作品:《魚魚創挑第六期》 連結
▌#48 BL 如果你還記得幫我慶生
▌類型 小說
▌作者 Tanaka Kami
短短數句,元素卻過於繁多。33Please respect copyright.PENANAubpFE17PTE
33Please respect copyright.PENANAHfENlEHW7H
33Please respect copyright.PENANAlAxBe5rcqb
33Please respect copyright.PENANAV1MNoKMgg8
或許只是擷取自某長篇小說的片段,但仍是有一定閱讀上的困難之處。33Please respect copyright.PENANALhDw8yP4bQ
33Please respect copyright.PENANA7j0uqCXXix
1.兩人角色所說的話,會很難分出到底是誰跟誰說。33Please respect copyright.PENANAEV0R9E1YBI
33Please respect copyright.PENANAcsIrwBuVHS
2.用詞上有些問題,如開頭第一句「煙雲」應該是用「雲煙」,此處的倒裝句,不但沒有更闡述出環境的聯想,更多的是第一時間就讓人糾結在這個詞語上。33Please respect copyright.PENANAVmWyxCfWsc
33Please respect copyright.PENANA05qwj6mPBz
3.進度推演的太快,情節、人物多的無法連串。33Please respect copyright.PENANAOMuaE8WXOY
33Please respect copyright.PENANAP7q44vN3U6
33Please respect copyright.PENANAsPGU9wUZxW
33Please respect copyright.PENANAFwKw0F276x
以上,是我讀後的感覺。