Kristen:
This is so not good. I can't believe this. I mean, actually, it kind of makes sense... It's not like we've done an even remotely okay job of running the U.S.A. If anything, we've run it into the ground. After Trump was elected, I guess it was bound to happen. The Cats f*cking took over the Government. Good job, America. Last night, around 1 AM, my Siamese started pawing at my face, and assuming this was the normal 'feed me' routine, I got up to go feed her. What happened next, is something I hardly believe, and I was there.
Some Time Ago:
"Well aren't you going to check the News?" The raspy feminine voice of a stranger echos through my apartment.
"Who's there?!" My eye widen and I scoop up my cat, Fluffer, and grab a heavy book off my night stand.
"Um, who do you think, Kristen? It's me. Fluffer."
"HOLY CRAP." I screech, dropping Fluffer and bolting for the bed. I catapult under the covers and squeeze my eyes closed. "It's just a dream. Ya, a dream. That's it. Fluffer isn't talking, it's just my extremely messed up over imaginative mind scarring my socks off once again."
"I must say, I've never understood that name. Why Fluffer or all things? How is a cat to get any respect with a name like Fluffer?!" I bolt up, pulling the covers around my so just enough of my head pops out that I can see.
"Shut up shut up SHUT UP!" How can my cat be talking, and after 5 years, too. 5 damn years and she chooses to speak now. Just when I thought she was starting to wind down and not destroy the entire apartment.
"That's not very nice ya know-"
"LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAA!" I huff out, cupping my hands over my ears.
"That's very childish and will not help matters. Now, I suggest you check the news, and while you're at it, I'd like to get breakfast while it's still breakfast time." I stare at Fluffer as she turns with a flick of her tail and struts out of the room. What. The. Hell.
******30 minutes later
"So wait, you're saying that Cats, Cats, as in four legs, a tail and little whiskers on the face," I wiggle my fingers in demonstration, "Cats, took over the government last night." I drop my hands, and Fluffer takes a loud *SLURP* from her cup of warm milk. She stares at me for a second, milk dripping down her whiskers, and she gives a single lick to get rid of a run away drop of milk before responding.
"That about sums it up, yes." My god. My Cat, my 5 year old Cat, just explained that humans no longer govern the United States of America. I tug at the blanket that's wrapped around me and listen as Fluffer gives me the run down. Fluffer. I snort, and she gives me a look as if to say 'Don't you dare say it.'
"Fine. I won't" I smirk, and Fluffer grumbles at the silent mockery of her given name.
"It's not as bad as what the couple that was looking at me before you came in were coming up with." I take a swig of tea. "The guy wanted to name me Sweater Head. Or maybe it was Sock Head or Shoe Face. Something to that affect." We sit for a moment, in a cold hard silence.
"So what happens now?"
"To what?"
"Us. You. Me, the regular Cats and the Humans." Fluffer takes a bit too long to answer, and a shiver runs down my spine. "It's not that bad, is it?"
"No. Not that bad. Could be worse. The Cats in charge, they sent out a memo about registering your humans as yours before yesterday. It's why nobody's come to get you. If I hadn't gotten that memo, well, let's not talk about it. Ok?" I straighten up, startled.
"But what about the people who don't have cats, or the people whose cats forget?" Fluffer refuses to look at me. "Fluffer."
"They, um, they're put in cages. Like in a pet store, but humans. If it gets too crowded, or they start getting violent or sick, well, it depends on the store, but most put them down." My jaw goes slack and I cover my mouth in shock.
"Even the children?" Fluffer doesn't have to answer for me to know the answer. I rush to the bathroom and keel over in front of the toilet. Once my last meal decides to end it's last enchor, I get up and clean myself. Fluffer comes over and rubs up against me.
"It's gonna be okay. It'll be ok."
ns18.97.9.170da2
and then Add to home screen.