[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh8Jh2mYVT
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ23zT1u747
ROXIE:324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdpArONBZW
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS3nJdsmme
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4bWrWrwn7
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLRYebKNkI
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBJEHTaYag
That's true enough I suppose. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFjbjqVEvT
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKHGxWKbdE
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfK1xaso2L
Pause.324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdVqfXnnas
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAaAueJIqI
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But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKWYpZFQCT
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzF5nMaJwS1
Pause.324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSS6oruIyV
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAWKIZdDPx
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNkW5HK25c
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13tfjfuZqT
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBXegIsOJp
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGKKGT3umG
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIF5K1EY4Z
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKoJwmTtJK
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡav9wG4KDGH
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjPHlEJBSB
Pause.324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzq96G7rgkC
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63Bau4KgLi
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsJ31NVWzs
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95ouZXDEol
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyiMCLKlyb
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCE3PyiEF3
Pause. 324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1ALpH6sry
[Darkness.]324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQerOmnKMi
and then Add to home screen.