[Darkness.]
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCkmDBxjb6
[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtn6sSSX2ac
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuYXV5neKo
ROXIE:524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz93letQ5yT
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qW8faaiDK
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNS4o0tZcx
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1pGeDi5fA
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That's true enough I suppose. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvIsrwPr3g
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAX9c6ez9pM
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvXAO8JXyV
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlM34xhRWS
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But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MjBjI82yk
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KitnVl07h
Pause.524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbC5vySY70
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvifLyjOzW
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX57ql6FlW3
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoadbEwurh
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrn0VTjkXF
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But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFYaKqHPyA
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2svioOHL9
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudUOftAEAi
Pause.524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mgIUzhvJK
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvrxZ3R2qV
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3LEMK5ANY
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeeWyl4kg7
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2w5lbjWqx
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaUunKHnKE
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[Darkness.]524Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudzFFamhqR
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