TAG：惡搞崩壞、OOC、話多、自創角主役、隨想隨寫、無下文。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAHuweIOsR
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師傅說，會念能力的都是變態。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7gokoxEon
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我懷疑那是因為師傅怎樣也無法學會使用念才這麼說的。那時我年紀還小不知道話有分兩種，一種叫做能說的一種叫做不能說的，總之年幼無知的我一問出口就明白這道理了，因為師傅的臉色瞬間變得很可怕，她後來把我海扁了頓掛在曬衣杆上晾起來進行三天三夜的說教（兼噪音轟炸），有時我會想這話多說不定是被師傅影響來著，但師傅頭一扭瞪著我說這是在幫我作職前訓練，免得我出社會後怎麼死的都不知道。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRz7AMT30D
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但在我九歲那年，不知怎地變成了師傅口中的變態，她大怒，把我丟給她朋友－－另一個變態－－進行訓練了。但每次送我走前師傅都跟我再三強調念能力只是附屬，她教給我的基本功才是重點要我不可荒廢（其實師傅說過很多次了，每次都挑在她朋友接我去做訓練時講得特別大聲，但我實在不好意思跟師傅說您老越這樣強調那教我念的變態老師就越高興呢。）91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qLP6xar1w
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「我就喜歡看她這樣。」91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gnipXzC3N
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老師偷偷跟我說了，我那時想怎會有人喜歡別人對自己發脾氣諷刺呢？莫非這老師是個M？我看他挺開心的，只師傅一人在那橫眉豎目的發怒，或許這就是一個願打一個願挨？這老師人好到每次都親自來接我，但每次都暴跳如雷的師傅說這叫黃鼠狼給雞拜年沒安好心，我點點頭腦筋反映得挺快，直接就問所以師傅您是雞囉？於是師傅又把我毆了一頓。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTEjcURV1x
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跟老是生氣扁我的師傅不同，老師訓練我使用念時總是笑笑的還一邊叮嚀記得回去練給師傅看讓她生氣，我說但我不想讓師傅生氣啊她會扁我，老師馬上面容一整嚴肅的說這是為了訓練忍耐度要好好加油。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsq1bLoJrH
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你屁。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuuPCsKy2X
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之後老師把念的一套運用都示範給我看了，我慢慢學也花了好幾年的功夫。最後我終於忍不住問了，這總有個名字吧？91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1HHFSUcAn
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「喔。」老師想了想似乎覺得要解釋太麻煩，很隨便的道：「妳叫它什麼都行啊，不然叫它1吧，1234567891011。這樣挺好記的。」有時我會疑惑小時候的我不是挺認真的嗎究竟什麼時候開始變得這麼隨便－－還是隨性－－總之一整個變化很大，大概看老師這麼著就那樣學的吧，導致師傅偶爾喝醉時會抱著我痛哭當初所託非人。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuW1Ssnbwz
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「請說這是和藹可親平易近人。」91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCjf4EaLN1
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老師微笑，踏在他剛解決掉的新鮮屍體上用染血的刀面輕拍我的頰，轉頭很開心地討我師傅罵去了。而我要等很久很久之後才知道真正和藹可親平易近人的人是不會微笑著拿藍波刀的刀面拍小孩子臉頰的，不過已經太遲了，當初認為很親切的客戶實際上是一個比一個還魔頭。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFa9Lmb9FDa
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師傅這點倒是說得不錯，這人真真是個變態。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35jVR90jQe
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－－啊，稍微離題了。總之師傅不等我成年就把我給踢出去，說是讓我在社會中闖蕩闖蕩看能不能弄出個什麼名堂，也順便把她一直扮演著的身份以及她師傅的師傅的師傅的角色交給我，不過我說師父妳在外闖蕩那麼久也只弄出個市場殺價女王出來啊。師傅瞪了我一眼，滿含殺氣的伸出右手往頸部虛劃了刀，意思是叫我看著辦。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsL6jXXPNJ
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過幾年後我再回去已經找不到師傅跟老師了，大概又瘋去哪邊玩了吧。結果等到我打理好自己拄著柺杖步履闌珊地踏進那棟破舊屋子時隔壁水果攤的老闆娘喊起來了：91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjP3wMKKP1m
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「喲、這不是伊爾家的奶奶嗎？終於出院啦？這伊斯基瑪波坦拉克西辛病毒究竟是什麼東西呀讓您老在醫院待了這麼久，等等我讓家裡那口子送點水果過去怎麼樣？」91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGJ8hEaYQm
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出院？我手一抖，拐杖差點飛出去，嚇得老闆娘趕緊過來攙扶。師傅什麼不好說說了這個？91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGacrNHj7A
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「您女兒也真是的，出去找藥也得回來啊，說什麼幫您找藥便衝了出去，啊我記得還有一個男人也追了上去，是您女婿？啥時嫁了也不說一聲，我原本還想吃個喜酒－－唉唉年輕人就是這樣不過奶奶您也別擔心很快就會回來的－－」91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcSVl1w1L7
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最後老闆娘陪著我這個老太婆碎碎念閒話家常順便偷罵師傅跟老師兩小時之久。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpYzCysA0O
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師傅，您好樣的。91Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ieEPxEQw8
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