現行大學教育體制下的犧牲品,完畢。
接著說故事。讓我為剛才冗長、不簡略、沒有重點、根本騙字數的自我介紹道歉,這裡我一言以蔽之。
一個小白臉靠老婆過活的日子,以上。
當然有人想問:「這有什麼好說的?」
我會這樣回答:「這小白臉很出名。」
他叫,諸葛亮孔明。
故事的開始有點模糊,因為我記得我人在宿舍,剛吃完一塊雞排、用可樂漱口,沒有刷牙就倒在床上睡著。附帶一提,時間是星期三早上八點,一整天的課大概都得翹掉。120Please respect copyright.PENANAOdwtGSpToX
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不過那已經不重要了。120Please respect copyright.PENANAjdTbpA0OsB
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因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。120Please respect copyright.PENANAE14rPsztOt
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那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。120Please respect copyright.PENANAq80EqhMfcK
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風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。120Please respect copyright.PENANAPxxhcQ6mTl
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風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。120Please respect copyright.PENANAQ46euDrMZp
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那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。120Please respect copyright.PENANAqX3DyiBtfO
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我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。120Please respect copyright.PENANARueyxCMhW2
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似男類女,撲朔迷離。120Please respect copyright.PENANAT8BJ5YVVso
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我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。120Please respect copyright.PENANAqS7Q7CwMUn
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甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。120Please respect copyright.PENANAKUPMmASl0b
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那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAT0KCNZutgN
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我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。120Please respect copyright.PENANAjB4eyZDSVe
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我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。120Please respect copyright.PENANAcp3DQbIOP7
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他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7znayVLKa
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我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。120Please respect copyright.PENANACJmXi9lDL9
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甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。120Please respect copyright.PENANAWuWpiW69zY
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人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。120Please respect copyright.PENANAjZ8bNaQKAO
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這時我只想笑。120Please respect copyright.PENANAR70IM8RQSF
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我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAgdR8bhrgb4
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那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA0p6Uu2tfqV
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我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAB4u6GWpvbH
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諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAhIE31S8uu8
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我走下床、打開門、走出去……120Please respect copyright.PENANA40fm8MMc2L
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停住。120Please respect copyright.PENANAXxplxSZhNT
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如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。120Please respect copyright.PENANAtwavkH9XIm
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刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。120Please respect copyright.PENANAwL6YQINw97
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我面無表情關上門,回頭。120Please respect copyright.PENANADwOznL2RBd
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諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAK9n841MnFp
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諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAlyEY9HWwFD
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文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。120Please respect copyright.PENANAch8TqbXPpk
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太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。120Please respect copyright.PENANAqRk7N6jqsB
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但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。120Please respect copyright.PENANAsdwrPxDGdh
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諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAoByygQHBph
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我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。120Please respect copyright.PENANAeiqaOkknsD
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竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。120Please respect copyright.PENANArLhPkUUraX
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怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。120Please respect copyright.PENANAwuQu06P9pj
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萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。120Please respect copyright.PENANA7776HP7GIj
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然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。120Please respect copyright.PENANAGuIsgKa0C2
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痛死我,不信也得信了。120Please respect copyright.PENANAHp3Q6luc6t
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「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAG6hFPbR3oV
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我:「這是什麼情況?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAQOjHJAuHcB
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這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?120Please respect copyright.PENANA1IvQuuhb7e
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我絕對沒有打錯字。120Please respect copyright.PENANA8rAcOK901I
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諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAhDqdVjtY6h
120Please respect copyright.PENANAd54uXDMOUV
我:「代替?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAeb7ifwyzJy
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諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAkbDqtuhpxB
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我:「為什麼?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAoxxfklgJiu
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諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAkDqGXzNqct
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我:「那不要說好了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAPWupSLumBO
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諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」120Please respect copyright.PENANA77ygEm5NNy
120Please respect copyright.PENANAOcXbxhQ50h
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?120Please respect copyright.PENANA0vigmbCAn4
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諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAEgnvBxUvXI
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也差不多意思。120Please respect copyright.PENANAm7FkID3Uk3
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諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAnUcdnhLz58
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真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。120Please respect copyright.PENANAB9P8rRAqww
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諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAgU0DWC0q3k
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好個有商業頭腦的老頭。120Please respect copyright.PENANAtmv1PJkori
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我:「這算什麼錯?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA29qcLiEt9b
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諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAncdxXrOfTi
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我:「這樣很好啊。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAzLZusg8AsM
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諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAwpCKTEQGLT
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……120Please respect copyright.PENANAUH9vtFEWxJ
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諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAgdZYrkUBLM
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你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!120Please respect copyright.PENANA3hiOWjbMqa
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諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA2tjvew8J0y
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我:「什麼?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAqkA2S66lwZ
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諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」120Please respect copyright.PENANAKPvcEgZ4Sy
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是報應沒有錯啊。120Please respect copyright.PENANAR3X5utVLba
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不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?120Please respect copyright.PENANA5NsHPhcHBe
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重點是。120Please respect copyright.PENANAZffM1sU7eG
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怪我嘍?120Please respect copyright.PENANAb8blBvCpqj
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我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAmckXVgoJc3
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諸葛亮:「抱歉。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAu7EslGqCh3
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我:「不接受行不行?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAr85Nn43yzU
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諸葛亮:「對不起。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAct97qo1bFF
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……120Please respect copyright.PENANAcouvahb9v9
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諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」120Please respect copyright.PENANA2bbigB7Q1T
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那我大概有三次被抓的機會。120Please respect copyright.PENANAAnK5mQuQ63
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「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAztdHx2JdBx
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去你妹的。120Please respect copyright.PENANAaGYjLTI3na
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我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAY3sWFYf43f
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那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。120Please respect copyright.PENANAztklMyy38U
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不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。120Please respect copyright.PENANANHhQWttMdk
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但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAEXEQkBu0kE
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他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。120Please respect copyright.PENANALmZ58nBOZ6
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我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。120Please respect copyright.PENANAvYO0mJr0af
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鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。120Please respect copyright.PENANA781kJZcqkM
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諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAs5A20HfAfS
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我無話可說。120Please respect copyright.PENANAq2LZ1ony2C
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諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAIyc1LiuozG
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我真的無話可說。120Please respect copyright.PENANA5Vj7n1rewB
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諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAhqZAeASAGD
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我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAa5TW5SSpoB
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諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAKavWmWdipU
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我剛才已經問了!120Please respect copyright.PENANASHsnnt1Bqy
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他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?120Please respect copyright.PENANAeEZhBqtFmw
120Please respect copyright.PENANAFpr2vQOcgn
我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA3s6qQwwg2R
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「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」120Please respect copyright.PENANA9emHAM4Q5c
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我:「放心?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAeLGNaZG20V
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諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAg4aloTaEA0
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我喉頭一澀。120Please respect copyright.PENANAGLXxnJQuPl
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根本笑不出來。120Please respect copyright.PENANADUKprdV8Vw
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但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAusTpguzVf7
120Please respect copyright.PENANAxCmMaE2Ysc
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。120Please respect copyright.PENANAlmTExVdX4z
120Please respect copyright.PENANAuEnoCaVlDs
「歷史是會騙人的。」120Please respect copyright.PENANANgqYvZ4V7c
120Please respect copyright.PENANAEM4glIHBr6
我的視界陷入混沌當中。
ns216.73.216.189da2120Please respect copyright.PENANAvlbEE8h6kw
不過那已經不重要了。120Please respect copyright.PENANAjdTbpA0OsB
120Please respect copyright.PENANAbBfSTjab0U
因為我醒來的時候,不,應該說我「在夢裡醒來的時候」,身處於一個莫名其妙的地方。120Please respect copyright.PENANAE14rPsztOt
120Please respect copyright.PENANAmyPkbGdPU9
那是一個用竹子搭建起來的房間,裡面有一套桌椅、一個衣櫃、一張床,必須用複數形容的只有凌亂四散的書籍,數量之多幾乎要淹沒整個房間。房間窗戶是打開的,透過窗戶往外看,是一大片的青竹林。120Please respect copyright.PENANAq80EqhMfcK
120Please respect copyright.PENANALEVh9cH11p
風一吹,竹葉的稀疏摩擦聲如海浪般一波未平一波又起。120Please respect copyright.PENANAPxxhcQ6mTl
120Please respect copyright.PENANATyBeH8ufIb
風又吹,吹散了一個人的長髮。120Please respect copyright.PENANAQ46euDrMZp
120Please respect copyright.PENANAjnna92dW21
那個人坐在一張涼蓆上。他的皮膚是一種接近病態的蒼白、黑色長髮凌亂分岔披散在肩膀,他身上只有一件青布衣用腰帶寬鬆地繫住,更顯得過瘦的身軀弱不禁風。120Please respect copyright.PENANAqX3DyiBtfO
120Please respect copyright.PENANAdDWK5K63rb
我想看清對方的面目,無奈那人素白的右手上拿著書,遮住了臉面。120Please respect copyright.PENANARueyxCMhW2
120Please respect copyright.PENANA1ouHyzgiVv
似男類女,撲朔迷離。120Please respect copyright.PENANAT8BJ5YVVso
120Please respect copyright.PENANAV9oZClnvz9
我坐起,無法理解眼前情形。120Please respect copyright.PENANAqS7Q7CwMUn
120Please respect copyright.PENANA2crfyKp3i5
甩甩頭,卻什麼都沒有改變。120Please respect copyright.PENANAKUPMmASl0b
120Please respect copyright.PENANAiF6Z6J97A5
那個人注意到我醒了,放下書、抬起頭,開口:「早安。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAT0KCNZutgN
120Please respect copyright.PENANAwZBjthNBWC
我這時才看清楚對方的真面目。那是一張十分精緻漂亮的臉龐,膚白若雪、峨嵋皓齒,細柳般的髮絲垂下,一雙黑色的眼眸藏在若隱若現中。120Please respect copyright.PENANAjB4eyZDSVe
120Please respect copyright.PENANAAJSde1Zaxz
我幾乎以為那是個女人,但對方不讓我這麼想。120Please respect copyright.PENANAcp3DQbIOP7
120Please respect copyright.PENANA3yTxEfw60D
他開口:「在下複姓諸葛,名亮,字孔明。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7znayVLKa
120Please respect copyright.PENANA3dPoMtX1qR
我活在一個被三國演義淹沒的時代,電視劇、電影、遊戲、漫畫、小說,四處可見三國人物的名號,就算沒有特別研究,也不可能不知道這個名字。120Please respect copyright.PENANACJmXi9lDL9
120Please respect copyright.PENANAvYv3ufvM4H
甚至可以說,聽到有點膩了。120Please respect copyright.PENANAWuWpiW69zY
120Please respect copyright.PENANAtSOUKqqSAo
人會對未知感到迷惑、對迷惑感到恐懼。120Please respect copyright.PENANAjZ8bNaQKAO
120Please respect copyright.PENANAbVMVbILpEY
這時我只想笑。120Please respect copyright.PENANAR70IM8RQSF
120Please respect copyright.PENANAtO4FhJtfZD
我:「這什麼整人節目?真是大手筆。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAgdR8bhrgb4
120Please respect copyright.PENANAHOMwwyPyRE
那自稱諸葛亮的人──我就暫且叫他諸葛亮──放下書,起身走到我面前,饒有興趣地問:「整人節目?那是什麼?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA0p6Uu2tfqV
120Please respect copyright.PENANAHu279vOSXA
我沒興趣跟他玩了,直接說:「換下一個人吧,我要走了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAB4u6GWpvbH
120Please respect copyright.PENANA1l17S8FlYJ
諸葛亮點點頭,伸手比向旁邊的竹門:「請便。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAhIE31S8uu8
120Please respect copyright.PENANAlavcF3kzu3
我走下床、打開門、走出去……120Please respect copyright.PENANA40fm8MMc2L
120Please respect copyright.PENANA2hnz24J1Yt
停住。120Please respect copyright.PENANAXxplxSZhNT
120Please respect copyright.PENANAKhr6d9vLGA
如果我沒看錯,眼前是藍天白雲、房子底下空空如也。120Please respect copyright.PENANAtwavkH9XIm
120Please respect copyright.PENANAM7o4TH22Fo
刺骨的寒風一吹,攪得我心頭一涼。120Please respect copyright.PENANAwL6YQINw97
120Please respect copyright.PENANAxsBPcJROBp
我面無表情關上門,回頭。120Please respect copyright.PENANADwOznL2RBd
120Please respect copyright.PENANAwDlrzyvC32
諸葛亮好整以暇坐在床上,開口:「這是模擬我住的地方想像出來的空間。如果你想要,說說看喜歡什麼樣的地方,我都能換給你。順便一提,想要冷、熱、痛甚至是奇癢,我都能你體會到。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAK9n841MnFp
120Please respect copyright.PENANABUsHdTmLla
諸葛亮冷笑:「不管你想不想要。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAlyEY9HWwFD
120Please respect copyright.PENANAJPeb9fvKAf
文言文我大致上都聽得懂,感謝我的國文老師。120Please respect copyright.PENANAch8TqbXPpk
120Please respect copyright.PENANA78TVkYwfD8
太長的、比較難的,我就當場自己翻譯成白話文,這樣我比較好懂、大家也比較好懂──不要再跟我討論什麼古代人怎麼會說白話文的問題。120Please respect copyright.PENANAqRk7N6jqsB
120Please respect copyright.PENANA92DqggYeKt
但我還是聽不懂諸葛亮想表達什麼。120Please respect copyright.PENANAsdwrPxDGdh
120Please respect copyright.PENANA1L9l0hOhSJ
諸葛亮也不管我是不是理解了,自顧自開口:「聽你說話的方式,應該是生活在我的後世而非前世,真想跟你聊一聊以後的世界。可惜我們的時間不夠,有些事情該交代的,道義上我還是要向你交代一下。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAoByygQHBph
120Please respect copyright.PENANACuIo6JXQHL
我沒有理他,走到窗戶旁邊,探出頭。120Please respect copyright.PENANAeiqaOkknsD
120Please respect copyright.PENANAyqP8i249MA
竹林消失,又是一片藍天白雲。120Please respect copyright.PENANArLhPkUUraX
120Please respect copyright.PENANAdfcq5b3Un5
怎麼辦?我只好祈禱。120Please respect copyright.PENANAwuQu06P9pj
120Please respect copyright.PENANAMMui9iZfho
萬能的天神啊,我知道錯了,我不該沒刷牙就睡覺。我以後一定會當一個乖寶寶的,如果這是夢,請快點讓我醒來吧。120Please respect copyright.PENANA7776HP7GIj
120Please respect copyright.PENANAln9PGWZDXl
然後我在自己臉上打了熱騰騰的一巴掌。120Please respect copyright.PENANAGuIsgKa0C2
120Please respect copyright.PENANAaAyY7jJTG3
痛死我,不信也得信了。120Please respect copyright.PENANAHp3Q6luc6t
120Please respect copyright.PENANAeP5nuIZ6Rr
「後悔也來不及了、祈禱也沒有用的,這個世界沒有神。」諸葛亮好像看穿我在想什麼。「好好談談吧,對你不會有壞處的。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAG6hFPbR3oV
120Please respect copyright.PENANA9TiXlMp8Fk
我:「這是什麼情況?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAQOjHJAuHcB
120Please respect copyright.PENANAtQMDrEAqQ2
這比醒來的時候發現自己被關在密室腳上被綁著鐵鍊旁邊還只有一把生鏽的鋸子逼你把腿鋸掉還要扯的到底是什麼情況?120Please respect copyright.PENANA1IvQuuhb7e
120Please respect copyright.PENANAbNcDRPpZW0
我絕對沒有打錯字。120Please respect copyright.PENANA8rAcOK901I
120Please respect copyright.PENANAaq4mWDQWGB
諸葛亮:「這裡是我設下的幻魂陣,能讓精神脫離肉體,直接進行交流。不過我不是要和你交流什麼,而是想讓你代替我。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAhDqdVjtY6h
120Please respect copyright.PENANAd54uXDMOUV
我:「代替?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAeb7ifwyzJy
120Please respect copyright.PENANAcOoLnpKH1D
諸葛亮:「就是讓你變成我。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAkbDqtuhpxB
120Please respect copyright.PENANARUPtmUTX5W
我:「為什麼?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAoxxfklgJiu
120Please respect copyright.PENANA9m1e3rPVaF
諸葛亮:「這說來話長。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAkDqGXzNqct
120Please respect copyright.PENANA1VjShUTljj
我:「那不要說好了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAPWupSLumBO
120Please respect copyright.PENANAsn7i5x09YU
諸葛亮:「但我還是想說一下。這得從我的志向開始說起。」120Please respect copyright.PENANA77ygEm5NNy
120Please respect copyright.PENANAOcXbxhQ50h
「什麼志向?」我隨口問。你想當第一任臨時大總統之類的嗎?120Please respect copyright.PENANA0vigmbCAn4
120Please respect copyright.PENANAquCjv946IS
諸葛亮:「第一,就是當皇帝。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAEgnvBxUvXI
120Please respect copyright.PENANApUA4gu24md
也差不多意思。120Please respect copyright.PENANAm7FkID3Uk3
120Please respect copyright.PENANAqIeDvlRTyU
諸葛亮:「第二,就是把我喜歡的美女通通收入後宮。如果可以直接完成第二項,那第一項不用完成其實沒關係。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAnUcdnhLz58
120Please respect copyright.PENANABYZJ721ZiU
真是遠大的志向啊,佩服佩服。你個死色胚。120Please respect copyright.PENANAB9P8rRAqww
120Please respect copyright.PENANAjcBciLq8Pf
諸葛亮嘆了口氣:「唉,但我不小心犯了一個錯。為了完成我的遠大志向,我想要那老頭──一個叫黃承彥的老頭,我想要他的『四象八卦圖』,誰知道他只送不賣,說是要拿來當他女兒的嫁妝。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAgU0DWC0q3k
120Please respect copyright.PENANAStVMjfdZVw
好個有商業頭腦的老頭。120Please respect copyright.PENANAtmv1PJkori
120Please respect copyright.PENANAFdLJhZwqJQ
我:「這算什麼錯?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA29qcLiEt9b
120Please respect copyright.PENANALhHVXM5TyP
諸葛亮:「別急,我還沒說完。我問他:『汝女之容如何?』他回答我:『沉魚落雁、閉月羞花,汝見之,必驚為天人。』我考慮了一下,既可以拿到我想要的東西、還順便賺一個美女當老婆,這麼划算的事情不答應簡直是白癡,所以我就答應了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAncdxXrOfTi
120Please respect copyright.PENANA8QESV97cvm
我:「這樣很好啊。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAzLZusg8AsM
120Please respect copyright.PENANAlcdKkF6VOT
諸葛亮面無表情用最快的速度說:「魚跟鳥都會被她嚇死,月跟花都不敢看她,我看到她,差點升天去見祖先。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAwpCKTEQGLT
120Please respect copyright.PENANA9vCntsQIGx
……120Please respect copyright.PENANAUH9vtFEWxJ
120Please respect copyright.PENANAG7K5QUhCRP
諸葛亮:「我後來私下探訪,才知道黃老頭的女兒根本是個滯銷品。她醜得用豬形容都侮辱豬,而且還不只是醜、醜我還可以接受,重點是她的個性又很差,差得用老母形容都侮辱老母啊。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAgdZYrkUBLM
120Please respect copyright.PENANA8C4Gnj5US0
你老母的個性到底是多差才會被你拿來這樣比喻啊!120Please respect copyright.PENANA3hiOWjbMqa
120Please respect copyright.PENANAdevHlKmFhP
諸葛亮:「我當然反悔了,但又不想把東西還給黃老頭,所以想賴帳。但黃老頭找了一群人來對付我,我打不贏又逃不掉,只好去找我師傅幫忙。但你知道我師傅跟我說什麼嗎?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA2tjvew8J0y
120Please respect copyright.PENANAMN6kJd1HrK
我:「什麼?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAqkA2S66lwZ
120Please respect copyright.PENANABbks3I5MNt
諸葛亮:「他說:『這是你的報應。』」120Please respect copyright.PENANAKPvcEgZ4Sy
120Please respect copyright.PENANAcBrij2NNxs
是報應沒有錯啊。120Please respect copyright.PENANAR3X5utVLba
120Please respect copyright.PENANAMEnRwwaJTP
不過,這到底哪門子因果報應劇場的劇情?你是諸葛亮耶,怎麼抱怨起來簡直像是菜市場的歐巴桑在抱怨一樣又臭又長?你知道你說話的長度觀眾看了會煩嗎?你知道你說話的方式像是我把我心裡的對白全部講出來一樣誇張嗎?說好的長話短說呢?120Please respect copyright.PENANA5NsHPhcHBe
120Please respect copyright.PENANASVGIKjxrfr
重點是。120Please respect copyright.PENANAZffM1sU7eG
120Please respect copyright.PENANA3BoBUyL1it
怪我嘍?120Please respect copyright.PENANAb8blBvCpqj
120Please respect copyright.PENANAeHX0ON8TX1
我:「那是你自己搞出來的事,不要牽拖到我身上吧?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAmckXVgoJc3
120Please respect copyright.PENANAj2EQgNhRga
諸葛亮:「抱歉。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAu7EslGqCh3
120Please respect copyright.PENANA5kI00X4XFi
我:「不接受行不行?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAr85Nn43yzU
120Please respect copyright.PENANA3tGfliyVxA
諸葛亮:「對不起。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAct97qo1bFF
120Please respect copyright.PENANAIzlNm7Cg23
……120Please respect copyright.PENANAcouvahb9v9
120Please respect copyright.PENANAWwIKJKncnk
諸葛亮毫不在乎我的感受,繼續抱怨:「還有啊,既然你是後世的人應該知道吧,那個娘砲劉備硬是要我去當他的軍師。我可是要當皇帝的人,所以我當然拒絕他──誰知道他身邊一群流氓,我不幫忙就拿刀要砍我,所以我只能四處躲躲藏藏,希望不要被他找到。」120Please respect copyright.PENANA2bbigB7Q1T
120Please respect copyright.PENANAS0X25EwLny
那我大概有三次被抓的機會。120Please respect copyright.PENANAAnK5mQuQ63
120Please respect copyright.PENANAScZjoD8ijQ
「對了,我已經被抓到兩次了,如果你再被抓到可能只有死路一條,自己小心一點。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAztdHx2JdBx
120Please respect copyright.PENANAIBrLlvIqWg
去你妹的。120Please respect copyright.PENANAaGYjLTI3na
120Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2zINEdq7P
我:「你去找別人好不好?如果你需要,我可以推薦幾個人給你。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAY3sWFYf43f
120Please respect copyright.PENANAED0X5aPvZu
那幾個向我借錢不還的、背後偷罵我的、賣黑心食品的、硬拆房子的、愛穿三角褲游泳的,我認為都是不錯的對象。120Please respect copyright.PENANAztklMyy38U
120Please respect copyright.PENANAO1cNbvaMCt
不要問我穿三角褲游泳哪裡錯了。120Please respect copyright.PENANANHhQWttMdk
120Please respect copyright.PENANAgYZYNpcqMM
但諸葛亮只是說:「你連自己的長相都忘了?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAEXEQkBu0kE
120Please respect copyright.PENANA3SW2sQLtBG
他說完,一面銅鏡浮現在我面前。120Please respect copyright.PENANALmZ58nBOZ6
120Please respect copyright.PENANASSAR4oeCry
我一看,鏡子裡只有諸葛亮。120Please respect copyright.PENANAvYO0mJr0af
120Please respect copyright.PENANAK5lBFfSY1k
鏡子拿下,卻看到我自己。120Please respect copyright.PENANA781kJZcqkM
120Please respect copyright.PENANApn1zKubf2k
諸葛亮:「你就是我、我就是你,別人沒辦法代替我。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAs5A20HfAfS
120Please respect copyright.PENANAAEgQaxvggK
我無話可說。120Please respect copyright.PENANAq2LZ1ony2C
120Please respect copyright.PENANADipOem8EcT
諸葛亮:「另外,大白天就在做白日夢的你,也算是異類了。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAIyc1LiuozG
120Please respect copyright.PENANAXvqmWcWEtD
我真的無話可說。120Please respect copyright.PENANA5Vj7n1rewB
120Please respect copyright.PENANAGsAudd2XVv
諸葛亮笑笑:「換個方向思考,跟我交換也不是只有壞處嘛。我這麼天才,你怎麼可能是個廢物?但我看你現在就是半個廢人,換個地方,看你能不能換個心情好好努力。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAhqZAeASAGD
120Please respect copyright.PENANAH0xEB2qz9X
我:「那我會變成什麼樣子?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAa5TW5SSpoB
120Please respect copyright.PENANA8wlSRtu0ZN
諸葛亮:「就這樣,時間差不多了,有沒有問題想問的?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAKavWmWdipU
120Please respect copyright.PENANA6uGRqgkVH3
我剛才已經問了!120Please respect copyright.PENANASHsnnt1Bqy
120Please respect copyright.PENANA8NSvAeBORS
他根本就只有抱怨啊,從頭到尾都只有抱怨啊,說好要交代的事情呢?120Please respect copyright.PENANAeEZhBqtFmw
120Please respect copyright.PENANAFpr2vQOcgn
我:「現在的我呢?會變成什麼樣子?」120Please respect copyright.PENANA3s6qQwwg2R
120Please respect copyright.PENANAZN9cGmIiUO
「我故意不想回答,你還是硬要問這個啊,真是沒有意義。」諸葛亮一臉我問錯問題的樣子。「算了,我就回答你吧。這個你大可以放心。」120Please respect copyright.PENANA9emHAM4Q5c
120Please respect copyright.PENANA3Nh73Ymse9
我:「放心?」120Please respect copyright.PENANAeLGNaZG20V
120Please respect copyright.PENANAcDa0dEWhZp
諸葛亮笑著:「我已經準備好另一個身體,並不會跟你調換。所有認識你的人都會忘了你,那個世界不會有關於你的存在。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAg4aloTaEA0
120Please respect copyright.PENANAnzZzVBibZw
我喉頭一澀。120Please respect copyright.PENANAGLXxnJQuPl
120Please respect copyright.PENANAfTnUkyK1av
根本笑不出來。120Please respect copyright.PENANADUKprdV8Vw
120Please respect copyright.PENANA13JnCNxSBk
但諸葛亮只管他的我行我素:「最後提醒你一件事。」120Please respect copyright.PENANAusTpguzVf7
120Please respect copyright.PENANAxCmMaE2Ysc
那是一個頗有深意的笑容。120Please respect copyright.PENANAlmTExVdX4z
120Please respect copyright.PENANAuEnoCaVlDs
「歷史是會騙人的。」120Please respect copyright.PENANANgqYvZ4V7c
120Please respect copyright.PENANAEM4glIHBr6
我的視界陷入混沌當中。