雲綱短文
作者:
竺蓁
竺蓁
篇 #1
[家教][雲綱]標的155衍生
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標的155衍生41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFKQX2DN36
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當穿越過神社樹林，目眙十年後的雲雀學長出現眼前並問著自己到哪去的時候，內心滋生的澎湃情緒傾盆覆滅了他，讓他莫名其妙的鼻酸，好像體內正有著另一位自己想說什麼，卻在剎那硬生生嚥住。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiY09YcPaw
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氣管鯁的呼吸不起來，嗆了幾回終於順暢後，他回以他欣喜容顏，內心悸動萬分，面向雲雀學長詢問了早先一部抵達的他們身在何處，雲守指了只指樹林某個方位，他即便依言跑向森林另一端尋覓傷痕累累的他們。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcuEGX5SQG
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他眼眸俓直往前眺，連回首再看一眼歷經十年粹濿後更顯的器宇昂軒的雲守也不敢，哪怕是祇瞧一眼，拼命積壓許久的淚水就會決堤，那種泫然的痛楚，從他爬出棺木後，不斷不斷負累，壓著他心喘不過，四肢百骸都在叫囂著不明就裡的痛，初時他以為那是來到這世界後產生的不適應造成的，然而真正原因是什麼他卻是直到方才始明白。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOJuAj2akP
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那被吞嚥下去的話，儘管沒有出口，自己也很清楚體內的他想告訴的內容是什麼，祇稍一思就慟，眼簾霧氣朦朧，嗓音無法說出完整的哽咽，似厲刃剜心地痛直椎心窩，忍不住就想要啜泣了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBJsEoGbKA
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為什麼十年後的他沒有曾經想過，逝者如斯，人的生命脆弱的不禁催折，像雨中蠟燭一般，隨時都有熄滅的可能。而儘管有再多的話想親口訴說，若是一直埋藏心內不講出來，永遠也沒辦法傳達給在意的人理解的，就像這注定死劫的未來，沉眠不起的他真正想說的話只有自己纔懂那般，令人情何以堪的痛撤心扉。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡab8F18qils
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轉身背過雲雀的綱吉握緊拳頭，使勁咬住的牙齦滲出血絲，鐵銹般的味覺一下遍佈口腔。不去理會那血味，他幫著拉爾扶起獄寺及山本，一臉漠然地撇頭不去直眙威嚴不減的雲雀，邁起步子跨進雲守的根據地。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PdyPw8pAq
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將入之際，他昂首掃了一瞬陰霾的蒼空，視野遼闊，不見青藍，只有烏雲整片壓了下來，舉目盡見鬱鬱灰灰的沉濁，有那麼一刻，腦際掠過什麼畫面，充塞著無以名狀的悔恨。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgMhyYJlYq
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然後他悽愴地綻開一抹嘲解的笑靨，旋即闔目，抹煞了那些伴隨而至的千思萬緒。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IXyGTFLs7
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提足，緩步踏入地底，再不回頭，如同十年後的他所選取的結局，將真實的答案給凍結了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtGnM8tVLM
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他獃然望著受傷慘重的朋友們，眼淚竟是一滴也落不下來，他分明不是性情冷冽的人，常人該有的痛心疾首、後悔萬分的負面情緒的他一樣不缺，甚至更為抑鬱深沉，可是他就是無法為之流淚縱橫。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PU4D8yzYQ
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原因是什麼他在清楚不過。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt49bIexR30
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靈魂深處和誰約定？這生只為他落淚，就算駐留他眸底的身影不是他，還是會遵守著這單方面的執著，藉以憑弔，那早逝的哀愁。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITf4aDiY5s
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戀情不說出口的話，那麼既不會成真，亦不會破碎。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5wNUvf4q6
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只會成為一種比甜蜜更為強烈的悸慟。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuwR8dzhHc
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和蒐集情報回來的碧洋琪大姐及風太談過話後，他藉口身體微恙不適，避開眾人，回房休憩去了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbVlrCODyA
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而期間，他連偷覷十年後的雲雀學長也不敢。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3yRZHHC4I
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他始終垂首，唯唯諾諾的彷彿舊日身影重現，似乎就算經過那些大風大浪，甚至足以喪命的事件，他亦仍舊未嘗改變本質，一直都是那位做什麼都提不起勁來、覺得世界索然無味的孩子。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjgtReSNwi
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不想要受傷，因此假裝什麼都不在意，什麼事情也不想去深思，只要不要受到痛苦就好了，於是他築起一道城牆，閉上雙目，視而不見，充耳不聞。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvF2S0mLlxY
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那麼，就也不會拖累別人，他自私的認為這樣就可以了，可他竟從沒思慮過這樣矇蔽自己的自我防衛到頭來卻讓旁人受傷了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40YJJ4DpR7
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明明自己那麼的不願，但自己卻帶給他們深深的苦痛。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp2g7xG8IY
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人生過去十幾年了，今日他第一次認清自己，原來那麼偽善的噁心。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi4KvIYG5i
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他要早點發現的。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNrsNDdPdc
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澤田綱吉從來沒有這般恨自己的遲鈍與軟弱，這兩點性格上的缺失。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7gNkkHQiq
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假如他再不理解先前因無法聯繫上雲雀而將心懸起卻同時在確認他安然無恙同時解放的擔憂，這種失而復得的揪痛到底是什麼的話，他就真的虛偽了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcS8wtigfN
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躺在床上胡思亂想的綱吉將睡入睡之際，清晰聞見有人叩門。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHKEG60E8h
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鼕鼕的擊門聲，很像是拿著什麼金屬製品敲打的感覺。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzp6Lob9MG
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那雙拐子。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyVxZAKWLw
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渾渾噩噩的思緒，煞那冰凍了起來。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcCnD55Aqe
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拐子的主人此刻正佇立門口，不耐煩的情緒由急促的聲音中略可竊見，甚至有種他假使在這樣不理不踩起身去開門的話，下秒就會直接踹了門板衝進來的錯覺。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSmrbFRq3k
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「雲雀學長，找我有事嗎？」41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibWlj1ulj5
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在連續敲了幾次門後，房間主人終於前來開門，因此雲雀見到的是一位全身皺亂，頭髮來不及梳理的散亂，一臉睏容的澤田綱吉，而他臉上掛著的微笑卻眼藏著什麼思緒的矯偽，令雲雀不禁厭惡。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovDjkuNCXi
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但最使他感到的生氣的卻是處在身前的人，那雙棕褐色的的眼眸刻意避開他注視似的，往它方掠去。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHf9K15gUA
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飄邈的視他無物。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0dSZTqAiJ
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暗自慍怒的雲雀恭彌伸出手扳正那位自相逢那次以後，不再正眼面向他的澤田綱吉，然而手甫觸碰卻明顯感受到眼前弱小生物的顫慄，心底閃過什麼很不確定，不是滋味？他思了幾秒，同時訝異自己除了那不快感受，也有著憐惜的詭異情愫。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEDR07DfcB
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他立地縮了手，蹙眉微惑。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvtVukqoGd
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瞪著自己握著雙拐，握成球形狀的手，一向不露情欲的雙眸難得動搖了，他竟然會有那種疼惜想法，為了這隻來自十年前的草食動物？ 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1TF3Y7Rp1
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那種事情，怎麼可能發生。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8sW801f0z
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他跟他之間的交往從沒深入，不論十年前抑或是十年後。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnmOFJ3op9
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彷彿平行線，彼此的距離一直存在。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFArY0Nh3li
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而事到如今，他們之間已經不會再有變化的可能了。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqhBhqC6YY
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死人有辦法復活嗎？41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMV4vSIrFKg
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他嗤笑。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlucptsBV8
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因此要談變化那根本是天方夜譚。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSTICZOhjF
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迅雷不及掩耳，索性不去思考那對於他顯的多餘的事情，他沒忘記先前他想做的事情，握著拐子的他趁隙勾起他下顎，逼迫他凝視著自己，他要自己身影烙印於他目中，而不是當他空氣的視若無睹。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqPmg5mn8l
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他對上那雙眸，呼吸像是遏止般的凍結，良久他都無法再言語，儘管，他向來少言。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6gSgaxTLK
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澤田綱吉一臉從容地回應著他的期望，不似年齡一般的大眼裡單單回應出他的容顏，特別是自己的丹鳳眼在他眸底勾勒細緻，刻劃入微，栩栩如生，然則他卻嗅出了孩子勉力壓抑住的激動。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmb9PntTH8
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那眼眸裡流轉著晶亮，像極了他偶爾獨自在朔月夜晚裡，踩著浪花，腳印陷在溼漉漉的沙地，腳跟著地的位置深了一片水，閉目細聽海的波濤。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwBiouInbO
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好似在諦聽海嘶啞的哭泣。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4S9RVvGk0l
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睇著雲雀學長，沒由來的，他憶起來到這未來世界的第一天。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfO34qklza
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輾轉難眠，很晚很晚的時候才因為疲倦而闔上意識。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw09kh7oNUH
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聽過有這麼一句，睡覺前不可思慮過多，要不容易反遭致無謂困擾。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXVxWC2z3f
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或許因為如此罷，夜裡熟睡後，他做了許多夢，內容卻在甦醒那剎一去不返，只是他卻可以無比清晰地記住，不論在哪個夢境裡，身周都蔓延著著曼珠沙華，紅艷瑰麗，白影綽約端秀，沿著潺潺流水蜿蜒盛放，亮白的光灑落，水面波光粼粼，倒映著天界之花的姿影，那是個背景很美麗，但故事卻很憂傷的夢。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudVpbgyEt0
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而就算期間夢醒多次，夢的延續中總是會不意瞥見那雙深黑如墨般散發清香的細長眸子，望著望著就足以使他潸潸落淚。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpoAidkuea
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有個人很年輕的時候就遇見了另個人，他們之間第一次打照面是誤會引起的爭端，不怎麼好的回憶，但很多年後的那個人每每思起那一幕時，嘴邊總是有掩不去的笑花，然隨之湧上的濃濃愁緒卻亦加深沉。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28dgS80BOX
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他們之間沒有故事可言。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZPadeM4s3
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那從少年時代便結識的人很難親近，少年長成青年後體認到這事實大概已成定局，畢竟那人性格如流雲，望得見，抓不住，想促膝長談的機會由於自身的工作關係，除非有奇蹟要不那簡直是不會實現的願望。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDroeW6oqu
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對，最後死前也無法實現的願望。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT17uwLSab9
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他的願望只有那麼一個。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ202MbnaM1H
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親口對他傾訴，那三個漢字組成，日文五個發音的話。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZh0gZ0dPB
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他卻沒有勇氣承受相違的話語，於是親手毀了自己。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aLb7HPPgJ
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夢的結局什麼？41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKVNgRe491
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開滿平原的彼岸花。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ju8ECgGRZ
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誰倒臥著深睡。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBWDK6ghRP
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淚水積聚而成一條流經的小溪。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiLffCLGGq
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冷冷地，崎嶇蔓延穿越。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq2zBKG8wq
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漫天揮灑，落花如血。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwtI7Qq7ZU
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總天真以為，張開雙手，就能緊擁一直企求的回應。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmcwOJ9ca1
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瘋了嗎？也許是吧。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6a3G2gINQI
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所以纔會那麼不計一切後果吻了他。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHUIETHqEm
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就算內心早已預知到一成不變的結尾。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecN6sgXnyU
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原來他到頭來還是依循了十年後的澤田綱吉的想望哪。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmq6prBezxD
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他一把拉下面前這位經過十年依然教他忍不住打心底畏懼的人繫在脖間的領帶，使兩人相差的距離貼近鼻息，似乎沒有意料孩子會有如此舉措的他訝異了半秒，而他也沒料到平常看來怯懦不已的孩子竟然趁著他愣了半秒那空擋，仰首便是在他唇烙下一吻。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyssD97sBYO
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWkyuCaX0y
孩子的唇瓣乾澀蒼白，兩人唇接觸的地方甚至有些麻刺，孩子迅速鬆開緊缚的領帶，垂首不語。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXTQRB86Im
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一時間來不及反射動作拐殺的他舔了舔孩子侵略過的位置，濕潤，有著鹹味。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipWCrqxgFK
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYHPiBUImb
鳳眼極端危險的瞇了起來，睥睨著身前的垂下首一副做錯事的孩子模樣的澤田綱吉，備嚐屈辱的雲雀使勁緊握雙拐，方才見他提前離席，卻始終沒有正視他這一事感到困惑，內心深處亦產生腦火情緒，整個思緒都在叫囂著想要清楚他為何視而不見他？因故他才等會畢後前來敲他門，準備等他開門便問他是怎麼回事？卻沒料到會被這樣掠去吻，而作出這件事情的人卻緘默不語，整個人身形看似鎮定，兩手卻洩露出不安不止地攪動，他見此情況大概了解澤田也未有解釋的打算。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUzcn1FNRc
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只是這什麼意思？對他下的戰帖嗎？還是有其他意味深長的層面？他揚起這十幾年來從不離手的金屬拐子，不論等下有什麼辯解，他決定先教訓這來自十年前的草食動物，讓他明白他可不是他惹得起的。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYi7rsjibvM
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拐子結合速度與力道落下的那一瞬，他盯著他聞風不動的容顏竟有絲遲疑，這瞬間的遲疑讓他不由得停止住攻擊的動作，拐子距離澤田綱即將被擊毆的位置卻不過數公分，只差一秒就會將他連人也給打到床鋪上乖乖躺著了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5V2VJGwBw
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PoOlr2R9Q
雲雀收回武器，不能理解方才就要落下那一瞬向來不容心軟的自己竟心軟了，這是為曾有過的事，然適才卻真實的發生了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA9buJj2QW
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他怎麼了？41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4GU04hkEi
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今天的自己簡直不是平常的他。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lKgLLmYWJ
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所有異樣的情緒都傾巢而出，從不留情的自己卻莫名地心軟。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqne8TYpbg3
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1ahTubFm4
胸擴裡的心臟歡快地砰咚響著，喜悅著什麼？41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZTpETS9YI
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他不懂。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJuJZgpz7K
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無法理清錯綜思緒的他轉身背去，往自己的研究室邁步走了回去。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEBFUjoWxS
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再不回首。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7f2wJU2tK
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依稀有什麼景象重疊，澤田綱吉抬起頭來，目送著他逐漸遠去的身影，眼睛裡一片汪洋。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGalJeWTq7
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駐在原地，半分移動不了。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8E3i26UXlP
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他只是想哭。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQWRfdgz1I
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他曉得世上不存在假如這種虛幻的扭轉，也萬分清楚沒有明日這種可笑的以後。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MKTxvZD93
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什麼如果能夠怎樣那麼現在就不會怎樣了這種想法讓人忍不住發笑，就算真的能夠做出改變，假使結局仍舊一成不變的話，那所付出的改變又有什麼用？僅僅徒勞無功而已啊。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgrJJlymng
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遠遠盯著十年後雲雀漸漸遠去的背影，高挺拔萃，堅厚的背影著實令人心安，卻同時讓他內心深處不止的淌淚。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5C0naW53cb
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJb1Dd2nEg
他好想好想朝他大喊，喂、十年後的雲雀學長知道十年後的澤田綱吉內心的想望嗎？或許你注意過，但選擇視而不見，或許你根本就不了解他的渴望，而他也選擇了閉起雙目的窮途末路。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU50AbsXeBu
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX35CiaSts
如果選擇死亡是要十年前的他回到這裡修正不應邁向死路的結局，那麼倒不如不要這樣，就算有再多的後悔都沒有用，十年後的他所逃避後的結局，一直這麼赤裸裸的昭然若揭。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYGKqKowV2
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可是十年後的他曾思過？這樣做卻使更多人受到傷害了，甚至牽連無辜的朋友，只為了當年的憾恨？41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLMvvN4zdL
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這樣值得嗎？這樣值得嗎！41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt0eu9KOZL
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHklWZBrUU3
他知道這種無能為力的無措，只會留給生者更加懊悔的歉意嗎！這就是他所謂的改變嗎！41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWayGV7sC3
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吶、雲雀學長，你知道嗎？我想你根本不知道吧，十年後的我很久以前就喜歡上你了，比那天更久更久以前的曩昔，在我還沒注意你也沒留意我的那時，或許那就是所謂一見鍾情。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevg2Bc4ReE
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然而，在這早已死亡的結局中，十年後的我獨自舞著安魂曲，沒有人憑弔，有的只有背上那只沉重陶罐，隨舞步晃樣的水，輕慢盪起凌波仙姿。而我沉默以對，盯著十年後的自己自欺欺人，嘴邊露出的笑容是那麼孤絕寂寥，重要的話卻一句也講不出口。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwHlKyY4gA
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殘忍的卻是僅有我一人獨識，那句未竟的話語是什麼。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi5qIFGKCg
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但我道不出，所以遺憾。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iFnfUiEZE
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終究，轉身拂袖而去。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAjtsovG1D
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猶如參與商。41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2Fq8SD5Cq
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此生經年，你我終將注定錯過。 41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLwk4Bk5MA
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