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205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyapwCkjO1f
和喜歡Kelvin的女生進行了一場不愉快的對話後，我便到了學校門口會合Kelvin：「行得。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUeg8Y7KUr
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「咁耐嘅？」他問。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4hl0uMVoV
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOohF8SB4m
「嗯。」想要放鬆心情的我說：「不如今日去掃街，肚餓想食啲嘢。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sQgqxkz9t
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJosh47G9R
「好阿。」Kelvin和我並肩而行。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs9maM3ufm
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaUeomw2MR
這不是我第一次和Kelvin單獨放學，可是我的心情竟然緊張起來。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DElS1WMeW
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfXsHaWQAF
自從被同學懷疑我和Kelvin、古榮的關係後，我的心便不再單純。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE559A7q8L
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcL3RRy1JN6
我開始思考，難道我對他們抱有愛情的感覺而沒有察覺？到底怎樣才算是愛情的喜歡？205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf51Gzbzprf
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2M1wHCNhvq
我仔細打量Kelvin的側臉。他有一顆性感喉核、單眼皮、微卷頭髮、手臂有因為勤力做運動而得來的小肌肉、永遠不願穿得整齊的校服。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOG0VcLw1p
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6JhB9VoJX
我第一次有這種想法——每天見面的Kelvin外型其實不錯，能夠和他去掃街真幸運。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9Jkm7Sm94
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp7a7gxlO8
人的想法很微妙，明明沒有事情發生過，我跟Kelvin本來就會相約一起放學和掃街，只因為幾句說話便能扭轉一個人的想法。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy09SG4d3xO
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jhSBnqwpr
想法塑造習慣，習慣就是生活。一個人的想法非常重要，光用腦袋便能改變自己對世界的觀感。難怪校長時常訓話，學生必需留意自己說話的用詞。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIlPezKfUU
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6T6vrXZrMd
爸爸吸毒後會有這種感覺嗎？生活過於苦悶無新意，對身邊本來平平無奇的東西，從無到有，誕生了快感。就像吃完精神鴉片，內心一陣飄飄然。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflscJkCwSC
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2TmBmiuOa
「喂。」Kelvin打斷我的發情，還伸手摸摸我的額頭：「你係咪唔舒服？塊面咁紅嘅？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8uP0i1TaN
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeLLr1cSHo
「咳咳⋯」我因為吞了一半的口水，嚇得狂咳。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMChXhMm8B
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbaFXcec03
Kelvin拍拍我的背：「洗唔洗早啲返屋企休息？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1vj2111x8
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRfBldkLu1
「唔洗。我吞口水唔小心瀆親姐。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1ktUvzYNw
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCftTHfI8x
「咁蠢嘅人都有，你陣間食燒賣小心啲。」說話一啖砂糖一啖屎是Kelvin的特色。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWH0iE3tq8K
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxaH16kIwF
我站在Kelvin旁，一邊吃撈麵，一邊等待著我的芋圓鮮奶茶。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvlr46gHIN
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLRXFpQ8cF
腦中是各式各樣的幻想。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZIl6uYz5X
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPxdCSXojH
如果我跟Kelvin談戀愛，會一直感受到這種飄飄然嗎？205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZPFHZjyDA
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy6jfMI1yt
如果會，戀愛似乎不錯。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEAMAwZRGy
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1pqqvvmUn
「琴日睇新聞好爆阿，韓流巨星宣佈退出樂壇。」Kelvin說。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnwYlUJBJW
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsk0kWfiLmD
「係咩？我無留意。」我通常聽本地音樂，對外國音樂不熟悉。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjCVqSvTyt
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVUjmdnkli
「原來佢做龜公，開間酒吧做毒竇，仲有堆明星朋友喺Group share落藥迷姦嘅片段，好痴線。」Kelvin說。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcyj8WQDN7
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxZkEQDV2o
「咁癲？佢好似都幾紅。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0fyMMrXaa
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbcdKc7Hs2
「真係無樣睇。好彩你唔迷呢啲韓星。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV6cPWFOSw
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq76E73MHH
「點解咁講？」我問。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaE3FUjGBE
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdnQzpd8E0
「鐘意埋啲衣冠禽獸就傷心囉。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Du6mAi5na
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOH8zTzyLs
「我問你一條問題阿。如果你識人吸毒，仲會唔會同佢做朋友？」Kelvin的話題讓想起我的爸爸。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZNlDFRoMI
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q31VWLE3q
「唔會，我唔會接受。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxzTa3x0iZ
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「如果係你朋友嘅屋企人吸毒呢？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCS7fCmvkhu
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nJLwvx0kg
「咁就難講。」Kelvin說：「佢出入屋企品流複雜。我會盡最大努力幫佢，等佢唔好誤入歧途。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbs16RGI8S
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXvCI7rqKh
我從來沒有嘗試幫助爸爸，鼓勵他離開黑社會：「屋企人吸毒，唔係朋友本人吸毒，唔代表會誤入歧途嘅。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbo0xzaPAv
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RLDlYrPjK
想來爸爸也是身不由己賺錢還債，以他的能力除了保安、洗碗也沒有工作適合他，沒有站在他的立場勸喻也是種偽善。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTV3SjS1ua
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQjC8FG0Kz
「係好容易呀！如果你老竇喺房食冰隊草，你喺廳都會聞到啦，毒品喺你眼前，又會心郁郁想試。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sYBJTpyVC
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcuaCgSeEd
「你唔係好鐘意幫人㗎咩？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6oFWPpwrU
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62APQqyxWG
「阿婆行動不便，點可以相提並論！吸毒對我嚟講無咩討論空間！你話我歧視都係咁講，同賭錢一樣，無人拎住支槍迫佢，累己累人。幫過對方拒絕就算，連朋友都唔會做。留返俾專業嘅機構幫手。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zufFF4gNE
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlYjCxwdGe
Kelvin的說話打破了我和他戀愛的幻想。跟正義的Kelvin坦白父親有吸毒習慣絕對是一件自掘墳墓的事。他會討厭我的家庭，管東管西，而需要倚賴父親生存的我在成年前也無法解決家庭背景的問題。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqoAmzy05V
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf51yH6WUfk
他無意的批評讓我內心不舒服。我是受害者，也很討厭自己的家庭阿！可是家庭的影響一直都在，它就像一道封印在身上除不掉的詛咒。無論是自己、抑或他人，同樣避之則吉。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYz0VCY2ZyC
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3T6th3JwBC
我寧願沒有開口詢問，沉醉在五分鐘前的粉紅色泡泡裡。我忘記了我和Kelvin是對難以找到共識卻常常一起的朋友。現在的我失去了幻想，變得更自卑了。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1imPqf8q4u
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQF3BkMvgp
我和Kelvin的關係並不穩固，他會隨時離棄我。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5gATG6Vyj
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcr8NDULteY
婚姻的承諾都能推翻，更何況是乳臭未乾的戀愛。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJR60Fr7Fb
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvXIW6F2GF
「點解人係群體動物？點解人要互相來往？」我喃喃自語：「係自私，係計算？兩個人，一定係有利益先會走埋一齊。世界上根本冇無私嘅愛。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1oIeRzZLR
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Eo6MxsutW
「咁功利，一齊開心唔得咩？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWgiecIcWK
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pcwyo3M87
「開心都係一種利益。可能對方人緣好，帶自己去認識朋友；可能係對方博學多才，學業上幫到自己；可能係自己孤單，想有人陪伴自己。總之就係因為利益開始，互相需要，到咗某一日，唔再幫到大家，就自然分開。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bEuV7rbtP
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我為未發生的事情擔憂。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooxEZdE5YA
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDbQd3x5ND
面對關係看得見的分岔，倒數著珍愛的關係終會消逝，無力感擴散。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELucQ7ls8G
205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZBFCbgKQT
「你今日做咩事咁多愁善感？」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ub5l40gyn
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「無呀。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFeW6PoKxc
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「我知啦，思春期！中二病！」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQs8CJFOIuO
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「唔知呀！你話係就係啦。」205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdShXSYvQoJ
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人生就是各種徒勞無功的零碎。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrU3uve3gI
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難過。205Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLVO8L5GNZ
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