《一百個斷尾故》 - [Story 67－佛都有火]

阿B食飽奶，又換埋片...就放佢入BB車。

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拎齊晒啲嘢，就落樓買餸。

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好小心咁推住阿B行超市...

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「咦？阿B好得意喎～」

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啲職員姨姨都對阿B好有興趣。

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『係吖係吖～』

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我都點點頭...

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「幾大吖？」

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一邊買餸...

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『差唔多兩個月喇～』

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又一邊同啲姨姨姐姐傾...

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「兩個月吖？帶埋阿B嚟買餸咁好嘅？佢媽咪呢？」

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都傾唔少嘢...

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『係吖係吖～佢媽咪要返工吖嘛～所以咪我湊囉～』

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都係傾啲家事...

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「咁你老婆真係幸福喇～有老公湊仔兼買餸～」

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『OK啦～OK啦～』

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其實老婆幸唔幸福我就唔敢講喇...

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未結婚之前，仲拍緊拖嘅時候，老婆都已經講咗話結咗婚都要繼續做嘢。

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咁都啱嘅...老婆做保險嘅，都已經儲落好多客...

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到結咗婚之後，仲已經上晒位，搵得多過我幾倍...

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咁結得婚就計劃埋生仔㗎啦～

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老婆一嚟就話佢搵得咁多就佢搵錢養家，我就辭咗份濕鳩文員工就專心喺屋企湊仔。

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既然老婆都咁講，冇所謂啦～

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跟住電話裡面張List，買齊晒所有嘢...返到上屋企再Check多次...

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『紙尿片有...奶粉有...洗頭水有...沐浴液有...廁...』

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「嗚吖嗚吖！」阿B又喊喇...

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『點吖阿B？係唔係又肚仔餓喇？』我就安撫咗阿B先，然後又要去開奶粉...

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「嗚吖嗚吖...唔唔...」阿B一有奶飲，就乖乖唔喊～

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其實湊B都唔算係好難嘅...只係要多啲耐性...最大問題唔止淨係湊B呢...仲要做埋家頭細務㗎嘛！

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餵飽咗阿B之後，又要洗衫！又要拖地！跟住仲要晾返啲衫...

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『呼～』總算叫做打理得頭頭是道嘅～

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但點解好似...總係好似...缺少咗啲...

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『吖係喎...廁所冇廁紙...要換返上去...』頭先點到去廁紙嘅時候都仲記得要換...轉個頭就唔記得咗...

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當我一拎起卷廁紙...

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“Just wild beat communication”電話響...

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我放低卷廁紙拎起部電話一睇...

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『阿渣？』我滑動解鎖，『喂阿渣？好耐冇見喇喎～』

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「喂阿龍～」聽筒傳嚟阿渣把聲，「真係好耐冇見喇～」

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『係咯係咯...差唔多都有...十年？都有十年冇見？』不知不覺...

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「係啦...都有十年喇...喂～阻唔阻你吖？」

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『呃...阻唔阻吖...』我望住阿B仲瞓喺BB床，『而家定幾時先？』

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「而家傾兩句先得唔得？」

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『電話都OK嘅...做咩吖？派帖吖？』

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「點吖拖都冇得拍點派帖...」我冇等阿渣講落去...

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『你唔係仲等緊人吖化？』大大話話十年喇喎...

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「個個都咁講...唔係吖！今次打嚟唔係講呢啲㗎...」阿渣好似已經答到唔想答，「我想搵你一齊組團打比賽！」

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『打...打比賽？』打咩比賽？

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「係吖！我想組團打今年嘅高達比賽！」阿渣非常堅定！

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『今年？高達比賽？』

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「係吖！今年吖！我哋已經好耐冇一齊打過高達喇！所以想一齊參加今年嘅高達比賽！」

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『咪玩啦...你都識講好耐冇打...仲邊識打...』

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「我哋有底㗎嘛！打返幾舖咩都返晒嚟啦！況且距離比賽仲有成半年！仲有時間俾我哋操！」

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『時間？我就真係冇時間喇...我又要做家務...又要湊B...』

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話口未完...

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「嗚吖嗚吖！」阿B又喊喇...

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『喂唔講住喇唔講住喇！』我走去BB床，『應該要換片喇...』

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「喂唔係呢...」

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『喂唔係呢湊阿B真係好唔得閒再聯啦...』

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「喂喂...」

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我Cut咗線！就立即幫阿B換片！

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幫阿B搞掂晒之後，拎埋尿片去掉...

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『打比賽？』當我掉包尿片落垃圾桶...

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「我返嚟喇！」老婆就返到嚟！

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『返嚟喇？』只見老婆急急腳咁衝入廁所！

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「好肚痛！好肚痛！」老婆一閂埋廁所門，就好似萬馬奔騰咁！

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「唉都唔知食錯乜嘢！」仲要一路口噏噏咁！

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「痴線食個Buffet姐...仲話係酒店？一定要投訴佢！」

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老婆一路爆石一路口噏噏咁...噏咗唔知幾耐...

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「喂！冇廁紙嘅？！冇廁紙吖！！！」老婆仲要大嗌！

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『係係係...呢度！』我拎返卷廁紙俾老婆...

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「點搞㗎？！」老婆搞掂晒又洗埋手咁行返出嚟，「廁所點可以冇廁紙㗎？你唔知㗎咩？」

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『我知...』我都未講完...

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「你知又唔換返上去？等我換吖？我好忙㗎！我返工好忙㗎！返工啲細又唔掂！又要我跟！而家返到嚟屋企又要我跟吖？你點搞㗎？咁小事都做唔好！已經唔使你出去搵錢㗎啦！淨係做屋企嘢都搞唔掂吖？咁點吖？使唔使我做埋吖？你乜都唔使做啦！」

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老婆又一輪嘴咁講...

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「返工班細已經夠煩㗎喇！又有人跟錯單！又要我執手尾！而家個客要投訴上去吖！我都唔知點頂喇！」

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然後又講佢啲公司嘢...

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我就一路聽...一路聽...

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聽老婆呻公司嘢唔係問題...問題都係佢話我做唔掂屋企嘢...

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只係一樣姐...只係咁啱姐...咁就要話我？

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唔係阿渣打嚟...打嚟講打比賽...

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我上網睇返今年個高達比賽嘅官網...諗返起細個同一班Friend晚晚喺機舖打機...

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嗰陣打高達，根本就冇人係我哋對手～

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我哋都係自己友打自己友～冇人敢同我哋打～

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係開心～係滿足～係好有成功感～

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但係由幾時開始...我變咗一個只係屈喺屋企做家頭細務買餸煮飯嘅湊仔公？

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最大問題係...冇人欣賞...

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「嗚吖嗚吖！」阿B又喊喇...

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我都未嚟得切起身...

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「喂阿B喊喇！」老婆就開聲，「係唔係肚餓吖？餵咗奶未吖？」

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老婆又一輪嘴咁...

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「點吖？唔係唔記得要餵奶吖？」

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不停咁...

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「你有冇記住㗎？咁小嘢都唔記住？唔係又要我提呀？」

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不停又不停咁...

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「我唔喺屋企嗰陣咁點吖？使唔使我打嚟提你吖？」

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就只有責怪...

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「呢啲嘢唔使我操心啦？我已經好忙㗎喇！」

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唔好話欣賞...

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「定係未換片吖？係唔係要我去換吖？」

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連體諒都冇...

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「乜都我做晒好唔好？」

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我開始明白...缺少咗啲乜...

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「你估我好得閒㗎？我好忙...」

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『收聲啦死八婆！！！』

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