Aurum's head cocked up towards the sliver of the sunrise.
Upon digging dirt below the bushes of his master's home, Aurum picked up footsteps resembling a human trudging nearby. Turning, there was a soft knock of the door of his master's home. Barking once, the human's attention was away from the door and trudged toward him.
Wagging his tail in approval, the human intruder gently combed his fluffy crest down to his back, as he inspected the human intruder's face. The man. In exchange, Aurum licked the hand of the man, dribbling it with his saliva as thanks.
Soon after being petted, he picked up a sound of the door creaking open and the man stood up, just as immediately.
Jogging back towards the same door, the male was greeted by his master with a curt not and a small smile, which seemed as a welcoming gesture to Aurum. He took it as a sign that the man is really a good person.
Continuing his work, he dug the dirt back again into the hole with his bone stored inside. He watched his master and the man together crossing the pavement through the quiet morning.
That was two days ago. Aurum still wondered why his master hasn't been back home. Or the man bringing his master back home. Now he's worrying about his master, as the bone he chewed a moment ago disappeared into pieces inside his empty stomach. A little less hungry.
But even still, he sat behind the door, gathering warmth in the chilly breeze of late November, silently lying in wait.
---
Her sanity was close to collapsing.
Brittany Madson was a goody-two-shoes. Decent grades, never had a party, never smoke, never drink alcohol, and never tried taking a pot. Good manners. Right conduct.
But she's also honest-to-goodness kind of girl. She just wants to satisfy her parent's expectations, with what they have done for her ever since she was born, and tries her best to reciprocate.
Surprisingly, her parents allowed her to have a boyfriend, just as long as that special chosen one had a good family ties with their family and is also a decent person such as she, which, she gratefully accepted, happily. There was at least few but certain things for her to decide on her life, including what major she'll take.
At the approval of her parents of course.
And she already had it planned out. She knew what she wanted to be in the future. She knew what she wanted to do with her life.
But recalling the days, she never felt any happier with the one she loved the most.
It was almost like a fairy tale to her, but with a touch of comedy and cheesy puns top with spices of sarcasm and chummy bickering. When he came into her life, the path seemed to be wider, more open doors, and a brighter future. A different world from her different world colliding as one. Excitement was all she felt when she thought of what was inside of the collided.
Until... how collided she was now.
It just happened so suddenly. She couldn't understand how she ended up here. God, she just couldn't understand. But she's here. Stuck. In a vast and bleak room. Unable to get free.
She felt sick to her stomach and the room felt like a timeless vault of her train of insufferable thoughts.
She wondered how her parents are currently keeping intact with being dead sick and worried about her missing. She wondered her room collecting dusts. Her books still yet to digest. Assignments and projects to deal with. School noticing she's been missing for who-knows how long. She wondered how Aurum, her canine best friend, was doing, if he was still eating without her around.
Or, please God forbid, already dead from idly waiting for her.
This was not luckless. Not a natural phenomenon. This was horrid.
So horrid, that she had been feeling death right outside of that door behind her. Just a couple of steps near to unlock it open with accepting arms.
She knew she's so close to the brink of insanity. Because she's somehow welcoming it. And, finally, the thought of him entered her mind.
She stifled a sob.
His goofy personality. Clumsy acts. Cheesy behaviors. Their memories together.
How they started hanging-out like partners in crime and the most curious pair of scientists. Like binging on varieties of sodas and get acidic stomachaches the next morning. Or simply spending romantic time together by watching American Horror Movie series. Their laughter.
How he stood up for her even though none of her parents and classmates did. How he persisted to be friendly with her even though she kept on pushing him away and her parents being overly skeptical about his background-
She let out a cry.
-His mesmerizing stare. His easy smile-
Choking on something she couldn't get out.
-How he carefully listened to everything about her, how passionately he repeated every inches of herself as if they were his mantras, his voice of reason, and caressed it deeply in his heart-
Agony.
Every memories and details about him bottled up inside her in torment. Every time, she desperately asked; How did things went wrong?
But in silence and in herself, there was no answer.
The image of him appears many times and over, engraving it deep all over her mind, body, and perhaps in mental sickness, as if it was also her antidote despite the poison.
She cried until there was no tears left to shed.
She made up her mind.
Eyes shut closed, she steadied her fist. Her teeth buried onto her wrist, she gnawed through her veins. Jolting. Her wrist throbbing in pain. Without a care, she bit on.
Gradually she felt dizzy. Her visions hazy. Her mind empty. Tired.
This was it.
This was the end.
---
Your parents were crying when they found out you were gone missing.
Disappearing into their life.
Not coming back.
Words cannot describe their anguish. Faces cannot express the truth sinking in their minds.
But I was there, watching them as they did so. My jaw taut. My eyes narrowed in slits. Struggling to stay strong for them. To stay calm in the face of their gullibility.
But like them, I'm also a gullible person pretending to be on top of everything.
On the inside, I know what they felt; thinking certain thoughts that shouldn't cross in your mind. Feeling particular feelings that shouldn't linger when it's not even there. Foreshadowing befallen futures, betrayed hopes and dreams that you just rehearsed in your head like a prediction, until you made it into a habit of expecting the worst.
To make an excuse, it was my only way to feel like the world doesn't spin madly in place while we walk forward. Unknown if we confused our sense of directions, unaware of what we're going to encounter miles miles away. It was my only way to steady myself.
But instead, it just made me sink into it deeper. Thinking certain, horrible horrible things.
Your parents are full of concerns. But gradually, their concerns will turn into worries. And then their worries into anxiety, and their anxiety into twisted thoughts and feelings until they become an ugly monster you couldn't face. A monster you call as, Fear.
Fear that your parents are suffering through this instant.
And, you know, the most terrifying thing I realized of all things is...
Fear is the fraternal twin of Love. That's why I understood your parents' ways. So clearly.
By loving you, I will bear fear. Fruit of care that tastes like restraint. Seeds of protect that may grow into anger and hatred.
Fear. Love. Such fragile things.
I thought these things inside of me are just me being overthinking about things. Being paranoid, silly, or maybe being a little crazy. A phase to get through in your life. So I carried on. But it was becoming a burden to me as I keep on moving, dragging me back into it.
Sometimes, I tried to push it all away. But so many methods came but failed miserably in the end. I tried so hard to make it all go away but I was becoming even more desperate....! I'm running close into the dead end of myself. And I will never come back to the old innocent dimensions I once been in. Stuck in this crazy loophole between two things that tore me into half and pieces.
They were so right. Love is so blind.
Love is blind, because it could also be a form of hallucination. Your brain being polluted with toxins that you also claim as your enlightenment. Walking into the cruelest hell on Earth sightless. But you can smell, hear, and feel it. Strongly.
And this...
"...This is what I felt... when I always... God.. always thought of you disappearing from my sight, from my life, from my heart!" I breathe, cramming all my inner thoughts and feelings into my sole pair of eyes, boring it into her own beautiful albeit tired pair.
Convincing her. Trying to make her understand. Struggling to make her understand as I'm bleeding into my lips, keeping myself intact just for her to get back into her senses.
No.
To get me back into my senses. "That's why... I'm clinging onto you like this. If I don't, I'll be swimming with these thoughts endlessly until I felt like drowning into them- until I'll be forced into doing other things I don't like to do to you. Can you understand what I'm trying to say? Can you understand why I'm doing this to you?"
Her lips were pale and trembling, she didn't say a word. But her windows to her soul speak for itself and the sight hurt me so much I'm tearing- wavering- thinking all over again whether or not this is worth all the pain and hurt we have to endure.
Just because of me. All because of me.
"I'm so.. so sorry for this, Brit..." I say, struggling to get the words out. From my tears. And from myself. All because of me. "Please... don't... don't try hurting yourself... God, don't you dare kill yourself again...! I'm begging you! I'm going to sort things out! Everything will work out... Just trust me on this... give me time... please...!"
My visions are blurry. My head is a mess. My head is a mess from the start. I'm helpless, but I try. I try to keep myself together. Keep ourselves together. With this. For us.
She stare into my eyes. She looks scarred.
She looks just like me.
I'm just like staring into a mirror of myself. The inner me. We were the same. We were like one. A part I could never be without. The half piece who's been missing in my life, but now I found her.
Because with her, I will never go amiss.
My breathing hitches. My heart misses a beat.
Quiet. Speechless. But a simple nod of her head.
A waver, that I found as a sign of hope.
With her dried blood on my hands I entwined my fingers along with hers. My head, where all these rotten thoughts hived in, leaned close to her pristine and understanding one. My ragged breath colliding against her soft breathing.
I whispered to her. Meek. My real self. "Thank you."
I spoke to her. Now steadier. My better self.
"I won't ever betray you. Never abandon you. Never leave your side. Even if... you might. I promise, I will never ever let you go."
To everyone, you may be missing. But to me, in my world, you'll never disappear in front of my sight.
Her eyes lit up into a widened eerie look, as if she's frightened, which is odd since we're only the two if us in this room, in my house, alone, together.
Together forever.518Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt69Ck3WqnS
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