No Plagiarism!zkFfDSWbwyFkOSP2pCN2posted on PENANA (本節推薦搭配歌曲為美波 - ライラック)8964 copyright protection245PENANApsv9C0v8D5 維尼
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------老爸視角------8964 copyright protection245PENANArbqJDmPnWh 維尼
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晚上實況結束後,我便直接洗洗睡了。醒來時已經是早上九點。8964 copyright protection245PENANAKEVljx0JVk 維尼
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似乎夢到了什麼不好的事,一醒來卻通通忘了。只有殘留的些許緊張及冷汗,在告知自己有這件事。8964 copyright protection245PENANAluUcLBx3a7 維尼
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但既然忘了……就別逼自己回想了吧?8964 copyright protection245PENANAXRKlra3jcU 維尼
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總之,我仍舊直接起身到廁所梳洗。8964 copyright protection245PENANAV0hSRFgDlh 維尼
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感覺睡得不太好,有種過度警醒,卻依舊疲憊的感受在體內盤桓不去。就算刷牙洗臉完,也試著做了對現代人來說十分難得的早操,那感覺仍無消退的打算。8964 copyright protection245PENANAB5zaZPej6h 維尼
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是肚子餓的關係嗎……?這麼想著的我直接去廚房煮了碗泡麵,接著坐到客廳沙發,像是心死的上班族般默默吃完再回廚房洗碗。8964 copyright protection245PENANAcMbYwCZamd 維尼
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洗完後回到房間,用手機傳訊息給北風說:昨天自己問太多了,並對拿問題堵她問題這點覺得抱歉,並且還在想賠罪的方式。一送完訊息,我便閉上眼睛拋開手機,在沙發上伸手摀住臉。8964 copyright protection245PENANAdPb3t1HVj4 維尼
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「……嚇哈!」8964 copyright protection245PENANAQwsz4qwLuE 維尼
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發出了十分羞恥(被別人聽到的話),但能幫自己打氣的仿武士吆喝。8964 copyright protection245PENANAnxRDXdrfhv 維尼
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好了。8964 copyright protection245PENANAmxKCIXoU9z 維尼
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能先做的事都做完了,該是做那個練習的時候了。8964 copyright protection245PENANAPCts4obsuz 維尼
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……做那件我下定決心做到的事。8964 copyright protection245PENANAmiZ58JJ427 維尼
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於是我深呼吸。接連深呼吸三次,才終於讓自己抓起家中鑰匙離開房間。8964 copyright protection245PENANAu2CtL4w7Rz 維尼
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老實說──上次雖然成功走到陽台,但僅僅一次的成功經驗,無法讓恐懼就此消散。對於踏出家門這種事,還是會忍不住想要逃避。8964 copyright protection245PENANAGTBXY1Vl1p 維尼
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很想做點事。無論什麼事都好,藉此讓自己不用面對那可怕的感受。8964 copyright protection245PENANAe0crd7tSqF 維尼
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就算曾經挑戰成功,但有時……這反而會讓自己不願再次嘗試。8964 copyright protection245PENANAydfB2Lb2gu 維尼
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比起失敗後又失敗,一度成功後卻再度失敗的挫折會讓人更難受。8964 copyright protection245PENANAFlvwhk9v2K 維尼
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所以說,看見希望不一定是好事。因為有些人──像是我──就會覺得希望保留在還是「希望」的狀態就好。畢竟一旦開始追逐,那希望可能反而會破滅,轉變成更深的絕望。8964 copyright protection245PENANAeqTbUgLgiS 維尼
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「……唉。」8964 copyright protection245PENANA3bwtSTEYmg 維尼
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但無論再想逃避,還是得繼續嘗試。8964 copyright protection245PENANAU9HFHXSdxE 維尼
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既然決定了。那麼為了自己──同時也是為了兩個孩子,無論如何都得繼續去試。8964 copyright protection245PENANAzpRQEOykNu 維尼
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「嘶──呼──嘶──呼──」8964 copyright protection245PENANAOhnH43TLtQ 維尼
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終於準備好後,我站在門口,再度深呼吸三次,試著完全放空。盡量不去想接下來要做的事,也不去想做不到的話會怎樣?8964 copyright protection245PENANAbMS5hehIGu 維尼
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不去想那些會產生恐懼的事。8964 copyright protection245PENANAz2bEXnBgDW 維尼
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似乎是因為原有的疲憊吧?感覺比較沒胡思亂想了。於是接下來,我小心維持著腦內的平衡,同時伸手抓住門把。8964 copyright protection245PENANAxX0ovacP5k 維尼
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不會有事的……這就只是門把,不會怎樣的。接著再向右推,然後再走出去就好。8964 copyright protection245PENANADpvDUZ0Fgx 維尼
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閉上眼,只去想著門把的觸感……推開時的阻力還有抬腳向前時的肌肉感受──8964 copyright protection245PENANAWQns9N6P8R 維尼
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努力讓自己集中在這些事上,不多想什麼有的沒的。結果一睜眼──便發現自己已然站在陽台。8964 copyright protection245PENANAEW5vwwoipi 維尼
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「呼……」稍微鬆了口氣。「看吧,就說不會怎麼樣了。」8964 copyright protection245PENANAxlFmYma9pS 維尼
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然而,雖已過了第一關,但和上次相比根本沒任何不同。8964 copyright protection245PENANA81V5AAXfDI 維尼
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但還是得鼓勵自己就是了。8964 copyright protection245PENANADG2pEu4Rlh 維尼
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稍微從陽台向外看去──恩,沒什麼特別的。是在客廳也看得見,對面公寓的水泥牆及別人客廳的──不行。再看下去大概會被當成偷窺狂。8964 copyright protection245PENANAy9kaD2eBMz 維尼
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而向左看去,便是這個社區的公園。是我……和子曦在若芸與輝烈還小時,常帶他們去玩的地方。8964 copyright protection245PENANAbAKwDHShbg 維尼
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有點懷念。8964 copyright protection245PENANAu8cgGBUvEB 維尼
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想到以前的事,即便現在也還是忍不住想笑。8964 copyright protection245PENANAjLeUsdXY2u 維尼
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那是一切都還正常,只屬於我們家的時光。8964 copyright protection245PENANAlsi308nqiJ 維尼
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子曦會一直在我身邊,若芸與輝烈也還小,整天黏著在家的我和她不放──8964 copyright protection245PENANAjHz8H7OHRk 維尼
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但如今卻完全相反。8964 copyright protection245PENANAI8Fa5n7Iso 維尼
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……一不小心又分心太久,還是把心思放回正事吧。8964 copyright protection245PENANAowRQnTErY7 維尼
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把目標放在右手邊──那扇門的背後。8964 copyright protection245PENANAfGdGhbgJfD 維尼
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好吧。8964 copyright protection245PENANA96CnUsyUFP 維尼
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總而言之,我試著強迫自己向右轉,面對自己的家門。但直到扶住陽台欄桿,一點一滴用手扯動自己前,雙腿都不肯聽從使喚。8964 copyright protection245PENANAsFWEdV330Q 維尼
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腦袋不斷發出警訊,警告自己別去碰……別看見那些事物。可是那就只是扇門,只要打開就能出去了,不就是這麼簡單而已?8964 copyright protection245PENANASz83JHvtLZ 維尼
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如果辦得到的話就試試啊?「這到底有什麼辦不到的?」8964 copyright protection245PENANAIupebH5bIS 維尼
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如果不怕的話大可以打開那扇門啊?「......好啊。我就開給你看!」8964 copyright protection245PENANAGrYr6L6w5A 維尼
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只要像這樣伸手,握住大門握把再推開就──8964 copyright protection245PENANA53jc6EyVTZ 維尼
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