Inside Blue Base with just Church and Tex.
Church: Tex, I–
Tucker: (Burst in from left of Tex) Hey Tex!
Church: What the fu–
Tucker: Wanna have a ride in the tank?
Tex: I think there's only one seat.
Church: What the fuck, man? Get the fuck out!
Tucker: (ignores Church) No worries, Tex. I can walk. (Looks suave)
Tex: No. (Turns and walks away)
Church: You fucked up everything, Tucker. Tex and I were having a moment!
Tucker: A moment? The only moments you two ever have involve you insulting each other.
Church: You know what? I fucking hate you.
We cut to outside Red Base, a supply ship taking off and leaving, with Sarge and Grif standing next to wooden crates labeled "Caution: Explosive. Handle with care."
Sarge: Get moving, Grif. Those new ammo boxes won't move by themselves!
Grif: But Donut could certainly move them better. (Carelessly kicks a crate)
Sarge: No go! Be more careful, Grif. And besides, Donut is decorating the Warthog!
Grif: Decorating? What? Oh, never mind. What about Simmons?
Sarge: Simmons is distracting the Blues!
Grif: Oh, God.
Outside Blue Base around the center of the canyon, Caboose stands mundanely, looking at the rocks. Simmons walks up to him.
Caboose: Hi Red guy!
Simmons: What are you doing so far from your base?
Caboose: I was… walking. What are you doing here?
Simmons: (elusively) Nothing.
Caboose: Me too! Let's do nothing together!
Simmons: (trying to walk around Caboose) No thank you. Have a… um, nice day.
Caboose: What are you doing? (Skirts in front of Simmons) Church told me not to let anyone pass.
Simmons: Really? (Thinking) Um, he meant except for me.
Caboose: I'm sorry. He told me to shoot anyone who passed. (Aims gun) He's my best friend.
Simmons: (backing away slowly) Okay, no problem. (Shoots Caboose)
Caboose: Ow! No fair!
Simmons: Suck it, Blues! (Runs past Caboose's body towards Red Base)
Cut to outside Red Base. Simmons is running towards Blue Base, Grif following him in the distance.
Grif: Stop, Simmons! No! Stop!
Simmons: (far away) Suck it, Blues! (Sprays bullets at Blue Base)
Grif: Stop! No, I need you to move the am–
Simmons: (charging faster) Suck it Bl– (steps on a land mine and the mine explodes)
Grif: Ammo boxes… Idiot! Did he forget about the land mines we planted between Red Base and Blue Base? (Turns to walk back to Red Base) I guess I do have to– (steps on another land mine) Son of a bitch! (Explosion)
Cut to Caboose's side of the canyon. Tex walks up to Caboose.
Tex: (walks up to Caboose) Did those two Red guys blow themselves up with their own land mines?
Caboose: (favoring hurt foot) I think so. They were mean to me.
Tex: (sighs) Okay, whatever.
Caboose: Wait! Can you– (steps on a land mine) Son of a–! (Explosion)
Cut to inside Blue Base. Church and Tucker are still bickering, but the argument has significantly escalated.
Church: (cocks gun) Get out, Tucker.
Tucker: Hey, what did I do? Bow chicka bow wow!
Church: Get. Out. (Aims gun)
Tex: (walks in) Two Red guys blew themselves up. And I think Caboose did, too.
Tucker: Bow chicka bow wow!
Church: Shut up! (Hits Tucker)
Tex: (annoyed) I'm leaving. (Leaves)
Church: …Tex?
Tucker: …
Cut to Tex walking outside of Blue Base.
Tucker: (off screen) Hey! (Gunshot) Son of a bitch!
Tex: Serves you right. (Continues walking towards Red Base)
Cut to inside Red Base. Sarge is standing with his back to the door.
Donut: (comes in from decorating the Warthog and faces Sarge) Sarge, you're gonna love the doilies and the fog machine–
Sarge: Where's Grif? He's been gone long enough! I still need him to move the ammo crates–
Donut: Grif? Grif and Simmons just died. They stepped on the land mines we set, though I don't remember there bring so many–
Sarge: Oh, dehrh. Simmons was a good soldier. (Fake tears) He will be missed.
Donut: (Sees Tex aiming sniper rifle) Sarge?
Sarge: Oh, Grif probably backstabbed him. Poor Simmons.
Donut: Sarge.
Sarge: Simmons probably never even saw it coming.
Donut: Sarge!
Sarge: What, Donut? Can't you see I'm mourning for our fallen comrades?
Donut: (points to Tex) Sniper!
Sarge: Oh Sam Hell! (Ducks)
Donut: (gets shot) Ah!
Cut to outside of Red Base, where Tex is.
Tex: Idiots.
Church runs up from Blue Base.
Church: Tex! I'm sorry! Wait, what are you doing?
Tex: (turns around) Hey Church. (Aims rifle)
Church: No! Stop! (Tex fires) Son of a bitch!
Tex turns, and with deliberate patience, sights Sarge in her scope and fires.
Sarge: (in distance) Son of a bitch!
Doc walks up next to Tex.
Doc: (in O'Malley's voice) Goodbye, Tex. Muh hah hah!
Tex: Wait, but our deal! My money!
O'Malley: (cocks gun) What deal? (Fires)
Tex: Son of a bitch! (Dies)
O'Malley: Now! Finally! I have all of Blood Gulch to myself!
Doc: But there's nothing here. We should just revive them all. (Waves healing wand) It'll be more fun.
O'Malley: Shut up. That's a bad idea. (whispers) But you are right. It's empty here. (Doc revives Tex)
Tex: Fuck you! (Turns off radio and shoots at Doc)
O'Malley: Ow. Told you it was a bad idea.
Tex: Leave, O'Malley. Just go. (Fires again)
Doc: Wait, you need me to heal– (Tex shoots him again) Blergh!
Tex: (grabs healing wand) I can do that myself. Where's Church?
Screen fades to black.
Church: Asshole! 527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f5oNSCjdg
and then Add to home screen.