這不是我寫的喔!這不是我寫的喔! (才怪)122Please respect copyright.PENANA4pPnqkVLij
僅此紀念我的基友大貘。
僅此紀念我的基友大貘。
122Please respect copyright.PENANAteEKL03xhe
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[佐鳴]事若春夢122Please respect copyright.PENANAfJVEKPyM07
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遲早都會壞掉的。122Please respect copyright.PENANArnenrSKIPv
無論是過度擁擠的天空、群聚在大學樓頂的鴿子、被油汙和垃圾佔據的湖水,或是他似笑非笑、溫柔的眉角。那些東西,一次又一次掠過我削薄的水晶體,成像於視網膜,只看過一遍就全部忘記。它們遲早都會壞掉。122Please respect copyright.PENANAy7GBdAPQ8x
逐漸崩裂,碎開,甚麼也不剩。我知道我不必費力去記憶。122Please respect copyright.PENANAyaW2yOV6cP
當我看見他的日記時我就知道了。堅硬的字體在淡米色的紙張上徒然挺立,彷彿擁有鐵一般的決心。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOuG3lcEAMz
盒子裡面還有一些東西,我說不出來的、帶有涵義的東西。手心裡抓著的石頭,正毅然決然地將我阻隔在外。“第三者。”石頭似乎開口說話了。“妳永遠進不去。”122Please respect copyright.PENANATK9LtNYnfe
122Please respect copyright.PENANAmD4C3Esdfr
我冷冷地捏碎石頭,翻開日記。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZJ6L60TE9k
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● 我所豢養的一隻貘122Please respect copyright.PENANAqRFir0us1e
122Please respect copyright.PENANA2oXzGcNWR1
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那隻貘沒有名字。至少我還不知道要將牠取做甚麼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAFKNDtTjg3Y
超乎人性的體貼,超乎想像的溫馴。我不是馴獸師,但牠非常愛我。就像情人一般,我們了解彼此。122Please respect copyright.PENANAcadcHF9cNI
…當我這樣告訴鳴人的時候,他先是沉默,最後噗嗤一聲笑出來。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8YBwFQPMdU
“然後呢?”他橫躺在湖邊的樹下,“你決定將牠取名為甚麼?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAaQthrsu3EH
我說我還不知道。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL7C8ZRZ8RM
鳴人看看我,抓起身旁一把枯葉,撒到半空中。他忽然站起來,拍拍屁股,說:“期中考不去,替我跟教授說抱歉吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAZGtHFRLVXl
然後走了。122Please respect copyright.PENANALXRnJAE5F3
鳴人缺考三次,缺席無數次,瀕臨退學。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfy4YmmdMzL
122Please respect copyright.PENANArtiI9gzCMH
貘,我該怎麼跟他說才好?122Please respect copyright.PENANAupTK5pdIRo
我撫摸牠。牠仰起頭,又短又肥的鼻子在空氣中抽動兩下。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIVIh1c2re3
夜晚我抱著牠睡,感覺到前所未有的安全。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8VvWATyaVH
122Please respect copyright.PENANAc1gwI9salT
我還不知道怎麼告訴鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAQbltgserm8
122Please respect copyright.PENANAqBLvtzeOM5
貘吃掉了我邏輯課的報告,厚厚一疊A4紙,被嚼得只剩下封面殘骸。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbJQPqB9aUL
我苦笑,無法責備牠。牠的眼睛藏在黑色短毛中,有可能真的在凝視我,或者用動物的本能順從牠的主人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIItdw4Vx5F
上課的時候,我被教授點名站起來,大家交頭接耳議論紛紛。宇智波佐助居然也會忘記寫報告。他們是這樣說的。122Please respect copyright.PENANALC5fuWjv5W
我不會回頭看那些看我的人,因為我知道他們都在看我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWutNFwrJK3
唯獨鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAjewpuSvj61
他不在教室。122Please respect copyright.PENANApmMUzmrtYr
他去屋頂睡覺了,兩手背在後腦勺,舒舒服服地打鼾。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXJR32TDHE9
122Please respect copyright.PENANAoeLGYe7LsV
鹿丸跟他提過一個英國詩人,Andrew Marvell,如此矯飾的詩,最後卻被鳴人拿來編成一首情歌。122Please respect copyright.PENANANyGwiqgwKL
To His Coy Mistress,“致羞怯的情人”。122Please respect copyright.PENANASATadLXGz9
鳴人並不是真的會彈吉他,他頂多學會刷弦。還是從我這裡學來的。122Please respect copyright.PENANA9YrzbGogIR
“為什麼要編這首歌?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAEpXRS22gN9
“想追女孩。”他說。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0v3t7wUTvn
122Please respect copyright.PENANA7mU17hILSJ
於是我的喉嚨有了一坨吐也吐不出來的膿血。122Please respect copyright.PENANABGqkRzHaLu
他揹著吉他離開宿舍,嘴巴裡哼哼唱唱。我痛恨Andrew Marvell,我更痛恨他說的那句:“我的愛會隨時間變化慢慢成長,比帝國的成長更慢,領域更廣。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAiy6lYv2NWo
這些柔軟矯情的句子很快就被鳴人含在口腔裡,鑽進另個女孩的耳朵。122Please respect copyright.PENANApPbiUENWCJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAoE4x6qQN1A
至此我鄙視十七世紀的英詩文學。那些大多沒有營養,談情說愛。122Please respect copyright.PENANARkPvvprxiJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAk9SMF5Xw8W
我決定將我的貘稱呼為“大貘”。“大貘”本身就沒甚麼意涵。如同他對我…我指的是,如同鳴人對我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAKP9WvKAmes
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● 122Please respect copyright.PENANAdhF2duAzKF
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下初雪那天,背包裡的隨身手札被大貘咬出來,吃進肚子裡。122Please respect copyright.PENANAQsZKHceHIf
當時我也許人在學校,也許在街道上任何一間咖啡館裡。鳴人和一個女孩手牽手從圖書館走出來,那女孩很漂亮,綠色眼睛,皮膚白皙,我知道她,她是系上最有人氣的女孩子。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfvmBlhkDrP
他們在門口揮別彼此。122Please respect copyright.PENANACphEJ82B36
鳴人的鼻子紅紅的,沒戴手套,他把手插入口袋中取暖。122Please respect copyright.PENANApwlPGXEa1M
我走過去,踩過鋪上薄雪的道路,但是還沒和他搭上話之前,鳴人就轉身了。他的臉一下子沉靜下來,不動不笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbunVyyi6zI
我讓他踽踽地離開。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxssWRoSpCw
122Please respect copyright.PENANAExxq8zfaCd
手札沒寫甚麼重要的。只不過夾有兩張鳴人在中學時期傳給我的紙條,還有一張他的照片。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6fZ8djXicL
我默默地和大貘對望。牠漆黑的眼睛曝露了牠心懷不軌的動機。可是我沒說破,也不拆穿,我讓牠一口一口吃掉屬於我生活一部份的東西。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbJGalwiGiO
122Please respect copyright.PENANAVyhI6GcchP
在往後的日子裡,我無數次看見那女孩。她叫做春野櫻,個性開朗活潑,很有人緣。122Please respect copyright.PENANAHxtHGvGJTu
一日,我和鳴人在學生餐廳裡碰頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAj0qQ6MiEGS
“嗨,最近過得如何?”我拉開他身旁的椅子。122Please respect copyright.PENANAel3F0Cuwp1
他忽然面有難色。122Please respect copyright.PENANANxL5lnhmjW
“怎麼了?”我問他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAqGc4ATTozH
鳴人抱歉地對我笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANASvXEmjT6Dh
“不好意思,可不可以不要坐這裡?我女朋友等一下要來。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAvcOBPDuY5S
122Please respect copyright.PENANAHaNDdxs3Pn
很久之後我才知道To His Coy Mistress已經被知名歌手改編過了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAnO4hvHCJPk
122Please respect copyright.PENANAiAV3TVW2aT
煽情。甜膩。旋律複雜得讓人厭煩。122Please respect copyright.PENANArc6tIVMflc
兩個禮拜後,我也交了一個女朋友,叫做香燐,脾氣火爆但一遇到我就會柔情似水,像個小女人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGmrzIR2qPl
交往三天,我們就上床。122Please respect copyright.PENANA2W9DII6HGK
她摘下眼鏡,脫掉衣服,敞開雙腿如同吃飯一樣自然。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsu45WQDf49
122Please respect copyright.PENANAu4CH99yq6c
完事之後,她拉上棉被蓋住自己的頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANABgcICiFmPS
我看見大貘窩在房間角落,不聲不響。122Please respect copyright.PENANAh3I40yA2i7
我抽一根菸,對牠說:“你有甚麼好不滿的。”122Please respect copyright.PENANApFHwH7bR9C
香燐轉過來,問,你在跟誰說話?122Please respect copyright.PENANAyYDsTq31kG
我說,我在和我豢養的寵物說話。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmt5cFRu9BL
122Please respect copyright.PENANA7aHLsAiXab
她盯著我瞧,五分鐘過去,她俐落地穿上衣服,離開我的公寓。122Please respect copyright.PENANAaEBadMMZUo
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然後我們再也不碰面了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAJzrP97YofS
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●122Please respect copyright.PENANAwNYiLkEYyN
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我和鳴人都認識鹿丸。他是個頭腦比誰都還清楚的人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZoJPk1IGcQ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAK9QTLMDHPl
大三下學期的暑假,我們這群中學同學一起去山上露營。對我來說,此行的意義看起來並不那麼單純。鳴人身旁的人還是春野櫻,他們已經交往一個半月。122Please respect copyright.PENANAY1cGJmcvFr
122Please respect copyright.PENANAmGPLmiDgr5
出發前一天,我溫緩地揉著大貘的肚子,告訴牠:“我不在的這幾天,要好好照顧自己。”然後遞給牠一本珍藏的相冊。牠用呆滯的表情咬過去,散漫地咀嚼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAu2stFgE3sC
122Please respect copyright.PENANALYu8mjE8si
鳴人的笑臉在牠的口水中逐漸扭曲、溶解。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkyO96KdcTv
122Please respect copyright.PENANAwJvTDCBacO
露營的第一天晚上,他和她手牽手離開帳篷。有人看到了,曖昧地對大家笑,我也接收到別人的視線,嘗試一起微笑,可是辦不到。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEJNng8QKsS
我掀開帳篷,跟著出去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkMfZoRNvFY
他們在月光下接吻,雙舌交纏,四肢糾結在一起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAODxYUbqX67
末了,他推開她,說,抱歉,我們還是分手吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmZdtw7aGGc
122Please respect copyright.PENANAP3aV5jbIDU
她的手來到他平坦無瀾的胯下,用力一捏,虛弱地哼笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbHbocQKoZF
“真沒用。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAUqDYb2C5zc
122Please respect copyright.PENANAkzZyWRVLXs
122Please respect copyright.PENANAkS03zXa86x
Andrew Marvell最終還是浮浮沉沉地落敗。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0bVkvwEvVI
他不需要負責任,那和他的情詩沒有關係。我在此時卻開始憐憫起Andrew Marvell,這個熱情澎湃、矯揉做作的詩人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXK9W4A0E1L
122Please respect copyright.PENANAFcEy6W6tri
大貘走到我身邊,將頭靠在我的膝蓋上。122Please respect copyright.PENANAMuYMMtu0wM
我從地板揀起相冊的殘片,扔進垃圾桶裡。122Please respect copyright.PENANA639rvL7s0o
122Please respect copyright.PENANAPklBFruXGX
“該怎麼辦才好?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAR6c8jKiDm5
我摸著大貘。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUQ3FKrZZjg
122Please respect copyright.PENANA5TXwwwBflq
122Please respect copyright.PENANApb1hUIQ86Q
鳴人和春野櫻分手的理由,到現在還不明白。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVYbG1Cdlji
他只不過沒有在適當的時候勃起,如此而已。他就要為了這件事和她分手嗎?122Please respect copyright.PENANAGxFT2EENKO
鹿丸彷彿看透一切,獨自在宿舍陽台上抽菸,往下望。我在他的房間裡用打字機敲出期末報告。最近大貘的胃口變大了,把牆上那幅鳴人給我的畫連著畫框吃掉。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIi3EQpgpkO
122Please respect copyright.PENANAOi7q66iRyH
“你想怎樣?”鹿丸突然撣落煙灰,問我。122Please respect copyright.PENANApbYgcLWapl
“甚麼怎麼樣。”我沒停手。122Please respect copyright.PENANAKoqfpXDtoE
“對鳴人…”他的聲音越來越小,到最後乾脆不講話。122Please respect copyright.PENANAe8NWrIhufg
我敲完報告,把紙撕下來,裝訂整齊。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkrM85Wu1cB
離開房間前,鹿丸把我拉住。“從中學時就開始了,不是嗎?”他睿智的雙眼盯著我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZmsqfyXew0
122Please respect copyright.PENANAAs1dkKKi8I
面無血色的窗簾自他身後揚揚飛起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAw0EyV0Fe63
我逃開了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAi3t3I73qsZ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAAfmhF0S4fe
希區考克的電影,不是驚悚,而是在縝密之外闢出一條險路,讓你一腳踩入。122Please respect copyright.PENANAalxQF4M2Hd
黑白畫面在電視裡兀自轉播,看到一半的時候,接收器毫無預警地壞了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAtxYQRrF0AX
122Please respect copyright.PENANAPSST1bcMCE
我和鳴人曾經如此要好。彼此都是心中最好的朋友和夥伴。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGg140goppi
有那麼幾次,莫名的預感告訴我,其實我們想的東西都相同。渴望更進一步、渴望撫摸。就在兩個人都還是中學生的時候,一個炎炎夏日,我握住他拿著冰棍的那隻手,輕輕吻上他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWaqQrgKRey
122Please respect copyright.PENANAboIzUESITy
他卻沒有預料中的反應。122Please respect copyright.PENANAzd5uctzHSX
122Please respect copyright.PENANAXNp3his0NK
冰棍掉到地面,迅速蒸發。122Please respect copyright.PENANAb3B5ru72lu
只留我一個人坐在公園的長椅上。122Please respect copyright.PENANArsKOZyhR4g
122Please respect copyright.PENANAtCnQy7Lu8s
《繩子》裡面的long-shot,就是從那之後的,我的雙眼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAccPXVvvKAt
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鳴人不斷地逃避我。用他一貫的微笑和友善。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZEzhkIZ5Lh
我們再次相聚四年,既快樂又悲傷。他過他的,我過我的,沒有誰起疑。除了奈良鹿丸。122Please respect copyright.PENANA13WUTJfLGU
大貘,你說我該怎麼辦?我該拿他怎麼辦?122Please respect copyright.PENANAcatUCybLXf
我看著我的寵物吃掉一台收音機、兩捲卡帶、三張德式蛋餅(原本要拿來做晚餐的)、四顆蒜頭。牠滿足了自己的肚腹,舔舔鼻子,黑色眼睛斜過來看我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxkPviIU9zs
你還想吃掉甚麼?122Please respect copyright.PENANAosPfNOW6km
我搔搔牠的下巴,牠發出連續的呼嚕聲。122Please respect copyright.PENANABgw6nuH9Cd
122Please respect copyright.PENANAiTBSzw5Iw2
鳴人被退學了。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6EofJwMH5h
是在意料之中的預料之外。122Please respect copyright.PENANAq48f1fwEIY
這件事我從別人的口裡聽說,卻格外真實。122Please respect copyright.PENANAabkiH4cHHJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANANKAo9Nl58o
我敲敲他寢室的門。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwRF2Run2eJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAp3WtDRfj1T
“怎麼了?”他打開門,問我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAz6y8OjgWUb
“…皮夾沒了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAg0XUNyoD13
“怎麼會沒了?”122Please respect copyright.PENANA27AovTYVYb
“被我豢養的寵物吃掉了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAMbenMobt4T
他古怪地笑,然後讓我進去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAjzWpL31fNd
鳴人是個隨性的男孩子,房間有些凌亂,比上次我看到的還要亂一些。122Please respect copyright.PENANABja0Yk4GZc
“吃晚餐了沒?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAZO10Uc8IPx
“吃過了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAiUqDOuT7C8
“…喝點運動飲料吧,我看你流很多汗。”鳴人從床底下的箱子摸出一個鋁箔包,遞給我。“明天期末考對吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANATptYSj6MhN
“對。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA1R5RINbgMv
“這麼有把握拿滿分啊?”他笑。“還有空來我這裡瞎混。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAlNdVINL7Ov
鳴人戴上耳機,坐在書桌前,閱讀一本原文書。122Please respect copyright.PENANAusevOkCIuV
我在他的床上沉穩入眠。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5GF2qs2bPP
半夜時我醒過來,鳴人不在寢內。我走到陽台上,往下方看,他一個人站在花圃中,抱著吉他,嘴裡哼著歌。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUt1dh7Dt1p
122Please respect copyright.PENANAyXQuhpue4N
“只要我們有足夠的空間和時間,這份羞怯,吾愛,就不算罪過…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAGcgo7w3ijK
122Please respect copyright.PENANAm8Yeo0qKPE
是To His Coy Mistress。122Please respect copyright.PENANAyY8wHYPnCK
我站在陽台,站一整夜。和他一起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAH5fKbP9ndB
我們都沒有參加期末考試。122Please respect copyright.PENANAMdWo8Ysp5k
122Please respect copyright.PENANAGJGKxClZTF
大貘,你會明白嗎?122Please respect copyright.PENANAR9DnWrIwUy
當你用空洞的眼睛看著我的時候,是不是有讀出我想說的任何訊息。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfjZ8LJVmzW
122Please respect copyright.PENANAfNKm6hN5u9
後天早上,同學們睜大眼睛,看著我走進教室裡。教授也走進來,一個禿頭佬,輕輕咳嗽,瞥我一眼。他沉重的目光透過又厚又大的鏡片傳過來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxOFFwbOn29
我聳聳肩。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiz0qHoTZNC
他搖搖頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbsvnt7yg8s
我知道,我丟了進他研究室的資格。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6CMwETEajX
那也無所謂,畢竟我的畢業報告已經被大貘給吃了。牠津津有味地嗑掉膠裝封面,接著打個飽嗝。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYo4GcKTAO7
“味道不錯吧,這份報告我可是寫了半年…”122Please respect copyright.PENANA2UeOVOsZSj
我說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAyi5nGnnaen
牠又用飽嗝來表示滿足。122Please respect copyright.PENANAJo6t6XCRzj
122Please respect copyright.PENANA0Vbk4TSNZa
鳴人很快就離開學生宿舍。他找到一間雅房,雨天的時候,外面下大雨,裡面下小雨。122Please respect copyright.PENANAB1wZSsf1Li
他的朋友都去替他慶祝。七八個人擠在小小的房間裡,大肆喝酒聊天。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXKbfZpaBHw
我沒去,可是我知道那晚發生的事情。是鹿丸告訴我的。122Please respect copyright.PENANAK44LOWR6ND
他說,鳴人喝得很茫,誰都不認得。122Please respect copyright.PENANAX2UXQo0Kcw
他說,鳴人喝茫了之後抓了人就亂親。122Please respect copyright.PENANADeAHDAXj6d
他說,鳴人就在拉扯和親吻之間吐出一個人的名字。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEzgz4wNdKz
122Please respect copyright.PENANAsCcSGxaxNi
“佐助…佐助…其實我…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAas4N3gAlsF
122Please respect copyright.PENANA7ll5hsWY36
122Please respect copyright.PENANAlangQiaEh5
我說,鹿丸,夠了,我不想聽。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGc6Ufj282J
122Please respect copyright.PENANAEOMjHe1Eqj
沒有人懂我和他到底想要甚麼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZZ2waIh923
因為我們也不懂自己。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEmqjQBTaWx
被退學之後,他不再上大學,每天都在打零工。122Please respect copyright.PENANAppEManwiIX
有人在洗衣店看過他,有人在咖啡廳看過他,甚至是深夜的加油站裡,也能看見他在椅子上打盹。122Please respect copyright.PENANAqZ51s6l3Wu
我猜想,他應該不再彈吉他了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiyE7K0mqAf
122Please respect copyright.PENANAVE9iMKGNkv
而我呢?122Please respect copyright.PENANAPKn6C8CTIf
我仍然和大貘一起生活,並且在畢業前夕交了一名新的女友。122Please respect copyright.PENANAt6bgR0zWNa
她叫做春野櫻。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVlKQG2GPBY
她周旋在我和漩渦鳴人之間,以快速又難以捉摸的姿態做一隻候鳥。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8tD2pph1Cy
我並不喜歡她,可是她也不介意我是不是愛她。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZshV0ZDsc1
122Please respect copyright.PENANAN5DeQM2CTf
“各取所需…你最了解的吧?”122Please respect copyright.PENANADsFas5EuzE
她撢去菸灰,笑了笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlJaebcuHHx
我把褲子穿上,走出房間,倒一杯水給自己。122Please respect copyright.PENANAjjK96iVBn0
她佔據大貘的床,毫不介意地睡著。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0LmrmgDfcb
大貘蜷縮在房子角落。我心疼地摸摸牠的頭,給牠吃一箱衣服。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGscSxRxXtk
122Please respect copyright.PENANADwyq5fAJuc
我聽說春野櫻偶爾會去找鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAt2K5xr31mP
也聽說鳴人和另一個女人在一起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAfPxd0WnCB
可是沒有人敢肯定地說,因為鳴人已經很久不出現在朋友面前了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAG9DtYzGgza
他繼續過他的,我繼續過我的。我重新做回一名好學生,人人稱羨的高材生。在課堂上是睿智的、成熟的宇智波佐助,下課後,回到家裡,卻豢養一隻有可能根本不存在的貘獸。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6M86HX6UTi
只有奈良鹿丸一個人看透我的軟弱。122Please respect copyright.PENANAPnTAinCGHU
他看我的眼神,彷彿在嘲笑我的無能和膽小。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEfsEez5vqb
122Please respect copyright.PENANAhD1ySq0Tbz
大貘,我哪裡做錯了?122Please respect copyright.PENANAgKmTQSqOoL
122Please respect copyright.PENANAPNnLWH3XVy
時間會慢慢過去,而我們會遺忘。122Please respect copyright.PENANA4XnBVl9fBq
就像夏天裡逐漸蒸發的冰棒,一點一點消失在空氣裡。我說,奈良鹿丸,你一點都不懂我們。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXNdoBmQwup
他說,你才是一點都不懂鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANA4TQG1voWKg
錯了,其實我們都不懂Andrew Marvell,才不能意會他的情詩。畢竟他說:“只要我們有足夠的空間和時間,這份羞怯,吾愛,就不算罪過…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAZM41ZkvOaF
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUiHu1Buwtv
三年後,我成為碩士生,和春野櫻訂婚。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxJf1kitp3k
她保有她的生活,保有她對其他男人接觸的權力,我向來不干涉這一切。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5dyiBHqn2G
122Please respect copyright.PENANAQvOkVad3Kn
我的貘懶懶地抬頭看我一眼,然後繼續沉睡。122Please respect copyright.PENANA7AEc7vILpa
牠在這幾年越來越瘦,肋骨都清晰可見。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuV8TJOnhN8
離開大學後,我和春野櫻搬到另一個繁榮的城市,並在那裡舉行婚禮。婚禮前夕,我搭了特快車回到故居,背包裡有一張要給鳴人的婚宴邀請卡。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvTcXH446yu
其實我本來不打算這麼做的,我把這張卡片湊到大貘面前,可是牠僅僅抽動鼻子,嗅了嗅,一點都不感興趣地撇過頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAR5VuJ6EM7j
這也許是甚麼徵兆。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYWNuUrwv4V
122Please respect copyright.PENANAPuYgvLPxhr
我走入鳴人原本該住著的公寓。經過這麼多年,他有可能已經不住在這裡。我嘗試敲門,可是狹窄的樓梯間裡除了回音之外,沒有任何動靜。122Please respect copyright.PENANA9SPUq94APu
十分鐘過去,半小時過去,我拿出邀請卡,想把它塞進門縫裡了事。122Please respect copyright.PENANAv1kgB6Q6pe
可是我聽見腳步聲,一步一步傳上來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAzWmsKEkCxq
我回頭,順間掉進湛藍的海底。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAmVanzvyLC
122Please respect copyright.PENANAOQsBCpWgDK
鳴人就在我後面,他麥色的肌膚,耀眼的頭髮,澄澈的眼神。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiMUvCv8caw
122Please respect copyright.PENANAJ42dvIUfJw
我甚麼都沒辦法開口說。122Please respect copyright.PENANA2RVqZ9G5gy
他也張大嘴巴,愣愣地看著我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAdSlho99ffZ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAceCV4AtwtJ
“你…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAxZDNbkmpdd
我想要問他,這幾年過得好不好。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfL38pUyZ9B
就在我即將吐出一串破碎的句子之前,一個人影出現在樓梯,他慢慢走上來,站到鳴人身邊。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlZSzmh3p4r
“怎麼了,不是說要回來拿東西?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAAAjxVaoFPj
那男人,一手搭在鳴人的肩上。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5jHom0wSxS
他露出虛偽的笑容,眼睛轉向我。“這位是…?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAkjIlvA1jyD
沒等鳴人解釋,我就自己開口:“我是漩渦的大學同學,今天來拿邀請卡給他的。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAfCbRsM4zJW
“…邀請卡?”鳴人喃喃地唸。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsDcY4o9DA0
“我要結婚了。”我說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAhdBi1yXzZZ
我相信我的嘴唇在顫抖。122Please respect copyright.PENANAnfUE2zRtkF
鳴人的表情僵了一下,卻很快地恢復,並對我說:“恭喜。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAli9bvkpaCa
122Please respect copyright.PENANAwCPddP3k0C
我冷冷地抽了嘴角,瞥那男人一眼,再看看他,說,你也是。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZr12drLXyv
然後頭也不回地走了。122Please respect copyright.PENANArwU4VVGOzT
122Please respect copyright.PENANArsTti5iWii
我甚至忘記邀請卡還捏在手裡。122Please respect copyright.PENANANPLmYPWx2L
122Please respect copyright.PENANAtW5bWp2RGB
大貘,直到現在我才明白我還愛他。我最喜歡的是他燦爛的笑臉,一副無所謂卻常常不甘心的臉,還有在草地上跑起來的模樣,兩隻手敞開,讓風吹過每一吋毛細孔。中學時,他常常和我分享同一塊麵包,同一個便當,同一把傘,甚至同一張床。現在我訝異我居然和他蓋過同一條被子而可以甚麼事都不發生。122Please respect copyright.PENANAnObwBZ1N3z
我想要他,不管是五年,十年,二十年,我仍然想要他。漩渦鳴人是一塊疙瘩,長在心上,長在我去也去不掉的地方。可是我卻抗拒一切發生,讓事情走到像現在這樣的局面。122Please respect copyright.PENANA3HgruS2lO4
做甚麼也挽救不了。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0iBFdQMeH2
122Please respect copyright.PENANA8lvA6k7Cl9
我開著車,到市中心最繁華的地方,進去一間酒吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkasrd6npTl
以前大學朋友常常來這裡聚著聊天,現在一點影子都不剩了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAhqiOL8E8Mp
昏黃的燈光,香菸的氣味繚繞整個地下室,低聲笑語恍如隔世,我的耳中只有冰塊在酒杯裡碰撞的聲音。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWoTPeQ98kJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUGW1rd2gm4
我沒有把自己灌醉。明天我將是一名新郎。122Please respect copyright.PENANAtxRDUtm18Y
有人踩著皮鞋,走到我身邊,向酒保要一杯烈酒。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGPhGPokx7k
男人一口氣把酒喝完,發出嘖嘖聲。我忍不住轉過頭去看他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbdMe2FAr1P
那是一名纖瘦的少年,有著黑色的瞳孔和黑色的頭髮。122Please respect copyright.PENANAtDzqssAMuj
長得居然跟我很像。122Please respect copyright.PENANAHt3DbI0zOg
122Please respect copyright.PENANAIDRDeJ3CI4
“你好。”他拘謹地說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvSbu2lHDZo
我挑挑眉。122Please respect copyright.PENANArvarl3EZuE
“一個人嗎?”他問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAE87lDDVBSv
我把頭撇過去,沒理他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZXZYUTbLkM
少年自討無趣,又點了一杯酒。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIjBqPZSMcJ
“…看你落寞的樣子,大概是失戀了吧。”他說。“啊,也許你不需要安慰吧。你要結婚了嗎?”122Please respect copyright.PENANA51BcKafSpd
我有些意外,卻想起我就把揉爛的卡片放在桌上。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOjRCa1C4sR
“你喜歡你的新娘嗎?”他問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsr6XzIYXXv
少年非常多話。我悶頭喝我的酒,沒回答。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL5WmKrBbPj
“…大概是不喜歡吧。”他聳聳肩。“我知道你不喜歡。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAuT316UMtGO
我看他一眼,說:“你又懂甚麼了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA099rnGV9Xo
“當然懂,”他微笑。“我知道你愛別的人。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAIX3ci1B2Rs
我冷冷地笑,說,現在已經不愛了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAaeVWhzNwTT
“不是這樣,我看得出來。”少年用黑色的眼睛盯住我。“你一直愛他。”122Please respect copyright.PENANABJSpkHCyp9
說完,他又自顧自地咂嘴。“可是既然你說你不愛,那就是不愛吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAtsh3CJB5Aj
我沒理會他話裡的自相矛盾。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuKpMk28c8m
“愛就愛,不愛就不愛,沒甚麼大不了的。”他說。“可是你這種樣子,肯定只是鴕鳥心態。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAugxc1T8h9u
我狠狠地把杯裡的酒飲盡。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8hAV18dqfQ
少年咯咯笑,從口袋裡掏出幾張紙鈔和一些叮叮咚咚的東西。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlrans4ljkb
他把東西都推到酒保面前,我聽見酒保不悅地說:“這甚麼?”122Please respect copyright.PENANANuwkzbu9oS
我斜眼瞄他放到桌上的那堆東西,忽然看見一張已經扯破、撕爛的學生證。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsAvV5VVxDU
上面那個人是我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAR38FDKDGxA
糊掉的學生姓名旁邊,有一行藍筆筆跡寫著:佐助大笨蛋。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUyhmc4kSSm
我倏然站起,看到寫了我的名字的會員卡、兩張鳴人傳給我的紙條、只剩半顆頭的鳴人照片…122Please respect copyright.PENANA5GFwzxnMqb
少年漆黑的眼睛把我吸進去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwiGzdLCi8h
“還來得及,”他說。“只要你不畏懼。”122Please respect copyright.PENANApRxtFX0E26
122Please respect copyright.PENANADYpdQSpziE
我連帳都沒付就衝出酒吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0fPT6ddJJw
122Please respect copyright.PENANA0rG8tIBlTv
街道上的行人變成一抹一抹的色彩,天已經黑了,我鑽入車子裡,引擎的聲音瞬間重擊我的心臟。我想到那些被大貘吞進肚子裡的東西,我想到牠總是一言不發地盯著我,我想到牠安靜地聆聽我說種種關於鳴人的事…可是牠卻不曾告訴我牠的想法。車子在夜色下拐了彎,駛到鳴人的公寓前。它似乎以一種莊嚴卻悲傷的姿態等待,也許公寓裡面有人,也許沒有,我踏踏雜雜地衝上樓梯,站在鐵門前,用力敲著門。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUMjl8DbBzb
鐵門有打開的跡象。我緊張地探頭,燦黃的金髮跳入視線。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmOAU0RnOtJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAbLXNz568Lv
鳴人穿著寬鬆輕便的衣服,愣在門口。122Please respect copyright.PENANARTEfxe8nIi
我還在喘氣,眼睛沒敢離開他一秒鐘。122Please respect copyright.PENANAu8FqgG2bcj
122Please respect copyright.PENANAt2A4krbz1d
“你…你怎麼會…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAzYtlB4lAEJ
“鳴人。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA6YUwMNAKMy
我叫他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL6e1IbN8m1
他像聽見甚麼不可思議的聲音,身體抖了一下。122Please respect copyright.PENANA19wRTXl7V2
“…鳴人。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAWWCinP3Z2F
我徑直拉開門,一手握住他的手腕。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5ey8KCYCPR
他往後退幾步,掛上複雜的表情,用力著想要掙脫。122Please respect copyright.PENANAKYVVuO2bQ5
“你、你這麼晚還不回去,是要給我送婚宴的邀請卡嗎?”122Please respect copyright.PENANATSPxWyXxjA
他問。他硬是扯出笑臉,這樣的笑臉很難看,我只在中學時看過一次,就是在他被喜歡的女孩子給甩了的時候。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYiSWGYvJnp
我逼近他,兩隻手牽制住他的肩膀,他虛弱地笑,嘗試扭動身體,但是在他看見我認真的眼神之後,他的笑臉逐漸變成慌亂的表情。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVYOSplRlnQ
“你別跟我開玩笑,”他說。“拜託,快離開這裡。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAaa1ovxRByd
“為什麼?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAyYwO5FZ4P9
“沒有為什麼!”122Please respect copyright.PENANAWpcMw6muAf
“你還討厭我嗎?”122Please respect copyright.PENANALUQCW1WPSO
“我沒有討厭過你…”122Please respect copyright.PENANATVR9TG4S1S
“那我們…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAEECCTxiCez
“你走開好嗎?”鳴人說。他的聲音已經快要失控。“你幹嘛現在出現?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAiBYsbErR7y
“因為我明天要結婚了。”我清晰地說。“可是我喜歡你。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAz9LTqjDR2j
他噤聲。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYv0VrVj9PG
我們都安靜下來。122Please respect copyright.PENANA2vncpRUPRK
我把臉湊過去,感覺到他炙熱急促的呼吸。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOCWlHekqCL
“對不起。”我說。“我是真的喜歡你。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA2dlzjdqq8f
122Please respect copyright.PENANAGdYlBjf5UI
我抱住他,緩緩地,把他的頭放到我肩膀上。我從來沒有那麼多話過,可是就在今夜,我們站在玄關,我跟他說我一點都不愛春野櫻,說我從中學時就一直深愛他,說我不敢繼續接近他的原因是我是個膽小鬼,沒辦法承受第二次失敗,我還說我只想要他一個人,我只想要漩渦鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAH0Wi0THxVA
他默默地聽著,偶爾笑出聲,他忍著不讓淚水流出來,我也是,我們都很倔強,我們都在等時間去沖淡,可是有很多事情,時間只會把它繼續推移,繼續前進。122Please respect copyright.PENANAa0qoEuxmIP
122Please respect copyright.PENANAFeVrbqkEGr
“婚禮怎麼辦?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAokbXsbG3Vq
他問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuFTz1iktyN
“取消吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAGKWIjCj7Vz
我說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAl7U80YsGOb
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隔天早上,我接到春野櫻的電話。她冷靜地說她早就取消婚禮了,甚至有一半以上的婚宴邀請卡都沒有寄出去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOP6N4M0nER
她說話的口氣十分平淡,沒有怨恨也沒有沮喪。122Please respect copyright.PENANAudcwcDu9bL
“我懂你。”她說。聲音有一絲絲笑意。122Please respect copyright.PENANAw7ds1hT2G0
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然後鹿丸也打給鳴人了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiRmBaSbLSr
鳴人坐在沙發上,支支吾吾地應聲。我走過去,站在他身旁,他看了我一眼後迅速地掛掉電話。122Please respect copyright.PENANAB91oEQrIdM
“怎麼了。”我問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAcfzfcS3fct
他低聲囁嚅,我沒聽清楚。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5PzM7KfyKE
“鹿丸說…別被你給騙了。”他說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlL3H6kgp75
“…上次那個男的,是誰?”我問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAMMIKxkJsaH
“那個啊,”,鳴人似乎在竊笑。“只是一起打工的朋友而已,他想開我玩笑才那樣說話的。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAcBfMmAIm1B
122Please respect copyright.PENANArkHFJyvnv2
我們搭了車到現在我住的城市。春野櫻已經打包好行李,準備搬離我和她同居的地方。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvWNXH0WAXt
“祝妳好運。”我對她說。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6BYicH91H7
她笑,然後把鑰匙還給我。“這東西終於要交給正確的主人了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA2Z9LT5t8Qp
春野櫻把行李送到樓下,在門口處向我們道別。122Please respect copyright.PENANACJY0Ox4Uyr
“啊,”她在臨走前忽然靠近我,附到我耳邊說:“其實…我看得見那個。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAQuQjK5GxDA
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我像被電擊一般跳起來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAChKublhO6X
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春野櫻露出神秘的微笑,揮揮手,走入電梯。122Please respect copyright.PENANAv8RYFWSxbM
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“對了,”鳴人把頭轉向我。“佐助,你不是說你養過寵物?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAuYliG0UEBS
我笑了笑,把門關上,一手搭上他的肩。“你好奇?”122Please respect copyright.PENANATJatslqyy1
“當然。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAVC0s0n3iN9
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“那我會慢慢告訴你…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAIuSe4nNnoj
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兩個男孩,一隻貘,還有像春夢一般的故事。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxhiy1AhJeD
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FIN
ns216.73.216.206da2 122Please respect copyright.PENANAfLZBYhwsLd
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[佐鳴]事若春夢122Please respect copyright.PENANAfJVEKPyM07
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遲早都會壞掉的。122Please respect copyright.PENANArnenrSKIPv
無論是過度擁擠的天空、群聚在大學樓頂的鴿子、被油汙和垃圾佔據的湖水,或是他似笑非笑、溫柔的眉角。那些東西,一次又一次掠過我削薄的水晶體,成像於視網膜,只看過一遍就全部忘記。它們遲早都會壞掉。122Please respect copyright.PENANAy7GBdAPQ8x
逐漸崩裂,碎開,甚麼也不剩。我知道我不必費力去記憶。122Please respect copyright.PENANAyaW2yOV6cP
當我看見他的日記時我就知道了。堅硬的字體在淡米色的紙張上徒然挺立,彷彿擁有鐵一般的決心。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOuG3lcEAMz
盒子裡面還有一些東西,我說不出來的、帶有涵義的東西。手心裡抓著的石頭,正毅然決然地將我阻隔在外。“第三者。”石頭似乎開口說話了。“妳永遠進不去。”122Please respect copyright.PENANATK9LtNYnfe
122Please respect copyright.PENANAmD4C3Esdfr
我冷冷地捏碎石頭,翻開日記。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZJ6L60TE9k
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● 我所豢養的一隻貘122Please respect copyright.PENANAqRFir0us1e
122Please respect copyright.PENANA2oXzGcNWR1
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那隻貘沒有名字。至少我還不知道要將牠取做甚麼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAFKNDtTjg3Y
超乎人性的體貼,超乎想像的溫馴。我不是馴獸師,但牠非常愛我。就像情人一般,我們了解彼此。122Please respect copyright.PENANAcadcHF9cNI
…當我這樣告訴鳴人的時候,他先是沉默,最後噗嗤一聲笑出來。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8YBwFQPMdU
“然後呢?”他橫躺在湖邊的樹下,“你決定將牠取名為甚麼?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAaQthrsu3EH
我說我還不知道。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL7C8ZRZ8RM
鳴人看看我,抓起身旁一把枯葉,撒到半空中。他忽然站起來,拍拍屁股,說:“期中考不去,替我跟教授說抱歉吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAZGtHFRLVXl
然後走了。122Please respect copyright.PENANALXRnJAE5F3
鳴人缺考三次,缺席無數次,瀕臨退學。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfy4YmmdMzL
122Please respect copyright.PENANArtiI9gzCMH
貘,我該怎麼跟他說才好?122Please respect copyright.PENANAupTK5pdIRo
我撫摸牠。牠仰起頭,又短又肥的鼻子在空氣中抽動兩下。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIVIh1c2re3
夜晚我抱著牠睡,感覺到前所未有的安全。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8VvWATyaVH
122Please respect copyright.PENANAc1gwI9salT
我還不知道怎麼告訴鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAQbltgserm8
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貘吃掉了我邏輯課的報告,厚厚一疊A4紙,被嚼得只剩下封面殘骸。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbJQPqB9aUL
我苦笑,無法責備牠。牠的眼睛藏在黑色短毛中,有可能真的在凝視我,或者用動物的本能順從牠的主人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIItdw4Vx5F
上課的時候,我被教授點名站起來,大家交頭接耳議論紛紛。宇智波佐助居然也會忘記寫報告。他們是這樣說的。122Please respect copyright.PENANALC5fuWjv5W
我不會回頭看那些看我的人,因為我知道他們都在看我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWutNFwrJK3
唯獨鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAjewpuSvj61
他不在教室。122Please respect copyright.PENANApmMUzmrtYr
他去屋頂睡覺了,兩手背在後腦勺,舒舒服服地打鼾。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXJR32TDHE9
122Please respect copyright.PENANAoeLGYe7LsV
鹿丸跟他提過一個英國詩人,Andrew Marvell,如此矯飾的詩,最後卻被鳴人拿來編成一首情歌。122Please respect copyright.PENANANyGwiqgwKL
To His Coy Mistress,“致羞怯的情人”。122Please respect copyright.PENANASATadLXGz9
鳴人並不是真的會彈吉他,他頂多學會刷弦。還是從我這裡學來的。122Please respect copyright.PENANA9YrzbGogIR
“為什麼要編這首歌?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAEpXRS22gN9
“想追女孩。”他說。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0v3t7wUTvn
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於是我的喉嚨有了一坨吐也吐不出來的膿血。122Please respect copyright.PENANABGqkRzHaLu
他揹著吉他離開宿舍,嘴巴裡哼哼唱唱。我痛恨Andrew Marvell,我更痛恨他說的那句:“我的愛會隨時間變化慢慢成長,比帝國的成長更慢,領域更廣。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAiy6lYv2NWo
這些柔軟矯情的句子很快就被鳴人含在口腔裡,鑽進另個女孩的耳朵。122Please respect copyright.PENANApPbiUENWCJ
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至此我鄙視十七世紀的英詩文學。那些大多沒有營養,談情說愛。122Please respect copyright.PENANARkPvvprxiJ
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我決定將我的貘稱呼為“大貘”。“大貘”本身就沒甚麼意涵。如同他對我…我指的是,如同鳴人對我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAKP9WvKAmes
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下初雪那天,背包裡的隨身手札被大貘咬出來,吃進肚子裡。122Please respect copyright.PENANAQsZKHceHIf
當時我也許人在學校,也許在街道上任何一間咖啡館裡。鳴人和一個女孩手牽手從圖書館走出來,那女孩很漂亮,綠色眼睛,皮膚白皙,我知道她,她是系上最有人氣的女孩子。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfvmBlhkDrP
他們在門口揮別彼此。122Please respect copyright.PENANACphEJ82B36
鳴人的鼻子紅紅的,沒戴手套,他把手插入口袋中取暖。122Please respect copyright.PENANApwlPGXEa1M
我走過去,踩過鋪上薄雪的道路,但是還沒和他搭上話之前,鳴人就轉身了。他的臉一下子沉靜下來,不動不笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbunVyyi6zI
我讓他踽踽地離開。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxssWRoSpCw
122Please respect copyright.PENANAExxq8zfaCd
手札沒寫甚麼重要的。只不過夾有兩張鳴人在中學時期傳給我的紙條,還有一張他的照片。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6fZ8djXicL
我默默地和大貘對望。牠漆黑的眼睛曝露了牠心懷不軌的動機。可是我沒說破,也不拆穿,我讓牠一口一口吃掉屬於我生活一部份的東西。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbJGalwiGiO
122Please respect copyright.PENANAVyhI6GcchP
在往後的日子裡,我無數次看見那女孩。她叫做春野櫻,個性開朗活潑,很有人緣。122Please respect copyright.PENANAHxtHGvGJTu
一日,我和鳴人在學生餐廳裡碰頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAj0qQ6MiEGS
“嗨,最近過得如何?”我拉開他身旁的椅子。122Please respect copyright.PENANAel3F0Cuwp1
他忽然面有難色。122Please respect copyright.PENANANxL5lnhmjW
“怎麼了?”我問他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAqGc4ATTozH
鳴人抱歉地對我笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANASvXEmjT6Dh
“不好意思,可不可以不要坐這裡?我女朋友等一下要來。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAvcOBPDuY5S
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很久之後我才知道To His Coy Mistress已經被知名歌手改編過了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAnO4hvHCJPk
122Please respect copyright.PENANAiAV3TVW2aT
煽情。甜膩。旋律複雜得讓人厭煩。122Please respect copyright.PENANArc6tIVMflc
兩個禮拜後,我也交了一個女朋友,叫做香燐,脾氣火爆但一遇到我就會柔情似水,像個小女人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGmrzIR2qPl
交往三天,我們就上床。122Please respect copyright.PENANA2W9DII6HGK
她摘下眼鏡,脫掉衣服,敞開雙腿如同吃飯一樣自然。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsu45WQDf49
122Please respect copyright.PENANAu4CH99yq6c
完事之後,她拉上棉被蓋住自己的頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANABgcICiFmPS
我看見大貘窩在房間角落,不聲不響。122Please respect copyright.PENANAh3I40yA2i7
我抽一根菸,對牠說:“你有甚麼好不滿的。”122Please respect copyright.PENANApFHwH7bR9C
香燐轉過來,問,你在跟誰說話?122Please respect copyright.PENANAyYDsTq31kG
我說,我在和我豢養的寵物說話。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmt5cFRu9BL
122Please respect copyright.PENANA7aHLsAiXab
她盯著我瞧,五分鐘過去,她俐落地穿上衣服,離開我的公寓。122Please respect copyright.PENANAaEBadMMZUo
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然後我們再也不碰面了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAJzrP97YofS
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我和鳴人都認識鹿丸。他是個頭腦比誰都還清楚的人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZoJPk1IGcQ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAK9QTLMDHPl
大三下學期的暑假,我們這群中學同學一起去山上露營。對我來說,此行的意義看起來並不那麼單純。鳴人身旁的人還是春野櫻,他們已經交往一個半月。122Please respect copyright.PENANAY1cGJmcvFr
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出發前一天,我溫緩地揉著大貘的肚子,告訴牠:“我不在的這幾天,要好好照顧自己。”然後遞給牠一本珍藏的相冊。牠用呆滯的表情咬過去,散漫地咀嚼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAu2stFgE3sC
122Please respect copyright.PENANALYu8mjE8si
鳴人的笑臉在牠的口水中逐漸扭曲、溶解。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkyO96KdcTv
122Please respect copyright.PENANAwJvTDCBacO
露營的第一天晚上,他和她手牽手離開帳篷。有人看到了,曖昧地對大家笑,我也接收到別人的視線,嘗試一起微笑,可是辦不到。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEJNng8QKsS
我掀開帳篷,跟著出去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkMfZoRNvFY
他們在月光下接吻,雙舌交纏,四肢糾結在一起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAODxYUbqX67
末了,他推開她,說,抱歉,我們還是分手吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmZdtw7aGGc
122Please respect copyright.PENANAP3aV5jbIDU
她的手來到他平坦無瀾的胯下,用力一捏,虛弱地哼笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbHbocQKoZF
“真沒用。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAUqDYb2C5zc
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Andrew Marvell最終還是浮浮沉沉地落敗。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0bVkvwEvVI
他不需要負責任,那和他的情詩沒有關係。我在此時卻開始憐憫起Andrew Marvell,這個熱情澎湃、矯揉做作的詩人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXK9W4A0E1L
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大貘走到我身邊,將頭靠在我的膝蓋上。122Please respect copyright.PENANAMuYMMtu0wM
我從地板揀起相冊的殘片,扔進垃圾桶裡。122Please respect copyright.PENANA639rvL7s0o
122Please respect copyright.PENANAPklBFruXGX
“該怎麼辦才好?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAR6c8jKiDm5
我摸著大貘。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUQ3FKrZZjg
122Please respect copyright.PENANA5TXwwwBflq
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鳴人和春野櫻分手的理由,到現在還不明白。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVYbG1Cdlji
他只不過沒有在適當的時候勃起,如此而已。他就要為了這件事和她分手嗎?122Please respect copyright.PENANAGxFT2EENKO
鹿丸彷彿看透一切,獨自在宿舍陽台上抽菸,往下望。我在他的房間裡用打字機敲出期末報告。最近大貘的胃口變大了,把牆上那幅鳴人給我的畫連著畫框吃掉。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIi3EQpgpkO
122Please respect copyright.PENANAOi7q66iRyH
“你想怎樣?”鹿丸突然撣落煙灰,問我。122Please respect copyright.PENANApbYgcLWapl
“甚麼怎麼樣。”我沒停手。122Please respect copyright.PENANAKoqfpXDtoE
“對鳴人…”他的聲音越來越小,到最後乾脆不講話。122Please respect copyright.PENANAe8NWrIhufg
我敲完報告,把紙撕下來,裝訂整齊。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkrM85Wu1cB
離開房間前,鹿丸把我拉住。“從中學時就開始了,不是嗎?”他睿智的雙眼盯著我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZmsqfyXew0
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面無血色的窗簾自他身後揚揚飛起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAw0EyV0Fe63
我逃開了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAi3t3I73qsZ
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希區考克的電影,不是驚悚,而是在縝密之外闢出一條險路,讓你一腳踩入。122Please respect copyright.PENANAalxQF4M2Hd
黑白畫面在電視裡兀自轉播,看到一半的時候,接收器毫無預警地壞了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAtxYQRrF0AX
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我和鳴人曾經如此要好。彼此都是心中最好的朋友和夥伴。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGg140goppi
有那麼幾次,莫名的預感告訴我,其實我們想的東西都相同。渴望更進一步、渴望撫摸。就在兩個人都還是中學生的時候,一個炎炎夏日,我握住他拿著冰棍的那隻手,輕輕吻上他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWaqQrgKRey
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他卻沒有預料中的反應。122Please respect copyright.PENANAzd5uctzHSX
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冰棍掉到地面,迅速蒸發。122Please respect copyright.PENANAb3B5ru72lu
只留我一個人坐在公園的長椅上。122Please respect copyright.PENANArsKOZyhR4g
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《繩子》裡面的long-shot,就是從那之後的,我的雙眼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAccPXVvvKAt
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122Please respect copyright.PENANAkwpEDu3NEh
鳴人不斷地逃避我。用他一貫的微笑和友善。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZEzhkIZ5Lh
我們再次相聚四年,既快樂又悲傷。他過他的,我過我的,沒有誰起疑。除了奈良鹿丸。122Please respect copyright.PENANA13WUTJfLGU
大貘,你說我該怎麼辦?我該拿他怎麼辦?122Please respect copyright.PENANAcatUCybLXf
我看著我的寵物吃掉一台收音機、兩捲卡帶、三張德式蛋餅(原本要拿來做晚餐的)、四顆蒜頭。牠滿足了自己的肚腹,舔舔鼻子,黑色眼睛斜過來看我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxkPviIU9zs
你還想吃掉甚麼?122Please respect copyright.PENANAosPfNOW6km
我搔搔牠的下巴,牠發出連續的呼嚕聲。122Please respect copyright.PENANABgw6nuH9Cd
122Please respect copyright.PENANAiTBSzw5Iw2
鳴人被退學了。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6EofJwMH5h
是在意料之中的預料之外。122Please respect copyright.PENANAq48f1fwEIY
這件事我從別人的口裡聽說,卻格外真實。122Please respect copyright.PENANAabkiH4cHHJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANANKAo9Nl58o
我敲敲他寢室的門。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwRF2Run2eJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAp3WtDRfj1T
“怎麼了?”他打開門,問我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAz6y8OjgWUb
“…皮夾沒了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAg0XUNyoD13
“怎麼會沒了?”122Please respect copyright.PENANA27AovTYVYb
“被我豢養的寵物吃掉了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAMbenMobt4T
他古怪地笑,然後讓我進去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAjzWpL31fNd
鳴人是個隨性的男孩子,房間有些凌亂,比上次我看到的還要亂一些。122Please respect copyright.PENANABja0Yk4GZc
“吃晚餐了沒?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAZO10Uc8IPx
“吃過了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAiUqDOuT7C8
“…喝點運動飲料吧,我看你流很多汗。”鳴人從床底下的箱子摸出一個鋁箔包,遞給我。“明天期末考對吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANATptYSj6MhN
“對。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA1R5RINbgMv
“這麼有把握拿滿分啊?”他笑。“還有空來我這裡瞎混。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAlNdVINL7Ov
鳴人戴上耳機,坐在書桌前,閱讀一本原文書。122Please respect copyright.PENANAusevOkCIuV
我在他的床上沉穩入眠。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5GF2qs2bPP
半夜時我醒過來,鳴人不在寢內。我走到陽台上,往下方看,他一個人站在花圃中,抱著吉他,嘴裡哼著歌。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUt1dh7Dt1p
122Please respect copyright.PENANAyXQuhpue4N
“只要我們有足夠的空間和時間,這份羞怯,吾愛,就不算罪過…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAGcgo7w3ijK
122Please respect copyright.PENANAm8Yeo0qKPE
是To His Coy Mistress。122Please respect copyright.PENANAyY8wHYPnCK
我站在陽台,站一整夜。和他一起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAH5fKbP9ndB
我們都沒有參加期末考試。122Please respect copyright.PENANAMdWo8Ysp5k
122Please respect copyright.PENANAGJGKxClZTF
大貘,你會明白嗎?122Please respect copyright.PENANAR9DnWrIwUy
當你用空洞的眼睛看著我的時候,是不是有讀出我想說的任何訊息。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfjZ8LJVmzW
122Please respect copyright.PENANAfNKm6hN5u9
後天早上,同學們睜大眼睛,看著我走進教室裡。教授也走進來,一個禿頭佬,輕輕咳嗽,瞥我一眼。他沉重的目光透過又厚又大的鏡片傳過來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxOFFwbOn29
我聳聳肩。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiz0qHoTZNC
他搖搖頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbsvnt7yg8s
我知道,我丟了進他研究室的資格。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6CMwETEajX
那也無所謂,畢竟我的畢業報告已經被大貘給吃了。牠津津有味地嗑掉膠裝封面,接著打個飽嗝。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYo4GcKTAO7
“味道不錯吧,這份報告我可是寫了半年…”122Please respect copyright.PENANA2UeOVOsZSj
我說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAyi5nGnnaen
牠又用飽嗝來表示滿足。122Please respect copyright.PENANAJo6t6XCRzj
122Please respect copyright.PENANA0Vbk4TSNZa
鳴人很快就離開學生宿舍。他找到一間雅房,雨天的時候,外面下大雨,裡面下小雨。122Please respect copyright.PENANAB1wZSsf1Li
他的朋友都去替他慶祝。七八個人擠在小小的房間裡,大肆喝酒聊天。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXKbfZpaBHw
我沒去,可是我知道那晚發生的事情。是鹿丸告訴我的。122Please respect copyright.PENANAK44LOWR6ND
他說,鳴人喝得很茫,誰都不認得。122Please respect copyright.PENANAX2UXQo0Kcw
他說,鳴人喝茫了之後抓了人就亂親。122Please respect copyright.PENANADeAHDAXj6d
他說,鳴人就在拉扯和親吻之間吐出一個人的名字。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEzgz4wNdKz
122Please respect copyright.PENANAsCcSGxaxNi
“佐助…佐助…其實我…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAas4N3gAlsF
122Please respect copyright.PENANA7ll5hsWY36
122Please respect copyright.PENANAlangQiaEh5
我說,鹿丸,夠了,我不想聽。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGc6Ufj282J
122Please respect copyright.PENANAEOMjHe1Eqj
沒有人懂我和他到底想要甚麼。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZZ2waIh923
因為我們也不懂自己。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEmqjQBTaWx
被退學之後,他不再上大學,每天都在打零工。122Please respect copyright.PENANAppEManwiIX
有人在洗衣店看過他,有人在咖啡廳看過他,甚至是深夜的加油站裡,也能看見他在椅子上打盹。122Please respect copyright.PENANAqZ51s6l3Wu
我猜想,他應該不再彈吉他了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiyE7K0mqAf
122Please respect copyright.PENANAVE9iMKGNkv
而我呢?122Please respect copyright.PENANAPKn6C8CTIf
我仍然和大貘一起生活,並且在畢業前夕交了一名新的女友。122Please respect copyright.PENANAt6bgR0zWNa
她叫做春野櫻。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVlKQG2GPBY
她周旋在我和漩渦鳴人之間,以快速又難以捉摸的姿態做一隻候鳥。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8tD2pph1Cy
我並不喜歡她,可是她也不介意我是不是愛她。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZshV0ZDsc1
122Please respect copyright.PENANAN5DeQM2CTf
“各取所需…你最了解的吧?”122Please respect copyright.PENANADsFas5EuzE
她撢去菸灰,笑了笑。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlJaebcuHHx
我把褲子穿上,走出房間,倒一杯水給自己。122Please respect copyright.PENANAjjK96iVBn0
她佔據大貘的床,毫不介意地睡著。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0LmrmgDfcb
大貘蜷縮在房子角落。我心疼地摸摸牠的頭,給牠吃一箱衣服。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGscSxRxXtk
122Please respect copyright.PENANADwyq5fAJuc
我聽說春野櫻偶爾會去找鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAt2K5xr31mP
也聽說鳴人和另一個女人在一起。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAfPxd0WnCB
可是沒有人敢肯定地說,因為鳴人已經很久不出現在朋友面前了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAG9DtYzGgza
他繼續過他的,我繼續過我的。我重新做回一名好學生,人人稱羨的高材生。在課堂上是睿智的、成熟的宇智波佐助,下課後,回到家裡,卻豢養一隻有可能根本不存在的貘獸。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6M86HX6UTi
只有奈良鹿丸一個人看透我的軟弱。122Please respect copyright.PENANAPnTAinCGHU
他看我的眼神,彷彿在嘲笑我的無能和膽小。122Please respect copyright.PENANAEfsEez5vqb
122Please respect copyright.PENANAhD1ySq0Tbz
大貘,我哪裡做錯了?122Please respect copyright.PENANAgKmTQSqOoL
122Please respect copyright.PENANAPNnLWH3XVy
時間會慢慢過去,而我們會遺忘。122Please respect copyright.PENANA4XnBVl9fBq
就像夏天裡逐漸蒸發的冰棒,一點一點消失在空氣裡。我說,奈良鹿丸,你一點都不懂我們。122Please respect copyright.PENANAXNdoBmQwup
他說,你才是一點都不懂鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANA4TQG1voWKg
錯了,其實我們都不懂Andrew Marvell,才不能意會他的情詩。畢竟他說:“只要我們有足夠的空間和時間,這份羞怯,吾愛,就不算罪過…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAZM41ZkvOaF
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUiHu1Buwtv
三年後,我成為碩士生,和春野櫻訂婚。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxJf1kitp3k
她保有她的生活,保有她對其他男人接觸的權力,我向來不干涉這一切。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5dyiBHqn2G
122Please respect copyright.PENANAQvOkVad3Kn
我的貘懶懶地抬頭看我一眼,然後繼續沉睡。122Please respect copyright.PENANA7AEc7vILpa
牠在這幾年越來越瘦,肋骨都清晰可見。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuV8TJOnhN8
離開大學後,我和春野櫻搬到另一個繁榮的城市,並在那裡舉行婚禮。婚禮前夕,我搭了特快車回到故居,背包裡有一張要給鳴人的婚宴邀請卡。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvTcXH446yu
其實我本來不打算這麼做的,我把這張卡片湊到大貘面前,可是牠僅僅抽動鼻子,嗅了嗅,一點都不感興趣地撇過頭。122Please respect copyright.PENANAR5VuJ6EM7j
這也許是甚麼徵兆。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYWNuUrwv4V
122Please respect copyright.PENANAPuYgvLPxhr
我走入鳴人原本該住著的公寓。經過這麼多年,他有可能已經不住在這裡。我嘗試敲門,可是狹窄的樓梯間裡除了回音之外,沒有任何動靜。122Please respect copyright.PENANA9SPUq94APu
十分鐘過去,半小時過去,我拿出邀請卡,想把它塞進門縫裡了事。122Please respect copyright.PENANAv1kgB6Q6pe
可是我聽見腳步聲,一步一步傳上來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAzWmsKEkCxq
我回頭,順間掉進湛藍的海底。122Please respect copyright.PENANAAmVanzvyLC
122Please respect copyright.PENANAOQsBCpWgDK
鳴人就在我後面,他麥色的肌膚,耀眼的頭髮,澄澈的眼神。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiMUvCv8caw
122Please respect copyright.PENANAJ42dvIUfJw
我甚麼都沒辦法開口說。122Please respect copyright.PENANA2RVqZ9G5gy
他也張大嘴巴,愣愣地看著我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAdSlho99ffZ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAceCV4AtwtJ
“你…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAxZDNbkmpdd
我想要問他,這幾年過得好不好。122Please respect copyright.PENANAfL38pUyZ9B
就在我即將吐出一串破碎的句子之前,一個人影出現在樓梯,他慢慢走上來,站到鳴人身邊。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlZSzmh3p4r
“怎麼了,不是說要回來拿東西?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAAAjxVaoFPj
那男人,一手搭在鳴人的肩上。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5jHom0wSxS
他露出虛偽的笑容,眼睛轉向我。“這位是…?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAkjIlvA1jyD
沒等鳴人解釋,我就自己開口:“我是漩渦的大學同學,今天來拿邀請卡給他的。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAfCbRsM4zJW
“…邀請卡?”鳴人喃喃地唸。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsDcY4o9DA0
“我要結婚了。”我說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAhdBi1yXzZZ
我相信我的嘴唇在顫抖。122Please respect copyright.PENANAnfUE2zRtkF
鳴人的表情僵了一下,卻很快地恢復,並對我說:“恭喜。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAli9bvkpaCa
122Please respect copyright.PENANAwCPddP3k0C
我冷冷地抽了嘴角,瞥那男人一眼,再看看他,說,你也是。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZr12drLXyv
然後頭也不回地走了。122Please respect copyright.PENANArwU4VVGOzT
122Please respect copyright.PENANArsTti5iWii
我甚至忘記邀請卡還捏在手裡。122Please respect copyright.PENANANPLmYPWx2L
122Please respect copyright.PENANAtW5bWp2RGB
大貘,直到現在我才明白我還愛他。我最喜歡的是他燦爛的笑臉,一副無所謂卻常常不甘心的臉,還有在草地上跑起來的模樣,兩隻手敞開,讓風吹過每一吋毛細孔。中學時,他常常和我分享同一塊麵包,同一個便當,同一把傘,甚至同一張床。現在我訝異我居然和他蓋過同一條被子而可以甚麼事都不發生。122Please respect copyright.PENANAnObwBZ1N3z
我想要他,不管是五年,十年,二十年,我仍然想要他。漩渦鳴人是一塊疙瘩,長在心上,長在我去也去不掉的地方。可是我卻抗拒一切發生,讓事情走到像現在這樣的局面。122Please respect copyright.PENANA3HgruS2lO4
做甚麼也挽救不了。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0iBFdQMeH2
122Please respect copyright.PENANA8lvA6k7Cl9
我開著車,到市中心最繁華的地方,進去一間酒吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANAkasrd6npTl
以前大學朋友常常來這裡聚著聊天,現在一點影子都不剩了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAhqiOL8E8Mp
昏黃的燈光,香菸的氣味繚繞整個地下室,低聲笑語恍如隔世,我的耳中只有冰塊在酒杯裡碰撞的聲音。122Please respect copyright.PENANAWoTPeQ98kJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAUGW1rd2gm4
我沒有把自己灌醉。明天我將是一名新郎。122Please respect copyright.PENANAtxRDUtm18Y
有人踩著皮鞋,走到我身邊,向酒保要一杯烈酒。122Please respect copyright.PENANAGPhGPokx7k
男人一口氣把酒喝完,發出嘖嘖聲。我忍不住轉過頭去看他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAbdMe2FAr1P
那是一名纖瘦的少年,有著黑色的瞳孔和黑色的頭髮。122Please respect copyright.PENANAtDzqssAMuj
長得居然跟我很像。122Please respect copyright.PENANAHt3DbI0zOg
122Please respect copyright.PENANAIDRDeJ3CI4
“你好。”他拘謹地說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvSbu2lHDZo
我挑挑眉。122Please respect copyright.PENANArvarl3EZuE
“一個人嗎?”他問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAE87lDDVBSv
我把頭撇過去,沒理他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAZXZYUTbLkM
少年自討無趣,又點了一杯酒。122Please respect copyright.PENANAIjBqPZSMcJ
“…看你落寞的樣子,大概是失戀了吧。”他說。“啊,也許你不需要安慰吧。你要結婚了嗎?”122Please respect copyright.PENANA51BcKafSpd
我有些意外,卻想起我就把揉爛的卡片放在桌上。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOjRCa1C4sR
“你喜歡你的新娘嗎?”他問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsr6XzIYXXv
少年非常多話。我悶頭喝我的酒,沒回答。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL5WmKrBbPj
“…大概是不喜歡吧。”他聳聳肩。“我知道你不喜歡。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAuT316UMtGO
我看他一眼,說:“你又懂甚麼了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA099rnGV9Xo
“當然懂,”他微笑。“我知道你愛別的人。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAIX3ci1B2Rs
我冷冷地笑,說,現在已經不愛了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAaeVWhzNwTT
“不是這樣,我看得出來。”少年用黑色的眼睛盯住我。“你一直愛他。”122Please respect copyright.PENANABJSpkHCyp9
說完,他又自顧自地咂嘴。“可是既然你說你不愛,那就是不愛吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAtsh3CJB5Aj
我沒理會他話裡的自相矛盾。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuKpMk28c8m
“愛就愛,不愛就不愛,沒甚麼大不了的。”他說。“可是你這種樣子,肯定只是鴕鳥心態。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAugxc1T8h9u
我狠狠地把杯裡的酒飲盡。122Please respect copyright.PENANA8hAV18dqfQ
少年咯咯笑,從口袋裡掏出幾張紙鈔和一些叮叮咚咚的東西。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlrans4ljkb
他把東西都推到酒保面前,我聽見酒保不悅地說:“這甚麼?”122Please respect copyright.PENANANuwkzbu9oS
我斜眼瞄他放到桌上的那堆東西,忽然看見一張已經扯破、撕爛的學生證。122Please respect copyright.PENANAsAvV5VVxDU
上面那個人是我。122Please respect copyright.PENANAR38FDKDGxA
糊掉的學生姓名旁邊,有一行藍筆筆跡寫著:佐助大笨蛋。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUyhmc4kSSm
我倏然站起,看到寫了我的名字的會員卡、兩張鳴人傳給我的紙條、只剩半顆頭的鳴人照片…122Please respect copyright.PENANA5GFwzxnMqb
少年漆黑的眼睛把我吸進去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAwiGzdLCi8h
“還來得及,”他說。“只要你不畏懼。”122Please respect copyright.PENANApRxtFX0E26
122Please respect copyright.PENANADYpdQSpziE
我連帳都沒付就衝出酒吧。122Please respect copyright.PENANA0fPT6ddJJw
122Please respect copyright.PENANA0rG8tIBlTv
街道上的行人變成一抹一抹的色彩,天已經黑了,我鑽入車子裡,引擎的聲音瞬間重擊我的心臟。我想到那些被大貘吞進肚子裡的東西,我想到牠總是一言不發地盯著我,我想到牠安靜地聆聽我說種種關於鳴人的事…可是牠卻不曾告訴我牠的想法。車子在夜色下拐了彎,駛到鳴人的公寓前。它似乎以一種莊嚴卻悲傷的姿態等待,也許公寓裡面有人,也許沒有,我踏踏雜雜地衝上樓梯,站在鐵門前,用力敲著門。122Please respect copyright.PENANAUMjl8DbBzb
鐵門有打開的跡象。我緊張地探頭,燦黃的金髮跳入視線。122Please respect copyright.PENANAmOAU0RnOtJ
122Please respect copyright.PENANAbLXNz568Lv
鳴人穿著寬鬆輕便的衣服,愣在門口。122Please respect copyright.PENANARTEfxe8nIi
我還在喘氣,眼睛沒敢離開他一秒鐘。122Please respect copyright.PENANAu8FqgG2bcj
122Please respect copyright.PENANAt2A4krbz1d
“你…你怎麼會…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAzYtlB4lAEJ
“鳴人。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA6YUwMNAKMy
我叫他。122Please respect copyright.PENANAL6e1IbN8m1
他像聽見甚麼不可思議的聲音,身體抖了一下。122Please respect copyright.PENANA19wRTXl7V2
“…鳴人。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAWWCinP3Z2F
我徑直拉開門,一手握住他的手腕。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5ey8KCYCPR
他往後退幾步,掛上複雜的表情,用力著想要掙脫。122Please respect copyright.PENANAKYVVuO2bQ5
“你、你這麼晚還不回去,是要給我送婚宴的邀請卡嗎?”122Please respect copyright.PENANATSPxWyXxjA
他問。他硬是扯出笑臉,這樣的笑臉很難看,我只在中學時看過一次,就是在他被喜歡的女孩子給甩了的時候。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYiSWGYvJnp
我逼近他,兩隻手牽制住他的肩膀,他虛弱地笑,嘗試扭動身體,但是在他看見我認真的眼神之後,他的笑臉逐漸變成慌亂的表情。122Please respect copyright.PENANAVYOSplRlnQ
“你別跟我開玩笑,”他說。“拜託,快離開這裡。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAaa1ovxRByd
“為什麼?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAyYwO5FZ4P9
“沒有為什麼!”122Please respect copyright.PENANAWpcMw6muAf
“你還討厭我嗎?”122Please respect copyright.PENANALUQCW1WPSO
“我沒有討厭過你…”122Please respect copyright.PENANATVR9TG4S1S
“那我們…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAEECCTxiCez
“你走開好嗎?”鳴人說。他的聲音已經快要失控。“你幹嘛現在出現?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAiBYsbErR7y
“因為我明天要結婚了。”我清晰地說。“可是我喜歡你。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAz9LTqjDR2j
他噤聲。122Please respect copyright.PENANAYv0VrVj9PG
我們都安靜下來。122Please respect copyright.PENANA2vncpRUPRK
我把臉湊過去,感覺到他炙熱急促的呼吸。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOCWlHekqCL
“對不起。”我說。“我是真的喜歡你。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA2dlzjdqq8f
122Please respect copyright.PENANAGdYlBjf5UI
我抱住他,緩緩地,把他的頭放到我肩膀上。我從來沒有那麼多話過,可是就在今夜,我們站在玄關,我跟他說我一點都不愛春野櫻,說我從中學時就一直深愛他,說我不敢繼續接近他的原因是我是個膽小鬼,沒辦法承受第二次失敗,我還說我只想要他一個人,我只想要漩渦鳴人。122Please respect copyright.PENANAH0Wi0THxVA
他默默地聽著,偶爾笑出聲,他忍著不讓淚水流出來,我也是,我們都很倔強,我們都在等時間去沖淡,可是有很多事情,時間只會把它繼續推移,繼續前進。122Please respect copyright.PENANAa0qoEuxmIP
122Please respect copyright.PENANAFeVrbqkEGr
“婚禮怎麼辦?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAokbXsbG3Vq
他問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAuFTz1iktyN
“取消吧。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAGKWIjCj7Vz
我說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAl7U80YsGOb
122Please respect copyright.PENANAHSm29Ti1y4
隔天早上,我接到春野櫻的電話。她冷靜地說她早就取消婚禮了,甚至有一半以上的婚宴邀請卡都沒有寄出去。122Please respect copyright.PENANAOP6N4M0nER
她說話的口氣十分平淡,沒有怨恨也沒有沮喪。122Please respect copyright.PENANAudcwcDu9bL
“我懂你。”她說。聲音有一絲絲笑意。122Please respect copyright.PENANAw7ds1hT2G0
122Please respect copyright.PENANAJCBiwn7THY
然後鹿丸也打給鳴人了。122Please respect copyright.PENANAiRmBaSbLSr
鳴人坐在沙發上,支支吾吾地應聲。我走過去,站在他身旁,他看了我一眼後迅速地掛掉電話。122Please respect copyright.PENANAB91oEQrIdM
“怎麼了。”我問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAcfzfcS3fct
他低聲囁嚅,我沒聽清楚。122Please respect copyright.PENANA5PzM7KfyKE
“鹿丸說…別被你給騙了。”他說。122Please respect copyright.PENANAlL3H6kgp75
“…上次那個男的,是誰?”我問。122Please respect copyright.PENANAMMIKxkJsaH
“那個啊,”,鳴人似乎在竊笑。“只是一起打工的朋友而已,他想開我玩笑才那樣說話的。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAcBfMmAIm1B
122Please respect copyright.PENANArkHFJyvnv2
我們搭了車到現在我住的城市。春野櫻已經打包好行李,準備搬離我和她同居的地方。122Please respect copyright.PENANAvWNXH0WAXt
“祝妳好運。”我對她說。122Please respect copyright.PENANA6BYicH91H7
她笑,然後把鑰匙還給我。“這東西終於要交給正確的主人了。”122Please respect copyright.PENANA2Z9LT5t8Qp
春野櫻把行李送到樓下,在門口處向我們道別。122Please respect copyright.PENANACJY0Ox4Uyr
“啊,”她在臨走前忽然靠近我,附到我耳邊說:“其實…我看得見那個。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAQuQjK5GxDA
122Please respect copyright.PENANAaxP5CDhkSh
我像被電擊一般跳起來。122Please respect copyright.PENANAChKublhO6X
122Please respect copyright.PENANAbRdGQVZHOp
春野櫻露出神秘的微笑,揮揮手,走入電梯。122Please respect copyright.PENANAv8RYFWSxbM
122Please respect copyright.PENANAlGhLeNJBLN
122Please respect copyright.PENANAa3Yg2Wh7n6
“對了,”鳴人把頭轉向我。“佐助,你不是說你養過寵物?”122Please respect copyright.PENANAuYliG0UEBS
我笑了笑,把門關上,一手搭上他的肩。“你好奇?”122Please respect copyright.PENANATJatslqyy1
“當然。”122Please respect copyright.PENANAVC0s0n3iN9
122Please respect copyright.PENANAZoJ8WD2yWg
“那我會慢慢告訴你…”122Please respect copyright.PENANAIuSe4nNnoj
122Please respect copyright.PENANAD1AZPwibQL
122Please respect copyright.PENANALIr65OdeKY
兩個男孩,一隻貘,還有像春夢一般的故事。122Please respect copyright.PENANAxhiy1AhJeD
122Please respect copyright.PENANA1HgmsVBCqQ
122Please respect copyright.PENANACGRPlabfrF
FIN