我老婆是黃月英──諸葛亮的秘密日記。
作者:
南翁
南翁
篇 #9
第二集：遊龍戲鳳。第一章：不聽女人說話的下場會很慘很恐怖。（１）
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太丟臉，過程我就不說了。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqXjuy5r4m
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等我解釋完整件事，我的臉已經腫得像發酵過頭的波蘿麵包、頭髮掉了一搓、額頭上一個腫包、右眼旁邊還有一大圈瘀青，都不敢出去見人了。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbA2ZHwei8
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這只是看得見的地方。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWSSeAjszw
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換黃月英拿著藥箱，一邊幫我擦藥一邊說：「對不起啦，但也你早點解釋清楚嘛，我就不會那樣了。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxFZwalLN3
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妳最好有給我機會。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1cQH6yyRD
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「好了。」黃月英放下藥，拿了個小鏡子給我照臉。「還可以吧？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnOhsMlfs3
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還是一樣腫啊！51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMQm2xt2se
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唉，算了。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw1EOrQ0UB
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黃月英：「好啦，我都道歉了，你不要再生氣了。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mW3bqWgST
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我：「我沒有。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50sEP75esC
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我只是想扁人而已。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HLamb2yoj
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黃月英：「騙人。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokhJmn5JQA
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不然妳是想要怎樣？51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡco4RIz5Qab
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我：「總不可能要我被打一頓還笑吧？又不是被虐狂。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNi5Yi5QbX
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黃月英：「那我讓你打回來。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDT6wgq23Gh
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不要告訴我妳是被虐狂，那……我可能會有點高興？51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcc5ECJECNV
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才不會，我沒那麼變態。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3Cm3bbRTI
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我：「算了吧，又不是小朋友。過兩天我就會忘了。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxktZh8dHC
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黃月英：「不管，你現在就不能生氣，不然你就打我。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnGXA5Wo2X
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這種要求我一輩子都沒聽過。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpQRhIleBi
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我：「好啊。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExO6dDGyFx
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黃月英：「啊？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxXWw2q4Ip
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我直接一巴掌拍過去。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2iFxToti5
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黃月英閉上眼，縮了一下。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7A5Ut7qzmw
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但我只是輕輕將手放在她的臉上，算是順便揩個油。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSW9HFzRNnz
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我：「就這麼一下，痛嗎？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyDoIYJEOd
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「知道你最好了。」黃月英鬆了口氣。「那就不生氣了？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq29Szg43l5
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我白了她一眼：「算我服了妳。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6M6I7sF9XR
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黃月英一笑，伸出手。我偏偏猜到她想表達什麼。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVW8XBkuor
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我把匕首拿出來。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxRseB34nX
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黃月英伸手拿走匕首：「以後這個就交給我保管，要用的話先跟我報備。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs471gOzml4
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但我沒有放手。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitIBV4ku5S
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黃月英用力拉了一下，我還是沒有放手。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoudFN31Mi
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再一下。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsqRZNPEID
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又一下。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthEUARECgq
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黃月英：「放手啊！」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pOvjq5do6
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我：「我要去找趙雲談一談，想辦法讓他站在小貝這一邊，可能馬上就得用51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSV5dEZ4Lm
上。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BAJhSMSan
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黃月英：「我跟你一起去就好了。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaGnaD2Ic3
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我：「妳還是回去吧，我自己去會比較好。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44cCUUMR2s
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黃月英：「我不要。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyw0BwDT7Cf
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我：「妳沒戴面具出來。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMdP5IxLbz
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黃月英：「我不管。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtEfutRpEu
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妳是小朋友喔。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk9DtcRyZD
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我只好詳細解釋：「聽起來趙雲是個喜好女色的人，妳沒戴面具就這樣去，只會轉移焦點，讓我沒有辦法好好跟他談。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsufrh40dlP
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黃月英：「那就讓我跟他談啊。既然他特別喜歡女人，那我去應該更好說話吧？是不是？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZY8odlgfVK
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我：「這我當然也知道。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNULbMFWQn9
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黃月英：「那你還要我回去？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDFvTNxuJI
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我：「要不然我自己一個人來幹嗎？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO09KO9p4rr
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這當然回答得牛頭不對馬嘴。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypFOscXxzZ
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黃月英看著我，突然竊笑。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoMbipLSjO
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我：「笑什麼？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPfOEd5Bwi
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黃月英：「你好可愛喔。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4947XI2Qu
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啊？51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNocUoqImQ
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黃月英：「你在擔心我被占便宜嗎？真是任性，呵呵，不過這也不能怪你。唉，長得太漂亮，也是有許多煩惱。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mZGFnz5DV
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真是個自我感覺良好的傢伙。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnp5KHAIWo
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我：「算了，隨便妳。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiXKeIO8Fe
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黃月英：「你也太小看我了。放心吧，我自己會保護自己的。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgT8tNECps
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我直接不理她。她卻還是喜孜孜地跟在後面。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOO9oeAhsxM
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我打開門，卻見到一名女子站在門口。那是個有些年紀的女人，看起來四十歲上下，雖然青春年華不再，但她很聰明地沒有強留，淡淡的妝、寬鬆樸素的衣51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡju87x0Lq6O
物，不失高雅氣質、同時給人容易親近的感覺。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfxgBDfGRe
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女人九十度躬身：「諸葛先生，我是這裡的掌櫃，貂蟬大人要我好好招待您。我年紀稍大一些，所以大家叫我鳳姐，如果諸葛先生不介意，可以這麼叫我。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCOgj6iOl6
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我直接說：「這幾天，是不是有一個叫趙雲的客人一直住在這裡？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaokftHlnj
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鳳姐：「趙將軍嗎？是的，他正在小店作客。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmjrxgsCsX
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我：「他在哪？我要找他。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAdHeqgvfe
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鳳姐：「請跟我來。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIG0PRqldJD
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鳳姐領著我們轉進二樓。二樓是一間間包廂，由於天色尚早，只有兩三間的門是關上的，關上的房間裡面也都是鴉雀無聲。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnxpu5X9Cc
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但鳳姐領著我們往深處走，一個走廊角落邊間的門大開著，裡面火光大盛，51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxYXVNu7ny
漸漸能聽到笑鬧的聲音一陣一陣地傳來。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGVI7drfjL
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「小雲雲，多喝點酒啊。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoeFMfBitG
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「討厭啦，龍龍，不可以摸那邊啦。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHbIl2jJJC
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「啊，誰偷抓我的屁股？嘻嘻，是你對不對？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqeNJz9XLO
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我和黃月英異口同聲：「果然是個禽獸。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JUufMBqKI
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鳳姐這時說：「趙將軍就在那房間裡面。我會在門外候著，如果大人有何吩咐，喊我一聲便是。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNGquDH9bI
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我：「知道了。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMjq1FuQyB
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黃月英：「你打算怎麼辦？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPkgDF3Gvi
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我：「本來是打算威脅他。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxEc3Ftg58
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黃月英：「拿什麼威脅？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQu5FYCDDG
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「他的命。」我聳聳肩。「不過我現在不打算威脅他了，因為不小心拿到交易的籌碼。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnjxQu9ohN
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黃月英：「什麼籌碼？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡst7RMItT7d
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我：「那把短刀啊。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wRBHUZ76e
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黃月英立刻理解了：「我懂了。要不要我先去探探情況？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzOEdLatWp
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我：「沒有必要，直接進去會會他。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDz4CWngOZX
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我與黃月英大方地走入房間中。房間裡有六名應該是妓女的女性，各個衣衫凌亂，但至少身上都還有衣服。唯一的那名男性只穿了一件褲子，雙手雙腳攤開坐在床上，喔不對，雙腳是跨在旁邊兩個女子的大腿上。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRICqWNvAj
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我懷疑那名男子是個嚴重的白化症患者，因為他全身上下，連頭髮、眼睛都是毫無色差的白，一張削瘦的臉龐雖然十分英俊，但除了黑眼圈之外一片全白實在需要一點時間習慣。他的身材，大概是縱慾過度吧，皮包骨般的太過瘦弱──但他發達的肌肉也因此顯得恐怖，好像把皮扒開一樣可以一條一條細細計數。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmI1Uoul7f
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嗯，除了銀槍白馬，連人都是白的，難怪給人的刻板印象這麼深。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn58AOukyNr
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趙雲子龍。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyiCrXIaEr
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一群女人看著我們兩個，都停下手邊的事，一時無語。但那男人正仰著頭、飲著酒，還未注意到我們。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHFpPwOr4Q
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房間中央的桌子擺著滿桌酒菜，我直接面對趙雲而坐。黃月英好像還有點不好意思，躊躇了兩步，才在我旁邊坐下。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7iUsOQ9e0
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趙雲將一甕酒一飲而盡，直接將酒甕往旁邊一砸，這才看見我們兩個。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDgxVcN17x
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我發現我錯了，他並不是個禽獸。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcRX4tMMJs
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趙雲面無表情，或許是失去了面紅耳赤的能力，他異常嚴肅的臉並無酒意，一雙眼毫不避諱與我對視。他坐起身、手撐著身體，讓視線與我更靠近，那雙專注且危險的眼睛，使我不禁流下一滴冷汗。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThRQw3kxHY
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或許我沒有錯，他確實是頭禽獸。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSMALOvgG8
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一頭盯緊獵物的獵豹。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhvQJ69njP
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「哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈……」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TytNj1qpO
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？51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGKdGikDO6
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趙雲指著我的臉大笑：「豬頭啊哈哈哈，差點嚇死我了，我還以為哪來的豬頭人身妖怪。啊哈哈哈快笑死我了，這傢伙是來搞笑的嗎？哈哈哈太逗了，還是偷情被老婆抓包所以被打成這豬樣？我猜對了？哈哈哈哈哈一定是這樣……」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstHYn9hjem
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAngIEMRxwG
幹。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPJDpVAGqk
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真準。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7jnCZugRY
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而且，俗話說，笑聲是會傳染的。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARXMVSlV6W
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyhr0ga2ob
「哈哈，唉呦，小雲雲你太壞了，害我笑得肚子好痛。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiJZhcsluY
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymnNCIy0Yz
「龍龍，你好幽默喔，嘻嘻。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VUDPjQQDl
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AeSNy84iH
「不要一邊笑一邊拍人家大腿啦，會痛呢。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WECGsWz4z
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCTKiGwEGc
那些人就算了。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6hsMOdSxN
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrb2xOhETH
真的算了，我一開始就做好被別人笑的心理準備了。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMiiuFgAyk
但那個罪魁禍首竟然在我旁邊笑！她竟然在笑！想笑不敢笑的悶笑其實是裝不敢笑的悶笑其實她根本笑的很爽！51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJ3tVvoIpb
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mec3jdlnH
早知道我就兩巴掌把她也打成豬頭！可惡！51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ18Tr7Q4qd
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuYHDYyexe
一群人笑翻只有我面無表情的情況我也不知道持續了多久，我只知道是一直到所有人都笑到腿軟癱倒為止。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazcj8fjydv
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8rpcDzQAi
趙雲突然起身，趴到桌上，在我還沒反應過來之前，將臉湊到黃月英的面前：「除了那位豬頭老兄，倒是來了一位大美女……」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI41bF0AooA
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRLOT1KTb5
在我還沒反應過來之前，我的視線就只剩下趙雲那張白化症的臉。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjStCt2UWz
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動的是我，不是趙雲。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwjCL5sQYK
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjj2P8JuhP6
我：「小心一點，她會把人打成豬頭的。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoEMf42cTu
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp36U5f6rVI
黃月英白了我一眼。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbDVmc2I6X
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN00WBCZjca
趙雲聳肩，與我隔著桌子面對面坐：「名字我就不問了，反正我不會記得。找我做什麼？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKm0atXMHKM
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你不問，我可不能不說。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgfBDkcefa
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBIrTeql5H
我：「在下複姓諸葛，一名亮，字孔明。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioOKf4HK4W
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXaKeTBUTq
趙雲愣住。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwQUA25p8o
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yXgvt02iB
又大笑：「哈哈哈，你們聽到了沒有？臥龍先生啊！臥龍先生來妓院找你們，是不是感到萬分光榮啊？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZm8bAVMGj
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1cVB8sMkq
我淡淡地說：「不好笑了。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp15wF7JuzK
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuVoanOPrP
「別鬧了，要演戲也先去消消腫再來。」趙雲丟出兩塊銅錢出來。「去買兩塊肉餅吃吧，少在這礙眼。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWxOxMBa6R
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOHOrot9jy
我拿出貂蟬給我的小刀，直接插在桌子上。「仔細看清楚了，在這裡，所有人都得聽我的。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjPq29ownd
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFSwdmpqwe
一片鴉雀無聲。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdivTkM5Hw
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CgS0i77F3
趙雲轉頭看向旁邊的妓女，問道：「他說的是真的？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHouGZdKGD
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dhdE9i7yk
「不知道。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoju6oK6FH
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiDILFXHOS
「沒看過。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFtHFsmSdG
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnUOb8ROfG
「啊？什麼？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyjTEiMY2m
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHw2jz5Wse
尷尬。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fb8hAfioS
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超級尷尬。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqw7RWnPpB
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劇本不是這樣寫的啊！難道那貂蟬陰我？51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwMoweO585
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AP7jnBPQA
趙雲：「算了，看這位美女淪落到要這樣騙吃騙喝，我也是於心不忍。來，過來陪我喝酒，今天這桌就當我請你們的，我是不是很大方啊？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsr8bZhsU7A
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4eGLOgV4o
「沒有必要。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPI5IzMLfpi
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFzLEVWeDP
鳳姐這時走到我身後，道：「諸葛先生，抱歉，是我沒有教好她們。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNAWmolxxS
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxnrulzjrZ
就是說啊，員工訓練做好一點好不好？51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiu1h3Uw0B
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgx3QW60p5x
妓女們紛紛嚇得站起，異口同聲喊：「鳳姐。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdMmeCvpRu
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBz9d839s1g
我舉起手，掌心對著背後，一甩。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4nDGVZ6U9
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0CTgROFxq
所有人魚貫走了出去。51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL7L0Q0G2x
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYZK4mWvWw
「呿，真掃興。」趙雲依然放肆隨興。「真的是諸葛亮？我那時候沒去，但聽說劉備之前還想找過你當軍師是吧？不過他已經掛了，來不及了。現在你有話快說有屁快放，別打擾我享樂。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mO92frg19
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mlz1E5R4b
我直接說：「是他女兒劉貝請我來的。很抱歉，現在的情況可能容不得你繼續這樣荒淫下去，我需要你站在她那邊，助我們一臂之力。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYVW9gvVX9
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6gNrj6wrB
趙雲皺眉：「開玩笑吧？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzj6r6ZT7DC
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1N8H82LpD
我：「我是認真的。」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56ub9Xh1Gh
51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx7dYtKvgp
「小貝啊，我其實滿喜歡她的……不要用看蘿莉控的眼神看我，我對她只是單純對一個小妹妹的喜歡。」趙雲說著，突然問。「而且她有時候會換一個人似的，厲害到我們幾個做男人的都無地自容啊，你有看過嗎？」51Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQ58tESoS7
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