the Was. of Jimmy McVonson - act one; division fourteen: .mum.

i wasn’t given any responsibility

tell people

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so mum found out through a friend that pops had died

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mum had to come back from iceland for the funeral

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and we decided she would stay at my house

instead of pops and gail’s house

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gail continued to rent my old house as her own

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i met mum at the airport

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she hugged me tightly

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“you’ve gotten so big!” she told me

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i smiled, slightly

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“tell. me. everything.”

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i wasn’t going to do that. but i liked that she asked

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“i made a friend?” i told her

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“o, what’s his name?”

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“her name is pandora”

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“ooo, a girl?”

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“yes”

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“and she’s your…. friend?”

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“yes, mum. what else?”

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“ok.” she smirked

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mum thanked me for every small thing i did for her

even holding the door open

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i missed her

but i could tell i wouldn’t have the same relationship with her as before

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when i was 9

my mum and i had taken a trip

when she felt like she couldn’t deal with pops

he hadn’t done anything

he was just

a lot

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we went to stay with my mum’s friend sylvia

who lived on a farm with her 3 daughters

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i got on well with the kids

one of them was my age

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we took a walk around the farm

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they had a bull called marcus

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i thought marcus was beautiful

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he stood alone in a paddock

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dark

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with long, twisted horns

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i wanted to pat him

but mum said that wasn’t a good idea.

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then when we were going to go for a tractor ride

for fun

with the kids

i snuck away to see marcus again

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but he wasn’t there

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i rode the tractor anyway

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but then later at dinner

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i asked about marcus and sylvia said

“what do you think we’re eating?”

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i got so upset

i didn’t finish my dinner

even after sylvia explained that she was joking

and we were not,

in fact,

eating marcus

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i told my mum and pops

that i would not be eating meat again

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i always imagined gail and mum would be enemies

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but they were nice to each other

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gail drove the three of us

to the clean-smelling funeral place

end.

gore

everyone at the funeral was boring

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gail tried to comfort me

but i didn’t like gail.

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why couldn’t it have been gail?

gail was unhealthier than pops!

she was addicted to nicotine and didn’t take good care of her teeth

pops always tried his best

with everything

so why was he dead

and not her?

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and not me?

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i asked mum if she could extend her stay

to spend some time with me

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she said no

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she needed to work

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i asked mum if we were allowed to see him

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she said that wouldn’t be possible

she said his face was barely recognisable

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i asked why

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and she said that’s where he was shot

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…

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“i thought it was diabetes that killed him!?”

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“no,” she said, “it was a person.

“he never came home from his shoemaking class

“and someone found him in the gutter

“shot in the head with his heart carved out.”

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someone behind us gasped and told mum off for telling me

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i was glad to know.

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looking at the coffin i tried not to imagine

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but who would do that?

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i asked mum “do you think it was the same person?

“who shot him and carved out his heart?”

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she said “shhh!”

and that was that

conversation.

end.

ns3.141.24.158da2

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