...原來已經有六十萬Followers！

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六十萬...係一個咩嘅數字？稱唔稱得上係KOL？

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我都冇概念...一直都唔多在乎...從來冇咩一唔一夜成名...

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而家我又算唔算？

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隨便睇睇啲留言...越嚟越多變態佬...差唔多俾啲變態留言掩蓋晒正常嘅留言...

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DM就更加唔使講...海量嘅J圖J片...仲有問幾次一夜...

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我已經冇理佢哋...但你越係唔理佢哋就越係變態！

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喺度自High真係咁High？冇人理你都可以靠自己得到高潮？唔怪得咁多人鍾意打J啦...

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不過正如LB所講...只要穩住心態...心態夠穩...其實又幾興奮...

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睇住個Follow數字一路上升...有增無減...

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咁講法...我都享受做公眾人物？

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成個上晝都掛住諗呢啲嘢...根本就專心唔到上堂...

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然後，又到咗Lunch...

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Jeff行到嚟我同Crystal面前：「今日想出去食？定都係留返喺學校食？」

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『唔今日...』我諗咗一諗，『都係出去食啦～』

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都喺學校食咗幾日喇...都食到悶啦...

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Crystal翹住我，古古惑惑咁打量住我：「你唔怕咩？」

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『唔怕嘅～』有咩咁好怕喎？穩住心態吖嘛！

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況且...我都想試吓...

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「嗯～」Jeff都點點頭，「咁我哋出去先～」

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「好好～」Crystal拍晒手，「出去喇～出去喇～」

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我哋三個一齊行落樓，Crystal都翹到我實一實～貼到我實一實～仲要企喺我同Jeff嘅中間！隔開咗我哋！

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Jeff又同Crystal保持返半個身位嘅距離...

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而當我哋一踏出校門嘅一刻，除咗我哋學校嘅學生望過嚟之外，街上好多人都留意到我！

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男男女女都有...有啲仲第一時間攞部電話對住我哋！

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我都扮晒冇嘢咁～扮晒自然咁～仲帶住微笑～

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公眾人物...就係要咁？

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處之泰然...保持最佳狀態...接受眾人嘅目光...成為大眾嘅焦點...

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呢種感覺...又好似幾...唔錯喎～

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「嗯～」Jeff點點頭，「咁都幾好～」

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連Jeff都話好？

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「哦？」Crystal同我一樣都有啲好奇...

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「嗯？」Jeff望一望我哋，「哦～有你喺度，就唔會俾人發現我係Joanne嘅男朋友啦～」

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唔會俾人發現...

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Crystal古古惑惑咁打量住Jeff：「你而家知我呢盞電燈膽嘅好呢～」

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『我唔覺得有幾好喎...』我有少少嬲嬲豬...

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由聽到Jeff話唔會俾人發現佢係我嘅男朋友嗰一刻...

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「吓？」Jeff仲係一面天真咁，「唔好咩？」

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『唔好...』我就更加嬲，『你而家好唔鍾意做我男朋友咩？』

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「唔係...唔係...」Jeff有啲不知所措，「只係...只係以我呢種咁嘅人做你男朋友...俾人見到實多嘢講...」

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『咩你呢種人吖？』我叉住條腰！『咁係我揀㗎嘛！即係你而家話我眼光差啦？揀咗你！係唔係吖？』

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越講就越嬲吖！

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點解Jeff咁冇自信㗎？

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明明係我揀㗎嘛！我都唔介意佢介意啲乜吖？

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即係話我揀錯啦？我盲嘅係唔係？

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「呃...呃...」Jeff有口難言，「我唔係咁嘅意思...」

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『唔係咁嘅意思係咩意思吖仲想？』仲要呃喎！

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「佢唔係咁嘅意思～」Crystal企喺我同Jeff中間，「佢邊係咁嘅意思呢～」

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我都仲係嬲嬲豬咁！谷到塊面勁紅！

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「你都唔係唔知佢唔識講嘢啦～」Crystal掃掃我背脊，然後又拍拍Jeff膊頭，「你又唔使擔心咁多啦～」

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Crystal就一路幫我哋打圓場～

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講真人哋點睇我唔多在乎...最在乎都係點解Jeff咁冇自信！

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拍拖係兩個人嘅事嚟㗎嘛！點解要介意人哋點睇自己姐？

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我都唔介意你介意啲乜鬼嘢吖？！

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真係越諗就越嬲！越嬲就越諗！

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我哋三個一齊去食漢堡包，我都仲係嬲嬲豬！

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「你哋想食咩？我去買...」

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就算係Jeff去幫我哋買嘢又好...

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「算啦～你都唔係唔知你男朋友仔毒毒地唔識講嘢㗎啦～」

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就算有Crystal幫Jeff講好說話都好...

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我都係嬲嬲豬！黑起塊面！

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不過...又講真嗰句...又好似真係...冇乜人在意Jeff...

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或者真係有Crystal喺度嘅關係...我哋三人行...其他人都會誤以為Jeff同Crystal係一對...

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