It's Monday. Everyone's least favorite day of the week, except for mine. Well more specifically this Monday.
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I woke up in a good mood and got a full 10 hours of sleep. It was a good start to the day and I had a good feeling.
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I got ready for my first day back in class and this time I signed up on time so I had teachers I actually could tolerate and didn't have an 8 am. I was taking classes 3 days a week this semester on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday leaving my Tuesdays and Thursdays free again. Other than therapy, I filled my free days with running and studying mostly. Now that Frankie's back though she took most of my free time to infiltrate herself into my life and became apart of my routine. I allowed it to happen because it made me feel less lonely, also I felt like I could see myself getting back with her.
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She knew me better than anyone else and was there for me during the hardest time in my life, even if there was no spark now, it made the most sense to me. I fell in love with her before, I could do it again.
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I went to my first two classes of the day both being on opposite sides of campus. I felt brain dead after my lecture so I took a break in between classes sitting at the park on the big green field between the admin building and the dormitories.
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Gio's name popped up on my phone again.
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"Hey."
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"Whats up?"
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"You free to talk right now?"
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"Yeah, everything okay?"
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"Yeah, where are you?"
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"I'm by the admin building."
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"Okay I'm walking that way right now."
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Before I responded he hung up. It was abrupt and unlike him but it could've been an accident so I didn't think too deeply of it. After a few short moments I saw a tall figure walk my direction with a red jersey and knew immediately it was Gio.
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"Did you just get out of class?" I questioned him trying to break the ice with small talk.
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"Yeah, I had Mr. Jackson so it's definitely going to be a blow off class."
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"We're in college now, nothing's ever really a blow off class."
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"Mr. Jackson never shows up he always uses his sick days and we have our tests online."
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"True, but what if he doesn't do that this semester."
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"Some things never change, that includes Mr. Jackson."
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I nod my head agreeing with his point. We were left with awkward silence and I thought of the reason we were meeting up in the first place.
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"So, whats been going on?" I break the silence but was met with more. I didn't press him further and waited for his response even though it took two entire minutes before he answered.
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"My sister."
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"Gracie? What about her?"
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"She's got cancer. They're saying she's not going to last much longer."
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I sat up and looked over to Gio who was staring down at the grass. He didn't look like he was going to cry but he looked empty. I knew that feeling all too well and empathized with him deeply. I knew what it was like losing a loved one, and he knew it too. Which was probably why he came to me. Although we weren't close, I felt his pain on an inexplicable level. I knew he wasn't one for affection and neither was I but I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it slightly so he knew I understood him.
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"What do I do?" He spoke again this time a little more brokenness in his voice.
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"How much longer are they saying she's got?"
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"A week at most, they want us to say our goodbyes before Friday."
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I nod my head and look down with him.
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"How'd you do it?" He added
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"Do what?"
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"Handle your mom's death? I mean, I know it hurts still but how do you cope?"
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"I didn't. I isolated myself, I shut people out, lost friends ignored family and didn't take care of myself." He looked up at me curious waiting for me to continue. "But I found a support system, someone who made me realize life continues even when it feels like the world stopped."
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He opened his mouth to speak but no words left, instead he deeply sighed still not looking convinced he'd be okay. "I hope you know Gio, although we aren't close, if you ever need anything I got you. Don't be ashamed to ask."
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"I actually do need you to do something for me."
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"Anything."
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"I need to go say goodbye to her this week, I was wondering if you were up to coming with me?"
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I paused for a minute, not sure what to think or say. I hadn't been in a hospital since my mom. I couldn't imagine stepping foot back in one of those places, but Gio really needed a friend, a brother, to be with him during this time. I felt a pit in my stomach even thinking about it and felt woozy. I couldn't say no but how could I say yes?
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"You don't have to answer right now, but just let me know as soon as you have an answer. No hard feelings if you can't."
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I responded with a slight nod still thinking about his request. "Now, tell me about you and Frankie how's that going? I see you two are back together."
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I cringed and thought about how she's probably telling everyone we're together again. "I wouldn't say we're back together completely, we're kind of just playing things by ear."
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"Yeah but I mean it's you and Frankie. You two were tied by the hip last spring I mean what's the hold up?"
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"I don't know..."
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"C'mon dude you can tell me, I need something to keep my mind off of everything anyway so lay it on me."
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I thought momentarily before reluctantly telling him about my unsureness about her. I couldn't really describe the feeling but something was holding me back from being completely intimate with her and it was ruining things.
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"So you two haven't had sex since last year?"
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I shook my head. He had a look of shock frozen on his face which I didn't understand why because it didn't feel like a huge deal.
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"I haven't been able to...y'know?" I explained.
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"At all?"
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"Not with her no."
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"Not with her as in you have with someone else?"
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"I haven't done anything with anyone else but-" I released another heavy sigh unsure if I should tell him.
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"I'm dying here, say it!"
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"Well, last year at the hot tub, we started making out and my mind wandered to my therapist while she was on top of me. Actually almost everytime we start doing anything I think of her and I feel bad so I stop before anything else happens."
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"Dude your issue isn't that you can't get hard," He starts laughing hysterically while I give him a puzzled look. "You just want to fuck your therapist."
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"I kissed her." I stated while he was laughing and it faded into a look of concern.
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"Can't she get fired for that?"
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"Yeah. She's technically not my therapist anymore."
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"So what are you going to do about Frankie?"
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"What do you mean?"
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"I mean, you two haven't had sex since getting back together. Clearly that's an issue for both of you."
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"I don't know I kinda hoped you'd be able to help me out."
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He released a deep sigh and shook his head.
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"Can I tell you a secret?"He spoke softly. "When me and Jess were together, towards the end of our relationship we had some issues. She was going out more and I was avoiding her, it was bad. One day randomly we had a night alone at her dad's and we talked and she finally told me the reason we'd been so distant from each other is because our sex wasn't as good as it used to be and she felt like I was pulling away from her. Once we had that talk I realized what I needed to do."
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He stopped. I motioned my hands forward encouraging him to continue. "Well?"
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"You're not going to like this answer but, we both pretended to be different people."
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"Like, role playing?"
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"Sort of, but instead of "nurse" and "doctor" it was me pretending to be Dr. Philips her doctor and her being my old homeroom teacher from high-school Ms. Collin."
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"Wait so, you two pretended to be real people?" He nodded in response.
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"I don't understand. If this worked, why did you two break up so soon?"
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"Well that's because she's batshit crazy but the sex was incomparable. Sometimes I consider fucking her again but I'm reminded what she did to my car for not answering her calls."
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"Yeah, she was psychotic."
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"But so hot." He tilted his head up as if pretending to daydream or reminisce on good times with Jessica. I only remember him dating her for a brief time but she always did seem pretty angry at him for something. I always wondered what kept them together for that long but now I understood. The question was how do I get Frankie on board? I can't just tell her "Hey, let's role play! I need you to pretend to Summer, my old therapist."
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"Thanks for the tip, I'll consider it." I patted Gio on the back pulling him from his daydream.
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"Of course T, let me know how it works out for you. My next class started 10 minutes ago so I gotta go."
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He walked away disappearing behind the brick buildings lined around campus. I sat there thinking about what he told me.
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