《一腳踏兩船》 - [Day 04－無心試鏡] PART 01

“我愛過哈囉吉蒂嗎似乎沒有”

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已經響咗兩三次...

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“很感激喜歡我十年仍不休”

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都差唔多醒醒地...

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我就迷迷糊糊咁...拎起部電話接聽：『嗯嗯...』

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「喂起身喇懶瞓豬～」Jeff把聲勁溫柔，「尋晚又叫我今朝叫醒你～」

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『醒喇醒喇...』但我都仲係合埋對眼...

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「真係要醒喇～」Jeff煩兩句，「遲咗好多喇～」

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『有咩咁遲吖...』我口噏噏咁...

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「遲咗起身囉～你唔係約咗Crystal咩？要佢等㗎喇喎～」

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『咪俾佢等陣囉...』

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「一陣佢又話你㗎喇～」

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『話咪話囉...』

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「話得多都唔好啦～」

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『哎吖你好煩吖...』

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「為你好又話我煩...」

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『嗯嗯...為我好就俾我瞓多陣啦...』

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「好喇好喇...瞓多陣好喇...」

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『要你攬住我瞓...』

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「攬住喇攬住喇～」

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『要實㗎喎～』

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「實晒喇～」

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『錫啖我～』

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「啜啜卜～咁起身未吖？」

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『嗯～起身喇～』

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同Jeff拍咗拖都有三個禮拜～

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去到邊個Stage？

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都係維持喺拖手攬攬錫錫咋～

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係吖～都係Stage 3咋～

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唔好話搞喇，摸啲重要啲嘅部位都未試過...

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係唔係唔夠主動？

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我就唔會主動摷佢囉！但我有冇做啲表示？

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都有嘅...

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咪又係請吓佢食波餅吖（我小饅頭都請到囉好唔好！）...攬住又貼晒埋去吖...錫嗰陣直頭用下面貼住佢下面吖...

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係Feel到佢硬咗嘅！但佢又冇進一步行動囉...

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唉都唔知話佢份人太老實好定太過呆好...

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或者...可能...大家都係初戀啦～

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「記得拎齊嘢喎～」

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梳洗完就執袋～

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『都冇乜嘢要執啦～』

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是旦啦～都係帶返平時帶開嘅嘢～

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「銀包呢～」

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『有啦～』

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「鎖匙呢？」

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『係喎！』

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「電話呢～」

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『電話呢...電話呢...喺褲袋同你傾緊電話㗎嘛！』

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「你一陣換完衫記得帶吖～」

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『知喇知喇！』

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「咁你諗好著咩衫未？」

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『都係平時出街衫囉～唔使諗咁多啦～』

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「唔使著靚啲？」

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『唔使啦～我都係陪Crystal咋嘛～』

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今日陪Crystal去邊？

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咪就係去試鏡囉～

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『一講起佢就Send Message嚟催我！』

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「咁你真係遲咗吖嘛～」

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『都未夠鐘！係佢預早叫我唔好遲咋嘛！』

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「咁佢都好了解你會遲囉～」

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『都話未遲咯！』

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「係係係～咁你換好衫未吖？」

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『換好啦！而家著埋鞋就出得門喇！』

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「電話呢？電話拎咗未吖？」

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『吖係喎～而家拎埋喇！著鞋喇！』

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同Jeff傾住電話咁落樓...去到約定地點都仲係未見Crystal身影！

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『我都話咗條八婆冇咁準時㗎啦！』又叫我快啲快啲！自己又唔見人！

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「哈哈哈～」Jeff笑咗幾聲，「你真係好了解佢～」

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『梗係了解啦！估都估到佢一陣實係施施然咁行過嚟添吖！』次次約佢出街都係遲十五分鐘！仲要慢條斯理咁行過嚟！

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俾佢吹脹！

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「咁咪我陪你等住先囉～」

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『唉見到佢啦！』

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「係？咁都唔係等好耐姐～」

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『佢吖真係成隻豬咁慢慢行過嚟啦！唔講住喇～走嗰陣打俾你～』

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「嗯～咁加油喇～我等你～」

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『Bye～』

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「Bye～」

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收咗線之後，望住Crystal施施然咁行到嚟我面前...

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『八婆！』我就唔客氣喇！『叫我唔好遲！你自己就遲！』

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「我都冇遲～」Crystal睇睇部電話，「啱啱好吖～我係怕你會遲咋～」

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『我好準時囉好唔好！』我同Crystal嘅遲到比例係三比四囉好唔好！

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我遲到三次，佢就遲到四次吖！

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「係喇係喇～喂～」Crystal打量我全身，「你就咁去試鏡吖？」

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『係吖～有咩問題吖？』幾好吖～輕鬆簡約～

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「好有問題囉！著好啲得唔得姐？」Crystal Show一Show自己，「去試鏡吖～試鏡！」

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『我冇你咁多嘢Show囉～我都叫有Show對腿囉好唔好？』我邊似得Crystal咁大波吖可以露腰再露晒北半球～

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我著條熱褲露腿已經好盡㗎喇喎～

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「唉你話係就係啦～」

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『梗係～咁行得未吖？』

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「行喇行喇～去食嘢先喇～」

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同Crystal去餐廳食嘢先～

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啲男侍應由我哋一行入嚟就喪𥄫𥄫到落完單都仲要繼續𥄫！

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『喂你又俾人視姦喇～』我望住Crystal條事業線～

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「你冇份俾人視姦～」Crystal踢一踢我隻腳，「你對腳俾人姦濕晒添喇～」

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『痴線！喂唔好踢啦！』我冇Crystal咁好氣～

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其實平時出街都成日俾人𥄫...都唔知有乜咁好𥄫...

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而家Crystal著得咁少布就更加俾人𥄫得多啦～

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你問我介唔介意吖？呃......睇吓點𥄫囉...

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望一兩眼又冇乜所謂嘅～又唔會少忽肉～

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之但係呢...有啲真係好鬼變態㗎嘛！

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即係唔好話班靚仔侍應企埋一邊𥄫...又細細聲講偷偷笑喇...

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嗱嗱嗱好似對面個大叔咁吖！做得我同Crystal老豆啦！仲係咁𥄫喎！

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掃視晒我同Crystal全身...又眼定定咁望住我哋對腳...

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喂你會唔會咁樣𥄫自己個女吖？

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星期日就係咁多變態大叔食早餐...搞到我周身唔自在咁...

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Crystal就好似冇乜所謂喎～定係唔知呢？

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我就同Crystal打咗個眼色！

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Crystal望咗個大叔一眼，就同我笑笑口又擰擰頭：「唉算啦～」

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『睇嚟你都俾人𥄫慣㗎喇～』我就真係唔得喇...

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「唔係囉！」Crystal拍一拍我隻手！「只係...唉算啦～」

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『你老豆都係咁𥄫你㗎？』

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「痴線佢唔會囉！你老豆會嘅？」

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『我老豆吖...見都少見啦...』

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「喂咁你有冇同屋企人講去試鏡吖？」

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『冇喎～講嚟做乜？見面都少...唔係喺房瞓緊就去咗返工...唔係睇門口啲鞋都唔知佢哋喺唔喺屋企...』

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「係吖...」

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『咁你呢？』

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「都係啦...」

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『嗯嗯～』

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其實我同Crystal嘅屋企都係一樣...都係一樣冇人理我哋...

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或者我哋嘅成長都係咁似啦～所以一見如故啦～感情都特別好～

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面對住啲變態大叔視姦（冇錯唔止一個！啱啱又有個大叔視姦住我同Crystal咁行入餐廳！搵咗個𥄫到我哋對腳嘅位坐低！），都要扮晒冇嘢咁繼續食早餐～

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冇計啦～你又唔可以點～佢都係望咋嘛～就算係偷拍吖...我都唔想煩咁多，費事出聲啦...

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總之就自己小心啲...唔好走光...望吓對腳都冇乜所謂嘅...

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同Crystal食完個早餐之後，就入去洗手間先...

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「唔好食咁飽～唔好食咁飽～」Crystal對住塊鏡摸摸自己個肚仔，「唔係肚仔凸凸就唔靚～」

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『使唔使吖～』我都照照鏡，『咁緊張～就算係吖，過到去都消化晒啦～』

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「唔凸都唔夠㗎！」Crystal左照右照～照照個肚仔，「過到去仲要凹先得㗎！」

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『真係誇張到～』我就冇乜所謂啦～一來我都唔在乎個試鏡～二來我本身就唔會食到肚仔凸凸嘅～

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「再執執個妝先～」Crystal就喺個手袋仔拎啲化妝品出嚟執執個樣～

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睇住Crystal搽到成個馬騮屎忽咁～

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『咁重裝甲好咩？』啲粉幾呎厚喎！

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「上鏡係要厚啲㗎你識唔識㗎？」Crystal冇理我咁多～又掃又搽咁～畫埋啲眼耳口鼻～仲畫到對眼鬼咁大對～

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『唔識喎～唔想識喎～』今日嘅我全素顏喎～

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「唔識就學啦！你都化返啲啦！」

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『唔喎～喂都話唔咯！』

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同Crystal喺洗手間搞嚟搞去搞咗一陣～

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我都係堅持全素顏嘅～

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平時冇乜事都唔想化妝出街㗎啦～

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係同Jeff出街先輕輕咁化返個淡妝姐～

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要花時間落妝好麻煩㗎！我情願花啲時間護膚好過啦～

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等到Crystal托到對波勁挺之後，我哋就出發喇～

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距離目的地有一程車程咁遠啦～

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一程車程有幾遠？都幾遠囉～

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臨上去之前再去多次洗手間照照...（係吖～Crystal係咁麻煩㗎喇～）

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然後就上去喇～

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一上到去就有條勁長嘅隊喺度排緊！排到出晒門口！出晒嚟走廊！

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全部都係女仔！全部都係嚟試鏡？！

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原來多人成咁㗎？！

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「嘩嘩嘩...」Crystal喺我耳邊細細聲講，「好多人吖！」

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『係囉...咁多人嘅...』要排幾耐先入到去吖？

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「鬼咩係人都可以嚟試鏡！Send個IG登記就得！最大鑊係乜吖？做LB嘅女主角吖！」Crystal一提到LB就心心眼咁～

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『話唔定好多都好似我咁陪Friend嚟咁無聊呢...』個個都搵個Friend嚟陪...都已經一個Double啦...

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「而家要你陪我好無聊咩？」Crystal冷眼打量住我...

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『幾㗎...你睇我吖！對你幾好吖！唔同Jeff拍拖走你陪你嚟試鏡！夠晒好姊妹啦！』唔係因為今日要陪你嚟試鏡...我同Jeff拍緊拖啦！

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「係吖係吖係吖好姊妹喇～成功咗就請你食餐勁㗎喇～」

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『嘩起碼食足一個禮拜啦！』

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「好好好～不過唔好成日掛住拍拖得唔得㗎你？都成個月啦！仲未過熱戀...唔係唔係！仲未淡咩？」

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『淡你個頭吖！』

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「Jeff份人又悶...把口又唔叻...咁都仲未淡吖？」

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『關你鬼事咩！我鍾意就得啦！』

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「果然情人眼裡...」

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通常都係咁？

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最好嘅姊妹都係唔多鍾意自己個男朋友？

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或者啦～或者好姊妹就係鍾意講埋啲衰嘢去激吓你咁囉～

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排就唔算排咗好耐，一入到去都有幾張檯幫手做登記。

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講返個IG佢哋聽～再俾埋張身份證佢哋登記～

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然後就俾咗個Number我，就同Crystal入到去一個勁大嘅房坐低等～

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又係勁多女仔坐晒喺度！個個都露晒長腿又露晒波咁！個妝又勁厚又濃喎！仲戰鬥格過Crystal！

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「喂喂喂！」Crystal拍拍我！「嗰個咪IG女神牙Y！」

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『邊個邊個嗰個？』我睇清楚啲，『好似係喎！』

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「喂喂喂...」Crystal細細聲，「佢隔離嗰係IG女神GaYan！」

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『係喎係喎...』其實我就唔係好認得嘅...因為真人仲靚過啲相！

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「喂喂喂仲有嗰邊嗰邊！嗰邊嗰兩三...嗰邊嗰幾個...個個都係IG有幾十萬Followers嘅IG女神嚟㗎喎！」

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『係吖係吖？好似係喎...』

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「仲有仲有！嗰個咪校花選舉嘅？都嚟試鏡？！」

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『好似係...仲拍過廣告？』

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「嗰幾個都係㗎！咁大競爭...睇嚟要成功都唔容易呢...唔得唔得！補補妝先得！」

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Crystal就好努力咁補妝！我就再睇清楚啲...

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其實好多我都唔多認得嘅...不過個個都總有啲星味咁囉...

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尤其係佢哋Selfie嘅時候！

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自己一個又好...捉住邊幾個一齊又好...佢哋都笑得好燦爛！又就晒角度咁！

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笑都笑得好專業喎！

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最專業嘅係咩吖？就係一影完相就閪晒面咁各自各撳手機Post IG！

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原來喺相嘅背後係咁㗎？

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人前人後兩個樣喎！

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嗱嗱嗱話口未完又搵其他人Selfie喇～笑得幾咁燦爛幾咁甜吖～

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一影完又各自各閪面喇～

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成個感覺就只有一個字...假！

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再加上佢哋行步路都儀態萬千咁...

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或者喺鏡頭前會覺得好靚嘅～但冇鏡頭之下...就咁用肉眼睇都覺得好奇怪囉...

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有必要行到咁咩？

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自然啲唔得㗎咩？

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定係佢哋已經夾硬到自然呢？

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唔知喇～邊知人哋咁多吖～

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或者做女神唔容易啦～

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喺幾十萬個Followers面前，每一句說話...一舉手...一投足...都要完美～

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唔係點留住咁多Followers呢？

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