現行大學教育體制下的犧牲品,完畢。
接著說故事。讓我為剛才冗長、不簡略、沒有重點、根本騙字數的自我介紹道歉,這裡我一言以蔽之。
一個小白臉靠老婆過活的日子,以上。
當然有人想問:「這有什麼好說的?」
我會這樣回答:「這小白臉很出名。」
他叫,諸葛亮孔明。
故事的開始有點模糊,因為我記得我人在宿舍,剛吃完一塊雞排、用可樂漱口,沒有刷牙就倒在床上睡著。附帶一提,時間是星期三早上八點,一整天的課大概都得翹掉。130Please respect copyright.PENANABJrz6PkN1d
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不過那已經不重要了。130Please respect copyright.PENANAKxsjrOpMcQ
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因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。130Please respect copyright.PENANAtOQWln2DEv
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那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。130Please respect copyright.PENANAsLa7oAHmgW
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風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。130Please respect copyright.PENANAZymKZaDH44
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風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。130Please respect copyright.PENANAnpakPAm44V
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那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。130Please respect copyright.PENANAkDYgCV5vQ2
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我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。130Please respect copyright.PENANA08ZbFTnLgd
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似男類女,撲朔迷離。130Please respect copyright.PENANAniCEgblSou
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我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。130Please respect copyright.PENANAPEWR1WXVsa
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甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。130Please respect copyright.PENANATEmZQiWINA
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那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAnQ7kz4y9eB
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我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。130Please respect copyright.PENANAOMSoSnZBVm
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我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。130Please respect copyright.PENANA8Adv2Mp8fm
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他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAQoxJl51oF5
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我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。130Please respect copyright.PENANAm7OqR2DSSF
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甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。130Please respect copyright.PENANA26Wz6T4dim
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人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。130Please respect copyright.PENANAaPaoxzqjK7
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這時我只想笑。130Please respect copyright.PENANAJtSZ8njkky
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我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA4yUxciCmDK
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那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAbnJsLM8Hrl
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我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANADVSbQyhQRN
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諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAUFhcWHMM0l
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我走下床、打開門、走出去……130Please respect copyright.PENANAZLUcsdd2tg
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停住。130Please respect copyright.PENANAFPQcmBWuNo
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如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。130Please respect copyright.PENANAsJhbGSPx5V
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刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。130Please respect copyright.PENANAZsu1LBJcUC
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我面無表情關上門,回頭。130Please respect copyright.PENANAkktPJiUdmD
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諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAlNfwr34ZGA
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諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAFY43meCIpe
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文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。130Please respect copyright.PENANAMAdkrIhIxJ
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太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。130Please respect copyright.PENANAKeeE2SiXxa
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但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。130Please respect copyright.PENANAP0LKJK1LNz
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諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」130Please respect copyright.PENANArEOSPESEbE
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我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。130Please respect copyright.PENANAywSuasu997
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竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。130Please respect copyright.PENANA72NwuqjeRv
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怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。130Please respect copyright.PENANAhGpjVcHleO
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萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。130Please respect copyright.PENANAyu1MYNxUI7
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然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。130Please respect copyright.PENANAhIF9YWLZNv
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痛死我,不信也得信了。130Please respect copyright.PENANAwLJyPAFGO4
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「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」130Please respect copyright.PENANArLegXTfDtn
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我:「這是什麼情況?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAgeIly62yed
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這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?130Please respect copyright.PENANAmNyvfjjFNH
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我絕對沒有打錯字。130Please respect copyright.PENANA45fdkTwQaf
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諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAqY67xOUnWB
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我:「代替?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAieDFLHXFmq
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諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAd4ayKH5ACY
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我:「為什麼?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAVvT5gxURKP
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諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAYJf3OKg1UE
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我:「那不要說好了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAyLRcuxu1SI
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諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA3G2ObbEqx9
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「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?130Please respect copyright.PENANAAyx6gfNiFt
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諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAY3nF7bCJ14
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也差不多意思。130Please respect copyright.PENANAt7XcmEsrkF
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諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAUROBA2cRLg
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真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。130Please respect copyright.PENANALiBSIwSkdr
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諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA72ACFP5UqN
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好個有商業頭腦的老頭。130Please respect copyright.PENANAs37QVqyn3I
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我:「這算什麼錯?」130Please respect copyright.PENANA1eOaSpcUk8
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諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAEW3AHv1P4m
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我:「這樣很好啊。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAs0DMKVXYWF
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諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAveAZ7maZ1e
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……130Please respect copyright.PENANAouZnY6kG8d
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諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAu9XF4RXKSB
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你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!130Please respect copyright.PENANAWjocCqP7Zm
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諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAk4Z0BPOOjG
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我:「什麼?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAilLxLQYZcu
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諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」130Please respect copyright.PENANA3Zx5rWFs3W
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是報應沒有錯啊。130Please respect copyright.PENANAfRkn76ID83
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不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?130Please respect copyright.PENANAWNA9Js6zhj
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重點是。130Please respect copyright.PENANAsk3POkVE5E
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怪我嘍?130Please respect copyright.PENANAEoBCGghuA0
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我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAnOawLkWQR7
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諸葛亮:「抱歉。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAJaS8CeUmZZ
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我:「不接受行不行?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAhSAVX1VIR4
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諸葛亮:「對不起。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA6v3B5KGMbC
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……130Please respect copyright.PENANAoEZeYBExbG
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諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA1TFmDROMUN
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那我大概有三次被抓的機會。130Please respect copyright.PENANAJIX9d6uic4
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「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAjn6YqgcaLB
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去你妹的。130Please respect copyright.PENANABVz7paeMT1
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我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAHzTSDcZZlK
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那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。130Please respect copyright.PENANAyYWl9Sh6EV
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不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。130Please respect copyright.PENANA6GvKHYrlRN
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但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」130Please respect copyright.PENANA67rRVBWihR
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他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。130Please respect copyright.PENANA58g7l2Bpz3
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我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。130Please respect copyright.PENANA1DqtzKKtXv
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鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。130Please respect copyright.PENANAFXpXHUDrRf
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諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAKj9SktqnF7
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我無話可說。130Please respect copyright.PENANA1KaozzlwCP
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諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAl7Exm798Eu
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我真的無話可說。130Please respect copyright.PENANA4AaDzzDkwu
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諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAJmL6shCt8F
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我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAsetjKclSkx
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諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAkhtBj9XTZ8
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我剛才已經問了!130Please respect copyright.PENANAYEpSS20fix
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他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?130Please respect copyright.PENANA0rX80ZNqP9
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我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAc6MFtvDzaf
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「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA8Ehjq88fRU
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我:「放心?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAMmqOJVG5qO
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諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAq7gMOFWxB3
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我喉頭一澀。130Please respect copyright.PENANAvjX4CmkvKl
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根本笑不出來。130Please respect copyright.PENANATlRShE76QE
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但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAtuXnR4ZnGQ
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那是一個頗有深意的笑容。130Please respect copyright.PENANAXtaDArATHy
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「歷史是會騙人的。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA8ofH4E1j1L
130Please respect copyright.PENANAmvfdvnNEPm
我的視界陷入混沌當中。
ns216.73.216.237da2 130Please respect copyright.PENANAvWxFKVUEYW
不過那已經不重要了。130Please respect copyright.PENANAKxsjrOpMcQ
130Please respect copyright.PENANAiBiFzo8iNE
因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。130Please respect copyright.PENANAtOQWln2DEv
130Please respect copyright.PENANAuym4JZwViT
那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。130Please respect copyright.PENANAsLa7oAHmgW
130Please respect copyright.PENANAQokpmcVDg1
風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。130Please respect copyright.PENANAZymKZaDH44
130Please respect copyright.PENANAWd9K6KYXsr
風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。130Please respect copyright.PENANAnpakPAm44V
130Please respect copyright.PENANALOR86XkFQz
那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。130Please respect copyright.PENANAkDYgCV5vQ2
130Please respect copyright.PENANA22c0NmRQcX
我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。130Please respect copyright.PENANA08ZbFTnLgd
130Please respect copyright.PENANAPw7bGNEcSf
似男類女,撲朔迷離。130Please respect copyright.PENANAniCEgblSou
130Please respect copyright.PENANAbpvTirtA4v
我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。130Please respect copyright.PENANAPEWR1WXVsa
130Please respect copyright.PENANAHbhlIhdluR
甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。130Please respect copyright.PENANATEmZQiWINA
130Please respect copyright.PENANAdsreGQMuHr
那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAnQ7kz4y9eB
130Please respect copyright.PENANAUG9GQhyeo8
我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。130Please respect copyright.PENANAOMSoSnZBVm
130Please respect copyright.PENANAuaB6KONur7
我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。130Please respect copyright.PENANA8Adv2Mp8fm
130Please respect copyright.PENANAALv1WoxZct
他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAQoxJl51oF5
130Please respect copyright.PENANAGhNJKF2pxY
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。130Please respect copyright.PENANAm7OqR2DSSF
130Please respect copyright.PENANAC6nuD1kGnK
甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。130Please respect copyright.PENANA26Wz6T4dim
130Please respect copyright.PENANAjDWm0KFxTK
人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。130Please respect copyright.PENANAaPaoxzqjK7
130Please respect copyright.PENANAyLv0wWUset
這時我只想笑。130Please respect copyright.PENANAJtSZ8njkky
130Please respect copyright.PENANAty6477SoI3
我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA4yUxciCmDK
130Please respect copyright.PENANAcia19Ew0U4
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAbnJsLM8Hrl
130Please respect copyright.PENANAO0ulcrNq1F
我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANADVSbQyhQRN
130Please respect copyright.PENANAjjA6xO1gM4
諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAUFhcWHMM0l
130Please respect copyright.PENANA80huFLKITQ
我走下床、打開門、走出去……130Please respect copyright.PENANAZLUcsdd2tg
130Please respect copyright.PENANANMstocTr6w
停住。130Please respect copyright.PENANAFPQcmBWuNo
130Please respect copyright.PENANAX0nrZSb1Xw
如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。130Please respect copyright.PENANAsJhbGSPx5V
130Please respect copyright.PENANAAnzmihyjim
刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。130Please respect copyright.PENANAZsu1LBJcUC
130Please respect copyright.PENANApB1RhcX5KT
我面無表情關上門,回頭。130Please respect copyright.PENANAkktPJiUdmD
130Please respect copyright.PENANAzJypEqlZJr
諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAlNfwr34ZGA
130Please respect copyright.PENANAfb6u7IkeYn
諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAFY43meCIpe
130Please respect copyright.PENANAbF9yLi2lBD
文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。130Please respect copyright.PENANAMAdkrIhIxJ
130Please respect copyright.PENANA0pJkEShVYI
太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。130Please respect copyright.PENANAKeeE2SiXxa
130Please respect copyright.PENANAPjfWghMB5w
但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。130Please respect copyright.PENANAP0LKJK1LNz
130Please respect copyright.PENANAMhbERbkELE
諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」130Please respect copyright.PENANArEOSPESEbE
130Please respect copyright.PENANAgAdnkBkBb0
我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。130Please respect copyright.PENANAywSuasu997
130Please respect copyright.PENANAlImLGABvKp
竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。130Please respect copyright.PENANA72NwuqjeRv
130Please respect copyright.PENANADF6UecSKc7
怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。130Please respect copyright.PENANAhGpjVcHleO
130Please respect copyright.PENANA1873nbRuRs
萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。130Please respect copyright.PENANAyu1MYNxUI7
130Please respect copyright.PENANAdKGeqHe5Rx
然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。130Please respect copyright.PENANAhIF9YWLZNv
130Please respect copyright.PENANAYs5GG4UY2s
痛死我,不信也得信了。130Please respect copyright.PENANAwLJyPAFGO4
130Please respect copyright.PENANAOxTw1UGOEQ
「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」130Please respect copyright.PENANArLegXTfDtn
130Please respect copyright.PENANAcvzcuvRqJW
我:「這是什麼情況?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAgeIly62yed
130Please respect copyright.PENANAqEkFEGVHZI
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?130Please respect copyright.PENANAmNyvfjjFNH
130Please respect copyright.PENANAPAkklsf3pn
我絕對沒有打錯字。130Please respect copyright.PENANA45fdkTwQaf
130Please respect copyright.PENANAV63TJbFp4Y
諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAqY67xOUnWB
130Please respect copyright.PENANAAEVdZ9arGq
我:「代替?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAieDFLHXFmq
130Please respect copyright.PENANAa6iI4rsfah
諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAd4ayKH5ACY
130Please respect copyright.PENANAwAvMZrZ8xV
我:「為什麼?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAVvT5gxURKP
130Please respect copyright.PENANAK62kHNnMwa
諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAYJf3OKg1UE
130Please respect copyright.PENANAMttQVNW5NH
我:「那不要說好了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAyLRcuxu1SI
130Please respect copyright.PENANAUG4IH92zpn
諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA3G2ObbEqx9
130Please respect copyright.PENANAEKNlnHTEJT
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?130Please respect copyright.PENANAAyx6gfNiFt
130Please respect copyright.PENANAiFG99qI0Fn
諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAY3nF7bCJ14
130Please respect copyright.PENANAD9vVcU651H
也差不多意思。130Please respect copyright.PENANAt7XcmEsrkF
130Please respect copyright.PENANAayi938coMT
諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAUROBA2cRLg
130Please respect copyright.PENANAGc7dCBhLsB
真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。130Please respect copyright.PENANALiBSIwSkdr
130Please respect copyright.PENANAc2FGvCLR6f
諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA72ACFP5UqN
130Please respect copyright.PENANAdzLGRSxRGX
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。130Please respect copyright.PENANAs37QVqyn3I
130Please respect copyright.PENANAwT4bIyRc0T
我:「這算什麼錯?」130Please respect copyright.PENANA1eOaSpcUk8
130Please respect copyright.PENANADWRwfGel0n
諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAEW3AHv1P4m
130Please respect copyright.PENANAVLanJ2kSYI
我:「這樣很好啊。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAs0DMKVXYWF
130Please respect copyright.PENANAsrDcUydNaf
諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAveAZ7maZ1e
130Please respect copyright.PENANAQboGWasnAT
……130Please respect copyright.PENANAouZnY6kG8d
130Please respect copyright.PENANASXT93kfS6p
諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAu9XF4RXKSB
130Please respect copyright.PENANAKwKfuDxQS0
你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!130Please respect copyright.PENANAWjocCqP7Zm
130Please respect copyright.PENANADQw54EHMZK
諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAk4Z0BPOOjG
130Please respect copyright.PENANAAiXAAVXixd
我:「什麼?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAilLxLQYZcu
130Please respect copyright.PENANAbIe3rDPG6D
諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」130Please respect copyright.PENANA3Zx5rWFs3W
130Please respect copyright.PENANAs5rGoMo9sN
是報應沒有錯啊。130Please respect copyright.PENANAfRkn76ID83
130Please respect copyright.PENANAGlq32IAtYX
不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?130Please respect copyright.PENANAWNA9Js6zhj
130Please respect copyright.PENANAJIjvSvD186
重點是。130Please respect copyright.PENANAsk3POkVE5E
130Please respect copyright.PENANAOJm5qAsrm4
怪我嘍?130Please respect copyright.PENANAEoBCGghuA0
130Please respect copyright.PENANAe3AI9Nf9t4
我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAnOawLkWQR7
130Please respect copyright.PENANAG2tHgWW0ug
諸葛亮:「抱歉。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAJaS8CeUmZZ
130Please respect copyright.PENANAlD2SQ871ZZ
我:「不接受行不行?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAhSAVX1VIR4
130Please respect copyright.PENANAU0Ki6Ua2Ch
諸葛亮:「對不起。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA6v3B5KGMbC
130Please respect copyright.PENANA1CiTmXhRmA
……130Please respect copyright.PENANAoEZeYBExbG
130Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ew20tnpLP
諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA1TFmDROMUN
130Please respect copyright.PENANA3z84UuGvAm
那我大概有三次被抓的機會。130Please respect copyright.PENANAJIX9d6uic4
130Please respect copyright.PENANAaGqRYr52ZA
「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAjn6YqgcaLB
130Please respect copyright.PENANApznIr9PChi
去你妹的。130Please respect copyright.PENANABVz7paeMT1
130Please respect copyright.PENANAHi6USpPfhf
我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAHzTSDcZZlK
130Please respect copyright.PENANAdVD530n6fm
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。130Please respect copyright.PENANAyYWl9Sh6EV
130Please respect copyright.PENANACgA8bdvaBM
不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。130Please respect copyright.PENANA6GvKHYrlRN
130Please respect copyright.PENANAtP7Gqtg6tw
但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」130Please respect copyright.PENANA67rRVBWihR
130Please respect copyright.PENANAiMd75n0H3J
他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。130Please respect copyright.PENANA58g7l2Bpz3
130Please respect copyright.PENANAEu1YyblnML
我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。130Please respect copyright.PENANA1DqtzKKtXv
130Please respect copyright.PENANAz7V0BHXc2u
鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。130Please respect copyright.PENANAFXpXHUDrRf
130Please respect copyright.PENANAaQbqcjNWJV
諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAKj9SktqnF7
130Please respect copyright.PENANAUKOjjz3LYt
我無話可說。130Please respect copyright.PENANA1KaozzlwCP
130Please respect copyright.PENANAj9Lt4wVSjM
諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAl7Exm798Eu
130Please respect copyright.PENANADpOrO2nfkO
我真的無話可說。130Please respect copyright.PENANA4AaDzzDkwu
130Please respect copyright.PENANATA9j0WsK59
諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAJmL6shCt8F
130Please respect copyright.PENANABmDZJcbx13
我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAsetjKclSkx
130Please respect copyright.PENANA1WHgSpDYAc
諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAkhtBj9XTZ8
130Please respect copyright.PENANADknWjRsnwV
我剛才已經問了!130Please respect copyright.PENANAYEpSS20fix
130Please respect copyright.PENANAXpzLGyy8ht
他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?130Please respect copyright.PENANA0rX80ZNqP9
130Please respect copyright.PENANAEbe0wOjMtK
我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAc6MFtvDzaf
130Please respect copyright.PENANAxVvfEKVPgR
「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA8Ehjq88fRU
130Please respect copyright.PENANAjkEda9bm0p
我:「放心?」130Please respect copyright.PENANAMmqOJVG5qO
130Please respect copyright.PENANAAcsjtiHycG
諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAq7gMOFWxB3
130Please respect copyright.PENANAfZdjHZD9Ko
我喉頭一澀。130Please respect copyright.PENANAvjX4CmkvKl
130Please respect copyright.PENANA9qTsYUUeqL
根本笑不出來。130Please respect copyright.PENANATlRShE76QE
130Please respect copyright.PENANAfJ3369IY1Q
但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」130Please respect copyright.PENANAtuXnR4ZnGQ
130Please respect copyright.PENANAaxY8GFZfZO
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。130Please respect copyright.PENANAXtaDArATHy
130Please respect copyright.PENANA71IxxmqJgb
「歷史是會騙人的。」130Please respect copyright.PENANA8ofH4E1j1L
130Please respect copyright.PENANAmvfdvnNEPm
我的視界陷入混沌當中。