[Darkness.]
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LFP2tGqDk
[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9viaMJQWIw
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKTf4cfTJX
ROXIE:358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxlOTRecYS
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWMid8qWAi
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8dA9NkizP
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Tr3LJHfeO
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVq723XWPm
That's true enough I suppose. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMp0nkCXiq
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtn8sEdtZlk
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtvzml0GSh
Pause.358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATpRicuzUY
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf9bnzT73V
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoO2ZUHBHav
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yeRbo5DjV
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDMZzHIPAP
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsM8WX5j6e
Pause.358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlTerhZeCm
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29Ybn9GAit
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEudXg49EwU
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHO8I3WkfRA
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1EEktiUAH
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQR05eeyRG
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjJpU1afNM
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6JKlZOWFU
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cwOWlhgon
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5EPeF7zKx
Pause.358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom901FXpoQ
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnawgvngLbQ
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzTMNzRR4x
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepLv2FwXQ7
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQerUQRQLLk
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUkOJgisQb
Pause. 358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFYfn3RFRW
[Darkness.]358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnrGWsfqFy
and then Add to home screen.